The NOPE Thread Not for the Squeamish

Spear · 14-07-2016 02:58PM

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-36781296

Because what makes more sense than meeting a stranger in a motel for "amateur testicle surgery"?

Capt'n Midnight · 16-07-2016 01:10PM

mad muffin · 16-07-2016 02:49PM

I'm sorry I don't have a photo or video… this is my own personal nope

I take my dog for a walk around a particular country lane every day. This lane winds around some farms and is practically one tractor wide. Last week I came by a dead badger, it's head squished by the side of the road, near the hedge.

It was quite disgusting. With its eyeball popped out. Teeth all broken up. And it was raining. I was hoping that one of the farmers would come and scoop it up and throw it away before it got too ripe.

Alas, it was not to be. Every day I'd go for my walk, hoping it would be gone. And every day, there it was, looking back at me with it's popped out eye and busted up mouth. Now stinking to high heaven. As I walked past it a mass of swarming flys would get disturbed and buzz about.

Then a couple of days ago the hedges were trimmed and I would have thought the dead badger would have been disposed of. NOPE!

It was now lying in the god damned middle of the road!! I mean WTF?!?!? :eek:

Now even more squished, it's guts now hanging out and the stench was too much, I had to hold my breath as I walked past.

Now that it was in the middle of the road it kept getting run over by tractors and cars. What kind of sick ****s live there, that they'd rather run over road kill every day than get rid of it?

And there it lies. All mangled to **** and stench that would bring tears to your eyes.

snow scorpion · 16-07-2016 09:59PM

^^^

Same thing happened to me last month ... but with a dead ground hog.

I put it in a garbage bag and dropped it off at the town dump.

Problem solved.

mad muffin · 16-07-2016 11:08PM

snow scorpion wrote: »

^^^

Same thing happened to me last month ... but with a dead ground hog.

I put it in a garbage bag and dropped it off at the town dump.

Problem solved.

I was thinking down the same lines but I only walk there with my dog, so that's an impossibility. Plus it's so disgustingly mangled and stinking now, I wouldn't touch it with a stick.

GrumpyMe · 17-07-2016 09:49AM

mad muffin wrote: »

I was thinking down the same lines but I only walk there with my dog, so that's an impossibility. Plus it's so disgustingly mangled and stinking now, I wouldn't touch it with a stick.

You always take two plastic bags with you when you walk your dog, right?

Little Red Hen solution!
Next time, early in the decay process, glove your hand with one bag, lift roadkill by the tail, discus style, throw it into the hedgerow - problem solved!:D

mad muffin · 17-07-2016 11:29AM

GrumpyMe wrote: »

You always take two plastic bags with you when you walk your dog, right?

Little Red Hen solution!
Next time, early in the decay process, glove your hand with one bag, lift roadkill by the tail, discus style, throw it into the hedgerow - problem solved!:D

That's what smart people do. People like me think… won't someone get rid of this already!:pac::D

sydthebeat · 17-07-2016 11:38AM

GrumpyMe wrote: »

You always take two plastic bags with you when you walk your dog, right?

Little Red Hen solution!
Next time, early in the decay process, glove your hand with one bag, lift roadkill by the tail, discus style, throw it into the hedgerow - problem solved!:D

Throwing plastic bags into a hedge....seriously???

cdeb · 17-07-2016 12:37PM

A small shovel will do the trick. Can double up as a walking stick.

mad muffin · 17-07-2016 12:38PM

sydthebeat wrote: »

Throwing plastic bags into a hedge....seriously???

The dead badger juices would break that little poo bag down toot-sweet :P

GrumpyMe · 17-07-2016 01:02PM

sydthebeat wrote: »

Throwing plastic bags into a hedge....seriously???

GrumpyMe wrote: »

You always take two plastic bags with you when you walk your dog, right?
Little Red Hen solution!
Next time, early in the decay process, glove your hand with one bag, lift roadkill by the tail, discus style, throw it into the hedgerow - problem solved!

The "it" in the quote is the dead animal - the plastic bag stays on your hand!

The bags I had in mind would be big enough to "clean up" after a dog not plastic sacks. Some are biodegrade so they wouldn't be a problem anyway even if they did accompany the corpse.

SolvableKnave · 19-07-2016 10:40AM

Aw hell no

mad muffin · 19-07-2016 11:33AM

Good news everyone! Dead badger Steve, or roadkill Steve to his friends, has moved on.

The council must have come along sometime yesterday to fill in all the potholes in the lane. They must have told him to move along, as they were getting a lot of complaints of his unholy stench upsetting people :pac:

So he's moved on to pastures new

SolvableKnave · 19-07-2016 11:40AM

mad muffin wrote: »

Good news everyone! Dead badger Steve, or roadkill Steve to his friends, has moved on.

The council must have come along sometime yesterday to fill in all the potholes in the lane. They must have told him to move along, as they were getting a lot of complaints of his unholy stench upsetting people :pac:

So he's moved on to pastures new

Probably in one of the newly covered potholes

mad muffin · 19-07-2016 12:04PM

SolvableKnave wrote: »

Probably in one of the newly covered potholes

Ha!

I imagine when that pothole cracks open it will be like day of the living dead badger :pac:

SolvableKnave · 19-07-2016 12:13PM

mad muffin wrote: »

Ha!

I imagine when that pothole cracks open it will be like day of the living dead badger :pac:

First thing to appear will be the eyeball.

mad muffin · 19-07-2016 12:24PM

SolvableKnave wrote: »

First thing to appear will be the eyeball.

That is an uncanny resemblance :eek::D

Paddy Cow · 19-07-2016 09:48PM

SolvableKnave wrote: »

Aw hell no

Don't worry. The fish is dead. It's moving because the nerves are reacting to the salt/soy sauce. Still a disgusting dish though and I wouldn't eat it.

bnt · 29-08-2016 07:36PM

Reportedly, the word McChicken is trending online at the moment, for reasons given in that report. I haven't looked for that video, but I was exposed to a short excerpt on Twitter, and it is the very essence of Nope.

https://twitter.com/paddypower/status/770189994975690752

https://twitter.com/UnitedgamerzHQ/status/770057519196676097

chocksaway · 30-08-2016 10:54AM

what the absolute f*ck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY7m4KzYR4Q

ScrubsfanChris · 30-08-2016 01:52PM

Chorcai · 31-08-2016 06:58PM

chocksaway wrote: »

what the absolute f*ck

Capt'n Midnight · 31-08-2016 08:14PM

A different type of nope , to clear the palette.

Capt'n Midnight · 31-08-2016 08:16PM

Something gentle to ease back into the swing of things

razorblunt · 01-09-2016 08:40AM

Oh my God, that hoarder episode is mental. There was something similar on the US version years ago and they had to move the lady out to a new house, such were the unsanitory conditions.