W*nking husband

Johro

Ellis Dee wrote: »

Tug? He obviously hasn't yet discovered the pleasure of good stroking.:):)

Yeah he's defo doing it wrong.

roper1664

jockeyboard wrote: »

Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years....
What things are better left unsaid/does your other half not need to know?

Share please

Look on the bright side. At least he didn't tent up and risk a sly one there and then.

AskMyChocolate

Dudess wrote: »

Interesting. She just said she doesn't want to hear about his **** episodes. Now I wouldn't share her view, but she didn't say she tells him not to ****, however, never let the truth get in the way of a nasty swipe.

Quite the turn of phrase given the subject matter of the thread.

mikom

jockeyboard wrote: »

Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years....
What things are better left unsaid/does your other half not need to know?

I white lie all the time about new clothes, i say they are old/bought on sale from pennys for two euro.

Share please

You're really gonna flip when he reveals to you that he uses those new clothes as a **** rag.
But shur they were only bought on sale in pennys for two euro.

admiralofthefleet

op, would you mind if your husband told you a little white lie about accidently dropping his cock into your sisters mary?

jockeyboard

seriously what would happen if we were all completly unecessaryily (is that a word-spelt wrong) honest with other half.....

her-how was your day dear?

him-fantastic.... i looked down the young girl in works top when she bent over and thought she had a great pair of tits, told some rude jokes about the 'ball and chain' in the pub after work. your mam rang and asked me to call in to hang up a picture, she really wrecks my head most of the time, i am polite only to keep the peace.
oh and when you asked me did i like your new haircut, i actually hadnt even noticed.

her-thats lovely dear, sounds great. i am secretly back smoking during the day when you are not around but because your dad died of cancer i keep it a secret as dont want to upset you. your bald patch is getting much more then a patch these days and that beer belly you have makes you look nine months pregnant.

him-fancy a ride later?

her-actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

Eric Cartman

jockeyboard wrote: »

seriously what would happen if we were all completly unecessaryily (is that a word-spelt wrong) honest with other half.....

her-how was your day dear?

him-fantastic.... i looked down the young girl in works top when she bent over and thought she had a great pair of tits, told some rude jokes about the 'ball and chain' in the pub after work. your mam rang and asked me to call in to hang up a picture, she really wrecks my head most of the time, i am polite only to keep the peace.
oh and when you asked me did i like your new haircut, i actually hadnt even noticed.

her-thats lovely dear, sounds great. i am secretly back smoking during the day when you are not around but because your dad died of cancer i keep it a secret as dont want to upset you. your bald patch is getting much more then a patch these days and that beer belly you have makes you look nine months pregnant.

him-fancy a ride later?

her-actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

would be better than all the pent up anger and answering with 'im fine' 'im too tired'

jockeyboard

Eric Cartman wrote: »

would be better than all the pent up anger and answering with 'im fine' 'im too tired'

dint say anything about pent up anger etc, just some things are better left unsaid.....:pac:

Eric Cartman

jockeyboard wrote: »

dint say anything about pent up anger etc, just some things are better left unsaid.....:pac:

true , but in your case the 'things left unsaid' are costing money , which is a big issue in any marriage, let alone during a recession.

Poor Uncle Tom

jockeyboard wrote: »

Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years...

Dress up like yer wan and do the tuggin' for him.....;)

You can always buy a pair of shoes to make up for it.....:p

jockeyboard

Eric Cartman wrote: »

true , but in your case the 'things left unsaid' are costing money , which is a big issue in any marriage, let alone during a recession.

ah lighten up will ya! this isnt primetime ffs:pac::cool:

jockeyboard

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

Dress up like yer wan and do the tuggin' for him.....;)

You can always buy a pair of shoes to make up for it.....:p

now your talkin'

Poor Uncle Tom

jockeyboard wrote: »

now your talkin'

Yes you could always do that, if you could pull off the actress's voice.....:pac:
pun intended....:D

token101

jockeyboard wrote: »

seriously what would happen if we were all completly unecessaryily (is that a word-spelt wrong) honest with other half.....

her-how was your day dear?

him-fantastic.... i looked down the young girl in works top when she bent over and thought she had a great pair of tits, told some rude jokes about the 'ball and chain' in the pub after work. your mam rang and asked me to call in to hang up a picture, she really wrecks my head most of the time, i am polite only to keep the peace.
oh and when you asked me did i like your new haircut, i actually hadnt even noticed.

her-thats lovely dear, sounds great. i am secretly back smoking during the day when you are not around but because your dad died of cancer i keep it a secret as dont want to upset you. your bald patch is getting much more then a patch these days and that beer belly you have makes you look nine months pregnant.

him-fancy a ride later?

her-actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

****ing hell, you're secretly smoking too! Sure that's more of it!

Maybe he's riding the MIL? Maybe she's a MILF?

Woodsocks

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Some people are as funny as a rectal exam.

Did we find out the actress?

I bet ya its ur wan Helen Mirren.:)

4zn76tysfajdxp

jockeyboard wrote: »

actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

Is that you're called jockeyboard? You'd like jockeys to board you?


So to speak.

up for anything

pmcmahon wrote: »

wouldn't marry her in a million years.

Bitch has a realm in her closet.

Why? Just why?

Nodin

jockeyboard wrote: »

Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years....
What things are better left unsaid/does your other half not need to know?

I white lie all the time about new clothes, i say they are old/bought on sale from pennys for two euro.

Share please

.....only a minor thing. Now if he told ye which of yer mates he batters the bishop over, ye'd have something to complain about.

The Mollusc

Woman eh! Won't even let a man ****....You sicken me jockeyboard. Sicken me!

AngryBollix

jockeyboard wrote: »

seriously what would happen if we were all completly unecessaryily (is that a word-spelt wrong) honest with other half.....

her-how was your day dear?

him-fantastic.... i looked down the young girl in works top when she bent over and thought she had a great pair of tits, told some rude jokes about the 'ball and chain' in the pub after work. your mam rang and asked me to call in to hang up a picture, she really wrecks my head most of the time, i am polite only to keep the peace.
oh and when you asked me did i like your new haircut, i actually hadnt even noticed.

her-thats lovely dear, sounds great. i am secretly back smoking during the day when you are not around but because your dad died of cancer i keep it a secret as dont want to upset you. your bald patch is getting much more then a patch these days and that beer belly you have makes you look nine months pregnant.

him-fancy a ride later?

her-actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

Wouldnt life be so much more interesting if we all actually said what we thought?

jockeyboard

Damien Gigantic Ball wrote: »

Is that you're called jockeyboard? You'd like jockeys to board you?


So to speak.

*gasps* how did you foil my disguised user name.....you've won this round....

cloptrop

humberklog wrote: »

Kelly Lebrock in Weird Science?

Just noticed that Weird Science has two words together that break the "I before E except after C" rule.

Hmm although a nice fact , dont ever mention this to a girl,
Back to the op he did tell you a white lie , he still bangs one out to this actress and probably the woman across the road , your sister and the mailman , whenever he gets a few minutes to himself, he is a man leave him a lone.

BackScrub

If the asterisk in the thread title was a substitute for 'I' instead of 'A', you'd have a bigger problem.

BackScrub

Dudess wrote: »

Interesting. She just said she doesn't want to hear about his **** episodes. Now I wouldn't share her view, but she didn't say she tells him not to ****, however, never let the truth get in the way of a nasty swipe.

Had to read that twice, thought it said a nasty wipe at the end.

Dudess

cloptrop wrote: »

he still bangs one out to this actress and probably the woman across the road , your sister and the mailman , whenever he gets a few minutes to himself, he is a man leave him a lone.

I don't see her disputing that, just that she'd rather not hear him talk about it - so that seems like she is sufficiently leaving him alone to do his own thing. Are people deliberately misinterpreting her here, or just perhaps... a lil slow on the uptake?

In fairness Micky, a rectal exam is pretty funny.

stupidusername

Dudess wrote: »

I don't see her disputing that, just that she'd rather not hear him talk about it - so that seems like she is sufficiently leaving him alone to do his own thing. Are people deliberately misinterpreting her here, or just perhaps... a lil slow on the uptake?

Do you not think that maybe some people are just taking a light hearted approach to the topic?

Dudess

stupidusername wrote: »

Do you not think that maybe some people are just taking a light hearted approach to the topic?

Of course - but some are leaping at the opportunity to throw out unfounded insults.

Xavi6

Dudess wrote: »

Interesting. She just said she doesn't want to hear about his **** episodes. Now I wouldn't share her view, but she didn't say she tells him not to ****, however, never let the truth get in the way of a nasty swipe.

How many **** stories have you received by PM so far?

stoneill

Jasus - poor man entertaining himself while watching murder she wrote and then all this can of worms pandora box stuff.
Leave him be - doing no harm.

Dudess

stoneill wrote: »

Jasus - poor man entertaining himself while watching murder she wrote and then all this can of worms pandora box stuff.
Leave him be - doing no harm.

And not only that, but purple-monkey-dishwasher...