So there aint alot of jobs out there. Why not get a BS one?

LighterGuy

Was reading the 'bullshit careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bullshit job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.


Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part.

Food Critic
Apart from the head-scratching aspect of the job. Whats to stop you creating a bull**** website with so called reviews you made of restaurants. While trying to land a paying gig with a newspaper. Basic writing skills are the only requirement.

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:



So After Hours what are you going to become? :P
LighterGuy will be a trained and qualified Life Coach in a month (i aint actually joking... neck like a jockeys bollocks :P )

Chuck Stone

School career adviser. Lol, you went from school to college and back to school.

Some career experience you have there buddy. I'd rather get advice from someone who was fired 50 times than you.

mikom

LighterGuy wrote: »

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

This job would break your fucking heart, I just know it.

Chuck Stone

mikom wrote: »

This job would break your fucking heart, I just know it.

I'm not married but I'd imagine that the job of a good wedding planner is quite difficult.

Seems to me that people who have large traditional weddings are worrying about everyone else except themselves. Fucking second cousins turning up to complain about the saltiness of the soup. Fuck that.

If I were to get married I think I'd have it far away so only people who really cared about me/us would turn up.

Kojak

Chuck Stone wrote: »

School career adviser. Lol, you went from school to college and back to school.

Would a teacher not be in that category as well?

PseudoFamous

I'm both a nutritionist and a toothologist.

Chuck Stone

Kojak wrote: »

Would a teacher not be in that category as well?

They're not giving career advice so I guess not.

What do you think?

DEFTLEFTHAND

During the summer of 05 I worked as a funeral Director's assistant. He offered me a job in Sept and I turned it down to go to college. 5 years later I'm qualified in a profession I hate. I should have took it, the money was and still is very good.

MrStuffins

When I hear people say they are a "Life Coach" I dunno whether to slap them in the face for being a Life Coach or slap them on the back for convincing their "clients" it's a real thing.

Chuck Stone

Kojak wrote: »

Would a teacher not be in that category as well?

Chuck Stone wrote: »

They're not giving career advice so I guess not.

What do you think?

Man up brah...

LighterGuy

MrStuffins wrote: »

When I hear people say they are a "Life Coach" I dunno whether to slap them in the face for being a Life Coach or slap them on the back for convincing their "clients" it's a real thing.

the latter stuffins :pac:

msg11

DJ's playing a few songs .. Bunch of crooks

LighterGuy

I will officially say "fair balls" to such a con artist .... here

But lets be honest. Like anyone is willing to pay 50 euro for it :rolleyes: Why didnt they say 20 euro or something.

Fear Uladh

I would pay 100 euro to not hear about your problems op.

LighterGuy

Chillaxe wrote: »

I would pay 100 euro to not hear about your problems op.

Better yet, why dont you pay me 100 euro for a session to talk about your problems that you have against me and the topic. I am 'well trained' and 'highly experienced'.


Hence the thead mate

tolosenc

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

LighterGuy

tolosenc wrote: »

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

I know what you mean, man.
But I dont find that to be hypocrisy.
Its good advice to tell someone young to goto college. Get a degree. Because you wont have much being a G.O. than having a degree. But, within recession, times change, one has to do what they do to get by.

Its better to of have gone to college and ended up flipping burgers due to the times. Than to not have. Because times change. Both for the worse and greater.

MrStuffins

tolosenc wrote: »

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

Funny thing is, getting a degree has now made your chances of getting a job flpping burgers nil!

McDs would rather take on someone they can keep there and/or mould into a management role for similar pay rather than someone who might have prospects elsewhere.

smk89

Personal Pleasure Consultant

aka Masterbation Instructor (god knows I've had enough training)

mikeyboy

So long as you are being paid a living wage there is no such thing as a BS job. Every job means that you get some more experience of getting up, going to work, dealing with colleagues and customers etc.
Too many graduates genuinely seem to believe that certain jobs are beneath them until they emigrate and then working in a bar or fast food outlet doesn't seem so bad any more.

MrStuffins

mikeyboy wrote: »

So long as you are being paid a living wage there is no such thing as a BS job. Every job means that you get some more experience of getting up, going to work, dealing with colleagues and customers etc.

CV

MrStuffins

Experience: Getting Up. Going to Work. Coming home from work after work has finished. Dealing with people who aren't guests on Jeremy Kyle.

psychward

LUAS change machine adviser

- Big growth area as junkies with existing lucrative patches die off due to aids and drug abuse

DEFTLEFTHAND

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

During the summer of 05 I worked as a funeral Director's assistant. He offered me a job in Sept and I turned it down to go to college. 5 years later I'm qualified in a profession I hate. I should have took it, the money was and still is very good.

Possibly, one of the safest jobs on the planet!
People are dying to use your services. :P

Reamer Fanny

LighterGuy wrote: »

Was reading the 'bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.


Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part.

Food Critic
Apart from the head-scratching aspect of the job. Whats to stop you creating a bull**** website with so called reviews you made of restaurants. While trying to land a paying gig with a newspaper. Basic writing skills are the only requirement.

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:



So After Hours what are you going to become? :P
LighterGuy will be a trained and qualified Life Coach in a month (i aint actually joking... neck like a jockeys bollocks :P )

I would add Social Media Expert another bs career for people who know how to use Facebook, Twitter etc..

godspal

Chillaxe wrote: »

I would pay 100 euro to not hear about your problems op.

I will give you a €1,000,000 to tell me how you hear text!

So long as you are being paid a living wage there is no such thing as a BS job. Every job means that you get some more experience of getting up, going to work, dealing with colleagues and customers etc.
Too many graduates genuinely seem to believe that certain jobs are beneath them until they emigrate and then working in a bar or fast food outlet doesn't seem so bad any more.

Big difference man. When you emigrate, you are going to a new country, experience a new life, actually living. If you stay at home and flip burgers, you are not really living, the only difference is that you are spending 40+ hours out of the house, and getting paid for it.
Another thing is that it's difficult to have a dynamic social life in Ireland; you can go out drinking, waste all that weekly wage, and have nothing to show after 2-3 years in McDs.
Ireland lacks free space, the weather to do decent outdoor activities (surfing comes to mind, we live in one of the best surfing locations in the world, and yet you have to spend close to a grand before you even put your toe in the water), and if you want to even sit down have a coffee with a friend, well 2.50 out of the pocket, for something that costs possibly 30 cents to make, going to gig is another expensive thing, setting up band is extremely difficult. This is not like the recessions of 70s & 80s; everything costs money. If you have a job (which will be a **** job) well you be working for 50-60 hours and you won't have a social life, and you won't even have something worthwhile to put down on your CV for some future career. I could continue but I would be just repeating myself.

Animord

LighterGuy wrote: »

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

I know someone who did this - went out and bought a pack of Tarot cards, learnt what they all meant and read people's cards until she had enough money to go travelling. Anytime she ran out of money she read a few cards and was off again.

minidazzler

LighterGuy wrote: »

Was reading the 'bullshit careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bullshit job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.


Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part. )

No, it will not, unless you go to Thailand or some such place where they will tailor you a nice suit for that price. But over here spend at least 200 on the suit alone for something with a bit of quality to it.

stateofflux

`i can't believe somebody has'nt pillaged all the useful knowledge on boards (especially After hours) and set up a service to solve any problems & answer any questions anyone would have on anything in the known universe

i can see it now

THINKTANK.IE

'we do the thinking so you don't have to'

Vicxas

Im gonna quit my job and be a space cowboy

Nailz

msg11 wrote: »

DJ's playing a few songs .. Bunch of crooks

This. "Live" nightclub DJ's get stupid pay for around 3 hours work, and it's piss easy. I am studying with a chap who is a qualified bouncer (among about 10 other free lance things) and although he doesn't belong to an agency, nor does he do it full time as he's studying at Uni, he does work for one of his friends' security groups at the door of a Galway nightclub some weekends. In which he seen how much money those lads get paid, I believe it was around €120 or something like that for this one lad — all for a nights' work.

And part of the reason they are paid so much is for "buying the tracks". Does he fuck buy them...

Robdude

I think it's this line of thinking that got us into this mess in the first place.

Scruffles

Robdude wrote: »

I think it's this line of thinking that got us into this mess in the first place.

give Mr stateofflux thinktank service a call,he might be able to help.


way ahead on the BS jobs,anyone need a biological hazard mitigation consultant to waffle on about the dangers of farting gas,or perhaps are more in need of a terminology management executive consultant-to make up the name of some BS job in the first place?
hire fee is one crateful of redbull per day,sorry no cheap alternatives.

JuliusCaesar

godspal wrote: »

This is not like the recessions of 70s & 80s; everything costs money. .

Ah yes, those glorious recessions in the 70s and 80s, when they were giving stuff away free, so it didn't matter that the dole wasn't enough to live on!
:cool:

sheesh

I am a seatologist I am also currently taking a course in monitor studies.

Robdude

tolosenc wrote: »

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

As an educated adult I think you should be able to acknowledge that

1.) 'Stuff people said' is not a contract. It's not even guaranteed to be true. My parents told me I was the most handsomest boy in the World....and yet, I can't find a job as a model.

2.) Where you 'end up' is different than where you 'start out'. Going to college means you probably won't be flipping burgers when you are 40, not that you'll be a CEO with a corner office when you are 25.

Nolanger

LighterGuy wrote: »

So After Hours what are you going to become? :P

Pet psychic - first question, what's the dog's name?

Dudess

justryan wrote: »

LighterGuy wrote: »

Was reading the 'bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.


Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part.

Food Critic
Apart from the head-scratching aspect of the job. Whats to stop you creating a bull**** website with so called reviews you made of restaurants. While trying to land a paying gig with a newspaper. Basic writing skills are the only requirement.

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:



So After Hours what are you going to become? :P
LighterGuy will be a trained and qualified Life Coach in a month (i aint actually joking... neck like a jockeys bollocks :P )

I would add Social Media Expert another bs career for people who know how to use Facebook, Twitter etc..

Social media is of huge consequence to businesses now though.

saa

LighterGuy wrote: »

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:

Dang you know I will buy into this con, I am crapola at interviews will have to pay someone to do my cv.. I go all Kristen Stewart in interviews fer real.

Logical Fallacy

Nailz wrote: »

This. "Live" nightclub DJ's get stupid pay for around 3 hours work, and it's piss easy. I am studying with a chap who is a qualified bouncer (among about 10 other free lance things) and although he doesn't belong to an agency, nor does he do it full time as he's studying at Uni, he does work for one of his friends' security groups at the door of a Galway nightclub some weekends. In which he seen how much money those lads get paid, I believe it was around €120 or something like that for this one lad — all for a nights' work.

And part of the reason they are paid so much is for "buying the tracks". Does he fuck buy them...

120eu for 3 hours is nothing tbh.

LighterGuy

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

120eu for 3 hours is nothing tbh.

as in ... 120 euro isnt a lot of money to make for only 3 hours work? :eek:

starlit

There ain't many jobs out there but its hard enough to get the BS ones!

Reamer Fanny

Dudess wrote: »

justryan wrote: »

LighterGuy wrote: »

Was reading the 'bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.


Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part.

Food Critic
Apart from the head-scratching aspect of the job. Whats to stop you creating a bull**** website with so called reviews you made of restaurants. While trying to land a paying gig with a newspaper. Basic writing skills are the only requirement.

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:



So After Hours what are you going to become? :P
LighterGuy will be a trained and qualified Life Coach in a month (i aint actually joking... neck like a jockeys bollocks :P )

I would add Social Media Expert another bs career for people who know how to use Facebook, Twitter etc..

Social media is of huge consequence to businesses now though.

Agreed social media is a valuable FREE
Marketing tool for business, but you don't need a degree to set up a Facbook page

Logical Fallacy

LighterGuy wrote: »

as in ... 120 euro isnt a lot of money to make for only 3 hours work? :eek:

It's kind of bog standard pay for a boring weekend club. Nothing special about it. I could give you some numbers that would properly upset you.:D

psychward

I know someone who claimed to have been earning a grand or 2 a night as a part time DJ while an apprentice and then a tradesman as his main occupation however he seems to have been living at home with his mom all this time and his car ain't so flash frankly it's a banger. From that and very similar cases I think theres a lot of people who for some reason I can't understand are bigging themselves up. I'd say looking at the greed of publicans and nightclub owners and the way they treated the customer with regard to rip off prices should indicate that if they can get away with minimum wages then they will.

Logical Fallacy

psychward wrote: »

I know someone who claimed to have been earning a grand or 2 a night as a part time DJ while an apprentice and then a tradesman as his main occupation however he seems to have been living at home with his mom all this time and his car ain't so flash frankly it's a banger. From that and very similar cases I think theres a lot of people who for some reason I can't understand are bigging themselves up. I'd say looking at the greed of publicans and nightclub owners and the way they treated the customer with regard to rip off prices should indicate that if they can get away with minimum wages then they will.

Your average club DJ for a highstreet club is generally getting paid very little...or as little as the club can possibly pay. The simple fact is that they are there to play pretty obvious tunes and can be replaced pretty easily.

I know chaps that are quality DJ's and Producers and depending on the location of the club they could be getting anywhere from 1K to a few guys i have heard of getting 3K plus. And that is with serious name recognition behind them in their music scene.

So i reckon your mate was full of crap.

LighterGuy

Domo230 wrote: »

I'd say life coach is a good career but only for those rare few people who have every aspect of their life running smoothly.

I would happily pay money to get life coaching from a millionaire Olympian who dates multiple supermodels while studying for his PHD.

Only the happiest, most successful people should become life coaches. Most just seem to be housewives who have nothing better to do than tell other people what to do.

Exactly man.
That's why i firmly believe its one of the biggest joke jobs. Its who is telling you how to be successful.

if I was a life coach you'd get some lies outta me :pac:
"Well I left school at 14 working 2 jobs to support my family. At 18 i studied part time to get my junior and leaving. It was hard but I over came everything. Then I went to college while working 85 hours a week (:pac:) I later trained and entered the Olympics .. I was also a russian commando at weekends. And I was the influence behind the formation of U2. Even tho they formed years before my birth. Why delay call today."

LighterGuy

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

It's kind of bog standard pay for a boring weekend club. Nothing special about it. I could give you some numbers that would properly upset you.:D

:pac: ,
I still wouldnt turn down 120 for 3 hours work. (cause mister tax man wont know about it :pac: )

Robdude

If you guys think DJs have it so easy - why don't you become one?

Reamer Fanny

Robdude wrote: »

If you guys think DJs have it so easy - why don't you become one?

Don't most DJs use an ITunes playlist?

Robdude

justryan wrote: »

Don't most DJs use an ITunes playlist?

I don't know anything about being a club DJ - but I do know the DJ's music selection was the biggest reason my friends and I would go to one club over another; back when I was in college. Granted, *I* didn't care; but the girls did, and we went wherever the girls wanted.

There are a ton of professions that appear to be easy at a superficial level.

Coaches just tell players how to play!
Critics just say what they think about something!
Artists just splash paint around and call it art!
Design consultants just tell you what looks good!
Actors just stand around and read lines!
DJs just play a bunch of songs they like!
Photographers just take pictures of crap!
Cooks just follow recipes!
etc...etc...

But there is a huge difference between me making a youTube video of myself and Brad Pitt or someone staring in a movie. The biggest difference is the number of people willing to watch Brad Pitt do his thing, than those willing to watch me.

Sure - you can say that these are all subjective things and you'd be right. But what isn't subjective is the number of people willing to pay to see the result. We can argue all day over which 'playlist' is better or which 'painting' is the prettiest - but objectively, we can measure the number of people who like playlist one verse playlist two, the number of people who buy painting a instead of painting two.

A good DJ has a huge impact on a club. And in time, clubs build a reputation for having the best DJs and DJs build their own reputation to. I firmly believe there are aspects of being a DJ that, even if superficial and subjective, make a huge difference to people who care about music and who frequent clubs. Even if it is as simple as making a playlist, I promise you, a lot of people would hate my playlists.

If I am wrong, and being a DJ is mindless and easy....

1.) Why do clubs have them? Any MP3 player with a shuffle feature can replace them.
2.) Why not become a DJ? If the pay is good and it takes virtually no effort, you aren't risking anything by becoming one.

I'm not saying that as a 'call out' or with any disrespect. It could be that you naturally are good at selecting music and think DJing is easy, because you would be great at it. Or maybe it would be a lot more competitive than you think.

psychward

A playlist is easily copied from a club in LA to one in Dublin . However acting skill like in the Brad Pitt example given above can't be magically transferred and is locked inside the persona of Brad Pitt. Some resources are not scarce or exclusive to an individual and some are.
As far as I have observed, a DJ should be good at mixing tracks together and fading them out again otherwise paying him to choose a playlist is nonsense as most clubs full of drunken suckers paying for overpriced beer would be quite happy with a playlist of whatever is in the charts that year or season with a few eternally popular tracks thrown in for good measure.