A nasty story

toexpress · 03-05-2012 02:33PM

mattjack wrote: »

Indeed , it could have been worse , she could've had a knob.

He was in a council estate, bad I admit but he is hardly likely to find an Asian Transexual in a cat suit knocking around St. Josephs Terrace/St. Bridgets Park or other saintly name s**thole ...

mattjack · 03-05-2012 02:36PM

toexpress wrote: »

He was in a council estate, bad I admit but he is hardly likely to find an Asian Transexual in a cat suit knocking around St. Josephs Terrace/St. Bridgets Park or other saintly name s**thole ...

Point taken sir, she could've had a strap on.

CavanCrew · 03-05-2012 02:41PM

Did you wash your hands before typing this?

toexpress · 03-05-2012 02:44PM

mattjack wrote: »

Point taken sir, she could've had a strap on.

Unlikely, but the wide of a bottle of Miller will do! You can get 20 for €15 in Tesco or Dunnes or somewhere

Anyway for the benefit of the OP look S**T happens, move on get over it there is nothing worse than pulling out and finding half a weeks worth of dinner on the end of your knob but sure you will recover

Crooked Jack · 03-05-2012 02:48PM

Seachmall wrote: »

I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

ah you havent lived man

Born to Die · 03-05-2012 02:56PM

OP, did you shake hands with your family when you met them?

link_2007 · 03-05-2012 03:03PM

I'd love a go on Kat Slater

Baneblade · 03-05-2012 03:08PM

think you need to trim those nails

Bruce7 · 03-05-2012 03:12PM

ejmaztec wrote: »

ejmaztec wrote: »

I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

ejmaztec wrote: »

She'd probably say "I had a little sh1t in my bed last night".

:pac:

Is replying to your own posts the same as talking to yourself?

Born to Die · 03-05-2012 03:16PM

Born to Die wrote: »

OP, did you shake hands with your family when you met them?

Answer my question. :mad:

jester77 · 03-05-2012 03:22PM

Easy to happen OP. Most likely scenario was that she was not to clean at the rear and your sack was banging against her hole. You probably also picked up some crabs or something and you were fevoriously scratching your sack as you fled her house and that is how you ended up with the stinky fingers.

fatherted1969 · 03-05-2012 03:26PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Such a romantic story cant wait for the film to come out

On another note she sounds like a keeper to me

forfuxsake · 03-05-2012 03:32PM

two in the pink and one in the stink
two in the crack and one round the back
two in the goo, and one in the poo
two in her muff and one in her stuff

Duggys Housemate · 03-05-2012 03:35PM

Is this another of those I got laid and here is a not very interesting story about me getting laid thread?

I'd say it is.

kfallon · 03-05-2012 03:39PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Amateur :rolleyes:

Rule number 1 when you are gonna administer a 'sneaky finger', always clip your nails in advance!

The youth of today :rolleyes:

:pac:

Bruce7 · 03-05-2012 03:43PM

Duggys Housemate wrote: »

Is this another of those I got laid and here is a not very interesting story about me getting laid thread?

I'd say it is.

Yes. It is obvious from my initial post how proud I am of this momentous achievement.

kfallon · 03-05-2012 03:55PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Yes. It is obvious from my initial post how proud I am of this momentous achievement.

You know what they say sir, a turd on the hand is worth two in the bush!

tvercetti · 03-05-2012 04:02PM

4 pages and nobody asked how many fingers..............surprised with AH's

Stiffler2 · 03-05-2012 04:13PM

Good man.

2 in the pink, 1 in the stink.

Unless you're a pro like me, then you can change the saying to :

2 feet in the pink and a fist in the stink

some random drunk · 03-05-2012 04:29PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Rookie mistake. The thing to do is dip your fingers in her mouth afterwards to clean them.

Sean Quagmire · 03-05-2012 04:53PM

Seachmall wrote: »

Why were your fingers in her bum?

i am 12 and what is this?

Thephantomsmask · 03-05-2012 05:13PM

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Buggers can't be choosers

FYP

ziggy23 · 03-05-2012 05:29PM

There needs to be a crying and vomiting smiley for stories like this:(

shopaholic01 · 03-05-2012 05:35PM

Can somebody please explain to me why men do this???????

ReacherCreature · 03-05-2012 05:38PM

"less wrecked version of Kat Slater".

Gold.

shopaholic01 · 03-05-2012 05:40PM

ReacherCreature wrote: »

"less wrecked version of Kat Slater".

Gold.

Your username was made for this thread:D

ReacherCreature · 03-05-2012 05:47PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Your username was made for this thread:D

So many images have been seared into my mind now thanks!

Maybe myself and the OP can do a swap?

ziggy23 · 03-05-2012 05:55PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Can somebody please explain to me why men do this???????

Because apparantly a fanny is not good or dirty enough these days:pac:

Bruce7 · 03-05-2012 05:58PM

ReacherCreature wrote: »

So many images have been seared into my mind now thanks!

Maybe myself and the OP can do a swap?

It underlines the wisdom of carrying a foldable toothbrush in your back pocket at all times.

wilkie2006 · 03-05-2012 06:07PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

That reads like one of those kids' books - albeit a fooking gruesome version - that ends the paragraph by inviting you to:

Turn to page 29 to go for lunch with your relations
Turn to page 239 to return to the girl's house and fcuk the $hit out of her again (literally)
Turn to page 89 to start crying and admit that you've disgusted yourself

A nasty story

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