Hidden camera show displays the double standard regarding physical violence

Delirium

An American hidden camera show ran two scenarios, the first was a man being physically threatening/abusive to a woman, and the second had the roles reversed with the woman being the abusive one.

There was one reaction to the second scenario I was surprised with where a woman is almost celebrating the man getting abuse from the woman.

But the overriding attitude seemed to be that the guy deserved it, even though no-one obviously knows anything about him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks

FetchTheGin

They should have done scenario 3, say the man in scenario 2 defends himself against the abusive woman.

Needless to say it doesn't surprise me.

LeeHoffmann

Unfortunately I can't view videos in work but would be interested to see (literally) the difference. These hidden camera shows are great as they at last provide support for anecdotal evidence (which is often just dismissed out of hand). Were you really surprised about that reaction from the woman? I would be too but I'm sure I've heard numerous men on boards saying that they've seen that kind of thing. I feel this kind of social attitude stems from that 'man strong, woman weak' stereotype again

They should have done scenario 3, say the man in scenario 2 defends himself against the abusive woman.

Actually that's a great idea. Would have been really interesting!

darklighter

The cop in the video articulated what I would imagine is the majority's POV: if the guy was the aggressor, you would intervene in some manner (whether physically, verbally or by calling the cops). The prevailing attitude in society would be that the guy is able to look after himself.

Personally, I've said something a couple of times when i've seen a guy abusing a woman in public but whenever i've seen a girl hitting a guy, did nothing. Now that I think about it, that isnt right.

LeeHoffmann

Personally, I've said something a couple of times when i've seen a guy abusing a woman in public but whenever i've seen a girl hitting a guy, did nothing. Now that I think about it, that isnt right.

You've seen guys hitting women in public?

paulmclaughlin

This is the problem. If people see a woman attacking a man, they think he should be able to look after himself. As soon they see him defending himself, he is abusing the woman. There is a no-win scenario.

darklighter

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

You've seen guys hitting women in public?

Yip, after a night out on more than 1 occasion. Stepped in a couple of times and called the cops another time when I wouldve been killed if i said anything.

Used to work in retail and you'd see men giving women serious verbal abuse in the aisles. Had to throw more than a few out

Sky King

On two seperate occasions a mate of mine stepped in to stop a guy beating the sh!t out of his girlfriend in the street.

The first time both parties turned on him and told him to keep out of it, the second, the guy pulled a knife on him and chase him down the street to his girlfriend's indifference.

Moral of the story?

I dunno if there is one but they can kill each other if they like, so long as it doesn't affect me.

senordingdong

Sky King wrote: »

On two seperate occasions a mate of mine stepped in to stop a guy beating the sh!t out of his girlfriend in the street.

The first time both parties turned on him and told him

Happened to me once too....have to wonder about this race sometimes.

LeeHoffmann

I rarely see people hit each other but then I may be a little ditsy. I've been attacked on the street once by a drunk 'lady'.
You do see a good bit of verbal abuse (both ways) going on but I would never get involved in that. Why did you get involved? (not saying you shouldn't have!). Is there a difference between shouting abuse and speaking it?

In Cardiff at the HC final this year, a drunk couple were sitting at the table next to me in a chippers (classy I know). Anyway, his voice was even and quiet but his words were pure venom - "you're useless...useless...useless...you are of no use....useless''. Then he went on to 'worth' (you're worthless etc). I could go on but it was more of the same kind of thing. He wasn't kidding either. She never said a single word back - just kept eating her chips. :pac: I was in bits laughing - just the shock of how somebody could treat their partner like that! :eek:

iptba

koth wrote: »

But the overriding attitude seemed to be that the guy deserved it, even though no-one obviously knows anything about him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks

Remember the story* about a well-known US golfer and the crashed car in their drive-way. Imagine if the situations had been reversed, would people have said she "deserved" to be attacked like that whatever she had done in the relationship.

* let's call it that - all we can go on is the story - that's what people reacted to whether we know whether it is 100% true or not

darklighter

Sky King wrote: »

On two seperate occasions a mate of mine stepped in to stop a guy beating the sh!t out of his girlfriend in the street.

The first time both parties turned on him and told him to keep out of it, the second, the guy pulled a knife on him and chase him down the street to his girlfriend's indifference.

Moral of the story?

I dunno if there is one but they can kill each other if they like, so long as it doesn't affect me.

This is why I called the cops on one occasion. Knew the fella involved was a scrote

irishh_bob

paulmclaughlin wrote: »

This is the problem. If people see a woman attacking a man, they think he should be able to look after himself. As soon they see him defending himself, he is abusing the woman. There is a no-win scenario.

thats why no man should ever place himself in a situation where he has to answer to a woman , workplace female boss etc

py2006

Double standards in general annoy the hell out of me! Double standards between the sexes absolutely infuriate me! Especially scenarios such as this.

iptba

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I rarely see people hit each other but then I may be a little ditsy. I've been attacked on the street once by a drunk 'lady'.
You do see a good bit of verbal abuse (both ways) going on but I would never get involved in that. Why did you get involved? (not saying you shouldn't have!). Is there a difference between shouting abuse and speaking it?

In Cardiff at the HC final this year, a drunk couple were sitting at the table next to me in a chippers (classy I know). Anyway, his voice was even and quiet but his words were pure venom - "you're useless...useless...useless...you are of no use....useless''. Then he went on to 'worth' (you're worthless etc). I could go on but it was more of the same kind of thing. He wasn't kidding either. She never said a single word back - just kept eating her chips. :pac: I was in bits laughing - just the shock of how somebody could treat their partner like that! :eek:

Yes, it is shocking. But I think most people if they reflected on it, would not think that generally only husbands/male partners would belittle their wifes/their female partners with words i.e. the reverse would also make a good percentage of the total number of cases. Yet, "emotional abuse" (from words) is on the spectrum of domestic violence which tends to be seen as man doing it to woman problem.

LeeHoffmann

thats why no man should ever place himself in a situation where he has to answer to a woman , workplace female boss etc

yes, because that poses no problems at all :rolleyes:
Maybe people should continue to fight for equal rights on all sides, rather than men refusing to work for female bosses

Yes, it is shocking. But I think most people if they reflected on it, would not think that generally only husbands/male partners would belittle their wifes/their female partners with words i.e. the reverse would also make a good percentage of the total number of cases. Yet, "emotional abuse" (from words) is on the spectrum of domestic violence which tends to be seen as man doing it to woman problem.

not sure what you're getting at here. I didn't say or imply that only men belittle their partners

thirtythirty

This comes to mind

iptba

LeeHoffmann wrote:

iptba wrote:

Yes, it is shocking. But I think most people if they reflected on it, would not think that generally only husbands/male partners would belittle their wifes/their female partners with words i.e. the reverse would also make a good percentage of the total number of cases. Yet, "emotional abuse" (from words) is on the spectrum of domestic violence which tends to be seen as man doing it to woman problem.

not sure what you're getting at here. I didn't say or imply that only men belittle their partners

No, you didn't (say or imply that). But given you gave a male-on-female example, I want to explicitly point out that the other can clearly occur. When this point is not made explicitly, it seems to be forgotten e.g. whatever about people having difficulty imagining that female-on-male physical violence might be a problem, it should be much easier to accept that female-on-male emotional abuse could occur.

darklighter

irishh_bob wrote: »

thats why no man should ever place himself in a situation where he has to answer to a woman , workplace female boss etc

Cant tell if you are being serious or sarcastic?

If serious, kindly teleport yourself into the 21st century from Ancient Rome

Alopex

irishh_bob wrote: »

thats why no man should ever place himself in a situation where he has to answer to a woman , workplace female boss etc

WTF? We're talking about physical assault.

jaffacakesyum

I'm not surprised watching this video. People seem to think it's ok to be violent if it's a woman towards a man. Very annoying double standard

Logical Fallacy

irishh_bob wrote: »

thats why no man should ever place himself in a situation where he has to answer to a woman , workplace female boss etc

Oh bob....some days you just try a little too hard.

Malari

I don't have sound on the video so don't know if this was addressed, but I think they should have used the same couple (on different days, locations, etc if necessary). There seems to be a much bigger frame disparity between the people in the first and second scenario. Just adds to the perception of the woman being more "threatened" than the man.

I know that size doesn't justify it, but for the purposes of control it would make the different reactions from the public all the more clear, I think.

Otis Driftwood

irishh_bob wrote: »

thats why no man should ever place himself in a situation where he has to answer to a woman , workplace female boss etc

With respect Bob thats a crock of shyte.Your experiences with ONE female boss you had has been well documented throughout Boards and I believe its something you genuinely should seek help for however tGC is not a platform for you to make such derogatory statements.You wont be warned about this again,please bear that in mind in future.Cheers.

LeeHoffmann

No, you didn't (say or imply that). But given you gave a male-on-female example, I want to explicitly point out that the other can clearly occur. When this point is not made explicitly, it seems to be forgotten e.g. whatever about people having difficulty imagining that female-on-male physical violence might be a problem, it should be much easier to accept that female-on-male emotional abuse could occur.

I understand what you're saying. With the same view to clarity in mind, I want to make clear that I wasn't giving a male on female example in order to show that men are the only abusive gender - just that it was the only recent example I could think of and it followed from my question re: screaming/quietly speaking abuse.
I don't think it will be forgotten (that female on male abuse occurs) in this thread in this forum, but I understand your point.

lettuce97

On the physical abuse front, does it not come down to size? In general, if you see a bigger person abusing a smaller person, regardless of sex, you'd step in. Vice-versa I don't think most people would be as concerned.

iptba

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

No, you didn't (say or imply that). But given you gave a male-on-female example, I want to explicitly point out that the other can clearly occur. When this point is not made explicitly, it seems to be forgotten e.g. whatever about people having difficulty imagining that female-on-male physical violence might be a problem, it should be much easier to accept that female-on-male emotional abuse could occur.

I understand what you're saying. With the same view to clarity in mind, I want to make clear that I wasn't giving a male on female example in order to show that men are the only abusive gender - just that it was the only recent example I could think of and it followed from my question re: screaming/quietly speaking abuse.
I don't think it will be forgotten (that female on male abuse occurs) in this thread in this forum, but I understand your point.

Real world examples are useful. Lots of things could potentially occur but it is interesting to know about things that actual occurred.

gargleblaster

paulmclaughlin wrote: »

This is the problem. If people see a woman attacking a man, they think he should be able to look after himself. As soon they see him defending himself, he is abusing the woman. There is a no-win scenario.

I agree with you about the expectation that the man should be able to look after himself. The sad thing is that people who are in abusive relationships often think they deserve the bad treatment, or are in some way conditioned to think it's normal.

As for self defense though, I'm not sure that it's expected that anyone who is being attacked by their partner should get into a physical fight with them. I would think it would be expected that they should simply leave.

Anyone who engages in physical fighting with their spouse and calls it 'self defense' is fooling themselves, they're just participating in the violence. Just walk away. If your life is in danger then that's a different story, but surely passersby would notice if the woman had a weapon with which she would be threatening the man's life, and therefore not assume he was abusing the woman.

onedmc

I am shocked that people are shocked.

Its natural to side with the weaker and to be disturbed when the a stronger picks on a weaker.

Nothing to do with double standards it one standard. What would happen it it was two boys one 8 and one 14 we would side with the 8 year old. It the 8 year old was having a go at the 14year old we would presme they deserved it.

Now if it go really violent we would side with the victim no mater what the size or percieved strength.

Sonics2k

onedmc wrote: »

I am shocked that people are shocked.

Its natural to side with the weaker and to be disturbed when the a stronger picks on a weaker.

Nothing to do with double standards it one standard. What would happen it it was two boys one 8 and one 14 we would side with the 8 year old. It the 8 year old was having a go at the 14year old we would presme they deserved it.

Now if it go really violent we would side with the victim no mater what the size or percieved strength.

Complete nonsense.

Abuse is abuse no matter the physical strength or size of the attacker or victim.

The clip points out quite clearly that people are much more likely to ignore cases of Female on Male abuse, but not the other way around.

iptba

onedmc wrote: »

I am shocked that people are shocked.

Its natural to side with the weaker and to be disturbed when the a stronger picks on a weaker.

Nothing to do with double standards it one standard. What would happen it it was two boys one 8 and one 14 we would side with the 8 year old. It the 8 year old was having a go at the 14year old we would presme they deserved it.

Now if it go really violent we would side with the victim no mater what the size or percieved strength.

In the case of the well-known golfer, who was injured, the story* was that this was from abuse and/or trying to flee the abuse. Did people universally side with the male victim?**

* As I said, we don't know what actually happened, but people responded presuming this was the truth.

** Admittedly they didn't see this happen, so it isn't quite the same thing