Female bullies-why do so many women have to make others feel like crap?!

Ickle Magoo

Chinafoot wrote: »

But that is easier said than done when you are dealing with a group of close friends. This girl is trying to force her out and the OP is allowed to be upset over that.

While I absolutely agree that it's not as simple as allowing people to bully us - nobody asks or wants people to bully them and they don't even necessarily know their bullies or have the choice to get away from them (such as work situations) - but there is a scary amount of women who cling onto unhealthy and one-sided "friendships" based on nothing more than a fear of the new and ancient sentimentality.

I mean, does nobody else notice that she's upset, or being forced out? How close friends can they possibly be if nobody else in the group questions why she is not being invited on nights out/gives an invite in the lieu of an invitation from the bully, or even en mass pull up the girl that's trying to exclude her and demand she cop herself on? If I had friends that merrily went along with someone else excluding me from event after event, never invited me themselves and didn't question why I was regularly missing from events, I'd be taking that as a massive hint and finding myself a new set of friends pronto...

needaname wrote: »

Have also experienced this big time and feel its only gettin worse and more malicious as i get older (mid 20's now).

But for the people who cant understand why exclusion is considered bullying, in my case its when you are deliberately not invited somewhere by a particular person (or worse, if plans have been made that you were invited to, only for this person to tell you its been cancelled and you miss it) and then they personally call you the next day to tell you what a great event you missed! Its almost like they want you to know that you were deliberately excluded.

See, that's just horrible, what a complete and utter cow - friends should be a positive addition to our lives, not people we don't trust, constantly worry and stress over and make us feel like crap.

Have you told the rest of the group about the lies about plan changes, etc? I'd make sure everyone knows her game or double check with those you do trust and state loud and clear it's because X is telling you plans have changed...word will get around and it will hopefully come back to bite her on the ass.

goose2005

saa wrote: »

Everyone knows bullying is not acceptable but our sisters have been brainwashed to think that putting us down is in our best interest.

As if its a womans duty to remind other women of how they a piece of clothing does nothing for them, they might want to start thinking about finding a man, they should really get their roots done.

I really don't think it's that. It's just that women tend to form small, tightly-knit friendship groups, whereas men form larger, looser groups, so exclusion and jealousy are more of a thing with women.

needaname

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Have you told the rest of the group about the lies about plan changes, etc? I'd make sure everyone knows her game or double check with those you do trust and state loud and clear it's because X is telling you plans have changed...word will get around and it will hopefully come back to bite her on the ass.

After years of just putting up with it I have managed to distance myself from her personally while actually becoming closer to the rest of the group, and believe me turning up at these events I have been told have been called off and seeing her face when she realises that everyone new what she has been up to is priceless!!

Have also very recently found out that it is not just myself she does this to. while Im not happy that others have experienced the upset I have, i feel a little less victimised and it has made me realise that she obviously has her own insecurities or whatever and it is not actually a personal attack on me

lazygal

Reading this thread makes me glad I'm not alone on this. Going through something similar with a (former) friend and even posted in PI about it. Silly things like being excluded from a group night out, organising things when I'm present and not including me and generally being really difficult around me has made me quite angry. Also made me realise that even a women in her 30s can act like a stroppy teenager which is quite sad.

BarackPyjama

needaname wrote: »

After years of just putting up with it I have managed to distance myself from her personally while actually becoming closer to the rest of the group, and believe me turning up at these events I have been told have been called off and seeing her face when she realises that everyone new what she has been up to is priceless!!

Have also very recently found out that it is not just myself she does this to. while Im not happy that others have experienced the upset I have, i feel a little less victimised and it has made me realise that she obviously has her own insecurities or whatever and it is not actually a personal attack on me

Which begs the question - if everyone knows what's going on, why do they continue to hang around with this woman and continue inviting her to events? I'm not saying two wrongs make a right but she's obviously toxic and nasty for whatever reason - whether it be standard 'insecurity' which causes her to be a b1tch or a full blown personality disorder. Ultimately you and your friends would be best to discuss it and decide to kick her to the kerb.

needaname

Well for the most part we have ditched her at this stage. but its not always so simple as just cutting someone out of your life just like that. we would still run into her at extended social circle events or when meeting up with old school friends etc etc. yeah of course I can show up and avoid her as much as possible which seems to be working so far as she has backed off me and unfortunately moved onto someone else, but it poses a great risk of me lookin like the bad guy to those that are oblivious to whats goin on

lir6777

needaname wrote: »

Well for the most part we have ditched her at this stage. but its not always so simple as just cutting someone out of your life just like that. we would still run into her at extended social circle events or when meeting up with old school friends etc etc. yeah of course I can show up and avoid her as much as possible which seems to be working so far as she has backed off me and unfortunately moved onto someone else, but it poses a great risk of me lookin like the bad guy to those that are oblivious to whats goin on

I've said similar previously but I firmly believe it- this behaviour is so sly and unobvious that it can be difficult for others to notice. I found when I mentioned it to a close friend (who is mutual friends with the girl carrying out this behaviour) she was a bit baffled and said 'that's weird'- that was it! So if I had been in any way negative about that girl from then, I would most likely have looked like I was going mad about nothing- and probably would have looked like the bad guy or a weirdo!:o
Definitely not easy to do much about with groups of friends