My Story

The Radiator

I used to work as a telemarketer. It was awful at first but I ended up making some pretty good money for awhile. I wouldn't say that it is just the corporations that people hate. A lot of telemarketers are generally horrible people to talk to. When I started out I outright hated what I did, I had to read off a scripted pitch that the people on the other line found obnoxious and made me want to kick myself in the balls. It's the lifelessness of the whole thing, you don't feel like you are talking to a real person when you are talking to a telemarketer because you aren't. You're talking to a marketing department script that has been tailored to be the most effective **** you can say in general to get people interested, rather than understanding people and having a conversation with them to see if your product fits their needs and still not be too invasive. It used to be a job that required a certain amount of skill, and those who were good at it cost a lot of money to hire and were sought after. Once trial tested script was implemented anybody without a job who could speak could do it and the positions could be hired out at minimum wage. I was close to quitting when I decided I gave no ****s for the corporate structure of things, I started to go off script and my boss got mad. I then went way off script and there were many rage rants in my bosses office and threats to fire me if I didn't stick to the script despite my sales being in the top 10 percent. My forays away generally didn't produce any sales and they were being seen as lost potential sales because of my cavalier attitude towards those calls.

Then one day I found the perfect loophole. Our company website has a referral program, if you purchase from the website there is an option to recognize referrals. One option is an employee referral and you can select their name from a list, that employee gets a 5% commission on the sale, which is less than the 8% we got from direct over the phone sales, but it is still good money if you get a certain quantity.

My phone sales went down in efficiency from about 57% to 2% within a month. My boss was ready to fire me until he realized how much the company owed me for my final check. He didn't have a reason to pay attention to the internet referrals because people would only ever get one or two of those a month. Customers didn't really care to take the time and select the employee name and the rest of the company didn't really put much trust in it. This however had launched me into the top sales spot in the company completely under everyone's radar. It was all because of switching to conversations like this:

"Hey what's going on"
"Not a ton, who is this?"
"This is The Radiator, I'm a telemarketer and I'm supposed to try and sell you some stuff."
"Yeah I'm not really interested."
"I didn't expect so, I hate telemarketers, the self-loathing is strong with this one. If you're bored you can check out our website though at companywebsitename.com and if anything sparks your fancy it'd be cool if you used the referral form. So, that's really all I got for ya.
"Okay......"
"So.... anything on your mind that needs a second set of ears?"

And then I would get a mix of hearing people's girlfriend problems seeking advice, job problems seeking advice, and ridiculous stories from social people who forgot they were talking to a telemarketer; and they really weren't because all I did was tell them about a website and then talk to them like I was their oldest friend. A lot of people would just hang up and carry on with their lives. But I got increasingly good at it, and people started going to the website. And my referrals increased week to week until the end of a month, after being yelled at four or five times for making "personal calls" I was sitting in my bosses office, being threatened to be fired, until he saw how much business I was actually bringing in and he had no cause to fire me.

I had ruffled his feathers though. Selling the most, and being a valued employee are two different things. My boss didn't particularly like me and my success was ****ing with everything he had come to believe about what works in the telemarketing business. Two months later I was back in his office getting fired, despite my consistent top numbers, because I was 15 minutes late for a shift. I should probably note that nothing in this story is real. I just like to provoke emotion out of people, in this case getting them to rally around the freethinking humanized character that was placed in a telemarketer position, or how right now you are saying **** you Radiator, that wasn't even that good of a story, and I read the whole ****ing thing. **** you.

AngryBollix

Can you condense this into one sentence that we can all poke fun at please?

Seachmall

The Radiator wrote: »

and when he turned around I unzipped his pants and began sucking on his massive throbbing penis

What?

Squ

Cool story bro.

Teyla Emmagan

That was all a lie!?!?

I feel completely cheated

44leto

The Radiator wrote: »

:pac::pac::pac::pac:

There FYP

TheBody

You need to find a hobby or something more productive to do with your time op.

AngryBollix

Kaiser Sauzee is that you?

davet82

The Radiator wrote: »

right now you are saying **** you Radiator, that wasn't even that good of a story, and I read the whole ****ing thing. **** you.

that pretty much sums it up for me

mackg

Wow I can't believe you sucked his cock

William_Hicley

Boss: Get in here! You maverick renegade....

SirDelboy18

Wow, that really sucked.

MagicMarker

I just want everyone to know that I did not read the original post.

kylith

I'm a telemarketer and I hate myself.

What I hate even more, though, is how horrible people are to me just because I'm a telemarketer. Next time you're talking to one bear in mind that we don't want to call you. We don't want to disturb you at home. We don't want to rattle off the same script for the 300th+ time that day, but there's a manager sitting there listening to everything, and we'll get a bollocking if we don't try to pester you.

Also, my manager is constantly interviewing, even though no-one has been hired in the last couple of months, and they've rigged it so all the job applications go to my email. It's like having a little gremlin sitting on your desk saying "Go on, **** up.. there are 400 other people who want your job. Just give her an excuse to fire you..."

RichieC

Cold calling was the most soul destroying job I ever did. I only stood in for about 3 nights doing it but wanted to off my ass after that.

Fart

ffs -.-

I am pie

You: natural born entertainer.

World: Just doesn't get it.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

foxyboxer

tldr

Ficheall

mackg wrote: »

Wow I can't believe you sucked his cock

Yeah, OP. No job in telemarketing is worth that.

Go díreach, OP. Ní fiú é sin le haghaidh aon post telemargaíochta.

The Radiator

AngryBollix wrote: »

Kaiser Sauzee is that you?

orourkeda is that you?

MonkeyTennis

you have a universe to write us a story about ...but you chose this

I am pie

Your punishment for this worthless bout of inane self indulgence, if i had a choice, would be for you to only ever have a job a telemarketer.

You.truly.deserve.it.

buck65

Have you got a new job and how are you doing?

Interceptor

buck65 wrote: »

Have you got a new job and how are you doing?

Working on a poultry farm, chewing bread for gummy turkeys and spinning tall yarns to the ducks.

'cptr

Babybuff

I worked with phones once but I kept cutting people off so I jacked that in. The world is a safer place now.

Bambii_

I only read from "Hey, whats going on?".. It was interesting enough story, from there anyway xD Shame it's not true, although I would love someone to try this. Any telemarketers here?

The Radiator

buck65 wrote: »

Have you got a new job and how are you doing?

Yeah, I work as a PHP developer now. I'm good and yourself?

superstoner90

Dyson have a new hoover out called the: dyson ball.

ScumLord

The Radiator wrote: »

"So.... anything on your mind that needs a second set of ears?"

You've basically described the way telemarketers operate with businesses, they try to have long drawn out conversations where they become your friend and it annoys me no end. I just want to hang up the phone and their prattling on about the weather and what they're doing at the weekend.

Try getting into commercial sales it sounds like you'd do well there.

buck65

The Radiator wrote: »

Yeah, I work as a PHP developer now. I'm good and yourself?

I'm great thanks, why did you suck off the boss if you don't mind me asking?

The Radiator

buck65 wrote: »

I'm great thanks, why did you suck off the boss if you don't mind me asking?

It's a filthy lie perpetrated by those jealous souls who lack my ingenuity.