So there aint alot of jobs out there. Why not get a BS one?

LighterGuy · 27-11-2011 03:02AM #1

Was reading the 'bullshit careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bullshit job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.

Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one

€150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part.

Food Critic
Apart from the head-scratching aspect of the job. Whats to stop you creating a bull**** website with so called reviews you made of restaurants. While trying to land a paying gig with a newspaper. Basic writing skills are the only requirement.

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:

So After Hours what are you going to become? :P
LighterGuy will be a trained and qualified Life Coach in a month (i aint actually joking... neck like a jockeys bollocks :P )

Chuck Stone · 27-11-2011 03:49AM

School career adviser. Lol, you went from school to college and back to school.

Some career experience you have there buddy. I'd rather get advice from someone who was fired 50 times than you.

mikom · 27-11-2011 03:57AM

LighterGuy wrote: »

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

This job would break your fucking heart, I just know it.

Chuck Stone · 27-11-2011 04:02AM

mikom wrote: »

This job would break your fucking heart, I just know it.

I'm not married but I'd imagine that the job of a good wedding planner is quite difficult.

Seems to me that people who have large traditional weddings are worrying about everyone else except themselves. Fucking second cousins turning up to complain about the saltiness of the soup. Fuck that.

If I were to get married I think I'd have it far away so only people who really cared about me/us would turn up.

Kojak · 27-11-2011 04:14AM

Chuck Stone wrote: »

School career adviser. Lol, you went from school to college and back to school.

Would a teacher not be in that category as well?

PseudoFamous · 27-11-2011 04:15AM

I'm both a nutritionist and a toothologist.

Chuck Stone · 27-11-2011 04:17AM

Kojak wrote: »

Would a teacher not be in that category as well?

They're not giving career advice so I guess not.

What do you think?

DEFTLEFTHAND · 27-11-2011 04:25AM

During the summer of 05 I worked as a funeral Director's assistant. He offered me a job in Sept and I turned it down to go to college. 5 years later I'm qualified in a profession I hate. I should have took it, the money was and still is very good.

MrStuffins · 27-11-2011 04:30AM

When I hear people say they are a "Life Coach" I dunno whether to slap them in the face for being a Life Coach or slap them on the back for convincing their "clients" it's a real thing.

Chuck Stone · 27-11-2011 04:36AM

Kojak wrote: »

Would a teacher not be in that category as well?

Chuck Stone wrote: »

They're not giving career advice so I guess not.

What do you think?

Man up brah...

LighterGuy · 27-11-2011 04:39AM

MrStuffins wrote: »

When I hear people say they are a "Life Coach" I dunno whether to slap them in the face for being a Life Coach or slap them on the back for convincing their "clients" it's a real thing.

the latter stuffins :pac:

msg11 · 27-11-2011 04:43AM

DJ's playing a few songs .. Bunch of crooks

LighterGuy · 27-11-2011 04:48AM

I will officially say "fair balls" to such a con artist .... here

But lets be honest. Like anyone is willing to pay 50 euro for it :rolleyes: Why didnt they say 20 euro or something.

Fear Uladh · 27-11-2011 04:49AM

I would pay 100 euro to not hear about your problems op.

LighterGuy · 27-11-2011 04:52AM

Chillaxe wrote: »

I would pay 100 euro to not hear about your problems op.

Better yet, why dont you pay me 100 euro for a session to talk about your problems that you have against me and the topic. I am 'well trained' and 'highly experienced'.

Hence the thead mate

tolosenc · 27-11-2011 04:58AM

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

LighterGuy · 27-11-2011 05:11AM

tolosenc wrote: »

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

I know what you mean, man.
But I dont find that to be hypocrisy.
Its good advice to tell someone young to goto college. Get a degree. Because you wont have much being a G.O. than having a degree. But, within recession, times change, one has to do what they do to get by.

Its better to of have gone to college and ended up flipping burgers due to the times. Than to not have. Because times change. Both for the worse and greater.

MrStuffins · 27-11-2011 05:18AM

tolosenc wrote: »

Nah, there's plenty of actual jobs out there. It's just from a young age, I was told to work hard at school and go to college so I wouldn't end up flipping burgers in McDonald's, and now that I'm finished college and can't get a job, the people who told me to study are now perplexed that I won't apply to be a burger flipper, because I've "got notions from somewhere"!

Funny thing is, getting a degree has now made your chances of getting a job flpping burgers nil!

McDs would rather take on someone they can keep there and/or mould into a management role for similar pay rather than someone who might have prospects elsewhere.

smk89 · 27-11-2011 05:39AM

Personal Pleasure Consultant

aka Masterbation Instructor (god knows I've had enough training)

mikeyboy · 27-11-2011 05:39AM

So long as you are being paid a living wage there is no such thing as a BS job. Every job means that you get some more experience of getting up, going to work, dealing with colleagues and customers etc.
Too many graduates genuinely seem to believe that certain jobs are beneath them until they emigrate and then working in a bar or fast food outlet doesn't seem so bad any more.

MrStuffins · 27-11-2011 05:44AM

mikeyboy wrote: »

So long as you are being paid a living wage there is no such thing as a BS job. Every job means that you get some more experience of getting up, going to work, dealing with colleagues and customers etc.

CV

MrStuffins

Experience: Getting Up. Going to Work. Coming home from work after work has finished. Dealing with people who aren't guests on Jeremy Kyle.

psychward · 27-11-2011 05:46AM

LUAS change machine adviser

- Big growth area as junkies with existing lucrative patches die off due to aids and drug abuse

27-11-2011 05:56AM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

During the summer of 05 I worked as a funeral Director's assistant. He offered me a job in Sept and I turned it down to go to college. 5 years later I'm qualified in a profession I hate. I should have took it, the money was and still is very good.

Possibly, one of the safest jobs on the planet!
People are dying to use your services. :P

Reamer Fanny · 27-11-2011 06:08AM

LighterGuy wrote: »

Was reading the 'bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bulls[SIZE="2"]h[/SIZE]it job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.

Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part.

Food Critic
Apart from the head-scratching aspect of the job. Whats to stop you creating a bull**** website with so called reviews you made of restaurants. While trying to land a paying gig with a newspaper. Basic writing skills are the only requirement.

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

Wedding Planner
Title says it all. People have been planning the weddings they wanted for decades (lets be honest, even in the 1300's some couple planned what they wanted) so what is really required to be one? ... an interest in weddings?!?! :pac:

Interview Skills Specialist
This makes me laugh. So someone will tell YOU what you should do in an interview. In what way to type your cv up, what to say etc. Brilliant con. Whats the experience needed? None. But why not lie and say your worked in recruitment for years? :pac:

So After Hours what are you going to become? :P
LighterGuy will be a trained and qualified Life Coach in a month (i aint actually joking... neck like a jockeys bollocks :P )

I would add Social Media Expert another bs career for people who know how to use Facebook, Twitter etc..

godspal · 27-11-2011 06:39AM

Chillaxe wrote: »

I would pay 100 euro to not hear about your problems op.

I will give you a €1,000,000 to tell me how you hear text!

So long as you are being paid a living wage there is no such thing as a BS job. Every job means that you get some more experience of getting up, going to work, dealing with colleagues and customers etc.
Too many graduates genuinely seem to believe that certain jobs are beneath them until they emigrate and then working in a bar or fast food outlet doesn't seem so bad any more.

Big difference man. When you emigrate, you are going to a new country, experience a new life, actually living. If you stay at home and flip burgers, you are not really living, the only difference is that you are spending 40+ hours out of the house, and getting paid for it.
Another thing is that it's difficult to have a dynamic social life in Ireland; you can go out drinking, waste all that weekly wage, and have nothing to show after 2-3 years in McDs.
Ireland lacks free space, the weather to do decent outdoor activities (surfing comes to mind, we live in one of the best surfing locations in the world, and yet you have to spend close to a grand before you even put your toe in the water), and if you want to even sit down have a coffee with a friend, well 2.50 out of the pocket, for something that costs possibly 30 cents to make, going to gig is another expensive thing, setting up band is extremely difficult. This is not like the recessions of 70s & 80s; everything costs money. If you have a job (which will be a **** job) well you be working for 50-60 hours and you won't have a social life, and you won't even have something worthwhile to put down on your CV for some future career. I could continue but I would be just repeating myself.

Animord · 27-11-2011 10:30AM

LighterGuy wrote: »

Psychic Readings
Buy Tarrot cards, a crystal ball and read a few psychology books and you are set. Charge people 50 euro (or more) for a reading.

I know someone who did this - went out and bought a pack of Tarot cards, learnt what they all meant and read people's cards until she had enough money to go travelling. Anytime she ran out of money she read a few cards and was off again.

minidazzler · 27-11-2011 10:40AM

LighterGuy wrote: »

Was reading the 'bullshit careers' thread and got thinking ... is there really anything stopping anyone from just creating a bullshit job for themselves? :pac: .. that tomorrow you can call yourself anything of the below. Advertising your services.

Life Coach.
You can read the wikipedia link above if you want. But basically its someone telling you how to "reach your goals" (:pac:) or how to handle your life between business, personal and love life. A quick google search finds out many places here in Ireland are actually charging you a €1000 euro for a short course to be one! :pac: .. is it really something you need to pay a grand for to be one €150 euro can buy you a nice looking suit, briefcase and books on the subject. You'll look and speak the part. )

No, it will not, unless you go to Thailand or some such place where they will tailor you a nice suit for that price. But over here spend at least 200 on the suit alone for something with a bit of quality to it.

stateofflux · 27-11-2011 11:10AM

`i can't believe somebody has'nt pillaged all the useful knowledge on boards (especially After hours) and set up a service to solve any problems & answer any questions anyone would have on anything in the known universe

i can see it now

THINKTANK.IE

'we do the thinking so you don't have to'

Vicxas · 27-11-2011 11:15AM

Im gonna quit my job and be a space cowboy

Nailz · 27-11-2011 11:42AM

msg11 wrote: »

DJ's playing a few songs .. Bunch of crooks

This. "Live" nightclub DJ's get stupid pay for around 3 hours work, and it's piss easy. I am studying with a chap who is a qualified bouncer (among about 10 other free lance things) and although he doesn't belong to an agency, nor does he do it full time as he's studying at Uni, he does work for one of his friends' security groups at the door of a Galway nightclub some weekends. In which he seen how much money those lads get paid, I believe it was around €120 or something like that for this one lad — all for a nights' work.

And part of the reason they are paid so much is for "buying the tracks". Does he fuck buy them...

Robdude · 27-11-2011 12:36PM

I think it's this line of thinking that got us into this mess in the first place.

So there aint alot of jobs out there. Why not get a BS one?

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