Is it wrong to be attracted to your first cousin?

LegacyUser

Is it wrong to enter into a sexual relationship with your first cousin?
We are both consenting mature adults that have only meet recently.

Milk & Honey

cousins?oy wrote: »

Is it wrong to enter into a sexual relationship with your first cousin?
We are both consenting mature adults that have only meet recently.

Are you cross cousins or parallel cousins?

LegacyUser

I had to google/wiki to understand that question.
Cross cousins

Sleepy

I'd see nothing wrong in feeling the attraction, acting on it however would be incredibly stupid: the odds of healthy children are just too risky.

Ellsbells

Do they want a sexual relationship? What would happen if a pregnancy occurred as a result? Have you looked into the genetic implications?

irishbarb

If it was your 2nd cousin it would be a little bit more understandable, but 1st cousin is just way too closely related. If you ever were to have children, there is a slighty increased risk of having children with a disability, that right there, to me, is nature's way of telling us we shouldn't be hooking up with family members. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's wrong, in many cultures (Irish travellers, for an Irish example) and religions it's acceptable and done all the time. For me personally, I wouldn't do it. If you were to start anything, it's going to be very difficult for both of you you are going to have to deal with friends and family judging you for it. You have to think would it be worth falling out with them, just for a sexual relationship?

beks101

cousins?oy wrote: »

We are both consenting mature adults that have only meet recently.

Have a read into 'genetic sexual attraction', it sounds like this is what is happening between you and your cousin if you've just met as adults for the first time.

Needless to say, it's not something that is socially acceptable in most western countries (outside of certain usually minority groups, as someone mentioned Travellers etc), not to mention the risks you run should you become pregnant. It will likely cause all kinds of ruptions in your family and tar your reputation if it becomes widely known.

I suppose it's up to you decide if it's really worth all that?

Motley Crue

OP, initially, my gut instinct is to say no....this is very wrong

But then you did ask if it's wrong to be attracted to your cousin, not to engage in sexual contact with them, and I suppose no, it's not wrong to be attracted to your cousin if they are attractive. Basic Biology. Whether you act on it is the next question.

However, I must also air words of caution like the other posters here and say that if you did have a relationship with her you would not be able to get legally married and you run the risk of producing unhealthy children.

I suppose, as you say, that both of you are adults - but you will have to be extremely careful with your sex life, run the risk of disgracing or allienating your family, will never legally be able to marry (that has bigger implications then you think) and (probably most importantly) run the risk of feeling ashamed by the whole affair yourself when you wake up one morning in about a year

Maybe this is just lust and will fade over time.

mood

Yes. I think it is wrong. But it would be a whole lot more wrong to ever act on you feelings. Avoid this person until the feeling pass.

mood

irishbarb wrote: »

If it was your 2nd cousin it would be a little bit more understandable, but 1st cousin is just way too closely related. If you ever were to have children, there is a slighty increased risk of having children with a disability, that right there, to me, is nature's way of telling us we shouldn't be hooking up with family members. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's wrong, in many cultures (Irish travellers, for an Irish example) and religions it's acceptable and done all the time. For me personally, I wouldn't do it. If you were to start anything, it's going to be very difficult for both of you you are going to have to deal with friends and family judging you for it. You have to think would it be worth falling out with them, just for a sexual relationship?

I once read the risk for children is worse with 2nd cousins than 1st cousins. I think both cases are both equally disturbing and wrong.

The Lovely Muffin

Is it wrong? No, it's not wrong, you cannot help who you are attracted to.

mood

The Lovely Muffin wrote: »

Is it wrong? No, it's not wrong, you cannot help who you are attracted to.

If it's not wrong then why are 1st cousin not allowed marry?

Stavro Mueller

Legally, it appears that you can marry your first cousin if the citizen's information website is anything to go by. As to whether sleeping with a cousin is to be recommended, well that's another matter entirely.

mood

cymbaline wrote: »

Legally, it appears that you can marry your first cousin if the citizen's information website is anything to go by. As to whether sleeping with a cousin is to be recommended, well that's another matter entirely.

Marrying a cousin would imply that you would sleep with them!

seamus

mood wrote: »

If it's not wrong then why are 1st cousin not allowed marry?

They are, it's perfectly legal.

Nothing inherently wrong about it, very little risk to any offspring. But it's a bit weird. From a parental point of view it's just one step away in the creepy stakes from two of your own children having sex.

BunShopVoyeur

The Lovely Muffin wrote: »

Is it wrong? No, it's not wrong, you cannot help who you are attracted to.

You obviously think it's fine to find a brother or sister attractive then? Maybe a parent or grandparent?

Stavro Mueller

mood wrote: »

Marrying a cousin would imply that you would sleep with them!

The OP isn't talking about marrying them, just having sex. Someone else in the thread suggested they'd not be able to marry.

Personally the idea creeps me out but then I know all my cousins since they were kids and I view them in the same way I see my brothers and sisters. It's certainly taboo and unlikely to be welcomed by the family. But legally there actually isn't anything wrong with it.

cousins?oy

cousins?oy wrote: »

Is it wrong to enter into a sexual relationship with your first cousin?
We are both consenting mature adults that have only meet recently.

It's not wrong OP, and you shouldn't feel bad for it.

But I would strongly advise you don't act on your feelings. It's not wrong, but it's socially taboo and there are the genetic risks if you got pregnant.

Not to trivialise the issue, but it's a bit like picking your nose. It's not wrong, but it's pretty weird, people will judge you for it and there's a small chance of health complications. So best not to.

Tombi!

Well I don't think it's wrong, exactly. I do think it's very strange and something most "normal" (I use that loosely)* people would also find strange.

But it's not unheard of at all. Apart from the obvious "please don't have kids due to medical issues", I would find it strange but not forbidden.

*Considering that it is your cousin and (s)he is above the legal age (like yourself), stop worrying what other's think. Talk to your cousin and find out what they think. If you both are satisfied with a relationship, go for it. Be prepared to get a lot of looks and a lot questions from family members, though. And again, please don't try for kids (or at the very least please get medical advice first).

Best of luck to you

LegacyUser

Years ago when I was about 20 years old I had a sexual relationship with my 1st cousin of the same age.
We had not grown up together ( she lived in the UK ) and our ' relationship ' ( overstating it if I'm truthful ) started on a visit she made here.
It was great , she was attractive and great fun and I have no regrets - a combination of distance and inevitable family disapproval mean that it would end which it did. My parents while unaware of the sexual aspect were, I sensed , starting to get a little uneasy and we decided that it was not worth it - it was far more of a sex thing than anything else.

I really have no regrets and though I have never hidden any aspect of my past from my current partner that is the one thing she does not and will not know - ever. My cousin is now married with her own family and likewise she has not told her husband of what went on and I suppose we are aware now of just how strongly family and society in general dissapprove of such relationships.

Taltos

All - please keep your posts in line with our charter. Off topic posts, flaming (BunShopVoyeur) or discussions are against our rules and can result in warnings, infractions and or bans. Further posts in this thread that break our charter will be dealt with accordingly.

Thanks
Taltos

If you want to do it, ensure there's protection used. As other's have said, there could be potential health implications for any offspring. If it's completely legal, then I don't see a problem - not for everybody, but since you're both consenting adults and both happy with the thought, then do it.

iguana

So much misinformation on this thread.

1. It is not even remotely against the law to have a relationship with, have sex with or marry your first cousin.

2. Sexual relationships between first cousins do not in themselves create health issues for any offspring that might occur.

3. There is most certainly no greater risk to the offspring of second cousins.

4. Why people think they do is because when two family members procreate together there is a somewhat increased risk that both parents will be carriers of a recessive gene, inherited from a shared grandparent (or great-grandparent in the case of second cousins). Ie, the Cystic Fibrosis gene is recessive, if I was a carrier but my husband wasn't our children would never get Cystic Fibrosis and would not be likely to carry the gene either. But if I marry my cousin on the same side that the gene was passed from the odds that he also has the gene are much higher than they are if I marry from the general population.

The main reason people think cousin marriages cause huge genetic problems is because in cultures where cousin marriage is common, for example among the European aristocracy and their famous line of haemophiliacs, cousin marriages weren't a once off, were a continuing cycle, with the offspring of cousins, marrying some other cousins who were also the product of some cousins and their children would likely go on to marry cousins. So instead of the recessive gene dying out as the bloodline it came from gets more and more diluted, it instead grows in commonality within that group and the odds of being affected by it increase with each generation. To continue the Cystic Fibrosis example from the last paragraph; And if I married a cousin and he was a carrier then our children are much more likely to be sufferers or carriers. If our children then marry some of our other cousins from the same line then the risk increases again. And when they marry their cousins, who are also the result of that line of cousin marriages, carrying the same gene, the risk increases exponentially. However this can also be true of positive genes such as genetic immunity to certain diseases that most of the general population are at risk of.

So no OP it's no 'wrong' to pursue a relationship with your cousin and in certain cultures it would possibly be encouraged. But in this culture it is seen as very, very odd and extremely taboo. If you and your cousin pursued this relationship would be likely to resemble a metaphorical grenade exploding in your extended family. I know that logically there is little to worry about when it comes to two cousins in a relationship but if two of my family members who were each other's cousins began a relationship it would make me feel incredibly weirded out, because my gut reaction is that it's ick. And there are few people I would like my child to form a romantic/sexual relationship with less than the children of mine or my husband's siblings. And if it would be tough for me to deal with then I can't quite imagine how badly it would go down with people who believe the kind of nonsense about cousin relationships that most people seem to believe.

You would both want to genuinely care very little about the relationships you each have with the rest of your family, about the relationships that your parents have with their siblings and their parents and be very, very sure that your relationship with this cousin is truly worth pursuing before going any further because it's not something that can be undone and could easily effect a lot of people you both care about for the rest of your lives.

qrrgprgua

cousins?oy wrote: »

Is it wrong to enter into a sexual relationship with your first cousin?
We are both consenting mature adults that have only meet recently.

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were first cousins. His Father and her mother were siblings.

LegacyUser

First thanks to Everyone for you Mature Comments. I had been extremely nervous about posting about this on Boards.ie

@beks101
Thanks for the suggestion on GSA. It gave me plenty to research and read this morning. While GSA seems to be more about Parents & Offspring or Siblings separated at birth, I do think it does help explain what is going on between me and my cousin.

The Lovely Muffin
Thanks for your comment

Is it wrong? No, it's not wrong, you cannot help who you are attracted to.

You would not believe what a relief it is to read this.

When I initially realised that I was attracted to my cousin (and it is the strongest attraction I have ever felt.) It frightened the life out of me. Partly because I would have also thought it wrong to be involved with a family member, I had believed it was illegal and came with a high risk of birth defects. Also because this cousin would be outside my usual gender preference for a partner.

@cousin 1 (guest)
Thank you for sharing your story. Mine would be very similar except we are a little older than 20. It is a comfort to know that someone else, who is mature and well adjusted has also been through this and survived.

@iguana
Thanks your post sums up what most of my research has also found. As someone who's career is based on balancing the risk of a negative outcome from a human activity versus the background risk of the negative outcome occurring naturally, I would find the Birth Defect risk (after reading academic) not much higher than for two individuals who are not related. (Not that their is any intention or plan to have a long term relationship OR children.)

As for our families the fact that neither of us can discuss it with our respective families is something that is putting a lot of stress, worry, and anxiety on both of us and is why I posted here.

To clarify for those who are wondering. No I have never been and could never imagine being, (in fact the thought turns my stomach,) attracted to other cousins I have known since I was young, including step-cousins. Or my Nieces, Nephews, Siblings, Parents, Aunts Uncles etc.

LegacyUser

cousins?oy wrote: »

To clarify for those who are wondering. No I have never been and could never imagine being, (in fact the thought turns my stomach,) attracted to other cousins I have known since I was young, including step-cousins. Or my Nieces, Nephews, Siblings, Parents, Aunts Uncles etc.

OP , I must admit a wry smile crossed my face when I read the part quoted above. I had only met my cousin once before and that was when she was 10 years old and a more prissy little girl you could not meet , she constantly told tales and basically seemed to spend her time dropping myself and my siblings in the sh1t with whatever adult was close to hand.
When 10 years later I was told she was coming for a visit I was utterly indifferent if not a little peeved at knowing I would be expected to take her around and make her feel welcome..... then I met her and what a difference 10 years make - she was just gorgeous !

I was interested that you and your cousin have discussed the situation and that too is something I experienced , the sex was not the result of some drunken snog or grope where one thing led to another....... rather it was the result of a calm and rational discussion where we both talked about what we wanted and even where I would buy the condoms !

It was great and we met a number of times over an 8 or 9 month period before my parents started getting ' twitchy ' and we ended it. My advice would be to follow your heart on this but for now keep it private from your families - when you know better your feelings for one another then you may feel a bit more confident in opening up to families.

A cautionary note : a friend of mine married his second cousin to whom he had always been close and despite a little good-natured slagging we all thought it would last forever. Sadly after just 18 months they separated in the most acrimonious circumstances imaginable with the result that a major split occured across the extended family and previously close cousins now no longer speak to one another - just be aware that these situations have the potential to cause serious trouble.

Good luck whatever you decide !

!!!

You are both consenting adults. Love whoever you love.

*Many users are mentioning children - and yes I agree that there can be tragic consequences, but OP is not mentioning children and I'm sure they are aware.

Motley Crue

You know, it's funny, I've never been out and out against whatever someone has written on this thread in the last few years. I try to keep as much of an open and understanding mind as I can for both the poster and those who have posted (at times) some fairly vicious responses to what people have said.

I've been posting on this site from 2004 and this is genuinely the first time I actually have been moved enough to say that I feel what your doing is inherenitly wrong and you should stop it. Now many people will say that this is prejudice but I actually don't care in this instance - I am very much against this practice and feel it shameful and deeply immoral.

You may not be able to control who you fall in love with but that doesn't mean if I "fell" for my work collegue's wife, my first cousin or my girlfriend's best friend that I should act on these feelings. Sometimes you just have to say no.

And I'll leave it at that as I don't wish to complain any further. I am sorry but I truly feel compelled to tell you what your doing is wrong.

dearg lady

Seems like a bit of an over reaction Motley, inherently wrong why? It's one thing to find it a bit weird, or be uncomfortable with it, but how is it inherently wrong??

OP, there were 2 sets of first cousins within my extended family who are married, and both had healthy children. One couple has split after a number of years together. I too would find it weird if it were someone I had grown up with, but if it's someone you meet as an adult it's a bit different.
As others have said, you wouldn't want to cause a rift in the family, so tread carefully. Think about how important this person is to you, if you could genuinely see a future before starting anything up. But certainly don't feel bad about being attracted to your cousin!

Agree with iguana re misinformation, it's rife!

theg81der

I would have said yes if I didn`t have friends who were the product of a marriage of 1st cousins. They are lovely but something was always "off", I think some of there hormones/genes/something just isn`t right. I knew instinctively and when I found out it made sense. How did I know? Why was I aware something wasn`t correct? I don`t know but we are animals basically and we know so much more than we consciously know and we can obviously innately sense problems with other peoples make up.

Ellsbells

Op you were to only want to listen to the people who are pro the relationship and not interested in taking onboard any less that positive comments. What is your relationship history? Have you always gone for the bad boy/ girl or one that people don't approve of?

I am not sure of your sexes or sexual preferences and you say they are outside your normal gender preference. Would you make be attracted to them because they are gay and you are secretly gay yourself or vice versa?

You say you could not touch any other cousin but I don't see the difference for you between shagging this person or one of the cousins you grew up with - they are all your flesh and blood. Without trying to be insulting - are there not enough partners out there that you are not related to?

Chances are the attraction is so strong because its taboo.

Motley Crue

dearg lady wrote: »

Seems like a bit of an over reaction Motley, inherently wrong why? It's one thing to find it a bit weird, or be uncomfortable with it, but how is it inherently wrong??

I just think it goes a little more beyond uncomfortable, I think that if your first cousin (that is your Aunt or Uncle's children, your father's Niece or Nephews) were potential marriage or relationship material normally it would create serious problems. There has to be a boundry.

It's got nothing to do with Religion or God, it's just got to do with basic Biology, your not supposed to dilute the gene pool like that...is there not someone you can find outside your family? Someone you can have a relationship with you who might share your surname already or holds your mothers maiden name? Does that not worry people, really? It's taboo for a reason...because it's wrong.

My girlfriend, for example, is related through marriage to a friend of hers. Her Aunt's husband is the friend's Grand Uncle. Now, they would consider a relationship (as cousins through marriage) to be wrong...and in certain circumstances, I might think this kind of relationship would be OK....but blood relation cousins, regardless of their upbringing and how unfimilar they are to each other, should neither engage in sexual intercourse or form sexual relationships.

The OP himself has, as others have pointed out, only listened to those who have supported what he is doing and has not tackled any of the comments against his decision.

When I was younger me and cousin used to play Doctor's and Nurses for Christ's sake lol, we must have been about 8 or something...I mean as I grew up I just knew (through my family) that developing a relationship for a cousin was wrong. You look outward for a partner, not inward.

LegacyUser

I am genuinely surprised that more people have not come forward to say they have had a similar experience to the OP - I would have thought a sexual attraction between cousins is a lot more common than many think. It's taboo so it does not make for everyday conversation I guess.

OP , you have been careful to give no indication of your gender or your sexual orientation but you do allude to your situation as challenging in that your cousin if not of the gender you would usually be attracted to - frankly all the more reason to explore the possibilities as you may be forced to confront important questions of sexual identity.
I certainly could not clall my experince as one of ' survival ' - it was exciting ( no doubt the taboo played a part there ) , great sex and I genuinely cherish the memories.

I would not be so positive had our families become aware - my mother would have been distraught and would never have forgiven me. At this early stage keeping your situation quiet is vital.

Ellsbells

cousin 1 wrote: »

I am genuinely surprised that more people have not come forward to say they have had a similar experience ....

Why? I would think it very rare...

I do understand though that because you have had this experience, that you think it's the norm - it's not

LegacyUser

Ellsbells wrote: »

Why? I would think it very rare...

I do understand though that because you have had this experience, that you think it's the norm - it's not

Actually not as rare as you think. Not many would admit that they had crushes or experimented on first cousins because of the ickiness factor. This can be common than most like to think. First cousins are not siblings and everyone's relationship between them will be different. I know some who wouldn't think of it as they looked at their first cousins as siblings because they were raised with them. There are others who didn't even know all of their first cousins because they either came from enormous families where relatives lived in different counties or countries for that matter. I have had friends who have confessed (including myself) that had done something with our first cousins. It may have not been sexual but more experimental like kissing or touching.

OP, I suggest not doing it. Your families are going to have a coronary if they found out. Seriously! End it and move on. Only see this cousin in family functions with others present. Remove that nervous sexual tension because family will get wary. My relationship with my first cousin got more intense especially when I was leaving home for college. He wanted to move in the city I was studying in. He ended up moving to the opposite side of the country instead, so we rarely see each other now and don't speak as often. It is better this way as those feelings for each other have started to fade. We didn't go beyond the kissing and touching. I honestly think if we did have sex, I would not cope very well because of the guilt and shame.

You will have to hide it very well regardless of the gender of this cousin. Now you have to understand is how well are you both going to handle being in a relationship that has to be very secretive? The taboo may be exciting but what if family did catch the two of you in a manner that would be considered inappropriate? What then? Where will you have these liasons? How will you both be able to behave together present around family? Or friends? This was the hardest part. No matter how hard my cousin and I tried my brother had this hunch something wasn't right. This brother confronted us later and asked me if I had sex with him yet! Luckily we didn't and he believed me. I told him we were messing and just kissed. Even that made him sick to his stomach. I was damn lucky he didn't run off telling our parents. But his suspicions were enough for me not to continue on as it was not worth it.

Please really tread carefully and think about this more before going further.

Motley Crue

I seriously hope the OP is listening to all this

LegacyUser

I accept that 1st cousins having full sexual relations is comparatively rare but people should ask themselves how many times did they or their friends comment on a cousin in a sexual way ?
I have friends who would say something like '' If only Mary wasn't my cousin I'd love to ......'' . I really don't believe its nearly as rare as some believe though not as many ' follow through ' in the way I did.

I have seen my cousin on a few occassions since we last slept together and the attraction was still there for both of us but we are now older and wiser and I don't believe that even if we were free to resume that we would.
We were both 20 years old and I was probably sex-obsessed back then - I will not agree that what we did was inherently wrong but it was very dangerous from a family viewpoint.

It's interesting that the only people in this thread who have admitted to such feelings have found it nescessary to post anonymously , such is the degree of disapproval from others. While I will say I have no regrets I must admit this thread has forced me to confront the past and ask myself '' If I have no regrets why will I not tell my current partner about it ? ''

I really don't believe sexual attraction between cousins is nearly as rare as some here suggest.

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=Ellsbells;79617098]Op you were to only want to listen to the people who are pro the relationship and not interested in taking onboard any less that positive comments. What is your relationship history? Have you always gone for the bad boy/ girl or one that people don't approve of?

I am not sure of your sexes or sexual preferences and you say they are outside your normal gender preference. Would you make be attracted to them because they are gay and you are secretly gay yourself or vice versa?

You say you could not touch any other cousin but I don't see the difference for you between shagging this person or one of the cousins you grew up with - they are all your flesh and blood. Without trying to be insulting - are there not enough partners out there that you are not related to?

Chances are the attraction is so strong because its taboo.[/QUOTE]

Motley Crue wrote: »

I just think it goes a little more beyond uncomfortable, I think that if your first cousin (that is your Aunt or Uncle's children, your father's Niece or Nephews) were potential marriage or relationship material normally it would create serious problems. There has to be a boundry.

It's got nothing to do with Religion or God, it's just got to do with basic Biology, your not supposed to dilute the gene pool like that...is there not someone you can find outside your family? Someone you can have a relationship with you who might share your surname already or holds your mothers maiden name? Does that not worry people, really? It's taboo for a reason...because it's wrong.

My girlfriend, for example, is related through marriage to a friend of hers. Her Aunt's husband is the friend's Grand Uncle. Now, they would consider a relationship (as cousins through marriage) to be wrong...and in certain circumstances, I might think this kind of relationship would be OK....but blood relation cousins, regardless of their upbringing and how unfimilar they are to each other, should neither engage in sexual intercourse or form sexual relationships.

The OP himself has, as others have pointed out, only listened to those who have supported what he is doing and has not tackled any of the comments against his decision.

When I was younger me and cousin used to play Doctor's and Nurses for Christ's sake lol, we must have been about 8 or something...I mean as I grew up I just knew (through my family) that developing a relationship for a cousin was wrong. You look outward for a partner, not inward.

Yes I have been very careful not to give an indication to mine or my cousins gender(s), as I do not want to risk being identified in anyway, including through suspicion.

As for Sexual Orientation(s), I have also been careful with this for similar reasons. I have had both Male and Female partners/relationships in the past. I have over my life time struggled with the big questions of am I heterosexual am I homosexual? I have only over the last year started to admit to myself that I am actually Bi-sexual something I have shied away from dealing with previously, because while social views are slowly changing on this, it is also something that until recently was seen as "Taboo" "Not Normal." (I have only meet this particular cousin with in the last 4-6 months.)

Maybe if I had still pursued this aspect of my sexuality in my early 20s, instead of caving to the "views of the masses" I would not now in my 30s be faced with issue around this identity and the effects it may have on friendships/family etc. As a child I would also partook in sports/activities/interests that where not seen as "Normal" or "suitable" for my gender, to the extent that I regularly had to fight for my rights to partake. Until I was forced by adults and governing bodies to give up. I also to some extent, in different parts of my life identify myself as member of many "minority groups and sub-groups."

As such I am now more cautious of listening to the "Its not normal" "the majority wouldn't" arguments when they are not backed up by something more solid than other individuals thoughts, feelings, or opinions.

I had also expected, when I made my initial post, for the majority of the views to be that it was wrong to be attracted to a cousin. I have been more interested in finding out about those who have been attracted to cousins, and the reasons why individuals think it is wrong.

As for the difference between this cousin and other cousins. It is a very different relationship you build with family when you are entering it as an adult not a child. For the first 20years of my life, my siblings and myself were completely isolated from one whole side of our extended family, (ie grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc.) and it is a very large disconnected family that my parent comes from, many of whom do not communicate with each other. So for me this side of my extended family, even after over 8 years of getting to know some of them, still feels like an external group, my parents family, not my family. The relationships I have built with these family members is very different from the relationships I have with extended family on my other parent side. Something which I think fits with the theory of GSA.

cousin 1 wrote: »

I was interested that you and your cousin have discussed the situation and that too is something I experienced , the sex was not the result of some drunken snog or grope where one thing led to another....... rather it was the result of a calm and rational discussion where we both talked about what we wanted and even where I would buy the condoms !

Unfortunately while we did discuss the situation, it was not till after a few drinks, that either of us was brave/comfortable enough to admit to our attraction or to discuss what we where going to do about it.

tread carefully wrote: »

Actually not as rare as you think. Not many would admit that they had crushes or experimented on first cousins because of the ickiness factor. This can be common than most like to think. First cousins are not siblings and everyone's relationship between them will be different. I know some who wouldn't think of it as they looked at their first cousins as siblings because they were raised with them. There are others who didn't even know all of their first cousins because they either came from enormous families where relatives lived in different counties or countries for that matter. I have had friends who have confessed (including myself) that had done something with our first cousins. It may have not been sexual but more experimental like kissing or touching.

OP, I suggest not doing it. Your families are going to have a coronary if they found out. Seriously! End it and move on. Only see this cousin in family functions with others present. Remove that nervous sexual tension because family will get wary. My relationship with my first cousin got more intense especially when I was leaving home for college. He wanted to move in the city I was studying in. He ended up moving to the opposite side of the country instead, so we rarely see each other now and don't speak as often. It is better this way as those feelings for each other have started to fade. We didn't go beyond the kissing and touching. I honestly think if we did have sex, I would not cope very well because of the guilt and shame.

You will have to hide it very well regardless of the gender of this cousin. Now you have to understand is how well are you both going to handle being in a relationship that has to be very secretive? The taboo may be exciting but what if family did catch the two of you in a manner that would be considered inappropriate? What then? Where will you have these liasons? How will you both be able to behave together present around family? Or friends? This was the hardest part. No matter how hard my cousin and I tried my brother had this hunch something wasn't right. This brother confronted us later and asked me if I had sex with him yet! Luckily we didn't and he believed me. I told him we were messing and just kissed. Even that made him sick to his stomach. I was damn lucky he didn't run off telling our parents. But his suspicions were enough for me not to continue on as it was not worth it.

Please really tread carefully and think about this more before going further.

Thanks "Tread Carefully," these are issues I have been tossing around in my head over the last few weeks. As while I was asking about Attraction in my initial post. We have actually slept together on a few occasions. We are now trying to move past it, and put it behind us, for many reasons, some being for reasons similar to views expressed by other posters, and the effects it may or may not have on our families, but also for other reasons. Yet the attraction still feels immensely strong and bonding, and I feel like I am missing out one something beautiful by trying to walk away.

Motley Crue

I do apprichate OP that you have some searching questions and some truthful examination inside yourself to uncover. I wish you luck, truly I do, but for me this issue is one which I don't think I could ever see more than one answer for.

In a way I thank you for bringing it up here because through the nature of this conversation I've been able to see what others have said and some comments I agree with, others I don't. It's been an interesting debate but since I can't say anything other than "I encourage you not to continue any sexual relationship with your cousin" I'll leave it at that and step away.

BattleCorp

I personally don't see too much wrong with the OP and his cousin hooking up.

To be fair, it's 100% legal, so no problem there.

The chances of disability in children of cousins is very low, in fact it's not much higher than the chances of these same birth defects happening in the general population. There is a very slight increase in the odds of birth defects, that has to be said though.

Simply marrying within your own ethnic race increases the chance of birth defects, but it doesn't stop most of us marrying people of our own race.

It is amazing the amount of misinformation on this topic here. Anybody researching the topic and doing a family history trace would probably find that they are the product of cousins somewhere back along the line. I'm not saying this to try and insult people, I'm just stating what research tells us. It isn't as rare as people think, especially when you go way back in the generations.

The frequency of cousin marriages in the USA is about 1 in 1,000. The frequency of cousin marriages in Japan is about 4 in 1,000. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousin.

*******************

Now that the legal and genetic arguement is out of the way, there's the social aspect of a relationship with your first cousin.

This is the biggest obstacle that the OP is going to come up against. Society in general would be very prejudicial towards cousins forming a sexual relationship. It's pretty much frowned upon in most societies. But then again, being gay is frowned upon in many societies so it's totally up to you if you want to go against the "norms" of society. I've no problem with gay couples and I've no problem with cousins being together but judging from the posts here, I'm not in the majority.

If the relationship succeeds long term, great for you, but it could turn out to be very divisive for the rest of the extended family.

If the relationship doesn't succeed, it could be like an atom bomb going off within the extended family, destroying more relationships than your own.

I don't envy your position. Obviously you are attracted to your cousin, there's not much you can do about that. If you decide to form a full open relationship, there will be consequences that you will have to deal with. They may range from all out war with some family members, the end of relationships with others, to having to put up with snide remarks and being the butt of jokes, insults and downright hurtful remarks at best from others. Very few family members will come out in support of your union.

If you are willing to put up with the consequences, then best of luck with your relationship.

If not, then it would probably be best to end whatever you have going on at the moment.

pickarooney

I can think of at least once country where being gay is illegal but over 50% of marriages are between first cousins. It doesn't sound from the OP's description that reproduction is an issue and legally it's fine so really the only barrier here, and it's a big one, is current Irish society's (and Western society as a whole) rejection of the idea.

LegacyUser

I have been going through a lot of other life changing issues at present.

A long term relationship that has been on the rocks for a few years. A difficult situation where we care very deeply for each other but are doing a lot of damage to ourselves and each other. Where we have both been struggling to recognise that it is sometimes better to end a relationship than to continue unhealthy patterns. That it can be better to end a relationship and salvage a friendship.

Past strugles with depression returning,

Through it all I have learnt to connect with my mother in a way that I never could as a teenager.
I have always been blessed with parents who try to be supportive and understanding. Between me and my siblings they have seen lots of things that they would not have approved of or been able to understand. But they have never blamed any of us or turned any of us away.

As such while I was discussing my present situation and problems with my mother the other day the issue of my infidelity and who I was unfaithful with came up. I can quite confidently say, my mother is an amazing woman, a rock of strenth! While at first she was slightly shocked at my disclosure about my cousin, (she had theories about who I may have slept with but had never thought of my cousin.) When she thought on it, she could see that my cousin and I are basically strangers to each other. When I explained about the theories behind GSA she could also see how this could develop and have an influence on us.

But basically what I wanted to say was that:
My mother is still acepting of me as me.
She is still there for me and I am blessed to have her.

somegirl2009

yes it is wrong in my eyes its sick.................look elsewhere imagine what ur mam or dad would thinnk

up for anything

Marry cousin - not a health risk

Although I don't think you said that you intended to breed with your cousin.

LegacyUser

cousins?oy wrote: »

Thanks "Tread Carefully," these are issues I have been tossing around in my head over the last few weeks. As while I was asking about Attraction in my initial post. We have actually slept together on a few occasions. We are now trying to move past it, and put it behind us, for many reasons, some being for reasons similar to views expressed by other posters, and the effects it may or may not have on our families, but also for other reasons. Yet the attraction still feels immensely strong and bonding, and I feel like I am missing out one something beautiful by trying to walk away.

This was one of the reasons I had a sigh of relief I did not go any further. Sex changes the dynamic of any relationship and I know for fact if we did have sex it would have made things harder for me to stop and risked being ostracised by family.

You went beyond the expected and there is nothing to be ashamed about. The decision is yours if you want to continue this or not. You understand the negative reactions by many on here so far now you need to decide if you would be prepared with such negative responses from family and friends. Everyone else or people on the street are not going to know your relationship and it is frankly none of their business anyway. The law and genetics (not your issue anyhow) are on your side but your family and friends may not be. You have to decide if it is a risk worth taking and you know your friends and family a lot more than anyone on here.

Milk & Honey

cousins?oy wrote: »

I had to google/wiki to understand that question.
Cross cousins

Then you are all right so.

woodoo

According to Richard Dawkins (The Selfish Gene) 1st cousin is too close genetically to be biologically safe. 2nd cousin and beyond is far enough removed.

sassyj

I know of first cousins who are married, didn't meet each other until they were in their late teens, really don't see the big deal.

Ellsbells

woodoo wrote: »

According to Richard Dawkins (The Selfish Gene) 1st cousin is too close genetically to be biologically safe. 2nd cousin and beyond is far enough removed.

They are both the same sex...

cousins?oy

cousins?oy wrote: »

We are both consenting mature adults

Then I do not see a problem no. Do you?

Just be sure it is what you both want. Remember anyone can be a sex partner. But siblings and cousins are relationships you get a very finite number of.

breezy40

Hi..first time poster!!! i actually googled the question, and signed up to Boards purely for this thread. I have a family member who has recently started "dating" a cousin...I think its so wrong on so many levels! My biggest problem is we live in a small town. And neither my own sibling or my cousin have had the decency to tell us what they are doing. They seem to be so self centered that as long as they are happy - why worry about anyone else?

i'm usually one of the most broadminded people anyone will ever meet, but this has just freaked me out and made me so mad! My own sibling was single but my cousin wasnt at the time they got together, and that seems to have been fine with them. I just cant understand it!

Fine - it may not be illegal, but it doesnt mean that they shouldnt have thought about the rest of the family here, and at least have the decency to tell us all - not have us find out about it from random people on a night out!

OP...hope you and your cousin at least had the manners to tell both your families. Otherwise it makes what you're doing (in my opinion) even worse!