My Story

The Radiator · 13-04-2012 3:09pm #1

I used to work as a telemarketer. It was awful at first but I ended up making some pretty good money for awhile. I wouldn't say that it is just the corporations that people hate. A lot of telemarketers are generally horrible people to talk to. When I started out I outright hated what I did, I had to read off a scripted pitch that the people on the other line found obnoxious and made me want to kick myself in the balls. It's the lifelessness of the whole thing, you don't feel like you are talking to a real person when you are talking to a telemarketer because you aren't. You're talking to a marketing department script that has been tailored to be the most effective **** you can say in general to get people interested, rather than understanding people and having a conversation with them to see if your product fits their needs and still not be too invasive. It used to be a job that required a certain amount of skill, and those who were good at it cost a lot of money to hire and were sought after. Once trial tested script was implemented anybody without a job who could speak could do it and the positions could be hired out at minimum wage. I was close to quitting when I decided I gave no ****s for the corporate structure of things, I started to go off script and my boss got mad. I then went way off script and there were many rage rants in my bosses office and threats to fire me if I didn't stick to the script despite my sales being in the top 10 percent. My forays away generally didn't produce any sales and they were being seen as lost potential sales because of my cavalier attitude towards those calls.

Then one day I found the perfect loophole. Our company website has a referral program, if you purchase from the website there is an option to recognize referrals. One option is an employee referral and you can select their name from a list, that employee gets a 5% commission on the sale, which is less than the 8% we got from direct over the phone sales, but it is still good money if you get a certain quantity.

My phone sales went down in efficiency from about 57% to 2% within a month. My boss was ready to fire me until he realized how much the company owed me for my final check. He didn't have a reason to pay attention to the internet referrals because people would only ever get one or two of those a month. Customers didn't really care to take the time and select the employee name and the rest of the company didn't really put much trust in it. This however had launched me into the top sales spot in the company completely under everyone's radar. It was all because of switching to conversations like this:

"Hey what's going on"
"Not a ton, who is this?"
"This is The Radiator, I'm a telemarketer and I'm supposed to try and sell you some stuff."
"Yeah I'm not really interested."
"I didn't expect so, I hate telemarketers, the self-loathing is strong with this one. If you're bored you can check out our website though at companywebsitename.com and if anything sparks your fancy it'd be cool if you used the referral form. So, that's really all I got for ya.
"Okay......"
"So.... anything on your mind that needs a second set of ears?"

And then I would get a mix of hearing people's girlfriend problems seeking advice, job problems seeking advice, and ridiculous stories from social people who forgot they were talking to a telemarketer; and they really weren't because all I did was tell them about a website and then talk to them like I was their oldest friend. A lot of people would just hang up and carry on with their lives. But I got increasingly good at it, and people started going to the website. And my referrals increased week to week until the end of a month, after being yelled at four or five times for making "personal calls" I was sitting in my bosses office, being threatened to be fired, until he saw how much business I was actually bringing in and he had no cause to fire me.

I had ruffled his feathers though. Selling the most, and being a valued employee are two different things. My boss didn't particularly like me and my success was ****ing with everything he had come to believe about what works in the telemarketing business. Two months later I was back in his office getting fired, despite my consistent top numbers, because I was 15 minutes late for a shift. I should probably note that nothing in this story is real. I just like to provoke emotion out of people, in this case getting them to rally around the freethinking humanized character that was placed in a telemarketer position, or how right now you are saying **** you Radiator, that wasn't even that good of a story, and I read the whole ****ing thing. **** you.

AngryBollix · 13-04-2012 3:11pm

Can you condense this into one sentence that we can all poke fun at please?

Seachmall · 13-04-2012 3:12pm

The Radiator wrote: »

and when he turned around I unzipped his pants and began sucking on his massive throbbing penis

What?

Squ · 13-04-2012 3:12pm

Cool story bro.

Teyla Emmagan · 13-04-2012 3:13pm

That was all a lie!?!?

I feel completely cheated

44leto · 13-04-2012 3:14pm

The Radiator wrote: »

:pac::pac::pac::pac:

There FYP

TheBody · 13-04-2012 3:15pm

You need to find a hobby or something more productive to do with your time op.

AngryBollix · 13-04-2012 3:17pm

Kaiser Sauzee is that you?

davet82 · 13-04-2012 3:19pm

The Radiator wrote: »

right now you are saying **** you Radiator, that wasn't even that good of a story, and I read the whole ****ing thing. **** you.

that pretty much sums it up for me

mackg · 13-04-2012 3:20pm

Wow I can't believe you sucked his cock

William_Hicley · 13-04-2012 3:20pm

Boss: Get in here! You maverick renegade....

SirDelboy18 · 13-04-2012 3:22pm

Wow, that really sucked.

MagicMarker · 13-04-2012 3:22pm

I just want everyone to know that I did not read the original post.

kylith · 13-04-2012 3:24pm

I'm a telemarketer and I hate myself.

What I hate even more, though, is how horrible people are to me just because I'm a telemarketer. Next time you're talking to one bear in mind that we don't want to call you. We don't want to disturb you at home. We don't want to rattle off the same script for the 300th+ time that day, but there's a manager sitting there listening to everything, and we'll get a bollocking if we don't try to pester you.

Also, my manager is constantly interviewing, even though no-one has been hired in the last couple of months, and they've rigged it so all the job applications go to my email. It's like having a little gremlin sitting on your desk saying "Go on, **** up.. there are 400 other people who want your job. Just give her an excuse to fire you..."

RichieC · 13-04-2012 3:24pm

Cold calling was the most soul destroying job I ever did. I only stood in for about 3 nights doing it but wanted to off my ass after that.

Fart · 13-04-2012 3:24pm

ffs -.-

I am pie · 13-04-2012 3:25pm

You: natural born entertainer.

World: Just doesn't get it.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

foxyboxer · 13-04-2012 3:26pm

tldr

Ficheall · 13-04-2012 3:27pm

mackg wrote: »

Wow I can't believe you sucked his cock

Yeah, OP. No job in telemarketing is worth that.

Go díreach, OP. Ní fiú é sin le haghaidh aon post telemargaíochta.

The Radiator · 13-04-2012 3:27pm

AngryBollix wrote: »

Kaiser Sauzee is that you?

orourkeda is that you?

MonkeyTennis · 13-04-2012 3:27pm

you have a universe to write us a story about ...but you chose this

I am pie · 13-04-2012 3:31pm

Your punishment for this worthless bout of inane self indulgence, if i had a choice, would be for you to only ever have a job a telemarketer.

You.truly.deserve.it.

buck65 · 13-04-2012 3:33pm

Have you got a new job and how are you doing?

Interceptor · 13-04-2012 3:39pm

buck65 wrote: »

Have you got a new job and how are you doing?

Working on a poultry farm, chewing bread for gummy turkeys and spinning tall yarns to the ducks.

'cptr

Babybuff · 13-04-2012 3:40pm

I worked with phones once but I kept cutting people off so I jacked that in. The world is a safer place now.

Bambii_ · 13-04-2012 3:42pm

I only read from "Hey, whats going on?".. It was interesting enough story, from there anyway xD Shame it's not true, although I would love someone to try this. Any telemarketers here?

The Radiator · 13-04-2012 3:42pm

buck65 wrote: »

Have you got a new job and how are you doing?

Yeah, I work as a PHP developer now. I'm good and yourself?

superstoner90 · 13-04-2012 3:45pm

Dyson have a new hoover out called the: dyson ball.

ScumLord · 13-04-2012 3:51pm

The Radiator wrote: »

"So.... anything on your mind that needs a second set of ears?"

You've basically described the way telemarketers operate with businesses, they try to have long drawn out conversations where they become your friend and it annoys me no end. I just want to hang up the phone and their prattling on about the weather and what they're doing at the weekend.

Try getting into commercial sales it sounds like you'd do well there.

buck65 · 13-04-2012 3:52pm

The Radiator wrote: »

Yeah, I work as a PHP developer now. I'm good and yourself?

I'm great thanks, why did you suck off the boss if you don't mind me asking?

The Radiator · 13-04-2012 3:53pm

buck65 wrote: »

I'm great thanks, why did you suck off the boss if you don't mind me asking?

It's a filthy lie perpetrated by those jealous souls who lack my ingenuity.

superstoner90 · 13-04-2012 3:54pm

buck65 wrote: »

I'm great thanks, why did you suck off the boss if you don't mind me asking?

Perhaps he was looking for a pay rise?

Babybuff · 13-04-2012 3:58pm

some men just like sucking other mens cocks.

Crann na Beatha · 13-04-2012 4:00pm

This post has been deleted.

anhedonia · 13-04-2012 4:14pm

op, you suck.
stop being bad at the internet !

Doc Ruby · 13-04-2012 4:17pm

Babybuff wrote: »

some men just like sucking other mens cocks.

This is true. Seems a strange thing to include in an inspirational tale of human achievement versus soulless corporatism though. I guess cocksucking is an achievement too?

Pighead · 13-04-2012 4:24pm

The Radiator should change his name to The Plagiariser.

http://redditlist.com/comments

You should be ashamed of yourself. Here was Pighead cursing you for such a Godawful thread when in reality he should have been cursing 'Absurd Web Lingo'.

Babybuff · 13-04-2012 4:24pm

no, just thought it was worthy to note that men can suck cocks without there being any other reason than the fact that they want to

wilkie2006 · 13-04-2012 4:25pm

kylith wrote: »

I'm a telemarketer and I hate myself.

What I hate even more, though, is how horrible people are to me just because I'm a telemarketer.

I don't really have much sympathy for you. You're doing a job that's intrusive and contemptuous of people's time. I'm not convinced that your company has any right to interrupt someone's day but I'm certain that they have a right to tell you to fcuk off for doing it.

kylith wrote: »

Next time you're talking to one bear in mind that we don't want to call you. there's a manager sitting there listening to everything, and we'll get a bollocking if we don't try to pester you.

No one's making you do this job. Do something else. Yea, there's a recession blah, blah, blah. Work as a cashier, sweep the streets, clean loos... do something that doesn't offend people. Despite your weak refutations, you're a telemarketer by choice. No one's making you do this job.

I agree that you're entitled to make a living but not at my expense. There seems to be an arrogant perception that your company and you have a right to my time. Well, that's not true.

Squ · 13-04-2012 4:25pm

Babybuff wrote: »

I worked with phones once but I kept cutting people off so I jacked that in. The world is a safer place now.

Cryptic.

The Radiator · 13-04-2012 4:27pm

Pighead wrote: »

The Radiator should change his name to The Plagiariser.

http://redditlist.com/comments

You should be ashamed of yourself. Here was Pighead cursing you for such a Godawful thread when in reality he should have been cursing 'Absurd Web Lingo'.

Because Boards isn't full of plagiarism. Take a look at YLYL, 95% of the stuff is from reddit, 9gag etc.

wilkie2006 · 13-04-2012 4:32pm

Pighead wrote: »

The Radiator should change his name to The Plagiariser.

http://redditlist.com/comments

You should be ashamed of yourself. Here was Pighead cursing you for such a Godawful thread when in reality he should have been cursing 'Absurd Web Lingo'.

The Radiator wrote: »

Because Boards isn't full of plagiarism. Take a look at YLYL, 95% of the stuff is from reddit, 9gag etc.

Jaysus, that's pretty embarrassing isn't it, Radiator? It wasn't even a good story.

PhlegmyMoses · 13-04-2012 4:33pm

Lavish attention on me! Validate me, fellow Boards people!

Pighead · 13-04-2012 4:38pm

The Radiator wrote: »

Because Boards isn't full of plagiarism. Take a look at YLYL, 95% of the stuff is from reddit, 9gag etc.

After Hours is the last bastion of originality we have left. Sort yourself out and use that brain of yours buddy.

Imagine all the musicians in the world shared your attitude. "Leave us alone Pighead man. Why should we create new music? Take a look at the charts and you'll see that 95% of the songs there are cover versions"

C'mon Radiator give Pighead some originality. start a thread that nobody in the history of the universe has ever started before. Dig into the deepest recesses of your wonderful brain and conjure up an original thought.

As a wiseman once said- It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.

inmyday · 13-04-2012 4:38pm

Over to creative writing forum with you Radiator.

davet82 · 13-04-2012 4:42pm

I think The Radiator is broken

hows that for originality :cool:

The Radiator · 13-04-2012 4:43pm

Pighead wrote: »

After Hours is the last bastion of originality we have left.

Then why are the majority of threads duplicates of ones posted in the last week. It's the same sh!te over and over

Doc Ruby · 13-04-2012 4:48pm

Babybuff wrote: »

no, just thought it was worthy to note that men can suck cocks without there being any other reason than the fact that they want to

Its more out of place than Ian Paisley at the million man march though.

Pighead · 13-04-2012 4:54pm

The Radiator wrote: »

Then why are the majority of threads duplicates of ones posted in the last week. It's the same sh!te over and over

And your helping to fix this problem by.....copying and pasting. USE YOUR BRAIN. Homework for the weekend= One original thread in After Hours by this time next week. Thread can include anything in the whole world but words must be processed through your wonderful big old noggin.

Don't be a part of the problem. Be a part of the solution. Together we can fix the lack of brain usage around these parts The Radiator. Over the next few weeks we shall knock out original thread after original thread. We shall be showered with love and devotion from the AH regulars. The next generation will look up to us and they too will be inspired by the power of original thought. Together we can save the facsimile generation.

Babybuff · 13-04-2012 4:54pm

Doc Ruby wrote: »

Its more out of place than Ian Paisley at the million man march though.

it was in response to the multiple (sarcastic) comments which implied the op was a bit of a cock sucker for personal gain. Don't read threads much do you boss.

kylith · 13-04-2012 4:55pm

wilkie2006 wrote: »

I don't really have much sympathy for you. You're doing a job that's intrusive and contemptuous of people's time. I'm not convinced that your company has any right to interrupt someone's day but I'm certain that they have a right to tell you to fcuk off for doing it.

Well, aren't you just charming? If you think that the right thing to do with people who have a horrible job is to 'tell them to fcuk off' then I hope you're plagued with telemarketers every day until the day you die as you're a very rude person.

Most people are nice about it. A simple "Thank you, but I'm not interested. Goodbye" is much appreciated.

No one's making you do this job. Do something else. Yea, there's a recession blah, blah, blah. Work as a cashier, sweep the streets, clean loos... do something that doesn't offend people. Despite your weak refutations, you're a telemarketer by choice. No one's making you do this job.

No, no-one's making me do it, but a person gets a bit desperate after being on the dole for 6 months. In that time, and the 10 weeks I've been working here (yes, I'm looking for something less ****ty), this was the only call back I got. I'd love a job that doesn't involve taking ****, literal or figurative, but apparently nearly 10 years of admin experience isn't worth anything these days.

I agree that you're entitled to make a living but not at my expense. There seems to be an arrogant perception that your company and you have a right to my time. Well, that's not true.

And I agree that you have a right to be annoyed, but you don't have a right to take it out on someone who is, after all, just doing their job. You don't like it, I don't like it, but there it is. It's all very well to say 'get another job', but it's not that easy. If it was that easy I'd be doing a job I like. I'd ask you if you're hiring, but I wouldn't want to work with someone who has such an obnoxious attitude toward other people.

I would say that I hope you never have to do a job like this, but I'd be lying. Spending some time on the other side of the fence would be good for you.

My Story

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