Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

A nasty story

Options
  • 03-05-2012 2:05pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 500 ✭✭✭


    Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:


«13

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭R0ot


    Bruce7 wrote: »
    Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

    Rule #1 Don't dip it if you don't know the quality of the hole (works for most dips also)
    Rule #2 Council house people are usually not very clean*
    Rule #3 Wash your hands after sex.

    *May not be true


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    That's why God invented rubber gloves buddy.


  • Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I'd say that was crap


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭FatherLen


    it might have been chocolate. you should have tasted it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,065 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    Why were your fingers in her bum?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,637 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    Awwww, a keepsake. How romantic. You should marry that girl. Then, on your 20th Aniversary you can give it back to her.

    I love this story, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭R0ot


    OldGoat wrote: »
    Awwww, a keepsake. How romantic. You should marry that girl. Then, on your 20th Aniversary you can give it back to her.

    I love this story, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

    I bet that's how she felt before they started their night of festivities.


  • Registered Users Posts: 59 ✭✭fundlebundle


    Did you taste it to be sure? It could just be tasty chocolate, better to be safe than sorry. Also you disgust me.
    Watching Eastenders, Shame on you


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,547 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    How fragile were you feeling when you were scraping up sh1t in the first place?


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 18,159 ✭✭✭✭phasers


    Why were your hands there?


  • Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭harvester of sorrow


    Seachmall wrote: »
    Why were your fingers in her bum?

    Because chiks dig that kinky ****:pac: awwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


  • Registered Users Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    Beggars can't be choosers


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,068 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    At least you got your hole though, eh?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    I dont think I'll finish this bag of hula hoops after all...:eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,753 ✭✭✭davet82


    the bum is for 'outies' not 'inies' ye dirty swine


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,921 ✭✭✭John Doe1


    how do you know it was hers?:p


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,065 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    ejmaztec wrote: »
    I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

    She'd probably say "I had a little sh1t in my bed last night".







    :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 36 GordonCole


    While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchet-man in the fight against violence

    Mod: Banned


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,207 ✭✭✭hightower1


    How'd you know it was HER ****e? Your a bit drunk, feeling frisky... coulda been up for something new.... Bottom line (giggidy), dont go to sleep with an itchy hole, you'll wake up with a smely finger.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 500 ✭✭✭Bruce7


    Seachmall wrote: »
    Why were your fingers in her bum?

    I don't really know. I think I must have gotten carried away by the sordidness of the whole experience. They haven't been back there since, though.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    At least you got your hole though, eh?

    Both of them, it would appear. Nice story though OP - definitely one for the grand kids.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,133 ✭✭✭FloatingVoter


    How do you know it was her **** ? You may not know how to wipe your own arse properly and scratched an itch during the night.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 672 ✭✭✭Battered Mars Bar


    Clip your finger nails, always lick the spoon when finished.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,196 ✭✭✭CardBordWindow


    What did you have to eat?


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    Bruce7 wrote: »
    I don't really know. I think I must have gotten carried away by the sordidness of the whole experience. They haven't been back there since, though.

    I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,389 ✭✭✭mattjack


    Bruce7 wrote: »
    Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

    For the briefest of fleeting moments when you mentioned your relations , I thought you were going to say the girl was related to you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 500 ✭✭✭Bruce7


    Seachmall wrote: »
    I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

    You're wiser than me, then.

    I'm not saying I recommend it, nor that it was the only time I did it. Now that I think of it, I had a much worse experience involving the same theme, but I won't share it as it sounds a lot like an urban myth.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 853 ✭✭✭toexpress


    Look at it this way could have been worse ... could have found it on the end of your knob


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 5,389 ✭✭✭mattjack


    toexpress wrote: »
    Look at it this way could have been worse ... could have found it on the end of your knob

    Indeed , it could have been worse , she could've had a knob.


Advertisement