LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Eathrin

Personally, talking helped, I had a very dark time where I was in total breakdown, talking to someone helped to get what I was feeling out to another human being. But I'd say that's the extent of it.

I haven't been as bad since that time but only recently I've been feeling very low and depressed for no particular reason...nothing significant at all, in fact I felt very good not long ago too.

Nothing was "fixed". I have a mental illness, I don't know if it's something that sticks for life or not. I'm ashamed to say that I'm too proud to let anyone besides a couple family members and my doctor know. I hate it so much though.

But y'know what? This post is the most information I've released to the outside world, despite my somewhat anonymousity. Thanks for sharing DeV.

cloud493

Acacia wrote: »

It can feel weird talking to randomers about your personal problems. Even though I got on well with my counsellor, it can take awhile to get used to that. I went to another place before Pieta and I didn't think much of it, so maybe it's case of 'shopping around'.

If you feel more comfortable talking anonymously, there's a thread I post on here and find it helpful.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992


I'd give Pieta a little while longer yet, though, or maybe switch counsellor if it doesn't feel right. I found them very nice and accomodating about that sorta thing.

I went from march to July, just didn't help. I hate talking about it, makes me sick and scared

rebel without a clue

have you family or just one member or friend you could say this to? or when you go back friday just tell the person how you feel about your lack of progress, be totally honest.

The Sweeper

rebel without a clue wrote: »

if i go to a doctor and tell him i think im depressed etc. i will actually start bauling. i mean there'll be snot/ spit/ breathlessness...... i know it sounds pathetic but jesus i dont know if i can do it.

LOL I did that with the psychologist.

I got two sentences in and lost my shit completely. He mildly raised both eyebrows until I pulled it together again.

You feel better after it. Bring a flash card that says 'this has been a long time coming, normal service will resume in a moment' if you like. I wished I had one!

stupidusername

rebel without a clue wrote: »

if i go to a doctor and tell him i think im depressed etc. i will actually start bauling. i mean there'll be snot/ spit/ breathlessness...... i know it sounds pathetic but jesus i dont know if i can do it.

I'm the exact same. If my doctor asks anything more than how are you doing,i break down,even though if someone else does it wouldn't make much difference. There's something about someone asking because they want to know,and knowing you should be honest,and facing all the horrible thoughts you've had.and then there's something about it being a stranger and the frankness and coldness of it

Could anyone else give some details of their experience with Pieta house?

K-9

rebel without a clue wrote: »

have you family or just one member or friend you could say this to? or when you go back friday just tell the person how you feel about your lack of progress, be totally honest.

It can be hard to talk to family about it. I'd be a very private person, tell me a secret and it'll never will pass my lips and find it hard to talk to family about it. I can talk to my sister a bit, but she has her own problems too. I don't want to be a burden and hey, I don't like depressing people with my conversation! Seriously.

I can talk a bit to my boss as he suffers from it. He was the type to tell you to "shake yourself out of it", meaning the best, but he has suffered from depression in the last couple of years. He was always very understanding, even in the "shake yourself" phase! The funny thing was he went to his doctor and he spotted it. He asked me a while after that (wouldn't admit it at first because of the shame) about his symptoms in a "is that depression?" type way. Very similar to the poster earlier in the thread describing how they really didn't buy the depression excuse but it suddenly hit them.

My boss would have "far more important things to worry about", logically looking at it and then the viscious circle builds up speed again. I start thinking "what the f*ck have I to be depressed about"! I don't have much money and that's perfectly fine with me, I don't rate myself by money, never did (maybe that's part of it as that was an odd thing a few years ago, possessions are meh to me) but you do start thinking, "well, he has far bigger problems".

Novella

cloud493 wrote: »

I went from march to July, just didn't help. I hate talking about it, makes me sick and scared

Have you mentioned to whoever you're seeing that you hate talking? I know that probably sounds silly, but when I first started attending Pieta House, I hated it. I hated sitting in that chair. I wanted to feel better, but I couldn't talk.

So one day I just said, "I hate talking", and we started doing other things! It sounds mad, but we did art together and after a while, I'd get distracted with the paint and talking would just happen and I wouldn't notice 'cause I didn't feel I was sat there, with someone waiting for me to speak.

I also wrote in a notebook during the week and I'd let the therapist read it and then I didn't actually have to say things aloud - that was always a huge deal for me.

If it's not just the talking side of things that isn't working for you, maybe you just need to try elsewhere? I know I saw numerous counsellors before Pieta House and none of them ever did me any particular good.

Best of luck to you anyway, I really do hope you find something that works for you.

degausserxo

stupidusername wrote: »

Could anyone else give some details of their experience with Pieta house?

I went from June of last year til February of this year. You're usually seen for six weeks as sort of a crisis aversion type thing so it was for a little bit longer.

Starting out it was intensive enough, three or four times a week for the first month or so. I had been referred there by my psychiatrist (a HSE doctor, which is a bit ridiculous seeing as the government only gives them something like 80k a year) for ten years or self harm initially, which I refused in a sort of 'there's nothing wrong with me' way, but went after a suicide attempt, and it was genuinely the best place I could have gone. It was the usual talking rigmarole, but it was approached in such a different way that I'd ever experienced before. They were really understanding aboutthe self harm thing, and accepted it as a coping mechanism. They said it wa up to me to choose whether I wanted to stop or not, and if I did, they'd support me. I did anyway, and with one exception in May, I haven't hurt myself since November of last year. It's an incredible place, and the work they do really needs to be recognised more.


Edit: loadsa typos I'm not arsed to correct, on my phone!

Novella

stupidusername wrote: »

Could anyone else give some details of their experience with Pieta house?

I only saw this after my previous reply to another post or I would have multi-quoted!

Anyway, I went to Pieta House for a particularly long time. I think in general they see people intensively for a short period but I somehow ended up going for about a year.

I rang 'em myself. I'd been self harming for years and I'd seen a few counselors and just hadn't really worked out for me.

Pieta House was great though. I clicked right away with who I saw. She was so lovely and I felt like she went out of her way to help me. She didn't force me to talk about anything, she never said, "You have to stop self harming". So I never felt under pressure there.

I did stop self harming for 9 months, then I did it again but only once and now it's been 5 months so it was quite successful for me 'cause previous to that, I'd been self harming pretty much every day.

I reckon you should give it a go, if you'd be able to get there at all 'cause I've read your other posts and I know you've been waiting a really long time to get some therapy. It's worth a shot and honestly, they are the loveliest people.

stupidusername

Thanks D and N. I've been considering it,i just kinda feel like there's others that need it more than me. And i'd feel weird about committing myself to a place like that. I'll consider it some more

cloud493

It really is a great facility. It's free(I think) friendly, all that jazz.

Acacia

cloud493 wrote: »

I went from march to July, just didn't help. I hate talking about it, makes me sick and scared

*hugs*

As a few other posters have said, it would probably be best if you were compltely honest wih the counsellor that you hate talking about it. When I first went, it was initially a relief to blurt out my true feelings without judgement... but that was just the surface stuff. When it got down to the nitty-gritty , really hard-to-talk-about-business, I think my counsellor sensed how I would clam up, and same as you , feel sick and scared to talk about it.

I must have got a particularly good counsellor cause she urged me to say when I felt uncomfortable or didn't want to talk about something. She encouraged me to be brutally honest, even if that meant saying something negative about the counselling experience. Similar to Novella, we tried different approaches, and gradually stufff came out in other ways. I found writing in particular was very helpful( but I've always wrote diaries, etc, anyway.) Something like that might work for you, too.

I'm rambling a bit here, but basically I'd urge you to stick it out maybe a bit longer, it was a few months before I felt like I was making progress, too.

I've heard Oasis counselling in Ballyfermot is good too, and relatively inexpensive, if you decide to go for an alternative

Best of luck

flahavaj

Drumpot wrote: »

My councellor is in my local HSE health centre. When I heard there were only 8 sessions I was a bit reluctant (as I knew I wont be fixed in 8, its like trying to fix up a wooden house in an hour, after being savaged by a grade 5 tornado!). But I have gone to over half them now (running off now for my 5th!) and I am finding them most helpful. These sessions are helping me reach out to my family and help me help my wife get a little more understanding on why Im feeling a certain way. Your woman says "hello" and I just get going. Its mad when you think youd have nothing to say, but once you start its like verbal diarrhea, you cant shut yourself up.

Might I just make a few suggestions ? Dont ever think your feeling depressed or down is every too little (or too much) for you to try to get some sort of help. There are plenty of us out there that have an idea (not all people get the same depression) of how you feel and while speaking to a stranger may sound intimidating/odd, it can be one of the most liberating experiences you will find.

I remember my first councelling session back in 1996 and I had been feeling numb for years (couldnt feel anything for anybody and only ever felt negative feelings). I didnt think counselling would make a differance, in my first sessions I could barely talk cause I cried for the entire hour. It was an amazing relief of pent up isolation just spewing out. It might not work out that way for you, but I honestly believe if you want to try and be better, you give counselling (speaking therapy) a chance and you get a half decent counceller it will more often then not help. Be warned, you might come out of the session feeling on top of the world, this will most likely subside at some stage (its normal) and you might come down hard.

Best of luck with it, I hope it goes well and the support the fantastic boardies are offering helps. You are not alone.

This is all fantastic advice and I can identify with all of it. Especially the bolded part, I'm glad I'm not the only one that reacts like that.

This thread is wonderful and sums up why boards is such a great place. Anyone that has posted is incredibly brave. I wish all of you the peace of mind you all deserve.

flutterflye

stupidusername wrote: »

Thanks D and N. I've been considering it,i just kinda feel like there's others that need it more than me. And i'd feel weird about committing myself to a place like that. I'll consider it some more

This is exactly how I feel. I am thinking that I'm going to cancel my appointment because I don't feel bad enough to go there atm.
I haven't cut myself in about 2 months, and I haven't seriously considered suicide in about a month.
The thing is that I can be fine (well not fine, but not suicidal) for a few weeks, then bam - I need to die and I need to die now.
I feel there are alot more people in need of the appointment more than me at this moment in time, so I'll just call up again a different time if I need it I think.

cloud493

flutterflye wrote: »

This is exactly how I feel. I am thinking that I'm going to cancel my appointment because I don't feel bad enough to go there atm.
I haven't cut myself in about 2 months, and I haven't seriously considered suicide in about a month.
The thing is that I can be fine (well not fine, but not suicidal) for a few weeks, then bam - I need to die and I need to die now.
I feel there are alot more people in need of the appointment more than me at this moment in time, so I'll just call up again a different time if I need it I think.

Dont think like that. You are just as important as anyone. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be free of this. Go to the appointment. It's the first rung on the ladder.

stupidusername

Same here flutterflye.i've never self-harmed,and my suicidal thoughts are mostly only fleeting now which is probably down to the medication. It's hard to judge for yourself.

flutterflye

Yeah, my meds seem to be helping a bit too.

Oh I don't know.
Maybe I'll call them tomorrow and ask them what they think.
I'll give it a think over again anyway.
Thanks cloud.

stupidusername

flutterflye wrote: »

Yeah, my meds seem to be helping a bit too.

Oh I don't know.
Maybe I'll call them tomorrow and ask them what they think.
I'll give it a think over again anyway.
Thanks cloud.

It couldn't hurt going for the initial consultation anyway,if you're up to it

cloud493

Thing is(last advice il give tonight) don't over think it. Don't think 'why I don't deserve to go' think 'how this will help me'. Going once isn't hard. And you might find having someone to vent to, is so very good. Even If it takes time, give or time.

And self harm is... Awful. Never ever do it. No matter how bad you feel (person who mentioned it)

Acacia

flutterflye wrote: »

This is exactly how I feel. I am thinking that I'm going to cancel my appointment because I don't feel bad enough to go there atm.
I haven't cut myself in about 2 months, and I haven't seriously considered suicide in about a month.
The thing is that I can be fine (well not fine, but not suicidal) for a few weeks, then bam - I need to die and I need to die now.
I feel there are alot more people in need of the appointment more than me at this moment in time, so I'll just call up again a different time if I need it I think.

I did that for years (thinking I didn't deserve help,) and it did me no good. I could've written that post . It's especially hard to think you're ''bad enough'' when the bad thoughts come and go... but it's the fact that they come at all that is worrying. You deserve to be happy.

I'm not saying I'm perfect now that I've been to counselling. It's something that might always be with me in some form or another (runs in the family, anyway). But I can tell you that it's kinda liberating to be able to put a label on what's bothering you- I felt a lot better being able to say (if only to myself)- "I'm not mad or abnormal- I'm depressed and I'm getting help." Trust me, it's a lot better than sitting around, feeling like sh1t and on top of that, feeling like you still don't feel sh1t enough to get help!

Go to the appointment.

opinion guy

flutterflye wrote: »

I feel there are alot more people in need of the appointment more than me at this moment in time, so I'll just call up again a different time if I need it I think.

Can I ask you a question here: feel free not to answer or tell me where to go. stupidusername have a thunk upon this too

Do you think that, perhaps, in telling yourself this, you are giving yourself a way of avoiding the problem for the time being. Putting it out of mind as long as you can. Until it becomes a crisis again ?

I don't mean to patronise, but I've come across this kind of thing before - and in my experience 9 times out of 10 when someone says 'i won't take up a spot because there are others worse off than me', its a subconscious aversion tactic.

A perfectly understandable one I might add. We develop these tactics for a reason. Its our subconscious mind protecting us from the emotional overload it thinks our conscious mind isn't ready for. But sometimes our unconscious mind is over protective perhaps.

I would suggest to you three things:
First - you are as deserving of a place as anyone else.
Second - going at a time when you are not in crisis might make things easier for you. you are in a stronger state of mind. all you need do is convince your subconscious to relax the barriers a little to allow some of the feelings out and try to figure out what they all mean
Third - maybe waiting means more time spent suffering

stupidusername

I get what you're saying and for me yeah you're probably right. When I think of going to them my heart starts racing in fear. Of what,i'm unsure. But I suppose having to face it,with no choice. Doesn't make it any easier to convince myself to do it.

paddy kerins

I've been suffering with depression for a few months now, maybe longer. But like a few others on here it seems to come and go. Some days I'll be fine, others it comes down hard. I haven't told anyone about it, which is probably not the best thing to do

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

I get what you're saying and for me yeah you're probably right. When I think of going to them my heart starts racing in fear. Of what,i'm unsure. But I suppose having to face it,with no choice. Doesn't make it any easier to convince myself to do it.

As the old cliche goes there is nothing to fear but fear itself!

Hows about this. Think of it this way. Is this fear serving you ? Its keeping you stuck in a place you don't want to be. But what can we say about this fear. Well we don't know what its protecting you from. But we can say its a fear of change perhaps. Perhaps you fear that even though the place you are in now is bad, you fear the unknown might be worse ?

stupidusername

opinion guy wrote: »

As the old cliche goes there is nothing to fear but fear itself!

Hows about this. Think of it this way. Is this fear serving you ? Its keeping you stuck in a place you don't want to be. But what can we say about this fear. Well we don't know what its protecting you from. But we can say its a fear of change perhaps. Perhaps you fear that even though the place you are in now is bad, you fear the unknown might be worse ?

Its not the unknown,its the thought that it's going to be intense,that my family will be involved,that i'll be in this big serious place,meaning I have to talk about everything.i will cry.a lot. If I don't go I at least have the chance of having a day that I wont be upset but if I do go I will be.

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

Its not the unknown,its the thought that it's going to be intense,that my family will be involved,that i'll be in this big serious place,meaning I have to talk about everything.i will cry.a lot. If I don't go I at least have the chance of having a day that I wont be upset but if I do go I will be.

Ok. I can understand that. It can be draining yeah ?
But is the status quo not draining ?
And do you think it will get you to a less draining, happier place ?

stupidusername

opinion guy wrote: »

Ok. I can understand that. It can be draining yeah ?
But is the status quo not draining ?
And do you think it will get you to a less draining, happier place ?

Yeah very draining.i know it doesn't make sense,it's just an uncomfortable thing to face. As I am I don't have to face anybody if I dont want,but this,you're kinda being forced to talk about things.and think about everything.

And no tbh I dont hold much hope for it.

Anyway I dont want to be hogging the thread,but thanks to all who responded

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

Yeah very draining.i know it doesn't make sense,it's just an uncomfortable thing to face. As I am I don't have to face anybody if I dont want,but this,you're kinda being forced to talk about things.and think about everything.

And no tbh I dont hold much hope for it.

Anyway I dont want to be hogging the thread,but thanks to all who responded

Dude its allowed not to make sense sometimes, and its allowed not to want to talk and its allowed to feel uncomfortable. There is a great unwritten pressure in the world to conform to the happy happy entertaining fun fun image of who we are supposed to be that the media has rammed down our throats. But really that's bull****. These things you are expressing are ok. One thing I firmly believe is never to deny ones own feelings to yourself, no matter how crazy they seem. Because well, to pretend you don't feel what you do feel - well thats just crazy!:pac:

So don't beat yourself up. For what its worth I think everything your feeling is normal. I don't think you were hogging the thread by the way - I just think we are the only two awake right now!

DeVore

Even if you have an uncomfortable day (and I dont think you will, almost everyone who's posted here has echoed my comments that communicating (talking, writing whatever) helped and made them feel better), you will have a more comfortable *life* afterwards.

Kick the black dog out of your life, you dont need it any more.


What used to get to me is that people would look to me for leadership on days I would just want to curl up and die. I was scared and there was no one to tell. But my fear wasnt of weakness it was (and to an extent is) a fear of what I might achieve if that makes sense.

This quote from Marianne Williamson really hit me hard. I dont like the "God" bits but otherwise it was uncomfortably true.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." "

I was kinda hoping that by posting that OP, I'd give a few people "permission" to share.



Man, I wasnt expecting *this*!
This is awesome (and a teeny bit scary )

Give Pieta a shot, dont wait until its too late. I battle depression on Day 1. When I feel that downward spiral I know that I've a limited time to correct it before it becomes self-reinforcing. I fight depression on the days I'm not depressed.... to *stay* not depressed.

DeV.

nesf

First thing to go with me if something's wrong is my sleep. See the time beside this post for reference!

Problem is there are so many things that can go wrong with me that I don't know what it is. Could be insomnia returning, delayed sleep phase, psychosis, depression or whatever. But it is something, so it puts me on guard for signs of any of the above.