Severe Social Shyness - How Much Of A Problem Is It??

Cybercubed

What do you think of loners or people who are socially a bit awkward?? You know people who have weird social skills, who don't come across as that popular, virgins in their 20s, people who've never had a girlfriend etc. "Freaks of society".

I used to be one of those types, but I snapped out of it after a while. I used to have terrible social skills, because I was so socially shy it was unbelievabley painful.

People used to often criticise me for not smilling a lot. But the reason for that was was that I tried not to smile too much incase I looked weak and vunerable in society or naive (I suffered some bullying earlier in school), so I had this "mask" on all day of looking quite cold and hard (I didn't mean to but I had to avoid in my head looking weak).

I couldn't make friends, infact it was impossible because I was so socially shy that people thought I was weird and couldn't understand me. A lot of people used to take the piss out of me for it, but there was nothing I could do, I just had to get on with it that I was this "freak".

I used to get nervous speaking to people, sweating, almost like sociallising or "acting" was a hard day at work.

I couldn't understand why I was like this, that I was born this way for no reason. I considered suicide many times in my teens and early twenties because of it. I felt I had no quality of life like it wasn't going to get better and I was stay like this for the rest of my life. Couldn't go out , society hated me etc.

Thankfully I've worked hard at my social skills, travelling the world, jobs, hostels, even if people thought I was weird initially I had to do it in order just to improve somehow, living away from my parents and becoming more independent, putting myself in awkward places where I've had to speak to lots of people, always polite and friendly (because that helps).

I only snapped out of this a few years ago, I'm 25 now and I have a girlfriend now and some friends so life isn't too bad for me. But I really had to work hard at it and I'm still not perfect by any means, I'm probably still a bit of a weirdo.

Some say socially shy people are freaks, weak people of society, losers etc. I think this is a bigger problem than people make it out, but very few people talk about it, what do you think?? Is there anyone here who has suffered from social shyness to the point where it has affected their quality of life??

TeddyTedson

Weird thread for AH on a Saturday morning but anyway.

Don't worry about it.
Some people are introverts some people are extroverts.
The best way for someone to get over social shyness is probably by taking baby steps. Every day force yourself to start a conversation with someone, get involved in a conversation.

In school I remember there were a few particularly shy people a lot of us would try to bring out of there shells a bit. Most probably did, but I remember one guy who just kept to him self. We always used to try involve him and the teacher even once had a go at us for "the way we ignored him", but every class he's always sit as far away as he could from everyone. There seemed to be no helping this lad.

Anyway, don't worry OP. As people say, it's always the quiet ones. Good luck.

Ghandee

Cybercubed wrote: »

What do you think of loners or people who are socially a bit awkward?? You know people who have weird social skills, who don't come across as that popular, virgins in their 20s, people who've never had a girlfriend etc. "Freaks of society".

I used to be one of those types, but I snapped out of it after a while. I used to have terrible social skills, because I was so socially shy it was unbelievabley painful.

People used to often criticise me for not smilling a lot. But the reason for that was was that I tried not to smile too much incase I looked weak and vunerable in society or naive (I suffered some bullying earlier in school), so I had this "mask" on all day of looking quite cold and hard (I didn't mean to but I had to avoid in my head looking weak).

I couldn't make friends, infact it was impossible because I was so socially shy that people thought I was weird and couldn't understand me. A lot of people used to take the piss out of me for it, but there was nothing I could do, I just had to get on with it that I was this "freak".

I used to get nervous speaking to people, sweating, almost like sociallising or "acting" was a hard day at work.

I couldn't understand why I was like this, that I was born this way for no reason. I considered suicide many times in my teens and early twenties because of it. I felt I had no quality of life like it wasn't going to get better and I was stay like this for the rest of my life. Couldn't go out , society hated me etc.

Thankfully I've worked hard at my social skills, travelling the world, jobs, hostels, even if people thought I was weird initially I had to do it in order just to improve somehow, living away from my parents and becoming more independent, putting myself in awkward places where I've had to speak to lots of people, always polite and friendly (because that helps).

I only snapped out of this a few years ago, I'm 25 now and I have a girlfriend now and some friends so life isn't too bad for me. But I really had to work hard at it and I'm still not perfect by any means, I'm probably still a bit of a weirdo.

Some say socially shy people are freaks, weak people of society, losers etc. I think this is a bigger problem than people make it out, but very few people talk about it, what do you think?? Is there anyone here who has suffered from social shyness to the point where it has affected their quality of life??

Seems to me that you have overcome your shyness and social awkwardness, and evolved into a modest, sociable chap with his feet planted firmly on the ground OP.

Shyness can be a terrible infliction, i'm glad that you seem to have overcome it, and hope your life continues on the path it has taken recently.

Have no shame in being shy, it beats being abnoxious and being smart arsed by a million miles.

Ghandee

Check out the two doctor Phil's, off the beer since Wednesday, up bright and early Saturday ^^
:pac:

padma

Ghandee wrote: »

Seems to me that you have overcome your shyness and social awkwardness, and evolved into a modest, sociable chap with his feet planted firmly on the ground OP.

Shyness can be a terrible infliction, i'm glad that you seem to have overcome it, and hope your life continues on the path it has taken recently.

Have no shame in being shy, it beats being abnoxious and being smart arsed by a million miles.

Like Ghandee above :pac: Just recognised your double post

TeddyTedson

Ghandee wrote: »

Check out the two doctor Phil's, off the beer since Wednesday, up bright and early Saturday ^^
:pac:

And about to go to the gym too
I was very close to falling off the wagon last night. You get a few texts and you start getting a buzz for going out. If I can get over tonight now next week should be easy enough I always find, it's just that first week.

treborflynn

I put a thread pretty much the same as this up on AH a few weeks back, only difference is I was lookin for advice for present tense. I got nothin but the piss ripped outta me. best of luck OP......

TeddyTedson

treborflynn wrote: »

I put a thread pretty much the same as this up on AH a few weeks back, only difference is I was lookin for advice for present tense. I got nothin but the piss ripped outta me. best of luck OP......

After Hours is like a box of chocolates...


Also just think about that expression literally for a second. The piss being ripped out of you. Ouch!

mikemac1

Cybercubed wrote: »

Some say socially shy people are freaks, weak people of society, losers etc.

The Dublin goalkeeper whose name I forget walked off the field to the dressing rooms instead of staying to lift Sam Maguire

I wouldn't say he is shy, you don't become a school teacher if you're severely shy or you don't play sports and goalkeeper is one position where a single error will have the fans and media destroy you.

But just uncomfortable at going to a trophy presentation, not his thing.
And there was a huge thread in GAA forum over it, what's wrong with him, a weirdo?, or is he arrogant and stand offish?

So yeah, people do get judged which is a bit harsh

Caraville

mikemac1 wrote: »

The Dublin goalkeeper whose name I forget walked off the field to the dressing rooms instead of staying to lift Sam Maguire

Stephen Cluxton is his name. I wouldn't call shy people freaks, nor would I call people who haven't gone out with someone in their 20s a weirdo. It is unusual, yes, but also there can be loads of different reasons why a person finds themselves in that situation, might not necessarily be shyness.

That said, I do feel sorry for people who are painfully shy. I'm very outgoing and fairly confident, and even I can feel self conscious and wary of people's opinion of me. I think people who are shy to the point if it totally affecting their lives do need to sometimes just bite the bullet and get themselves out of their comfort zones. But it's taking that first step is the problem.

Mike 1972

I think I heard something about it having been identified as a medical condition which theyre trying to develop drugs for ?

Then again I thought MDMA had already been invented :pac:

Feeona

Sh+t happens when you're younger, it affects you in several ways. If you can accept your past (takes a while!), you can then start to get to know yourself, and become comfortable with yourself. In another few years you'll have changed so much you'll look back on your teenage self as if he were a stranger! You'll wonder why you ever questioned yourself about your shyness.

Best of luck with the trip

Nothing wrong with shyness, something wrong with judgmental arseh+les though!

Chuck Stone

Shyness??


Back in my day the cure for that was to be forced to tap dance on the alter in the middle of Sunday mass. Tap dancin' away the shyness for the Lawdy Lawdy Jeeehesus.

44leto

FFS everyone knows the cure for shyness ALCOHOL that's all you need to know.

A friend of my sister told me, she is a very beautiful woman and she reckoned Irish men are endemically shy, she said they usually have to be half pissed before they can even say hello.

She has a point. I would not regard myself as very shy, but in certain situations I am, it's not that I am introverted, I am a loner, its different. A loner is a loner out of choice, a shy introverted person is a loner out of comfort.

But I can be social and I enjoy a certain amount of popularity even though known as a weirdo, loners get that.

mconigol

People generally don't like people who are different from them. The amount of stick you get for walking your own path is unbelievable. I used to worry about that but these days couldn't give a ****. I wasted so much time and talent not being myself just to "fit in". Screw em OP.

faceache

Always liked this article by Terry Prone on shyness

http://www.irishexaminer.com/opinion/columnists/terry-prone/making-a-quiet-stand-for-the-much-maligned-shyness-brigade-94618.html

Cool Mo D

Being shy is different from being introverted. Plenty of introverted people are not shy at all, and have no problem talking to strangers, or with social interactions. Introverts just find social situations draining, and would prefer to be left by themselves to relax.

There are also plenty of shy extroverts, who want to go out, make friends and party, but are held back by shyness, which is basically fear of being judged by others, and a lack of knowledge how to approach people.

eth0

A good shag is definitely the cure to shyness.

Not really fair though when you're shy the good shag is so hard to get. Just like how work experience is the cure to being unemployable

mikemac1

Depends on the situation too

Put me in a one on one situation and I can have the craic with anyone and have chat and banter about any subject at all.

But put me down the pub/smoking hut in a group of five or six and I do be very quiet and let everyone talk over me.

Something for me to work on I suppose, I'm not much good in a group setting

Wibbs

Mike 1972 wrote: »

I think I heard something about it having been identified as a medical condition which theyre trying to develop drugs for ?

Christ not another pretty spurious "medical condition" they can medicate for? A pill for every ill. Make the GP's life easier I suppose. "Take this and get back to me". Plus of course when these things get medicalised, people who are a little introverted or shy and otherwise fine tend to get caught in the wider cast net. Which is bollocks in my humble. Some people are more quiet than others and absolutely nothing worng with that if they're happy out and can live a full life.

IMHO anyway it's not a medical condition, or very rarely. It's a screw up or delay in social maturity in those more prone to it. It's situational, social and upbringing. While as a society we have developed many more ways to communicate interpersonally, personal one on one "natural"(though I hate that word) interaction can be lessened and avoided much more today. Technology like the interweb also increases self diagnosis and group think influence and can provide an existing community who back up someone's self diagnosis and "condition". Plus in a world where it's all too easy to feel like just another beige cog in the machine, more and more people seek to be "different" and will seek out others who are almost identically "different" to them. People who are actually different tend to want to be like everyone else in my experience. So someone with a built in tendency for shyness is enabled more. If they hit their teens being enabled by society (+ peers and parents) then it's likely to become a chronic problem.

I seriously suspect severe social shyness is incredibly rare in more primitive societies, except for those rare case where it is a mental condition with actual pathology. Why? Because such societies rarely have "alone" time. An individual is in almost constant daily one on one contact with other members of that society. They're "immunised" so to speak against this(and other social/mental conditions) from a very early age.

It makes sense. After all we are a social animal and have been from the get go. Modern society allows us to feed certain aspects of that need. Just enough to sate us, but not always in a healthy way. Like the cliche of the nerd choking the chicken to porn* on his pc while his flesh and blood girlfriend is upstairs in bed alone, facebook, twitter, online gaming/communities and the like might be akin to a kind of social pornography, that screws with the real deal.

I reckon we're going to see more and more of this "condition" as the years pass until we adapt to it. A pill is unlikely to change that, it'll just paper over the cracks. Like people who are depressed because of situational stresses rather than anything particularly "inbuilt", it'll aneasthetise, rather than tackle the underlying issue.

Fair play to the OP Cybercubed. He immunised himself through hard work and putting aside his ego. He matured his own social interaction that had been otherwise delayed. Can't have been easy. Kudos.





*recent thing I read apparently found porn watching can lead to loss of libido and impotence in men as they're over stimulated. Interesting stuff.

M cebee

you get a lot of hassle when you're growing up alright-if you dont conform to stereotypes

when you look back later the people who hassled you were just dickheads ime

Pacifist Pigeon

This sounds like me minus the virgin into their twenties part - I get far to much for someone with social anxiety, it's just I can't seem to hold down a long term relationship. I get scared to text and stuff because I don't want to come across as too pushy or desperate and I don't want to make a show of myself.

Lord TSC

OP describes me to a tee tbh.

I don't drink and am staunchly anti-alcohol, so unfortunatly that's me ****ed within society. Being unemployed now really doesn't help either, on multiple levels. If it wasn't for the internet, my social interactions would be nought

And I know I'm not a bad guy; generally when people start talking to me, I get on well with them and they like me. I just have a confidence issue that leaves me worrying in most situations if the person likes me, if I can trust them, etc...

gcgirl

Caraville wrote: »

mikemac1 wrote: »

The Dublin goalkeeper whose name I forget walked off the field to the dressing rooms instead of staying to lift Sam Maguire

Stephen Cluxton is his name. I wouldn't call shy people freaks, nor would I call people who haven't gone out with someone in their 20s a weirdo. It is unusual, yes, but also there can be loads of different reasons why a person finds themselves in that situation, might not necessarily be shyness.

That said, I do feel sorry for people who are painfully shy. I'm very outgoing and fairly confident, and even I can feel self conscious and wary of people's opinion of me. I think people who are shy to the point if it totally affecting their lives do need to sometimes just bite the bullet and get themselves out of their comfort zones. But it's taking that first step is the problem.

He I heard suffers from claustrophobia

Old Tom

Cybercubed wrote: »

What do you think of loners or people who are socially a bit awkward??

Don't know many of them, for some reason they don't come to any parties or gigs...

shampoosuicide

yeah definitely have it bad. was just thinking about this this morning. simple things like talking to people or socialising take so. much. effort. it's crazy.

what makes it worse is the majority of people are dickheads and if they sense you're a bit socially awkward they'll just make it worse. bit of a vicious circle thing.

i do try, but it does look a bit bleak at times. thank **** for the internet or i don't know what i'd do with myself.

I'm an extroverted introvert - I will make the effort when in the company of others, but I'm perfectly happy by myself.

On a side-note, I used to suffer pretty damned bad with social anxiety. In recent months I've made a massive turn, pretty much by forcing myself to. Unless there's a valid reason that makes someone incapable of overcoming their social shyness, then there's no excuse for being that way.

The King of Moo

Well done OP, your post could have easily applied to me when I was younger.

I can't fault anything you did: they were the perfect things to do to overcome your shyness.
I'm also glad to see you still embrace and accept aspects of your personality associated with shyness and social anxiety. It's very easy to throw the baby out with bathwater and try to become a complete extrovert trying to fit in with everyone, then hammer yourself any time you don't quite live up to that idea.

I'm now a seemingly normal, sociable person (on the surface) with friends and a girlfriend, but I still like to do my own thing and be by myself with a good book or such now and then. I also don't like pubs and nightclubs too much, or any large social gathering to an extent. Most people who know me are fine with that, but unfortunately there are still many adults who can't understand or tolerate anyone who does anything outside their limited little world.
The thing to do with people like that is to realise that it's their problem, not yours.

nyarlothothep

I don't mind shy people or introverts or people with aspergers etc and will treat them as equals and with respect rather than pathologising them, shame other people can't do it but then that's part of the human race story, prejudice and wilfull ignorance. In conclusion be kind to your socially awkward nerd friends, they've given you the internet, computers, space shuttles, microwaves, the mouse, satellite tv, special effects movies, works of great literature, music, art. Your world is the product of their minds.

6th

Old Tom wrote: »

Don't know many of them, for some reason they don't come to any parties or gigs...

Don't see them at orgies either?

Adamantium

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

OP describes me to a tee tbh.

I don't drink and am staunchly anti-alcohol, so unfortunatly that's me ****ed within society.

Then you've been defeated before you even tried to pick up your sword

+1 to the poster who mentioned the whole section, regarding shyness or lack of it, in primitive societies

I'd imagine its pretty hard to feel depressed after you've jumped a five foot stream, after being chased by a boar or beer though the countryside; you are starving and need to eat RIGHT NOW.

Its only when you've got a full belly; that you can can worry about existential issues, which were a wonderful luxury

Solution: more real living = less thinkng, less doubt.

cool video, no we are not expected to go completely off grid either

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpDQONK5-qI

Lord TSC

Then you've been defeated before you even tried to pick up your sword

Tbh, I've seen alcohol do enough damage to never want to "pick up the sword"...

paddyandy

Shyness is the presence of Modesty in a person .

Logical Fallacy

Adamantium wrote: »

Then you've been defeated before you even tried to pick up your sword

Adamantium

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

Tbh, I've seen alcohol do enough damage to never want to "pick up the sword"...

Metaphor Jim, metaphor

Logical Fallacy

Adamantium wrote: »

Metaphor Jim, metaphor

More hypocatastasis than metaphor i reckon.

take everything

Not sure about shyness per se, but i admire people who can do their own thing and not get caught up in the whole social thing.
It's such a refreshing change to the almost de rigeur, group-emboldened obnoxiousness of many so-called social people.

But yeah, the attitude to any reserve nowadays is almost fascistic.

Old Tom

6th wrote: »

Don't see them at orgies either?

Not really, no..

patneve2

Unfortunately western society rewards the extrovert, we are all expected to be extroverts in this society. I was I had been born Japanese where introversion is seen as the norm and people are more modest

TheZohanS

patneve2 wrote: »

Unfortunately western society rewards the extrovert, we are all expected to be extroverts in this society. I was I had been born Japanese where introversion is seen as the norm and people are more modest

You can always move there.

Killer Wench

Wibbs wrote: »

Christ not another pretty spurious "medical condition" they can medicate for? A pill for every ill. Make the GP's life easier I suppose. "Take this and get back to me". Plus of course when these things get medicalised, people who are a little introverted or shy and otherwise fine tend to get caught in the wider cast net. Which is bollocks in my humble. Some people are more quiet than others and absolutely nothing worng with that if they're happy out and can live a full life.

IMHO anyway it's not a medical condition, or very rarely. It's a screw up or delay in social maturity in those more prone to it. It's situational, social and upbringing. While as a society we have developed many more ways to communicate interpersonally, personal one on one "natural"(though I hate that word) interaction can be lessened and avoided much more today. Technology like the interweb also increases self diagnosis and group think influence and can provide an existing community who back up someone's self diagnosis and "condition". Plus in a world where it's all too easy to feel like just another beige cog in the machine, more and more people seek to be "different" and will seek out others who are almost identically "different" to them. People who are actually different tend to want to be like everyone else in my experience. So someone with a built in tendency for shyness is enabled more. If they hit their teens being enabled by society (+ peers and parents) then it's likely to become a chronic problem.

I seriously suspect severe social shyness is incredibly rare in more primitive societies, except for those rare case where it is a mental condition with actual pathology. Why? Because such societies rarely have "alone" time. An individual is in almost constant daily one on one contact with other members of that society. They're "immunised" so to speak against this(and other social/mental conditions) from a very early age.

It makes sense. After all we are a social animal and have been from the get go. Modern society allows us to feed certain aspects of that need. Just enough to sate us, but not always in a healthy way. Like the cliche of the nerd choking the chicken to porn* on his pc while his flesh and blood girlfriend is upstairs in bed alone, facebook, twitter, online gaming/communities and the like might be akin to a kind of social pornography, that screws with the real deal.

I reckon we're going to see more and more of this "condition" as the years pass until we adapt to it. A pill is unlikely to change that, it'll just paper over the cracks. Like people who are depressed because of situational stresses rather than anything particularly "inbuilt", it'll aneasthetise, rather than tackle the underlying issue.

Fair play to the OP Cybercubed. He immunised himself through hard work and putting aside his ego. He matured his own social interaction that had been otherwise delayed. Can't have been easy. Kudos.





*recent thing I read apparently found porn watching can lead to loss of libido and impotence in men as they're over stimulated. Interesting stuff.

Whoa... whoa... there.

It is already a medical condition called "social anxiety disorder". I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder with agoraphobia years ago after the death of my roommate, friend, and grandfather all within a six month period. I've always been a naturally reserved person who would sit amongst a crowd and observe people until I had gained a sense of each personality around me. After their deaths, it became much more difficult for me to engage with them. I would sit in a room full of people and it would feel as if I was pushed into a black hole where I am drowning in water. I would emotionally and mentally try to fight my way to the surface; sometimes I was successful and othertimes I wasn't.

It grew to the point that I would be on a bus and I would have thoughts of ripping my clothes off, shredding my skin with my finger nails, and then jumping in front of the bus just to get over the feeling of dread. Sitting in a classroom, I wanted to pick up my laptop, scream, yell, and bang my head until it bled. When I was with people, I would retreat from them and they could feel it. I don't know how many times I made a party uncomfortable because I was in the middle of a anxiety episode. At the time, I didn't know what was happening; I just know that my friends kept forcing me to interact with them and I kept wanting to stay in my room and not deal with people because of the stress and dread.

Different people deal with it differently. I was prescribed medication but it didn't work for me and now I manage it by exercising and knowing my limits. I still hate walking into malls or crowded shopping centers because of it, but I have just adapted my schedule.

I know that for some people it seems like a bogus condition but it is a mentally stressful and physically harmful one to have. I am glad that the OP believes that he suffered from "extreme shyness" and a not a mild case of social anxiety disorder.

patneve2

Killer Wench wrote: »

Whoa... whoa... there.

It is already a medical condition called "social anxiety disorder". I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder with agoraphobia years ago after the death of my roommate, friend, and grandfather all within a six month period. I've always been a naturally reserved person who would sit amongst a crowd and observe people until I had gained a sense of each personality around me. After their deaths, it became much more difficult for me to engage with them. I would sit in a room full of people and it would feel as if I was pushed into a black hole where I am drowning in water. I would emotionally and mentally try to fight my way to the surface; sometimes I was successful and othertimes I wasn't.

It grew to the point that I would be on a bus and I would have thoughts of ripping my clothes off, shredding my skin with my finger nails, and then jumping in front of the bus just to get over the feeling of dread. Sitting in a classroom, I wanted to pick up my laptop, scream, yell, and bang my head until it bled. When I was with people, I would retreat from them and they could feel it. I don't know how many times I made a party uncomfortable because I was in the middle of a anxiety episode. At the time, I didn't know what was happening; I just know that my friends kept forcing me to interact with them and I kept wanting to stay in my room and not deal with people because of the stress and dread.

Different people deal with it differently. I was prescribed medication but it didn't work for me and now I manage it by exercising and knowing my limits. I still hate walking into malls or crowded shopping centers because of it, but I have just adapted my schedule.

I know that for some people it seems like a bogus condition but it is a mentally stressful and physically harmful one to have. I am glad that the OP believes that he suffered from "extreme shyness" and a not a mild case of social anxiety disorder.

unfortunately i am experiencing this right now. i was always socially awkward but for various reasons i have now dissociated completely. I suffer from de-realization and I am in a constant 'dream' state. The paranoia that comes that this brings on and the vicious thought cycle is devastating. I relate to you completely, and I know exactly how you felt/feel. IF YOU DON'T EXPERIENCE THESE LEVELS OF ANXIETY ON YOUR SKIN, YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW HARD LIFE CAN BE.

Randomer.

Its a pretty big problem imo. Shyness is spat on in Irish society anyway. No one can be shy, no, they are just stuck up... standoffish assholes or weirdos and so on.

Everything about the way society works hammers home that shy people do not belong. Do not deserve love or happyness and are open to insult because they can't find such things.

Life/society is set up to be enjoyed by particular personality types. If you are not one of these personality types then you simply have to get used to a continues state of unhappyness as suicide is taboo or considered selfish.

smokedeels

I feel anxious and a little shy in crowds, but I'm considered a social person. You just need to push passed it I guess. I think a lot of people assume others are more confindent than they are.

I think back to being a teenager and people I knew who slagged of others to build their own confidence up, I guess it still happens in adult circles too.

People are mostly good sorts in my experience and we should all try to make each-other feel at ease more, we'd all have a better time.

HAAA! HAAA!

All people can and do change in their socializing, its not strictly an intrinsic personality thing or sign of internal weakness or shyness.

Extreme example - that model girl who had acid thrown on her face, she said she didn't go outside for years. Obviously she would have been high up the social scale and very sociable beforehand.

Physical conditions and other parts of life beyond the persons control change a persons sociability, ask a woman with cramps if you dare.

Spread

I would have thought that shyness is related to self esteem and "self"-inflicted social isolation to be part of the Asperger's spectrum.
The OP did well in fronting his difficulties and addressing them.

This story has been doing the rounds over the past few weeks

Shyness could be defined as a mental illness
Shyness, bereavement and eccentric behaviour could be classed as a mental illness under new guidelines, leaving millions of people at risk of being diagnosed as having a psychiatric disorder, experts fear.

Photo: Getty Images













Under changes planned to the diagnosis handbook used by doctors in the US, common behavioural traits are likely to be listed as a mental illness, it was reported.

The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders could also include internet addiction and gambling as a medical problem.

Although the guidelines are not used in the UK, experts said they feared it would affect thinking on the subjects.

"We need to be very careful before further broadening the boundaries of illness and disorder," Simon Wessely, of the Institute of Psychiatry at King's College London, told the Daily Telegraph

"Back in 1840 the census of the United States included just one category for mental disorder.

"By 1917 the American Psychiatric Association recognised 59, rising to 128 in 1959, 227 in 1980, and 347 in the last revision. Do we really need all these labels?
"Probably not. And there is a real danger that shyness will become social phobia, bookish kids labelled as Asperger's and so on."
Peter Kinderman, head of the Institute of Psychology at the University of Liverpool, said it was not "humane" to describe shy or bereaved people as "mentally ill".
The British Psychological Society has opposed the changes to the DSM while psychiatrists in the US have also spoken out against them.
A petition launched to try to stop the publication of the new edition was backed by 11,000 signatures from psychologists.
There are fears the new classifications are being driven by drug companies seeking to profit from a greater number of illnesses while the private health care system in the States requires a diagnosis recognised by the manual for a patient to be treated as ill.
"DSM5 will radically and recklessly expand the boundaries of psychiatry. Many millions will receive inaccurate diagnosis and inappropriate treatment.," said Allen Frances of Duke University, North Carolina.

HOS 1997

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to
Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to


Good post OP. Definitely something I experienced in my younger years (teens and early twenties). Like you, I did things to get over it but I can still suffer from it on occasion.

Scanlas The 2nd

I think shyness has a lot to do with too much ego. Shy people IMO are very identified with their self image so end up not saying much for fear of their self image being invalidated. They think far too much.

Lord TSC

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I think shyness has a lot to do with too much ego. Shy people IMO are very identified with their self image so end up not saying much for fear of their self image being invalidated. They think far too much.

I kind of agree but with a difference; I'm often afraid that by talking, I'll confirm their problems with me are true; its the idea of saying nothing and letting them think you're weird as opposed to speak and proving to them you are. :P

Agricola

Id have a mild case of this. My natural preference is to be with my small group of friends, or to be alone doing my own thing. I find meeting new people, small talk and all that goes with it to be a drain. After a few hours in that situation its like a weight being lifted when its over. I would avoid those situations unless they were really necessary.

I do find it annoying that people like me are viewed as some sort of oddballs in society. I know people who are my polar opposite, never off the phone to their 101 friends, facebook 24/7, always planning the next night out, the next holiday, have to go out religiously every weekend because to stay in is just...loike pathetic! So if these people can happily exist in this world, why cant the people on the other side of the fence.

TeddyTedson

Cool Mo D wrote: »

Being shy is different from being introverted. Plenty of introverted people are not shy at all, and have no problem talking to strangers, or with social interactions. Introverts just find social situations draining, and would prefer to be left by themselves to relax.

There are also plenty of shy extroverts, who want to go out, make friends and party, but are held back by shyness, which is basically fear of being judged by others, and a lack of knowledge how to approach people.

I don't want to nitpick here but,

introvert |ˈintrəˌvərt|
noun
a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.
• Psychology a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things. Compare with extrovert .

extrovert |ˈekstrəˌvərt| (also extravert)
noun
an outgoing, overtly expressive person.
• Psychology a person predominantly concerned with external things or objective considerations. Compare with introvert .