LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Snowie

nesf wrote: »

First thing to go with me if something's wrong is my sleep. See the time beside this post for reference!

Plus 1

My sleeping goes in a matter of days like at the moment...

ellybabes

brummytom wrote: »

I know this is slightly off-topic from just sharing experiences, so apologies.
But this is directed to anyone who's actually gone to a doctor to talk about depression. It might sound stupid, but how did you say it?

As I think I said in my last post, I went to the doctors the other week with the intention of bringing it up. I got in, all I managed to say was something quite pathetic like 'I generally just feel low all the time', and his reply was 'well you don't seem like you've got depression. See you'. Which made me so angry, it felt like I was being called a liar for telling him how I felt.

How do you tell someone how you feel so far that they can actually understand what an impact it's having on you, without just looking like an attention seeker?

My doc actually picked up on it from me describing symptoms. I went to see him because my hubbie was bugging me to - I described myself as "generally feeling icky, no energy, no motivation". He asked me "If I could fix one thing for you, what would you choose?" and I responded that the tiredness was the main issue (I was sleeping 12-14 hours on the weekend if I was allowed).

So next thing he turns to me and says "I think you're depressed" and the penny finally dropped for me - I had suffered bouts before, but this one had come on so gradually, after a year with many ups and downs (getting married, mother-in-law being diagnosed with cancer, amazing honeymoon, mother-in-law dying) that I hadn't noticed it starting.

I was lucky, I have a very good group practice of doctors and a doctor that will take as long as needed to listen to me. You need to shop around if you feel you can't talk to your current doctor, or if they aren't helping you the way you need.

ellybabes

I chimed in with a post just above, but I guess it's time to tell my story now. I've been reading this thread since it started, but a feature of my mild OCD is that I find it hard to reply to threads if I haven't read all of them.

I was first diagnosed with depression in the 4th year of my uni degree, back in 2000. My father passed away during my 3rd year of uni. He was 78 when he died, and had a good life overall. He had prostate cancer for 6 years and the last 3 were hard, with the final 3 months spent in the wonderful NI hospice. My mum spent every minute she could with him there, including being there 24/7 for the last two weeks.

When dad died, mum finally let go and let the emotion take over. I didn't, as I felt that someone needed to be strong for the family during the funeral period. I'm an only child, so there's just me and mum. I didn't shed a tear for over a week after he died, when I had finally returned to Uni.

I refused to deal with his death, and basically ran away to France to study there for a year (decided in a hurry in the months after his death). France was brilliant, but I still hadn't grieved. When I returned to Scotland for 4th year, it hit me like a brick and I was really struggling. I was lucky and had a great support structure via the Student's Association and was helped with counselling and Prozac.

The Prozac kinda worked for me. It lifted my moods, but it always felt like a fake high. I worked through the issues with a counsellor and came off the drugs and did OK for a while.

Then a few years back I was a mess again - but this time I had slid into it so slowly that I never even noticed. I was pulling back from the world, never wanting to go out with friends, but when I was dragged out I was the life and soul of the party (or so it seemed). My husband is a real homebody, he would happily never go out in the evenings, so nothing was spurring me to change. My job had been a virtual one for 3 years and I didn't have close colleagues on site.

Eventually I went to the doc, not about depression, but the doc recognised the symptoms and diagnosed me - and he was right - everything DeV said in the OP was applying to me, I had just developed coping systems to get me through the day doing the bare minimum.

I begged him not to give me Prozac, and he put me on Lexapro instead. 10mg wouldn't do the job and it had to be upped after a couple of months - so please be patient if meds don't work immediately - you wouldn't expect cancer to be cured in a matter of days, and this disease is just as insidious! The higher dose worked, and I continued on it for 6 months, then we began the weaning off process and I was doing good for a while again, although the months from the clock change in Oct - Jan are really tough every year.

As I've been reading through this post, I've been recognising the symptoms described by many other posters within myself. I had a talk with my hubbie on Tues night (after picking a fight with him, don't ask, it seems to be how I cope and he now recognises when I'm picking a fight over something stupid just to bring up another issue) and I'll be getting myself to the doc at some point over the next few weeks - hopefully this one has been caught early enough to make treating it easier.

Already, just from admitting it to my husband, I'm feeling better - there is light at the end of the tunnel once more. Thanks once again to the OP, to @darraghdoyle for tweeting this so that I saw it and to all the posters in this thread for sharing their stories - the impact that you are having is amazing.

Wibbs

ellybabes wrote: »

You need to shop around if you feel you can't talk to your current doctor, or if they aren't helping you the way you need.

+1000. This is sooo important. With any health issue. Though medicine as a profession is very well internally regulated to weed out the bad, like any profession you get some better than others. Or you get some who are better than others dealing with you as an individual. I've learned this over the last 6 years dealing with an elderly and sick relative. I;ve seen it with the mental health story of a friend of mine. She attended quite a few professionals with quite mixed results. Luckily she found one who suits her and is making real progress since. If you feel you're not getting the right attention you do have a choice to seek a second opinion. With mental health this may be more difficult as you are already feeling low and lacking in confidence, but if you feel you can't be objective about your treatment maybe ask a close friend, relative, spouse, or indeed another health professional for help on this? It may also be more difficult if you're outside an urban centre and the choices are more limited, but it's worth exploring if you feel you're not getting the help you need.

smash

I had my son's school play yesterday and they had a sketch about a depressed santa. It was weird.

JuliusCaesar

Wibbs wrote: »

With mental health this may be more difficult as you are already feeling low and lacking in confidence, but if you feel you can't be objective about your treatment maybe ask a close friend, relative, spouse, or indeed another health professional for help on this?

There are in every HSE area - I hope every area now - people called patient advocates. These can be service users who have undergone training. Other people who have 'client advocate' as part of their job description are Clinical Nurse Specialists. Other mental health professionals are expected to act as such too. Probably the ones with the greatest experience of doing so are the psychiatric Social Workers. Everyone is entitled to a second opinion, if you are not happy with the first.

If you have a complaint about the HSE, there's 'Your Service, Your Say'
where you can email comments, complaints, and yes even the odd compliment.

Combating the stigma of mental health - deserves support.

Hope this is useful, if slightly tangental.

JC

Feeona

From reading replies here (and experiencing a few things myself), I think the hardest bit about depression is the knock back. You build yourself up to take some positive action, you feel on top of the world, and then bang something (could be something small) sets you back again. It feels like you're getting up just to be knocked down again.

It's tough, no doubt. I think it's better to believe that life isn't always going to be hard, that the bad time you're going through is just a blip ie your default setting is happy!

Mind yourselves.

Millicent

Feeona wrote: »

From reading replies here (and experiencing a few things myself), I think the hardest bit about depression is the knock back. You build yourself up to take some positive action, you feel on top of the world, and then bang something (could be something small) sets you back again. It feels like you're getting up just to be knocked down again.

It's tough, no doubt. I think it's better to believe that life isn't always going to be hard, that the bad time you're going through is just a blip ie your default setting is happy!

Mind yourselves.

I was just about to post something about this when I saw your post. Kismet.

To anyone thinking that's had that knockback of progressing only to slip back, don't give up hope.

Without going into my whole story, I first experienced depression when I was a little girl. I still get frustrated that at about 8 or 9, I went to a doctor and told him I felt like there was this big black hole in my stomach and nothing I did seemed to fill the hole, no matter what I tried. Maybe because it was a different time, the doctor didn't do anything for me and the depression kept developing till I numbed myself to that feeling and started to cut myself off from my feelings.

Shoving feelings deep down inside of yourself and having to control them will naturally cause them to spill over. For me, that included starting to self harm in my teenage years and drinking too much, especially in my early twenties. The more I got pissed and made a fool of myself, the more I needed to punish myself and the self harming continued.

In my teenage years, I saw a fantastic counsellor when I was 16 who set me on a good track and got me as far as I could cope with at that time. I wasn't done (though I thought I was) and withdrew again, convincing myself I was fine now. It was all I was able for at the time though and that's okay. You don't need to fix yourself in one go.

A few years later, when I started college, I slipped badly again. I went to see another counsellor who wasn't very good. Besides her not being great, I had spent so long burying stuff that even when I wanted to talk about it, I had no idea what was affecting me to be able to discuss it. So then, I gave hypnotherapy a go. It was brilliant and, unlike counselling, I wasn't struggling to articulate what was wrong with me -- the hypnotherapist was helping me to find it and bring it out without my having to dig down. I stopped self harming at the end of those sessions after about 6 or 7 years of doing it. That tided me over for another few years.

Then, in the last year or two, I fell hard again. My Mam had been treated for cancer, my partner lost his job, I was being bullied in work and I had generally lost control of my life and sunk into a black depression. Eating, washing, working were too much for me and I started to really fixate on self harming and suicide again, practising test scratches on my arms with knives and my fingernails and thinking constantly about whether a jump from the window would kill me or whether I could "accidentally" step in front of a car so as to hide the fact that it was suicide.

The shock of wanting to self harm again made me think, "Fuck it. I'm not letting my feelings win" and I got on the internet and found Pieta.

After about four or five months of sessions, during which I worked my arse off, I came out on the other side. And do you know what? I don't think I'll ever get back to being that depressed ever again. And if I do? Feck it. I've gotten through it before and I'll do it again.

My point with this whole TL;DR is that it took me, now aged 27, nearly two decades to work my way through to the other side, with more than a decade of counselling and medication on and off to get to where I needed to be. I almost gave up so many times because I couldn't stand the pain one more second. But I persevered because I realised in Pieta that I deserved a decent life that I was in the driving seat of, not a life where I let things just happen to me and that I had no control of.

And everyone else here deserves the very same thing. Best of luck to all through it.

Morag

DeVore wrote: »

I was scared and there was no one to tell. But my fear wasnt of weakness it was (and to an extent is) a fear of what I might achieve if that makes sense.

Being scared of your own potential and what you might achieve and what other people expect you to achieve, is Fúcking crippling.

Feeona

Millicent wrote: »

My point with this whole TL;DR is that it took me, now aged 27, nearly two decades to work my way through to the other side, with more than a decade of counselling and medication on and off to get to where I needed to be.

Great post. I spent many years battling apathy and anger, stemming from childhood. I'm a great believer of reflecting on one's past-I often look back and am amazed at the outlook I used to have. It's like looking at a complete stranger!

Last year, I was speaking to a friend of mine from college and she said the loveliest thing to me. We had been chatting about this and that, and I mentioned that I wish my parents were around to see me now, I've changed so much from the surly bint I used to be etc. She said to me 'They could see what you were all along, they knew that the person you are now was just waiting to break out'. I think this is an extremely positive thing for anyone to carry around with them. You are not your depression, or fear, or worry. That's on the outside. The real you is struggling to get out and with sheer determination and bloody mindedness a la Millicent :pac:, you will find your true self that the people who care about you can already see!

stupidusername

Feeona wrote: »

You are not your depression, or fear, or worry. That's on the outside.

I can see how this is true for many people, but I absolutely don't believe it is for me. I have nothing else to me only this.

I was at home for a few days, so I had a rummage through my stuff, and I found two books that I bought and didn't manage to finish. one is on CBT, and the other is Be your own Confidence Coach. I may give them another go. though my concentration is severely lacking.

cloud493

I try to be happy about the smallest things. Terribly important, like. Doesn't work that often, for me. But its cheering up to have something to look forward to, even if its something silly, like a take away, or a new internet video.

fozzle

@Stupidusername I've never even met you but I bet you anything there's more to you than just depression, I've never met anyone yet who could be summed up merely by an illness or condition. I'm sure you wouldn't look at someone in a wheelchair and think that there's nothing to their life other than the chair. Well in a way we're luckier than them because they may be in that chair forever, with all the associated problems but we all have a chance to beat this shadow. I know it doesn't always feel that way but it is, I promise.

If you're ever around the wesht and want a cuppa, give me a shout k?

stupidusername

fozzle wrote: »

@Stupidusername I've never even met you but I bet you anything there's more to you than just depression, I've never met anyone yet who could be summed up merely by an illness or condition. I'm sure you wouldn't look at someone in a wheelchair and think that there's nothing to their life other than the chair. Well in a way we're luckier than them because they may be in that chair forever, with all the associated problems but we all have a chance to beat this shadow. I know it doesn't always feel that way but it is, I promise.

If you're ever around the wesht and want a cuppa, give me a shout k?

but this is what i was saying, this is the way I am. I genuinely don't believe it's something like a condition. I'm like this, constantly, always have been. it affects every single thing I do / don't do, so how can there be more. ah don't mind me. i'm just in a rotten mood now.

thanks for the offer

Sarky

stupidusername wrote: »

but this is what i was saying, this is the way I am. I genuinely don't believe it's something like a condition. I'm like this, constantly, always have been. it affects every single thing I do / don't do, so how can there be more. ah don't mind me. i'm just in a rotten mood now.

thanks for the offer

Well if it's all you've ever known, it's easy enough to think that there's nothing else. Hell, it's easy enough to think that when you're depressed anyway, regardless of how much else there is to you.

See what you can do to change your perspective on things. Talk to someone, maybe see if you can get hold of a counsellor or see what your GP thinks. You may well end up pleasantly surprised.


On that note, I think it's worth mentioning that coming out of depression can be an amazing experience. The colour and flavour floods back into the world, food tastes great again, watching the sun rise or looking out over a pretty vista becomes almost like Enlightenment. All the simple things can be new and wonderful again. You get to realise that hey, this planet is pretty bloody amazing after all.

It's well worth the effort of getting to grips with depression for that, believe you me.

rebel without a clue

cloud493 wrote: »

I try to be happy about the smallest things. Terribly important, like. Doesn't work that often, for me. But its cheering up to have something to look forward to, even if its something silly, like a take away, or a new internet video.

ya im the same. i'd be at work on monday and just the thought of having a take-away the following friday gets me through the week!! small things you know? like next summer im going to 3 big gigs and having that to hang onto is whats gonna get me through the next few months!

Feeona

stupidusername wrote: »

I can see how this is true for many people, but I absolutely don't believe it is for me. I have nothing else to me only this.

Maybe you can't see a light in yourself, but I can.

Exhibit A (from the bellybutton thread) :are you overdue? if someone could find it and press it, you might pop

:pac:

PickledLime

I've now lost count of the amount of times i've said 'yes! that's it exactly!' to myself reading through this thread and i'd like to thank the OP for putty such a witty spin on the whole thing.

It's very much welcome

Eathrin

From reading parts of this thread and from personal experience, it wouldn't be outrageous to say that a lot of doctors in this country are relatively ignorant to mental health issues, or rather don't treat it as seriously as a physical illness. Some problems wouldn't escalate to such high proportions as mentioned by some people here had their doctor taken more care when the patient had gone to see them.

cloud493

Matt needs to shut up for once. And he needs to do something, to stop being so pathetic and useless. Oh well.

Mary28

Such a brilliant thread.
I fortunately don't suffer from depression myself. I've had a very tough year and have been so down that I've wondered at times. Talking and sharing and people putting things into perspective for you certainly helps. I'm pretty sure my dad had depression for quite a while though it went undiagnosed. I was too young at the time, I knew something wasn't right but wouldn't have known where to start.

I work in a large multinational and I have to say the attitude there is fantastic. I know of quite a few people who"suffer from their nerves" as they used to say at home. People often take a lot of time out at work, up to a year sometimes, then come back and the company does their best to facilitate them, often making a big effort to find a role more suitable for them. Interesting but I've just realised that the people I'm thinking of in work are high achievers, perfectionists and they're own biggest critics.

A lot of people don't like getting help from others, they believe they should be able to handle the situation themselves and would rather others didn't know their troubles.

It's still a very private thing, which is fair enough, not everyone wants to talk about it or have it be known about them, but the more open people are about it the more it will be normalised and it should be normalised cos it's fairly normal.

Captain Graphite

Sarky wrote: »

On that note, I think it's worth mentioning that coming out of depression can be an amazing experience. The colour and flavour floods back into the world, food tastes great again, watching the sun rise or looking out over a pretty vista becomes almost like Enlightenment. All the simple things can be new and wonderful again. You get to realise that hey, this planet is pretty bloody amazing after all.

It's well worth the effort of getting to grips with depression for that, believe you me.

I really, really hope that's true. I just have no idea how long it will take to come out out of it. A year? 2? 10? Never? Guess it's different for everyone but I can't figure out how long one should be willing to wait for it to happen. And what if you keep trying but nothing seems to work?

Reading other people's stories here resonates with me a lot. It's both heartening and very sad that others out there know what it feels like.

I find it surprisingly easy to talk about depression online, whether it's here or on my blog or somewhere else. I also have no problem talking to strangers about it usually. But I could never ever talk to my family about it, and the closer I get to a friend the less likely I am to talk about it. Is that really strange?

fozzle

Captain Graphite wrote: »

I find it surprisingly easy to talk about depression online, whether it's here or on my blog or somewhere else. I also have no problem talking to strangers about it usually. But I could never ever talk to my family about it, and the closer I get to a friend the less likely I am to talk about it. Is that really strange?

I don't think that's strange at all, Lots of people don't talk about problems with loved ones, whether because they don't want to worry them or they're afraid the person themselves will think it's their fault or whatever. Both of my parents suffer quite badly from depression and both are currently taking medication for it yet all three of us have huge problems even skirting round the topic with each other. I don't think it's the end of the world as long as you can talk to someone.

osnola ibax

DeVore wrote: »

Sorry, yes, thats why I tried to split this into three parts with the third as my personal experience. It hits everyone differently and I'm "lucky" that I dont get that sadness. At least I dont now, when I was a kid I would cry myself to sleep and I wouldnt know why. Over the years I've come to recognise that downward spiral and I know that it goes nowhere good.

I also know that the best time to combat it is right at the start, right then when I see the trend. Thats helped me from getting to that state now...

But yes, its a very subjective experience.

DeV.

Yes, thanks for clarifying this DeV. I experience occassions of intense sadness but find it hard to cry which acts as some fleeting relief, for me anyway. I also go through periods of hyper tension and paranoia, also linked with depression. I lack confidence, question everything I say or do to the point where I feel socially paralysed.

I dwell on what people have said, I dont live in the moment, I hate myself and blame myself for things outside of my control. I am severely under pressure at the moment though so that is severely exacerbating pre existing stuff that I could better control. Again through exercise etc.

Anyway, I dont feel original post highlighted all the various types and characteristics of depression out there.

Morag

I guess trying to have compassion for yourself when your having dark days is what it can boil down to.

The Law of Compassion

To have compassion is to have understanding. To be compassionate is to be forgiving. To develop compassion, first understand and forgive yourself, knowing that you are doing the best you can within your current belief system and your current capability levels.

The more understanding, forgiveness and loving kindness you can give yourself the more genuine compassion you can feel for someone else and the more compassion you can give to someone else.

Do not judge yourself or anyone else. There are only teachers for you, not friends or enemies. There are only lessons for you, not "good" or "bad" experiences. You are here to heal, grow and evolve. Be kind to yourself, you are a child of the Universe. Be compassionate to yourself and to others in your understanding, forgiveness and love.

DeVore

Sharrow wrote: »

Being scared of your own potential and what you might achieve and what other people expect you to achieve, is Fúcking crippling.

And do you know what... it makes sense now that you say it. Every time I feel that fear I have gotten angry and forced myself to do it out of sheer bloodymindedness not to give in to it... that actually explains a lot of my life to date, genuinely! lol...

DeV.

sunflower27

I'm very late to this, but what a brilliant thread.

I thought in the past I have been depressed, but reading this has confirmed I haven't been depressed. I was p*ssed off, down, but not actually depressed.

I am very lucky to have great friends and fortunate that I am a very open person and if something is upsetting/bothering me, I always know I have people to rely on that will make time for me and listen/talk things through.

I can't imagine not having anyone there like that. Like most people, I have been through some very hard times, but I have never sunk into that feeling of 'what's the point?' I am glad I have always known there is a point and things improve - and they always did.

I suppose the point of this post is to stress how important it is to have that human interaction. Locking yourself away from the world is not going to help anyone.

There are so many joys life can bring us, and I am so grateful that even in my lowest times, I know that.

Fantastic thread - I am sure many people have and will continue to get great support from it.

Kimia

cloud493 wrote: »

Everything you've said

* big hug *

I know I don't know you, but your story made me cry. I really admire your strength. I hope that's ok to say to you but I really felt compelled to tell you that I heard you.

This thread is almost overwhelming - it's like seeing a rainbow cut through a grey cloud. Fair play to everyone for sharing their stories.

cloud493

Admitting you have a problem, is half the fight. And talking about it without other people, and over coming the fear, is an incredibly brave thing.

And thank you kimia. Its nice to know, one bad thing, can benefit one other person. I know its made me stronger, however bad it was.

saa

What is sorely lacking in the Irish psyche: How to deal with a depressed person.

All I have in my head is what not to do
from experience of course.