A nasty story

Bruce7 · 03-05-2012 02:05PM #1

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

R0ot · 03-05-2012 02:08PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Rule #1 Don't dip it if you don't know the quality of the hole (works for most dips also)
Rule #2 Council house people are usually not very clean*
Rule #3 Wash your hands after sex.

*May not be true

Logical Fallacy · 03-05-2012 02:09PM

That's why God invented rubber gloves buddy.

03-05-2012 02:10PM

I'd say that was crap

FatherLen · 03-05-2012 02:11PM

it might have been chocolate. you should have tasted it.

ejmaztec · 03-05-2012 02:11PM

I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

Seachmall · 03-05-2012 02:12PM

Why were your fingers in her bum?

OldGoat · 03-05-2012 02:12PM

Awwww, a keepsake. How romantic. You should marry that girl. Then, on your 20th Aniversary you can give it back to her.

I love this story, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

R0ot · 03-05-2012 02:14PM

OldGoat wrote: »

Awwww, a keepsake. How romantic. You should marry that girl. Then, on your 20th Aniversary you can give it back to her.

I love this story, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

I bet that's how she felt before they started their night of festivities.

fundlebundle · 03-05-2012 02:14PM

Did you taste it to be sure? It could just be tasty chocolate, better to be safe than sorry. Also you disgust me.
Watching Eastenders, Shame on you

Poor Uncle Tom · 03-05-2012 02:16PM

How fragile were you feeling when you were scraping up sh1t in the first place?

phasers · 03-05-2012 02:16PM

Why were your hands there?

harvester of sorrow · 03-05-2012 02:17PM

Seachmall wrote: »

Why were your fingers in her bum?

Because chiks dig that kinky ****:pac: awwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SEPT 23 1989 · 03-05-2012 02:17PM

Beggars can't be choosers

My name is URL · 03-05-2012 02:17PM

At least you got your hole though, eh?

OldNotWIse · 03-05-2012 02:17PM

I dont think I'll finish this bag of hula hoops after all...:eek:

davet82 · 03-05-2012 02:17PM

the bum is for 'outies' not 'inies' ye dirty swine

John Doe1 · 03-05-2012 02:18PM

how do you know it was hers?:p

ejmaztec · 03-05-2012 02:18PM

ejmaztec wrote: »

I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

She'd probably say "I had a little sh1t in my bed last night".

:pac:

GordonCole · 03-05-2012 02:18PM

While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchet-man in the fight against violence

Mod: Banned

hightower1 · 03-05-2012 02:19PM

How'd you know it was HER ****e? Your a bit drunk, feeling frisky... coulda been up for something new.... Bottom line (giggidy), dont go to sleep with an itchy hole, you'll wake up with a smely finger.

Bruce7 · 03-05-2012 02:19PM

Seachmall wrote: »

Why were your fingers in her bum?

I don't really know. I think I must have gotten carried away by the sordidness of the whole experience. They haven't been back there since, though.

shopaholic01 · 03-05-2012 02:20PM

My name is URL wrote: »

At least you got your hole though, eh?

Both of them, it would appear. Nice story though OP - definitely one for the grand kids.

FloatingVoter · 03-05-2012 02:20PM

How do you know it was her **** ? You may not know how to wipe your own arse properly and scratched an itch during the night.

Battered Mars Bar · 03-05-2012 02:21PM

Clip your finger nails, always lick the spoon when finished.

CardBordWindow · 03-05-2012 02:21PM

What did you have to eat?

Seachmall · 03-05-2012 02:21PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

I don't really know. I think I must have gotten carried away by the sordidness of the whole experience. They haven't been back there since, though.

I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

mattjack · 03-05-2012 02:24PM

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

For the briefest of fleeting moments when you mentioned your relations , I thought you were going to say the girl was related to you.

Bruce7 · 03-05-2012 02:25PM

Seachmall wrote: »

I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

You're wiser than me, then.

I'm not saying I recommend it, nor that it was the only time I did it. Now that I think of it, I had a much worse experience involving the same theme, but I won't share it as it sounds a lot like an urban myth.

toexpress · 03-05-2012 02:29PM

Look at it this way could have been worse ... could have found it on the end of your knob

mattjack · 03-05-2012 02:31PM

toexpress wrote: »

Look at it this way could have been worse ... could have found it on the end of your knob

Indeed , it could have been worse , she could've had a knob.

A nasty story

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