Cheating - why does it happen?

LauraFoXX

I have to say that I recon it's a mix between the desire for something new and just feeling too confined within your own relationship. Of course it varies for everyone but I would imagine these are two of the most likely reasons.

BraziliaNZ

It was always ego for me, perhaps a kind of insecurity I had in the past that made me want to validate myself by proving that women wanted to sleep with me. After a while with a girlfriend that would wear off and I'd need that validation from elsewhere. Also just for the base pleasure and instant gratification. The thrill of being caught up in the moment, it's almost like taking drugs or getting hammered for no reason, where your mind is totally focused on what you are doing and the thoughts in your head ar pushed away for a brief moment. I never had any hang ups with casual anonymous sex, but some people do. I'd like to think should I ever settle down that the partner I settle with will be everything I need.

A Primal Nut

It's not always as complicated as people make out. Sometimes a guy meet a girl who seems up for it and the guy just can't help himself coz he's horny! Probably wakes up guilty the next day.

Others have a strong willingness to find someone else and I suppose there are other reasons for that. But most people over-complicate when explaining these things.

A guy could have a perfect relationship, but get a chance to have sex with a hot girl and some will take it, some won't. Depends on the guy's personality, really.

LauraFoXX

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

It was always ego for me, perhaps a kind of insecurity I had in the past that made me want to validate myself by proving that women wanted to sleep with me. After a while with a girlfriend that would wear off and I'd need that validation from elsewhere. Also just for the base pleasure and instant gratification. The thrill of being caught up in the moment, it's almost like taking drugs or getting hammered for no reason, where your mind is totally focused on what you are doing and the thoughts in your head ar pushed away for a brief moment. I never had any hang ups with casual anonymous sex, but some people do. I'd like to think should I ever settle down that the partner I settle with will be everything I need.

I completely agree with what you say about validation. I feel the same way, I even liked the thrill of having it my little secret... I
understand that it hurts people, but I guess that maybe you don't fully care about the person you're with if you slip into the world of cheating nd lies.

Fiona

I am a friend wrote: »

i think for women, the sexual aspect is strongly linked to emotional closeness with their partner and once this is lacking they look for it elsewhere?

I would agree with this. If the woman can't communicate with her partner for whatever reason, can't speak to them / will speak but they are not listening... then yes if there is shoulder to cry on elsewhere it can lead to cheating.

Bambii_

From a personal experience, I cheated in a previous relationship. I did it because I felt unwanted and uncherished and I was going through a tough time with family problems and my then boyfriend wasn't being very supportive. He'd often cancel plans with me for friends, and didn't really make time for me. I then turned to my friend for support and he seemed to understand and talking to him really helped me. We started to spend more time together and got closer. On one particular night I had a row with my mam and refused to come home. My boyfriend didn't care and my friend offered me a place to stay. I had too much to drink, and he was being really supportive, and we ended up sleeping together. It continued for less than a week. I felt emotional attached to him as he cared, while my then boyfriend didn't. I cheated out of needing someone to care, I know its no excuse and if I wasn't happy in a relationship I should of ended it, but I did care about my then boyfriend. I felt really guilty about the whole thing and ended up stopping what was going on and telling my then boyfriend. In the end, Karma got the best, my then boyfriend's friends gave him the option of keep seeing me and stop seeing them or vice versa, he chose them, and my friend completely changed after the whole thing and we stopped talking. I felt so guilty about what I've done, but it's a life lesson. I know I could never cheat again because it's wrong and the guilt is unbearable, and that sexual relationships with friends don't end well. I realize that my ex wasn't the guy for me and we are better off without each other.

I just wanted to share that as my experience of why I cheated and what I learned from it. I think there are better ways of learning the same lessons, but that was how I came to experience them. There are no cheating situations that are "acceptable". Cheating itself is horrible, hurtful and unacceptable, I now know and understand that.

My current boyfriend also cheated on me, but I hoping he feels as bad as I did about it and won't do it again. I don't believe in the saying "Once a cheated always a cheater". Everyone deserves a second chance, but only one second chance.