I trust him, i just dont trust her....

davet82

Maybe the ladies on boards can explain this one to me...

Overhearing a conversation yesterday, two girls discussing one of their boyfriends. First girl is telling how her boyfriend had given a female neighbour a lift home, which she really didnt like. Then, (not the first girl i've heard) saying, 'its not that i dont trust him, its her i dont trust'. Now surely that is a contradiction in itself?

Can a bloke mess around and it not be his fault?

kfallon

One for The Ladies Lounge......oh and good luck

seamus

No, "I trust him, I don't trust her" is basically a way of saying, "I don't think he'd ever go out to cheat, but if someone laid it on a plate for him, I don't know if he'd refuse". Or, "I only trust him to a point".
I hear women say this more often than men, probably because there's a popular perception that men will ride anything that waves a hole at them, whereas women will shoot down any man who makes a go at her.

It's a display of a lack of self-esteem that they believe their partner doesn't have the self-control or respect for the relationship to turn down an offer of sex.

hondasam

davet82 wrote: »

Can a bloke mess around and it not be his fault?

Anyone can mess around and say it's not their fault. Everyone blames someone else.

wilkie2006

davet82 wrote: »

Maybe the ladies on boards can explain this one to me...

Overhearing a conversation yesterday, two girls discussing one of their boyfriends. First girl is telling how her boyfriend had given a female neighbour a lift home, which she really didnt like. Then, (not the first girl i've heard) saying, 'its not that i dont trust him, its her i dont trust'. Now surely that is a contradiction in itself?

Can a bloke mess around and it not be his fault?

I think it's more likely that the woman wanted to communicate her unease to her friend without sounding like she didn't trust her boyfriend or admitting that he'd be the type to do that.

davet82

seamus wrote: »

No, "I trust him, I don't trust her" is basically a way of saying, "I don't think he'd ever go out to cheat, but if someone laid it on a plate for him, I don't know if he'd refuse". Or, "I only trust him to a point".
I hear women say this more often than men, probably because there's a popular perception that men will ride anything that waves a hole at them, whereas women will shoot down any man who makes a go at her.

It's a display of a lack of self-esteem that they believe their partner doesn't have the self-control or respect for the relationship to turn down an offer of sex.

wasnt quite what i was expecting from AH... well answered dude

davet82

wilkie2006 wrote: »

I think it's more likely that the woman wanted to communicate her unease to her friend without sounding like she didn't trust her boyfriend or admitting that he'd be the type to do that.

good answer too, that also makes sense...


i'm learning alot today

FatherLen

seamus wrote: »

No, "I trust him, I don't trust her" is basically a way of saying, "I don't think he'd ever go out to cheat, but if someone laid it on a plate for him, I don't know if he'd refuse". Or, "I only trust him to a point".
I hear women say this more often than men, probably because there's a popular perception that men will ride anything that waves a hole at them, whereas women will shoot down any man who makes a go at her.

It's a display of a lack of self-esteem that they believe their partner doesn't have the self-control or respect for the relationship to turn down an offer of sex.

yeah, bitches be crazy.

Crash Bang Wall

Surely if she trusts her fella, that should cover the fact that if the other bird "drops the hand" or whatever, then she trusts her fella to tell her hes not interested!

IMO there are 2 instances where she says this:
a) she doesnt trust her fella, or
b) shes insecure

syklops

davet82 wrote: »

Maybe the ladies on boards can explain this one to me...

Overhearing a conversation yesterday, two girls discussing one of their boyfriends. First girl is telling how her boyfriend had given a female neighbour a lift home, which she really didnt like. Then, (not the first girl i've heard) saying, 'its not that i dont trust him, its her i dont trust'. Now surely that is a contradiction in itself?

Can a bloke mess around and it not be his fault?

Don't spend anytime trying to apply logic, in matters of the heart it just goes out the window.

When it comes to women they regularly employ a bit of subterfuge, it keeps things interesting.

Often times a women will mean the opposite of what she said. For example:

"Its not you, its me" means it really is you.
"You do whatever you want" means "If you even consider doing what you want to do you won't see the inside of my vagina for a week"
"Fine!" means "that is totally not fine"
Even, "I trust him, I just dont trust her" means, "If she puts it on a plate for him, I dont trust him to still say no"
Also, if you say "I was thinking of going to watch the footie with the lads later" and she says "What?", she is not indicating that she did not hear you. Like the Lisbon Treaty, she is giving you another attempt at making the 'correct' plan for the evening, e.g., "I was thinking of treating you to a nice meal and I can watch the football highlights later"

davet82

hondasam wrote: »

Anyone can mess around and say it's not their fault. Everyone blames someone else.

but i've heard the cheated, saying it wasnt really their fault. i never got that either

CL7

wilkie2006 wrote: »

I think it's more likely that the woman wanted to communicate her unease to her friend without sounding like she didn't trust her boyfriend or admitting that he'd be the type to do that.

Exactly, great post.

beco2010

FatherLen wrote: »

yeah, bitches be crazy.

wait till he finds out then bitches will be running crazy





yesh and mabe dont blame the player blame the game will be here at some stage

FatherLen

beco2010 wrote: »

wait till he finds out then bitches will be running crazy





yesh and mabe dont blame the player blame the game will be here at some stage

eh what?

smash

Basically she was saying that the neighbour is better looking than her.

seamus

"Don't blame the player, blame the game" really means, "I'm a soulless man-whore with no respect for myself or anyone else, but I feel that I can justify being an asshole to women by referring to it as a game".

hondasam

davet82 wrote: »

but i've heard the cheated, saying it wasnt really their fault. i never got that either

No one wants to be cheated on, it's easier to say he would never have done it if she did not lead him on but really there is only one person to blame and that's the cheater.
Blaming the other person makes it easier to make allowances for the cheater and it's somewhere to direct your anger.
I'm not sure if men blame the other man for his wife/gf cheating as much as women blame the other woman for leading her man on.

Cianos

fwiw, it can also plainly mean that she simply doesn't trust the person. Making advances on someone elses partner is a breach of trust in and of itself, regardless of how said partner reacts.

beco2010

seamus wrote: »

"Don't blame the player, blame the game" really means, "I'm a soulless man-whore with no respect for myself or anyone else, but I feel that I can justify being an asshole to women by referring to it as a game".

a game that is played both ways and often has

Dravokivich

maybe if you were envolved in the conversation and not eavesdropping you would of had more of an idea with regards to what she meant?

Although my stab of it would be, "Yer wan down the road is a slapper and would go on and get off with her fella without thinking whether or not he was really into it. She recons her fella isn't though."

charlietheminxx

Cianos wrote: »

fwiw, it can also plainly mean that she simply doesn't trust the person. Making advances on someone elses partner is a breach of trust in and of itself, regardless of how said partner reacts.

I agree with this, having said this famous line once before. There was someone who's motives I didn't trust. I trusted my boyfriend. I was fairly sure he wouldn't cheat on me with her or anyone else.... but she gave me an uneasy feeling.

Some women do seem to fight for the intentions of a man who is taken - and they aren't trustworthy.

pickarooney

Maybe she thinks the woman is going to sexually assault him or something?

Stiffler2

IMHO when a bloke says to a girl, I wouldn't cheat on you what this means is as follows :

The bloke won't actively go out and look for it, however if it's offered or shoved in his face he more than likely won't refuse.

Women know this hence her term: I trust him, but I don't trust her.


simples...

Dravokivich

Stiffler2 wrote: »

IMHO when a bloke says to a girl, I wouldn't cheat on you what this means is as follows :

The bloke won't actively go out and look for it, however if it's offered or shoved in his face he more than likely won't refuse.

Women know this hence her term: I trust him, but I don't trust her.


simples...

Eh... no...

Stiffler2

Dravokivich wrote: »

Eh... no...

Ehhhh......YYYYYEEEEAAAHHHHHHH

Dravokivich

Stiffler2 wrote: »

Ehhhh......YYYYYEEEEAAAHHHHHHH

Still no.

hondasam

Stiffler2 wrote: »

The bloke won't actively go out and look for it, however if it's offered or shoved in his face he more than likely won't refuse.

I don't agree with this. Not every man will have sex with someone just because it's offered to them.

Stiffler2

Dravokivich wrote: »

Still no.

again.....YEEAAHHHH

Stiffler2

hondasam wrote: »

I don't agree with this. Not every man will have sex with someone just because it's offered to them.

I agree with you as well, not every man would do it, but 90% of them would.

F.
A.
C.
T.

Sea Filly

seamus wrote: »

No, "I trust him, I don't trust her" is basically a way of saying, "I don't think he'd ever go out to cheat, but if someone laid it on a plate for him, I don't know if he'd refuse". Or, "I only trust him to a point".
I hear women say this more often than men, probably because there's a popular perception that men will ride anything that waves a hole at them, whereas women will shoot down any man who makes a go at her.

It's a display of a lack of self-esteem that they believe their partner doesn't have the self-control or respect for the relationship to turn down an offer of sex.

And those relationships are doomed. It's a cliche but one can't be a relationship with someone they don't trust.

Riddle101

They say that the ones who are insecure or don't trust their other halfs, are actually the ones more likely to cheat, and the reason for their insecurity is because they they become somewhat paranoid about it. Can't remember if that's the exact way of putting it, but it's something like that anyway.

As for the the "I trust him, I don't trust her" line. I'm not really the best opinion on the matter. But i've a friend who was cheated on, and blames both parties for cheating. I kind've agree and think a person has enough self control to be able to stop something from happening, unless the incident was caused by some form of seduction through drugs or alcohol or something. But if a person is in their normal state of mind then he/she should be able to resist the urge to cheat unless they actually are unfaitful.

As far as the woman saying "I trust him, I don't trust her" goes. I think it's quite obvious that the woman is jealous and insecure and proberly over protective of her boyfriend as well. The fact she wasn't too happy about the bf giving another woman a lift, is an indicator of that.

charlietheminxx

Stiffler2 wrote: »

I agree with you as well, not every man would do it, but 90% of them would.

F.
A.
C.
T.

Just because you may feel that way about the situation, doesn't mean 90% of men are like you.

Where do you pull a figure like that anyway? Most of my friends are guys.... only 2 or 3 out of say ten would even waver about it. Maybe I just spend too much time with decent men

Dravokivich

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Just because you may feel that way about the situation, doesn't mean 90% of men are like you.

Where do you pull a figure like that anyway? Most of my friends are guys.... only 2 or 3 out of say ten would even waver about it. Maybe I just spend too much time with decent men

Dam you and your self respect!

ejmaztec

hondasam wrote: »

I don't agree with this. Not every man will have sex with someone just because it's offered to them.

How do you know?









:pac:

Stiffler2

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Just because you may feel that way about the situation, doesn't mean 90% of men are like you.

Where do you pull a figure like that anyway? Most of my friends are guys.... only 2 or 3 out of say ten would even waver about it. Maybe I just spend too much time with decent men

You're not hanging around with real men, that's probably the issue here.

Ms Tootsie

Stiffler2 wrote: »

You're not hanging around with real men, that's probably the issue here.

A decent man is a real man. It takes a real man to stand up and say no when a girl is trying to tempt him in the cheating. It is a weaker man who will take that opportunity.

newport2

Stiffler2 wrote: »

I agree with you as well, not every man would do it, but 90% of them would.

F.
A.
C.
T.

Only

D.
E.
S.
P.
E.
R.
A.
T.
E.

ones

davet82

Riddle101 wrote: »

unless the incident was caused by some form of seduction through drugs or alcohol or something.

so 'turst him/her but i dont trust him when he is drunk' is another 'excuse' not so common one imo

does this wash with people?

FatherLen

stiffler2, are you sure you know how debate/discussion works.

Two or more parties with different or the same views will convey their opinion using factual evidence or logical reasoning.

suicide_circus

Stiffler2 wrote: »

You're not hanging around with real men, that's probably the issue here.

Stiffler, just because yer ould wan is a slut dosnt mean the rest of society has no self respect.

Snowie

Stiffler2 wrote: »

IMHO when a bloke says to a girl, I wouldn't cheat on you what this means is as follows :

The bloke won't actively go out and look for it, however if it's offered or shoved in his face he more than likely won't refuse.

Women know this hence her term: I trust him, but I don't trust her.


simples...

I know for a fact if i had a gf and another woman came on to me Id say no...
Because, I've got moralities and honor.

How ever if you wanna sell your self as some week man who can be manipulated bye oposit sex go right ahead... Go live out the stereotypical male,
who only sees it as some sort of ego boost to share with the boys at the local on a friday night....

:rolleyes:

davet82

suicide_circus wrote: »

Stiffler, just because yer ould wan is a slut dosnt mean the rest of society has no self respect.

Oh no he didnt!


its on!

wilkie2006

seamus wrote: »

"Don't blame the player, blame the game" really means, "I'm a soulless man-whore with no respect for myself or anyone else, but I feel that I can justify being an asshole to women by referring to it as a game".

Do people really say that?! I mean, as a genuine statement and without taking the pi$$ out of themselves? Wow, just wow. If ever someone deserved to be called a fucking cretin, it's that individual.

Do people really say it though? Really?????

Jesus...

Wibbs

syklops wrote: »

Also, if you say "I was thinking of going to watch the footie with the lads later" and she says "What?", she is not indicating that she did not hear you. Like the Lisbon Treaty, she is giving you another attempt at making the 'correct' plan for the evening, e.g., "I was thinking of treating you to a nice meal and I can watch the football highlights later"

I lolled

Riddle101 wrote: »

They say that the ones who are insecure or don't trust their other halfs, are actually the ones more likely to cheat, and the reason for their insecurity is because they they become somewhat paranoid about it. Can't remember if that's the exact way of putting it, but it's something like that anyway.

I'd say it also down to how they view the world. Most people tend to filter how others act through their own worldview. They assume that others do and feel the way they would about a given subject. Even on this thread, one chap assumes that all men will take it if it's offered on a plate, I suspect largely because he would. Liars assume others lie as much as them. Cheaters are more likely to be paranoid, because again they assume others cheat as much as them(plus this helps with any guilt that may surface).

sarahbro

I don't think it's anything to do with her being jealous, insecure or not trusting her boyfriend.
It can be "I trust him. I just don't trust her not to try it on".
Not all fellas cheat when it's offered on a plate. Not all fellas cheat.

sbsquarepants

seamus wrote: »

No, "I trust him, I don't trust her" is basically a way of saying, "I don't think he'd ever go out to cheat, but if someone laid it on a plate for him, I don't know if he'd refuse". Or, "I only trust him to a point".
I hear women say this more often than men, probably because there's a popular perception that men will ride anything that waves a hole at them, whereas women will shoot down any man who makes a go at her.

It's a display of a lack of self-esteem that they believe their partner doesn't have the self-control or respect for the relationship to turn down an offer of sex.

It has zero to do with self esteem.
For all we know, this girl could think the sun shines out of her own arse - but still doubts her boyfriends ability to turn down a hot chick laying it on a plate -which is after all something an awful lot of blokes just wouldn't do!

hondasam

ejmaztec wrote: »

How do you know?

:pac:

There has to be some good loyal men in the world.

ash23

Wibbs wrote: »

Cheaters are more likely to be paranoid, because again they assume others cheat as much as them(plus this helps with any guilt that may surface).

Gotta say I disagree with that bit.
I've never cheated on anyone. Ever.
But I've been cheated on. A lot. And therefore I am more likely to be paranoid about it happening to me yet again.
Sometimes insecurities come from previous experience.

As for the line in the OP about trusting him but not her......I amn't sure. I'd like to think I would trust whomever I end up with but with my history I'd nearly be waiting for it to happen again.

davet82

hondasam wrote: »

There has to be some good loyal men in the world.

I think the jury is out on that one :pac:

Scanlas The 2nd

I think she a point to an extent. Proof of which comes from the sheer number ofthe fat/out of shape people you see around.

People often find it difficult not eating fast food because it tastes so good. Even though they know it's not in their own best interest it can be too hard to resist the pleasure when it's in front of you.

So in summary I think she thinks her boyfriend has good intentions to eat a healthy diet and isn't looking for McDonald's but if someone put it in front of him where it smells so good, he would find it hard to say no.

Edit:
She thinks the other girl is out loOking for fast food and doesn't care about her health.

hondasam

davet82 wrote: »

I think the jury is out on that one :pac:

You trying to make all us women paranoid:pac: