The Commute

markpb

Abi wrote: »

In conclusion to all of this; I will say that relocating is easier said than done for a lot of people. I just find the 'just move' attitude short-sighted. It's fine and well if you're on your own, but if you've a mortgage on a house you can't sell and children in schools - well a lot more thinking has to go into it.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that moving is easy but there has to be a balance between avoiding a major change in a childs life and having them only see one (or both) of their parents for an hour a day. Wanting them to grow up in a safe environment where there is room to play and relatives are nearby is extremely commendable but at what cost?

Obviously, if someone owns a house that they cannot sell or rent, there's not much they can do to avoid a long commute. Personally, if I found myself in that situation, I think I'd seriously consider leaving the country (and house).

Lord Trollington

Storminateacup wrote: »

I am not happy seeing my little girl for an hour a day. It breaks my heart leaving her in the mornings and knowing I'm missing out all day. Ideally, Id spend all day with her. But, it's just not an option.

At the moment - Im working insane hours a day so as I can build a future for all of us. I'm gaining invaluable experience, experience that isn't available to me in my own town. I'm hoping to open my own business working in my own town, in the near future. I simply cannot afford to be a stay at home mother and I would crawl over broken glass for my child, rather than have her grow up on social welfare.

It's not easy and it's heartbreaking feeling like you're missing out, but I have to
do it. I'm a listtle ipset that people think this makes me a bad
mother, but I'm doing what I feel is best for her.

I Want her surrounded by her family - people who love her, and not just tossed into a crèche with someone who has 10 other kids to watch.
I want her to grow up with her cousins, have a safe place to play, and when she gets older, a safer place to be at night time.

It's just not an option to move to Dublin. It's still going to mean I'll be gone at least 11 hours a day. Again, I hope it's short term.

I'm going to ask an importantquestion that everyone else failed to ask you so far.

Are you a MILF??

Scanlas The 2nd

markpb wrote: »

I don't think anyone is suggesting that moving is easy but there has to be a balance between avoiding a major change in a childs life and having them only see one (or both) of their parents for an hour a day. Wanting them to grow up in a safe environment where there is room to play and relatives are nearby is extremely commendable but at what cost?

Obviously, if someone owns a house that they cannot sell or rent, there's not much they can do to avoid a long commute. Personally, if I found myself in that situation, I think I'd seriously consider leaving the country (and house).

Or you could stay in the country and hand your house keys to the bank and say good luck, don't fancy paying back the rest of the mortgage. Then find a nice house somewhere to rent.

markpb

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Or you could stay in the country and hand your house keys to the bank and say good luck, don't fancy paying back the rest of the mortgage. Then find a nice house somewhere to rent.

That's not possible in Ireland - you're legally responsible for the mortgage, even if you hand the keys back. If you owe €200,000 and the bank only sell it for €100,000 you still have a mortgage of €100,000 and a home to rent.

Miss Olenska

southsiderosie wrote: »

I think more people in Ireland need to be realistic about work and family life. People are obsessed with raising their kids in the country, but want the kind of well-paying professional jobs that by and large are going to be in a city. But there are only so many hours in the day, and you can't have it all. Yet suggest you raise your kids in Dublin or - GOD FORBID - in a flat instead of a house, and people look at you like you have three heads.

I agree mostly with this but must point out that flats and apartments in this country are not of a great standard compared to other countries where family flat and apartment living are more common.

Scanlas The 2nd

markpb wrote: »

That's not possible in Ireland - you're legally responsible for the mortgage, even if you hand the keys back. If you owe €200,000 and the bank only sell it for €100,000 you still have a mortgage of €100,000 and a home to rent.

What will they do if you just decide not to pay it back?

Stark

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What will they do if you just decide not to pay it back?

Take you to court, have you thrown in jail.

HavingCrack

Stark wrote: »

Take you to court, have you thrown in jail.

To an extent I always wonder what the point of this is, I don't see how putting someone in jail helps the bank recoup their money.

mathie

HavingCrack wrote: »

To an extent I always wonder what the point of this is, I don't see how putting someone in jail helps the bank recoup their money.

It doesn't.

It's to ensure most people do pay their mortgage.

Snakeblood

HavingCrack wrote: »

To an extent I always wonder what the point of this is, I don't see how putting someone in jail helps the bank recoup their money.

pour encourager les autres

markpb

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What will they do if you just decide not to pay it back?

Take you to court, get a judgement order against you, take the house and sell it and, if they don't cover the remaining mortgage, have you declared bankrupt.

jupiter00

I aree with previous posts the only commuter is the man travelling from Limerick to Dublin. The fella from Sligo had my sympathy until I heard he inherited land and spent money on a sports car left to rot on that land! The GAA player well he has switched careers now has a teaching job in London and probably is building up brownie points for the job in Ireland, sports is good on the cv as someone else has noted here already and he has a farm of land in the background too poor lad. The midwife I don't know what to think, its surely to build up 'experience' before the HSE lifts the ban on recruitment, she's famous now before the interviews or something. It surely is a shorter term goal, understandable as she qualified as a mature student and disappointed about job prospects after her effort, it's a gamble for her. But then what about all the other newly qualified nurses, lots of people have disappointments and it's no good moaning about it. Not really about commuters, started off feeling sorry for them but not all are in really desperate situations like some of the posts here about real commuters.

markpb

jupiter00 wrote: »

she qualified as a mature student and disappointed about job prospects after her effort, it's a gamble for her. But then what about all the other newly qualified nurses, lots of people have disappointments and it's no good moaning about it.

Newly qualified students are more likely to be young and footloose so it's easier for them to move to where the jobs are than someone with seven children.

I can't believe they remade that movie...

Shelga

Just watching it now on RTE player, why are they playing the sad Social Network music as they talk about young grads being forced to up sticks and leave?

I moved to England 2 months ago- best thing that ever happened to me. I feel grateful every day that I got the chance to leave the economic mess that is Ireland. It's good to experience somewhere new anyway (obviously if you have no commitments). I love my job and surroundings- don't plan on visiting home much as all my friends have left, and already I think I'll probably settle down here. Why do people move somewhere new and make no effort to settle in? Why go home every weekend? I refer to travel both inside and outside Ireland.

On the topic of people with families and mortgages who do these ridiculous commutes, no sympathy at all really. Abi, you said you would avoid uprooting your family at all costs, children who are in school etc. I would avoid only spending an hour a day with my family at all costs.

Also, the people I know who had to move around a lot as kids are notably more independent and self-sufficient than those who didn't. Not saying it's an argument for it, but something to note. You sound like you wouldn't even consider moving your family once, for a chance at an exponentially better quality of life.

Yahew

Shelga wrote: »

On the topic of people with families and mortgages who do these ridiculous commutes, no sympathy at all really. Abi, you said you would avoid uprooting your family at all costs, children who are in school etc. I would avoid only spending an hour a day with my family at all costs.

Also, the people I know who had to move around a lot as kids are notably more independent and self-sufficient than those who didn't. Not saying it's an argument for it, but something to note. You sound like you wouldn't even consider moving your family once, for a chance at an exponentially better quality of life.

Why would the quality of life be exponentially better? People are making too much of these commutes compared to commutes within Dublin. If someone has a much better life down the country at weekends, then why move to Dublin?

Shelga

Yahew wrote: »

Why would the quality of life be exponentially better? People are making too much of these commutes compared to commutes within Dublin. If someone has a much better life down the country at weekends, then why move to Dublin?

I never mentioned Dublin? I'm saying spending 4 hours of your day on a train is completely incomprehensible to me, no matter where you're going.

Shelga

Shelga wrote: »

Just watching it now on RTE player, why are they playing the sad Social Network music as they talk about young grads being forced to up sticks and leave?

I moved to England 2 months ago- best thing that ever happened to me. I feel grateful every day that I got the chance to leave the economic mess that is Ireland. It's good to experience somewhere new anyway (obviously if you have no commitments). I love my job and surroundings- don't plan on visiting home much as all my friends have left, and already I think I'll probably settle down here. Why do people move somewhere new and make no effort to settle in? Why go home every weekend? I refer to travel both inside and outside Ireland.

I think a lot of people just have an overblown sense of entitlement. They want to live near their families and friends, work in the field they choose, live close to work... it's simply difficult to have all of those things and that has nothing to do with any recession or with Ireland. Unless you grew up in a big city, then chances are you will have to move away for work or work doing whatever is available locally (including being on the dole if you live in the arse end of nowhere where there are no jobs). I'm not seeing why this is deserving of sympathy. I'm not talking out of my arse either, I've moved around loads for work, including to places I didn't know a soul and didn't speak the language. Making such a fuss over moving to London seems a bit sad to me. Going home every weekend to see your mates from home and not integrating into your new place seems a bit sad to me. But I'm obviously never going to understand that mentality.

Abi wrote: »

Right, well my gripe with this is how easily it is said, by people that don't seem to understand that it's not that simple. It's fine and well for a single person to up sticks and hit Dublin, but if you're talking about uprooting an entire family - well "just move" is easier said than done. I refer back to the point that people are finding it difficult to sell their homes, and I'd imagine more so in rural areas. Then you're talking about uprooting children from their schools, which can be a big upset for them, and perhaps their school work. You may be also taking them away from their relatives that may live near by.

OK, fair point about selling the house, but I don't think moving is the enormous deal you make it out to be. I moved countries as a child, plenty of people do. Yes, it's unsettling, yes it's upsetting. You get over it. I think it was positive for me in lots of ways.

It is I'm afraid. No parent would just move without some hesitation, and how it may effect their children. It's difficult for any child to have to leave their friends and have to make new ones - and trying to keep on top of school work at the same time. I know it is done, but it would be something I would avoid at all costs.

You're right, it's not an easy decision, but commuting insane distances is hardly ideal either.

In conclusion to all of this; I will say that relocating is easier said than done for a lot of people. I just find the 'just move' attitude short-sighted. It's fine and well if you're on your own, but if you've a mortgage on a house you can't sell and children in schools - well a lot more thinking has to go into it.

Of course. That doesn't mean it's not often the best option.

sh1tstirrer

People on here taking about the arse end of nowhere or the middle of nowhere obviously haven't a clue. If you were talking about the middle of nowhere it would be like Canada where you could be living 100 miles from your nearest town. No matter where you are in Ireland there is a town nearby.

Shelga

Shelga wrote: »

I moved to England 2 months ago- best thing that ever happened to me. I feel grateful every day that I got the chance to leave the economic mess that is Ireland. It's good to experience somewhere new anyway (obviously if you have no commitments). I love my job and surroundings- don't plan on visiting home much as all my friends have left, and already I think I'll probably settle down here. Why do people move somewhere new and make no effort to settle in? Why go home every weekend? I refer to travel both inside and outside Ireland.

I moved to London a few years ago, I knew I wouldn't like it but I did it. I came home less than once a month so I did try to integrate. I didnt mind it and had some good time there but it just wasn't the same as living in Ireland and I couldn't see my family or friends from home regularly which is a thing important to me. I don't want to spend months between seeing both. I actually find it sad that people are happy to spend long periods of time without visiting home.

I live in Ireland again now, not as near to home as I would like but its not too bad either and hopefully I will get back where I want to be at some point. I have a group of friends here that I get on great with them, have good nights out and even have gone away on holidays with them.

But I like being able to go home to see my family and go out with my friends which Ive known for years regularly, I probably go home on average every second weekend over the year. I could go home 4 weekends in a row or wait down 3 in a row etc but I have the option and I am much happier than when I was in London, I would hate the thought of having to move out of Ireland for any extended amount of time again.

CiaranC

What a wierd backward little country we live in. People building bungalows in the arse end of nowhere and commuting for five hours a day thinking they are improving their quality of life.

lol

Shelga

Dream Little Resistor wrote: »

I moved to London a few years ago, I knew I wouldn't like it but I did it.

Do you think this glass-half-empty outlook to the move was a help or a hindrance to you integrating into a new place?

Dream Little Resistor wrote: »

I actually find it sad that people are happy to spend long periods of time without visiting home.

Why do you find it sad that people are more amenable and adaptable to change than you evidently are?

Stark

Yahew wrote: »

Why would the quality of life be exponentially better? People are making too much of these commutes compared to commutes within Dublin.

My commute is a 15 min cycle each way and my rent is half what the monthly costs of driving up and down would be. Don't mind what you say, it beats the crap out of a 4 hour round trip.

CiaranC

Lack of posts in this thread directly attributable to users still being on the way home to Cavan. I got home at 4.15

Shelga

Shelga wrote: »

Do you think this glass-half-empty outlook to the move was a help or a hindrance to you integrating into a new place?

No, Saying I knew I wouldnt like it didnt make me make any less effort. I like the way of life here, being at home in the county at weekends doing some work on the farm, going out with my friends from home etc and I knew these things could only be substituted in London but not even equaled never mind bettered.

Shelga wrote: »

Why do you find it sad that people are more amenable and adaptable to change than you evidently are?

Why do people think its some sort of badge of honor that they moved to a different county and no longer have any interest in hanging out with their old friends.

Why should I try to be adaptable when Id much prefer to live in Ireland, no matter how much I could force myself to like somewhere else It would never be as good simple as that.

As I said Im happy enough living somewhere in Ireland as you always have the option to head for home on a friday evening or arrange a p*ss up with with friends from home at the last minute etc.

Dream Little Resistor

Dream Little Resistor wrote: »

I moved to London a few years ago, I knew I wouldn't like it but I did it. I came home less than once a month so I did try to integrate. I didnt mind it and had some good time there but it just wasn't the same as living in Ireland and I couldn't see my family or friends from home regularly which is a thing important to me. I don't want to spend months between seeing both.

Going home less than once a month is integrating? I'd feel so unsettled if I did that. Saying you knew you wouldn't like it before you went comes across as a bit narrow minded, tbh. Do you think you really gave it a chance?

I actually find it sad that people are happy to spend long periods of time without visiting home.

Why? Some people don't base their identity on 'home' being where they grew up and their ability to enjoy themselves on palling around with the same people they went to school with. Moving to a new place offers loads of opportunities to meet new people and build a life there. It doesn't mean you have to forget your old friends, but what's wrong with new ones? For me, 'home' is where I'm currently living, be it Seoul, Brussels or London. Horses for courses I guess.

Yahew

CiaranC wrote: »

What a wierd backward little country we live in. People building bungalows in the arse end of nowhere and commuting for five hours a day thinking they are improving their quality of life.

lol

They are improving their quality of life if they feel they are. It is a bit of a compromise, for sure, but if people prefer to have larger houses down the country, close to a reasonable sized town - for instance Kilkenny, then it makes far greater sense than living in Dublin. As I pointed out in this thread previously, commutes within Dublin can be as arduous as commutes to Dublin from within a hundred miles if you are taking the train to an office in the centre, or driving to the outskirts. I also pointed out that Dubliners don't move house for work but take longer commutes, and are prepared to live further from the centre for a higher standard of living - i.e. Howth/ Dalkey etc.

But your reply shows what is really going on here - the Dubliner's unwarranted sense of the importance an appeal of their city.

Amiya Wailing Speedometer wrote: »

Going home every weekend to see your mates from home and not integrating into your new place seems a bit sad to me. But I'm obviously never going to understand that mentality.

Thats up to them. I have lived in 5 cities and 3 countries. now having settled down I am not going to move to London, though I work there. Making friends is not why I work somewhere. I have friends here. I go out and drink with work colleagues there, but weekends are better here. The situation I have is ideal - the exception being a morning commute once a week.

Things change when you settle down.

Why? Some people don't base their identity on 'home' being where they grew up and their ability to enjoy themselves on palling around with the same people they went to school with. Moving to a new place offers loads of opportunities to meet new people and build a life there. It doesn't mean you have to forget your old friends, but what's wrong with new ones? For me, 'home' is where I'm currently living, be it Seoul, Brussels or London. Horses for courses I guess.

And for some people they want to play hurling at the weekends. This is horses for courses, but only one side is getting heated about it.

Shelga

Don't think either side is getting 'heated' tbh. We've all said that everyone has different views on the matter. Although why some people are constantly referring to 'Dubliners' with suspicion and contempt is beyond me.

Yahew

Shelga wrote: »

Don't think either side is getting 'heated' tbh. We've all said that everyone has different views on the matter. Although why some people are constantly referring to 'Dubliners' with suspicion and contempt is beyond me.

This kind of ( well -thanked) comment.

People building bungalows in the arse end of nowhere and commuting for five hours a day thinking they are improving their quality of life.

generally indicates a Dubliner.

Stark

I'm from Cork and I think people who choose to commute for 5 hours a day out of sheer stubbornness are insane. It's not just Dubliners. You can swap Dublin with Limerick/Galway/Cork/anywhere else with jobs and you have the same argument.

Like I could stay rent free in my parents' place and drive up and down to my job in Dublin every day and then cry on national TV about it in the hope that the nanny state will make everything better but I value my sanity more than that.