*NEW START* Any Other Plus Size Women Feel The Same?? MOD NOTE 1ST POST

fatfacee

Ok so I'm a plus size lady. I have went from a small size to a plus size in clothing in the past few years due to a thyroid problem and some personal issues which led me to comfort eating..

I'm far from happy with my weight and trying my best at present to shift the pounds dieting and going to the gym.

The reason I have started this thread is the past year I have really felt so low with the way people have treated me in public. Complete strangers! Nights out I've had men throw some horrible comments, Snigger and even being stopped and asked where Burger King is in the middle of the street. I have never done any wrong on these people but yet they feel the need to abuse me.

I know slagging off overweight people has been going on a long time but todays society seems to be getting really bad! Is there any other plus size women here experiencing the same problems. Why do these people feel the need to hurt us so bad..


OK Folks this is a restart of the previously locked thread that went all sorts of derailed. This thread will be for plus size ladies to share their experiences, not for tangents on what size is etc. That didn't go well. Any off topic posts will be deleted and repeat offenders will be infracted/banned. If ye spot something you feel is untoward, please use the report post function(the triangle thingy at the bottom left of each post). That really helps us.

Abi

fatfacee wrote: »

Ok so I'm a plus size lady. I have went from a small size to a plus size in clothing in the past few years due to a thyroid problem and some personal issues which led me to comfort eating..

I'm far from happy with my weight and trying my best at present to shift the pounds dieting and going to the gym.

The reason I have started this thread is the past year I have really felt so low with the way people have treated me in public. Complete strangers! Nights out I've had men throw some horrible comments, Snigger and even being stopped and asked where Burger King is in the middle of the street. I have never done any wrong on these people but yet they feel the need to abuse me.

I know slagging off overweight people has been going on a long time but todays society seems to be getting really bad! Is there any other plus size women here experiencing the same problems. Why do these people feel the need to hurt us so bad..

Believe me hon, you're not the first nor the last to get some smarmy comment from a guy, I wouldn't mind - it's not even just the guys!

I don't know why either feel the need to say anything. I'd imagine most of the time it's arseholery / showing off in front of their friends.

The kind of people that do that are looking from approval from others, so believe me, they've a whole bag of issues of their own

Do yourself a favour hon, either subscribe and change your user name or just sign up again, with a more positive non-self-attacking kind of name. Changes in your life only comes from positivity within yourself hon x

Best of luck on your weight loss journey

Fluorescence

I'd ignore them and just get on with your own weight-loss. I've had a few similar comments in the past, and they're usually from the most insecure blokes in their group :pac:. I shouldn't be worrying what someone of that caliber thinks of me, and neither should you.

Btw, if you'd prefer this to be moved to Personal Issues, just say so. Otherwise I'll leave it here

Madam_X

Because there are bullies out there who abuse people whom they know won't stand up to them and who have something obvious that they can target and which they know will cause the person discomfort (usually the bullies are in packs and pick on an individual y'see - big, hard warriors like) in order to feel better about themselves. That's all it is, unfortunately.

jam_mac_jam

That's horrible. I had no idea that it happened that much. I wonder do they do the same to guys.

Kooli

Onixx wrote: »

Because there are bullies out there who abuse people whom they know won't stand up to them and who have something obvious that they can target and which they know will cause the person discomfort (usually the bullies are in packs and pick on an individual y'see - big, hard warriors like) in order to feel better about themselves. That's all it is, unfortunately.

I disagree that 'that's all it is', and I think these responses aren't fully recognising the OP's experience. Yes there are bullies that will target anyone who seems vulnerable, but this isn't about individual bullies that happen across the OP by chance and give her the same abuse they would give to any individual.

The fact is that there is a LOT of fat hatred out there, and in fact a lot of people don't even see anything wrong with it. So the OP will get abuse from strangers more often than someone who is not overweight, and I think that needs to be acknowledged. Those who aren't overweight (and never have been) simply can't understand that.

Just look at ANY thread that starts in AH about fat people (and even the fact that these threads come up so frequently) to see how normal people feel it's not taboo to say incredibly hurtful and cruel things about people who are overweight. It's just seen as fair game. Other people wouldn't say such obviously cruel things, but would thinly disguise their disgust under a veil of 'concern' over people's 'health'.

OP, I'm so sorry that this happens to you, and I despair at our society sometimes that you are seen as fair game.
Have you ever read about the fat acceptance movement? Not for everyone, but have a look at these:

http://lovelivegrow.com/2012/05/these-are-the-fat-faqs/
http://www.shakesville.com/search/label/Fatsronauts%20101

Interesting reading for anyone, fat or thin, and these kind of blogs have definitely changed the way I think about weight.

daenerysstormborn3

There are idiots out there who do this to all people no matter what size they are. Group of guys on a night called me a big fat ****, later on in the night they called my very slim friend a bag of bones. Never happy!

Kooli

pixiebean22 wrote: »

There are idiots out there who do this to all people no matter what size they are. Group of guys on a night called me a big fat ****, later on in the night they called my very slim friend a bag of bones. Never happy!

I think it's disingenuous to pretend that people of all sizes have experienced what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis. It's kind of minimising what is a very real issue as if it's a non-issue.

Motorist

OP I agree with you that it's cruel to judge people and insult them based on their appearance.

Im not sure how this kind of behavior can be excused or rationalised. But I would guess that these people view fat as not very aesthetically pleasing. They view the reasons for someone being fat as eating too much and being lazy about exercising.

They are probably ignorant that some people have health issues such as injuries that means they cant exercise alot, or are suffering side-effects from medication, or have hormonal problems, or even very real pyschological problems. Aside from that it's hard to sometimes differentiate between a fat person who has genuine reasons for being that way and one who is just making excuses up.

In any case, I'm glad that you are attempting to control your weight. I wish you luck on your journey, but would implore you to seek professional advice is you are not making very real progress within a defined time period.

Ah tell them at least i can lose weight but you'll be an idiot forever

CathyMoran

I have had nasty comments from someone because I am a size 8 and she is a size 4, she would look at what I was eating and make comments - I know that it is incredibly hurtful but I was told to ignore it, easiier said than done.

There will always be bullies and they are just nasty ignorant people.

daenerysstormborn3

pixiebean22 wrote: »

There are idiots out there who do this to all people no matter what size they are. Group of guys on a night called me a big fat ****, later on in the night they called my very slim friend a bag of bones. Never happy!

Kooli wrote: »

I think it's disingenuous to pretend that people of all sizes have experienced what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis. It's kind of minimising what is a very real issue as if it's a non-issue.

Where did I pretend that people of all sizes experience what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis? I was merely stating that the exact same group of guys on a night out called me fat and then called my slim friend a bag of bones - illustrating the fact that these type of people don't care what you look like, they just enjoy being nasty to get a reaction.

girl in the striped socks

CathyMoran wrote: »

I have had nasty comments from someone because I am a size 8 and she is a size 4, she would look at what I was eating and make comments - I know that it is incredibly hurtful but I was told to ignore it, easiier said than done.

There will always be bullies and they are just nasty ignorant people.

Are you serious?
Size 4 sounds like she has a problem with food tbh.

Op ignorance is everywhere. Whether your plus size or a size zero I'm sure your still a gorgeous looking woman who doesn't need to entertain low life's that spout crap.

Princess Peach

pixiebean22 wrote: »

Where did I pretend that people of all sizes experience what the OP experiences on any sort of regular basis? I was merely stating that the exact same group of guys on a night out called me fat and then called my slim friend a bag of bones - illustrating the fact that these type of people don't care what you look like, they just enjoy being nasty to get a reaction.

I think the point is here that mean people exist and will find something horrible to say about you no matter what, be it your weight, clothes, hair, whatever! They are prejudice against one type of person, just mean in general. I think the same people who make fun of an over weight person are probably just as likely to make fun of anyone else who is not like them.

OP you can't change horrible people, but you can change your reaction and attitude to them. Work on being happy with your progress and appearance, and hopefully other people's opinions will not affect you so much. The only thing that really matters and the only thing you should allow affect your life is your opinion of yourself, which should always be a good one!

candy-gal1

What I always wonder, and pardon my ignorance but from size is plus size?! Ive heard it was anything from a size 12, or from a size 16.
Just curiousity on my part tbh, if your happy as you are, truly happy like, then imho fcuk the begrudgers and be/do what makes you happy

christmas2012

I think a plus size is 14 + up , it is in evans plus size clothing stores anyway..

The Big Red Button

candy-gal1 wrote: »

What I always wonder, and pardon my ignorance but from size is plus size?! Ive heard it was anything from a size 12, or from a size 16.
Just curiousity on my part tbh, if your happy as you are, truly happy like, then imho fcuk the begrudgers and be/do what makes you happy

I doubt there is a defined size.

You are overweight or obese once you are past a certain BMI, there is a defined measurement ... But "plus-size" is more of a marketing term, for selling clothes etc.

I'd generally see plus-size clothes ranges starting at around size 14-16. But then you have to take vanity sizing into account - what is size 18 in one shop might only be size 12 in another.

So, even if a person found themselves buying clothing in larger sizes, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have a plus-size figure - they might have a perfectly healthy body size.

OP, I can imagine that it's very hurtful to be subjected to such horrible cruel behaviour. Do try to remember, though, that the problem is with them. And they must be very miserable messed up people, that they would get enjoyment out of making someone else feel bad about themselves.

Best of luck with the weight loss. The Health and Fitness and Nutrition and Diet forums here are really great places to look for advice, meal suggestions etc.

sharper

cgarrad wrote: »

Harsh words but true words.

Heh. I have often seen this reasoning. "Oh we're just being honest" or "They need a wakeup call".

It's purely excuse for people that enjoy bullying and abusing others.

People going about their daily lives are not seeking the "advice" of others in the form of jokes at their expense. Should someone solicit your opinion then by all means gives it but failing you can safely presume they're not interested in it and that "in public shouted across the street in an effort to make your friends laugh and show how clever you are" is considered the least optimal form of expression of it.

I'm male and some years ago I was overweight. You don't quite know the human race until you're someone others don't see themselves as wanting or needing anything from.

It doesn't really matter whether you're male or female, fat or thin. Once you have something that makes you stand out even a little bit people will go for it and try to use it to amuse themselves.

To the OP: I think the real problem here is not so much other people (though that is awful) but how you feel about yourself. You mention you're trying to lose weight and that's great though you should do it for own health and your own satisfaction, not for other people. Losing weight will help but it's only part of the problem, you also have to accept yourself and how you look.

You're the one who controls how you feel and how you react. Don't give that control to other people, or at least not to random strangers. They don't deserve it.

cynder

Do what makes you happy, people in the street or on the bus they don't matter. It's you what matters.

Your only human, your not perfect, no one is. Losing weight with an under active thyroid is a rollercoaster of a ride, it will have it's ups and downs, you will have good days and bad days.

Finding motivation is hard for anyone trying to lose weight, try not to use the thyroid as an excuse, it is a good one but don't let it rule your life.

Both my mother and my sister in law have under active thyroids my mom at her biggest was size 18 at her smallest she was a 12 but she was stressed and not eating.
My sister inlaw is a size 16/18. She walks 5 k every evening and only manages to maintain her weight. They constantly change their doses.


Good luck


I think you should think of a better suited user name, don't think of yourself as fatface you must have good qualities don't focus on what you consider bad focus on what Is good. You wouldn't like it if a passer by called you fat face so please don't call yourself fat face..... Boosting your self confidence is essential, putting yourself down does not help.

Madam_X

cgarrad wrote: »

The acceptance and forgiveness afforded by some on the subject of obesity is the true crime here.

It is not acceptable to burden society with your inability to curtail you intake.

Harsh words but true words.

It's not the "true crime" in this context. Nobody's saying obesity is ok, just that those who are obese shouldn't be bullied, which is not the same thing.

Archeron

Before she died because of it, my mum suffered from an illness that caused her to put on huge amounts of weight. On one of her life or death trips to a&e, I was asked to step out of the cubicle (to preserve her modesty) while she was moved from ambulance gurney to trolley. Two of the medical staff who were present walked past me a few minutes later laughing and joking about her weight and I could have fooking killed them there and then.
It took a lot of restraint to not erupt that day, there are assholes everywhere. I doubt it will ever change, more power to you OP.
Bad memories :-(

saa

I feel that this oh sure even if you were thin they'd be saying stuff to you or picking something else thing is a bit of a cop out as I have never met any overweight/fat/obese/plus sized call it what you will - person who really feels that someone picking something out to tease them about is on the same level as the you're fat issue because it is so loaded on both sides.

OP has a lot of emotions behind their weight problem and understandable is struggling to understand why it must be made so much harder by strangers. I don't understand it fully myself but those strangers are completely, its an automatic slagging and if you don't say anything back they feel like they've won and well we all need to feel like we've achieved something [how pathetic] they are just using it as a weapon on a very simplistic level and its a tool of negativity that you just need to separate and distance yourself from while you're sorting things out and accepting yourself whilst on your journey not just at the end.

The lads will usually make it known to you that you have a weight issue by shouting at you in front of everyone and a lot of women will let you also know with comments i.e asking you do you know that cake is very fattening in front of others and things like that, people hate on fat people, it is so wrong and warped but it is such a common issue in society that you need to build up your armor and be strong about who you are and improve your body for yourself.

You will feel better when you are stronger also you will not look as vunerable or stand out as much, four years ago I was a size 12 and a girl said to me walking down the street oh your outfit is so nice.. I said oh thanks she said pitty youre too fat to carry it off and I thought well thats it I'm fat so, then as I was a size 14-16-18 I just appeared more and more like a fat person and was upset by further comments and terrified of someone noticing (lol) in public of course they did! So a year later I've lost a good amount of weight and back to 14-16 I now don't care about comments, I have laughed in peoples faces and answered back but some times people dont give you the chance but I do not take it to heart or get upset by it because I know I'm fat so its no shock to me, its actually offending them more than it is me at this stage..

I was in the pub on night with a few people, a woman who is big came over to talk to us as she came near the women beside me said under her breath ..move over wide load comeing..I called here on it and said don't be so rude she was completely shocked, if you are in company and someone makes a comment call them and it might make them think.

boogle

I experienced this kind of abuse for years OP, and would regularly end up crying because of some heartless comment. These people are ignorant, insecure and rude.

I lost a load of weight and I'm now size 12 - 14. My life is immeasurably better. My health, fitness, how I look in clothes, everything. Some people will tell you that you're fine as you are and you don't need to change. Lots of people used to tell me that, trying to be comforting. I knew it wasn't true though. My answer to that is that your weight is something that you can change. You'll never change those abusers who make you feel horrible, but you're in control of your body. Make the changes for yourself and those other assholes just fade away into the background.

Check out the health and fitness forum. Great advice and support.

Wibbs

Archeron wrote: »

Before she died because of it, my mum suffered from an illness that caused her to put on huge amounts of weight. On one of her life or death trips to a&e, I was asked to step out of the cubicle (to preserve her modesty) while she was moved from ambulance gurney to trolley. Two of the medical staff who were present walked past me a few minutes later laughing and joking about her weight and I could have fooking killed them there and then.
It took a lot of restraint to not erupt that day, there are assholes everywhere. I doubt it will ever change, more power to you OP.
Bad memories :-(

Christ. Like you say there are arseholes everywhere. Unreal. :mad:

ennis81

People will always have something to say, I was big when I was young I remember when I was doing church collection for my mam one day a horrible neighbour telling me I had put on a lot of weight over the summer I think I was about 12 the evil old hag, that comment stuck with me for a long long time. After having my little "non sleeping girl" at 20 I was so stressed out that I lost huge amount of weight went down to 6-8 and had people talking about me saying I looked like a junkie and was "too" scrawny. I am healthy weight now but I never weigh myself anymore I have a auld pair of jeans that I love and if they are a bit tight now & then I know I need to cut back on the biscuits lol,
People are cruel because of their own insecurities and that is the bottom line, and even though you might be a bit overweight they will always be ugly on the inside;)

noddyone2

fatfacee wrote: »

Ok so I'm a plus size lady. I have went from a small size to a plus size in clothing in the past few years due to a thyroid problem and some personal issues which led me to comfort eating..

I'm far from happy with my weight and trying my best at present to shift the pounds dieting and going to the gym.

The reason I have started this thread is the past year I have really felt so low with the way people have treated me in public. Complete strangers! Nights out I've had men throw some horrible comments, Snigger and even being stopped and asked where Burger King is in the middle of the street. I have never done any wrong on these people but yet they feel the need to abuse me.

I know slagging off overweight people has been going on a long time but todays society seems to be getting really bad! Is there any other plus size women here experiencing the same problems. Why do these people feel the need to hurt us so bad..

My wife (size 16, hardly fat) has had comments (nasty ones) passed at her - and not always by men, unfortunately I wasn't with her. These are bullies, they wouldn't say it if a man was present, they know they'll get a slap. Low lifes.

jellie

Polloloca wrote: »

Chances are if somebody is heavy they know they are.

This is the thing. There is not a single overweight person in the world that doesnt know. They are probably aware of every single pound.

Im overweight, my weight have been up and down for years, and I suppose in a way Ive been lucky because apart from the odd sly remark from a drunk man I havent had many comments directed at me. But yes it has happened, and its the most horrible feeling in the world. I know exactly what I weigh, I do not need ANYONE to point it out to me. I already feel bad about it, what right does ANYONE have to make me feel worse.

SusieBlue

OP, I'm so sorry people are treating you like that. I've had the same kind of thing said to me.

When I was a size 6, I was told that I looked like a 12 year old boy and that I should really get myself a burger and to cop myself on from a total stranger.

These days I'm a much bigger size than that, and I've been told I look like Godzilla and I've had people make explosion noises when walking behind me. I was once eating an ice cream in McDonalds and was I heard someone snigger that judging by my size, I was probably single handedly keeping the place in business.

I know its probably no consolation to you but my point is that you are never going to please everyone and sadly, someone will always have a judgemental comment to pass. Sad but true. Try not to let them get you down, they're just self conscious little bullies with their own complexes.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I really hope it doesn't happen again. I know how upsetting it can be.

Acacia

OP, I can relate to your experiences and it's pretty horrible. I was a size 6/8 when I was younger , and am now a size 14/16 (the horror!). Am I happy with how I look? No, but that doesn't give anybody else the right to comment on my body. It's funny thing I've noticed with people since I put on weight- suddenly your body is up for debate and criticism as if there isn't a person with feelings attached to it. Yes, I know I'm fat, but why do perfect strangers on nights out feel the need to say it to me? I do have a mirror. I'm sure they're just concerned about my health:rolleyes:

I didn't even realise the abuse overweight women get until I became one- if you're not completely ignored on nights out, then you get the usual ''fat b1tch'' , ''whale'' , ''cow'' etc. Lads have come up and laughed in my face, as if a ''fat burd'' like me had no right to be on the dancefloor with all the hot girls. It happens so much it's a wonder I didn't notice it happening to other people before.

It really makes you feel pretty worthless.

Lia_lia

I am absolutely shocked at how horrible some people can be when it comes to weight. I've never witnessed anyone being called "fatty" or anything like that. Some people are just assholes.

I've made some comments that can be taken the wrong way. I often make suggestions in regards to diet and exercise to people I know, that have told me personally they want to lose weight...but then when I try to help them they think I'm "calling them fat". But I guess that's a whole different matter.

LegacyUser

I'm going unregged for this- doesn't that alone tell you something? nobody who knows me in real life knows my boards username, but still I won't post this under that name cos I feel others online will forevermore judge me based on my weight...

I'm obese, not just fat, but obese. I could stand to lose half my body weight. literally.

I've been fat since I was a kid, 8 or 9, but it's since my 20s that I got very fat and then obese.

I hate it, I feel ashamed, I have no confidence with men, or even socially in general... I expect to be judged and I even preempt it. I'm so pathetically grateful for any male interest that I e slept with men I shouldn't have, just cos they (ie somebody, anybody)would sleep with me. I can't wear nice clothes. I struggle to tie the seat belts on planes. I avoid being in photos. I avoid social gatherings if I can.

luckily, I have avoided major health concerns, altho I know I'm on borrowed time.

Ive lost a large amount of weight before-6 stone- but gradually regained it. I've just started again, a healthy eating plan and exercise. I've done it before and can do it again.

but on the topic of the op- I've been subject to taunts and ridicule. I remember walking down town one day and a guy came up to me, from behind, grabbed me by the hips and shouted to his friends "look at the size of that" - not even "her", but "that". another time, as I was walking along wearing my county jersey, a lad shouted "here's county's BIGGEST fan", much to the hilarity of his mates. I now look at any man that approaches me on a night out with initial suspicion because all too often they are on a dare or bet with their mates to make the fat b1tch think it's her lucky night, so they chat me up and then later run away cackling after telling me how repulsive they find me.


so, you might ask why I haven't sorted it out for
myself by now, given how crap it all is? well, the answer is, it's damn hard. and yes I know, no pain no gain. but when you're my size things can seem insurmountable. some people advise using the hurtful comments as motivation, but I find they work the opposite way, they become a further stick with which to beat yourself up, and a further temptation to comfort eat.

Stench Blossoms

People always find faults in other people.

You can't change other people but you can always change yourself.

Wibbs

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

You can't change other people but you can always change yourself.

and step one is to ignore other people who act like bullies and twats.

Stench Blossoms

Wibbs wrote: »

and step one is to ignore other people who act like bullies and twats.

Yes I was going to say 'tell them to f off' but I wanted to be polite.

Diamond_Ninja

Some people are vile, I was bullied all through primary school, I was taller than everyone else and bigger than everyone else, made me feel like a big ol' black sheep.

After primary school it stopped, and I have to say I've not experienced anything like what some heavier people experience, thankfully, only a few taunts here and there from total strangers! I'm a size 20, I know i'm overweight and at the moment I'm trying my hardest to shift it, but I'm not unhappy with myself, to my utter surprise I'm a really confident person and I think it helps fend off the mean-ness of strangers. I know how horrible it is not to have confidence though, the low life scum of society can spot an insecure person a mile away and they really do make you a target.

The trick is not to become hard, its to not let them know they're affecting you, however much they are, by not getting upset, which I know is difficult. I gave a fella a left hook to the nuts on a night out a few months ago for a smartarse remark about me, never bothered me again for the night

Dont change yourself for anyone but you

LoonyLovegood

I've had this thrown at me a couple of times, because of my age mostly. Like the OP, I have an underactive thyroid and several other complaints which contribute to it, I possibly eat healthier food than most!

I understand people mentioning it, but yelling it at someone (once someone screamed it at me from a car, I was standing at the bus stop waiting to go to town) in public is just despicable.

beks101

Christ.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

The ignorance is seriously overwhelming. I am just dismayed at the human race sometimes, that's all I can say.

So sorry to all you beautiful ladies for having to endure that. There's a special place in hell reserved for this kind of aRsehole

eviltwin

I have read the entire thread and found it very depressing on the whole.

It doesn't matter what the OP looks like or why she is being targeted the fact is giving abuse to a total stranger in public is horrific and should not happen. Its totally irrelevant if the reason the person is being slagged off is self inflicted or harmful to their health etc, its just plain old fashioned bad manners and disrespectful to attack someone's self esteem this way.

I'm a size 14/16, I'm small so I would be classed as overweight but I like how I look for the most part and am happy in my skin. Yes I want to be a healthy weight and I'm doing things to get there and I will but it takes time. I need support and encouragement not smart arsed comments from people who know nothing about me. I've had nasty comments from people when I go running, its awful, it makes me want to give up and not go out again. I just cannot understand why someone who doesn't know me from Adam thinks its okay to comment on how I look?

Wibbs

eviltwin wrote: »

I just cannot understand why someone who doesn't know me from Adam thinks its okay to comment on how I look?

Sometimes it's because they're deflecting their own issues onto others as some sort of relief, sometimes it's because of a mob mentality and they're showing off, sometimes they're just morons and of course sometimes people can just be dicks for the sake of it.

LittleBook

What the hell is wrong with some people?!! :mad:

This is like reading the "Exercising Outdoors, Unwanted Attention" thread all over again so I'll say the same thing as I said there ... these people are just looking for that little cheap, nasty thrill they get from thinking they've made someone else miserable before they go back to their own miserable and meaningless lives.

They are the problem, never the person they're taking their own issues out on, remember that.

Kooli

Wibbs wrote: »

Sometimes it's because they're deflecting their own issues onto others as some sort of relief, sometimes it's because of a mob mentality and they're showing off, sometimes they're just morons and of course sometimes people can just be dicks for the sake of it.

We can try to 'other' these people all we like, and pretend it's just cos they're dicks, but the fact is it's seen as OK in our society to hate on fat people.

OK shouting at people in the street is one end of the spectrum, but the seemingly 'well-intentioned' comments on this very thread about how people MUST lose weight, and being fat is 'not OK', and no one should be 'patting fat people on the back' are still on that same spectrum. There's still that air of disrespect that kind of dehumanises a fat person, as if they don't know what's good for them and we need to 'intervene'.

It's wrapped up in ideas of 'concern for health', and that's the ONLY reason it's not completely taboo to say these things, but people just don't have the same responses to those who smoke, drink too much, eat total crap (but without being fat) or lead a sedentary lifestyle, all of which could be argued as much bigger health risks than overweight. No patronising advice about how to make lifestyle changes, no indignation when a live and let live philosophy is suggested, no tut-tutting.

boogle

Kooli wrote: »

OK shouting at people in the street is one end of the spectrum, but the seemingly 'well-intentioned' comments on this very thread about how people MUST lose weight, and being fat is 'not OK', and no one should be 'patting fat people on the back' are still on that same spectrum. There's still that air of disrespect that kind of dehumanises a fat person, as if they don't know what's good for them and we need to 'intervene'.

Why put 'well-intentioned' in inverted commas? When I encouraged the OP to keep working at losing weight (which she said she is already doing) it was not faux concern. I know how much better I feel in myself since I've lost weight and I really want for any overweight and unhappy people out there to experience the same for themselves. If they are happy with their weight then fine, I'm never going to tell them to lose it BUT if someone is speaking out about being unhappy because they are overweight then the best solution to that is try and lose weight.

It's the abuse and shouting comments at overweight people that is disrespectful and dehumanising, not someone showing genuine concern for the OP.

Wibbs

Kooli wrote: »

It's wrapped up in ideas of 'concern for health', and that's the ONLY reason it's not completely taboo to say these things, but people just don't have the same responses to those who smoke, drink too much, eat total crap (but without being fat) or lead a sedentary lifestyle, all of which could be argued as much bigger health risks than overweight. No patronising advice about how to make lifestyle changes, no indignation when a live and let live philosophy is suggested, no tut-tutting.

While I agree with a helluva lot of what you say Kooli, I think there can also an element of personal worldview at play too. Ask any smoker in the last few years. I've seen and experienced tut tuttin, even open and daft aggression on the subject. Drinkers get it too, but less so in our culture. Many people out there like to stick their noses in and make comments. However if you're a non smoker and non drinker you may not notice it. IE "skinny" people may simply not see the crap overweight people get, because they don't get it themselves and don't see it often enough to register. There can be an element of walk a mile in my shoes going on. Actually IMH this thread is a valuable one for just that reason. Maybe it'll make some people stop and muse on their own prejudices and we all have some to some degree.

I would agree 100% that overweight people, especially women get a disproportionate amount of abuse, even derisory looks and sniggers that are less obvious. They also get it at much lower levels of weight than men. It's very pervasive and not just with spotty teen virgins on the interweb. I've seen well educated non teenage men do it.

trinz23

ok, just to start, im not completely plus size but having gained 3 stome in the space of a year, going from a size 8 to a 14.....i have also had my fair share of remarks. i cant stand meeting people i havent seen in a while because the look on their faces says it all. i am having trouble getting motivated to actually get up and do something though....all these shocked looks should be motivated enough butthey get me down and when im down i eat!!!1 bit of a viscous circle......

keep your head up hun.....some people are just completely ingorant and will never change

its all about how you feel....if you are happy and comfortable in your own skin thats all that matters

xxxxxxxx

queensinead

Overweight people get a lot of abuse, I've noticed, with the jeerers when challenged hiding behind bogus concern for the fat person's health. "Well, it's better to be straight with her. She's a disgusting lard-ass and needs to deal with it"

Bullies and jeerers can no longer jeer in comfort at people from different races, or people of a different sexual orientation, so as their options narrow, they choose one of the few remaining safe targets.

Keeping to a healthy weight is good, but a lot of these TV programmes and a lot of public commentary about weight has a kind of punitive, bullying, "shift your fat ass" tone to it.

So in a way this legitimises , or certainly might encourage, the bullies and those who get their kicks from seeing a sudden look of hurt and upset pass over the face of their chosen victim

Handsome Bob

Archeron wrote: »

Before she died because of it, my mum suffered from an illness that caused her to put on huge amounts of weight. On one of her life or death trips to a&e, I was asked to step out of the cubicle (to preserve her modesty) while she was moved from ambulance gurney to trolley. Two of the medical staff who were present walked past me a few minutes later laughing and joking about her weight and I could have fooking killed them there and then.
It took a lot of restraint to not erupt that day, there are assholes everywhere. I doubt it will ever change, more power to you OP.
Bad memories :-(

Wibbs wrote: »

Christ. Like you say there are arseholes everywhere. Unreal. :mad:

And even worse, these guys are in a caring profession. They are social care professionals. It's a ****ing disgrace.

Then again, coming from a social care background, I shouldn't really be surprised.

da_shivsta

I'm a size 16, starting to move down to a 14. I'm 22 and i've ranged from a 10 to an 18 in the last 7-8 years. I was a skinny kid, then ballooned after I had my tonsils out (maybe unrelated, but I know it was around that time.)

Without telling my whole life story I'll just say that I've been yo-yo-ing all my life! Ive struggled with it - only now becoming confident.

Ive not faced abuse like that since I was a teenager - school was awful for me as the chubby girl in the class. and I wouldnt count my size as huge now but for a teenager i felt it!

I know where you're coming from, basically. The problem I find the hardest is the idea that bigger girls cant be sexy! I feel very attractive when i'm wearing the right thing!! or nothing :eek: :P

I despise the term "curvy" - you don't have to be 'fat' to be curvy - to be fair, my friend is a size 8/10 and she has a wonderful shape - some bigger girls can be just as 'shapeless' as skinny ones. sorry - that's just something that's always irked me!

Wibbs

Reopened thread. Please have a read of the first post. Thank you.

Sala

Nobody should say horrible things about a persons appearance full-stop. Whether it be their weight, their height, their hair, or whatever, the people who do this are just looking for a reaction and looking to hurt someone. I personally think it is a reflection on their own insecurities if they can drag someone down to make themselves temporarily feel better. OP, you should remember it's not about a problem with you, it's about them, and I think you need to make a conscious effort to forget such comments as you mention comfort eating, and allowing yourself to get down about this will not help you break that habit.

ash23

I've been all kinds of sizes and am a wee bit bigger now than I'd like but not really bothered enough to do anything about it.
I was out the other day and two young lads walked past and one said "jesus, I can't believe people are still wearing those fat calf boots" and the other said "especially when they already have fat calves".
Both laughed.
I pretended not to have heard but they were my new boots and I'll admit, it stung.

But I won't not wear them and my calves may be fat but I'd bet I have a lot more going for me than those two snot rags :P