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Have I lost it all.

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Comments

  • #92
    2much2take
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭2much2take


    Moomoo1 wrote: »
    Why OP... why? :confused::confused::confused:

    It just doesn't make sense. Do you even love this person?


    Yes I do... and despite what some people might say I think my actions might be the way forward.

    Yes, I admit to having grand romantic notions of a proposal and after concidering the advice I recieved here and elsewhere, I thought any proposal would only been seen as an attempt to slap a band aid on the problems within the relationship and it would appear to be a desperate last gasp at holding onto her.

    I need her to see that my words since the move back to our family homes were more than words or excuses and to see them as promises made not only to her but also to myself.

    I had always told her, our situation was purely down to the lack of security in work. Now I have a new job (which she knows about), better hours, better pay and much better conditions. I only returned the ring because it reminded me of her and to finance a quicker move into my own place.
    I am hoping, if she see's that I have taken this action even without her, she might start to believe that perhaps my words were not just the lame excuses they appeared to be, that I was genuinely trying, and just needed a 'bit of luck' to change the circumstances I found myself in.



    Oh, I didn't stand her up when we arranged lunch. I phoned her and explained that perhaps it was a bit soon to meet up after the break up as we would both be still very emotional and raw and maybe we should leave it for a few weeks.
    She agree'd and said that I might be right, and she just wants to have some space for a while. Which is why I have also decided to 'drop off her radar' for a bit.


  • #93
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,709 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    If I was her what I'd see is - you rushing out the door to go live back home when we were together. And as soon as we break up you get your own bachelor pad.

    That's what she will think.

    How on earth do you seriously think that you moving into your own place will show her you're serious about the 2 of you being together?

    I'm done with this. It's like talking to the wall!


  • #94
    butterfly84
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 33 ✭butterfly84


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    If I was her what I'd see is - you rushing out the door to go live back home when we were together. And as soon as we break up you get your own bachelor pad.

    That's what she will think.

    How on earth do you seriously think that you moving into your own place will show her you're serious about the 2 of you being together?

    Totally agree.If you wanted to you would be on your knees begging for another chance.....if this is actually the person you want to marry.If she says no,then you can move on ...in your bachelor pad


  • #95
    2much2take
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭2much2take


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    If I was her what I'd see is - you rushing out the door to go live back home when we were together. And as soon as we break up you get your own bachelor pad.!

    Ok, thats a side I didn't see :(

    But you surly can't expect someone to marry you when A, they dumped you, B, you live with mammy C, you have shown no sign of even having similar goals in life to them......


  • #96
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    It is like talking to the wall....

    Op you need to listen to the advice you were given.


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  • #97
    2much2take
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭2much2take


    butterfly84 wrote: »
    Totally agree.If you wanted to you would be on your knees begging for another chance.....if this is actually the person you want to marry.If she says no,then you can move on ...in your bachelor pad

    Begging will get me nowhere.... and it will only make it look like I'm only asking now out desparation.

    If we still have a foundation to build a relationship on, I have to take things slowly.

    She has become conditioned to hearing my promises as excuses....
    I am a friend wrote: »
    It is like talking to the wall....



    Op you need to listen to the advice you were given.

    Why... because I'm not camped outside her house like some stalker waiting for her to come home so I can throw myself upon her mercy and beg, plead with her to marry me...

    Doing that will not work. If she see's my new place as a 'shag pad', well thats whats she see's. I can't change that.

    What I would like her to see, is my actions..... not words!


  • #98
    butterfly84
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 33 ✭butterfly84


    2much2take wrote: »
    Begging will get me nowhere.... and it will only make it look like I'm only asking now out desparation.

    If we still have a foundation to build a relationship on, I have to take things slowly.

    She has become conditioned to hearing my promises as excuses....


    Why will it get you nowhere?I broke up with my bf a few months back and he begged me to give us another chance.He cried his eyes out and said he didnt want to lose me etc...Of course I was wary of believing that and that things would change but now we are moving intogether and he brings up our future together himself all the time which he never did before.I know not all people are the same but if you beg someone to take you back assuming you both still love eachother and are able to back that up with you actually giving her the relationship she wants then why does that seem desperate??You showing the person you love the lengths you will go to to have them back in their life or take it slowly as she sounds like she was wanting to wait lots more years is that right??Think she was done with you taking things slowly,wasnt that the problem?


  • #99
    2much2take
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭2much2take


    Butterfly, I see your point. I have already talked to my ex F2F at least 3 times. I have told her and told her but I think she only hears bah bah bah coming from my mouth.


    As an earlier poster pointed out, she would have been thinking about this for a while and would have become emotionally disconnected before she split up with me.


    I know this girl.. I know she is upset, heartbroken and has to live with the decision to end our relationship because she feels that it was the right thing to do....


    'We are in a rut, we are going nowhere, I feel I have given all I have to the realtionship and I'm tired'
    her words, not mine.


    I cannot just rush back in and give her a ring and say everything is alright now.....


    If she see's my move as a move into a bachelor pad for my own ends, well what can I do. I need to show her, that I wasn't just coming up with excuses to stay in mammies and the only way to do that is to keep my word regarding the job situation.


  • #100
    Maple
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    This thread is going around in circles.

    OP, best of luck with your situation. You appear to have made your decision regarding the relationship and you situation for now.

    Therefore I am locking this thread.

    Maple


This discussion has been closed.
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