Have you ever been asked out on a date?

py2006

I have only ever been asked out by a woman once. In fact I didn't realise I was being asked out. This colleague whom I got on well with asked if I wanted to meet for coffee and a chat. I took it as a friendly thing and was surprised to find it had a more romantic tint. Unfortunately, I saw her as a friend so it didn't work out.

Is this something that is starting to become more prevalent in modern society? I can't say I have noticed it in pubs/clubs etc but among colleagues, peers etc?

Have you been asked out and how did you react?

wobblyknees

I have never been asked out. I don't even have horns on my face or anything!

Wibbs

A few times. All but one I said yes. One ended up with a relationship for a while. BTW this doesn't mean I'm a big mad roide, it just means I've been around for longer.

py2006

Wibbs wrote: »

A few times. All but one I said yes. One ended up with a relationship for a while. BTW this doesn't mean I'm a big mad roide, it just means I've been around for longer.

Hahah, or you get around!!

Sky King

I'm a big mad roide and I've never been asked out

Though a girl did send her friend over to me on her behalf before, which i got a bit of a chuckle off. I was 26 or so at the time. Never thought THAT would happen again!

Will

Once or twice yeah. Very headstrong and independent women. Like above I wasn't really aware it was a date, figured it was just two people meeting up for a drink or coffee.

parker kent

A few times. Once I didn't realise she meant it as a date, I just assumed she was out of my league. I just blindly went "nah I gotta get a bus home for the weekend" and then wandered off. Found out the week after and was raging at myself for being such a gombeen.

Otis Driftwood

Couple of times,laughably enough its only happened when Ive been seeing someone anyway.

/sigh


Hasnt happened for a couple of years now though.

Sky King

Well if Barry's tea ads are to believed, when someone in the friend zone asks you out for some reason, you should ask them straight out if it's a date.

But don't be suprised to recieve an elliptical, non commital answer like "I dunno.... is it??" which does NOTHING to take us out of the dark.

Men. Subtelty and nuance are not our strong points.

Maguined

Wibbs wrote: »

A few times. All but one I said yes. One ended up with a relationship for a while. BTW this doesn't mean I'm a big mad roide, it just means I've been around for longer.

Or you have a reputation for being easy.

JK.

Never been asked out properly, but then I have never asked a girl out properly either, my relationships have always started through more unconventional and awkward ways.

I'm not properly single now but the next time I am then I think I will get a great kick out of asking girls out properly and also think I would enjoy being asked out by a woman.

Mallei

I like that the recurring theme of this thread seems to be that it's only "headstrong" or otherwise aggressive women who ask men out.

So on the one hand we have a thread talking about the hilarious situation where a woman - viewed as off-puttingly bolshy - asks a man out, and in another in this same forum a load of men complaining that they always have to do the asking out and how unfair that is.

Maybe it's because, as this thread shows, society casts such dreadful aspersions on a woman who does ask a man out that most women don't bother because they don't want to be humiliated. :rolleyes:

hollypink

Mallei wrote: »

Maybe it's because, as this thread shows, society casts such dreadful aspersions on a woman who does ask a man out that most women don't bother because they don't want to be humiliated. :rolleyes:

What dreadful aspersions are cast in this thread? One poster used the word headstrong, everyone else sounded quite positive I thought.

yawha

Mallei wrote: »

I like that the recurring theme of this thread seems to be that it's only "headstrong" or otherwise aggressive women who ask men out.

Erm, what the fúck?

Not only is it a bit early to suggest a thread can have a recurring theme after only 10 posts, there hasn't in fact been a single reference to aggressive women, or in fact any negative comments about women at all. There's only been one post in which one poster has given his personal experience of being asked out by independent, headstrong women, and he wasn't even using that terminology in a derogatory or insulting manner...

Mallei

The very fact that a thread exists points to how strange and unusual the occurence of a woman asking a man out is, and that it's somehow worthy of extra discussion when compared to a man asking a woman out. That in itself is derogatory, and part of the problem - a woman doesn't want to "stand out" and expose herself to possible ridicule. If you want women to do their fair share of asking out then stop making a big deal out of those that do!

Asking someone out is terrifying enough as it is (which I'm sure you all know and have experience with!). A woman doesn't need the extra pressure and self-consciousness of knowing that she's doing it "the wrong way round".

py2006

Why did you feel it necessary to bring such a negative vibe to this thread!

You are right, it is unusual for a woman to ask a man out but that isnt breaking news nor is there any suggestion of negativity towards women!

Brush that chip off your shoulder!

syklops

Sky King wrote: »

Well if Barry's tea ads are to believed, when someone in the friend zone asks you out for some reason, you should ask them straight out if it's a date.

But don't be suprised to recieve an elliptical, non commital answer like "I dunno.... is it??" which does NOTHING to take us out of the dark.

Men. Subtelty and nuance are not our strong points.

Id forgotten that ad. And I had forgotten how annoyed it makes me when she fluffs her line at the end, and doesn't clearly say is it, but instead says 'ziz',

To answer the OP, er, never. Though when I was about 8 a girl asked if I wanted 'to go' with her friend. My poor naive self said "Go where?". I was kicking myself about 4 years later when I figured out what she meant.

py2006

syklops wrote: »

To answer the OP, er, never. Though when I was about 8 a girl asked if I wanted 'to go' with her friend. My poor naive self said "Go where?". I was kicking myself about 4 years later when I figured out what she meant.

8???? I didn't know what a girl was till 12!!

Snowie

py2006 wrote: »

Hahah, or you get around!!

No harm in it :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WP2exZurfc

The beach boys say its ok then why the fvck not :cool:


Yeah I have a few times tho some I have declined because i thought to much

Maguined

Mallei wrote: »

I like that the recurring theme of this thread seems to be that it's only "headstrong" or otherwise aggressive women who ask men out.

So on the one hand we have a thread talking about the hilarious situation where a woman - viewed as off-puttingly bolshy - asks a man out, and in another in this same forum a load of men complaining that they always have to do the asking out and how unfair that is.

Maybe it's because, as this thread shows, society casts such dreadful aspersions on a woman who does ask a man out that most women don't bother because they don't want to be humiliated. :rolleyes:

Where are you seeing this "recurring" theme? I have not seen anyone write anything negative about the experience at all. In fact every time this pops up the majority of men seem to like the idea of a woman asking them out, personally I would love it and I view the term "headstrong" as positive, the confidence of a woman asking me out even if it was battling nerves to do it would be positive points in my book.

syklops

py2006 wrote: »

8???? I didn't know what a girl was till 12!!

Did you not read the story?

syklops

Whose casting aspersions?

Girls who ask guys out = good
Girls who initiate sex = good
Girls who offer to buy their own drinks, or even offer to buy the man a drink = good.

Believe it or not, most men actually love women.

Galvasean

Wibbs wrote: »

BTW this doesn't mean I'm a big mad roide, i

It doesn't mean you aren't...

Outside of the world of online dating, I've been asked out a couple of times when I was in a relationship so nothing came of it.
It's very flattering I must say.

gargleblaster

I'd actually take "headstrong" as a compliment. "Aggressive" too, but that's just me.


I'm very glad to see this trend - women taking the initative.



Oh, and syklops - I did that same thing when I was 16! *blush*

Sonics2k

Quite a bit

But it's for one of two reasons.

1) I'm just that freaking awesome
or
2) I'm not quite bright enough to know when a girl likes me, so I don't ask them out first.


It's probably 2 :pac:

Logical Fallacy

Mallei wrote: »

I like that the recurring theme of this thread seems to be that it's only "headstrong" or otherwise aggressive women who ask men out.

So on the one hand we have a thread talking about the hilarious situation where a woman - viewed as off-puttingly bolshy - asks a man out, and in another in this same forum a load of men complaining that they always have to do the asking out and how unfair that is.

Maybe it's because, as this thread shows, society casts such dreadful aspersions on a woman who does ask a man out that most women don't bother because they don't want to be humiliated. :rolleyes:

Alternatively...and i will grant you, this is a pretty shocking theory....not all men think the same?

Shocking i know.

Mrmoe

I've been asked out a couple of times but I didn't realise it at the time. I think women should do it more, I don't see any reason why they can't or don't. They need to be a lot less subtle though. Simply giving someone the eyes and flicking your hair doesn't cut it.

Otis Driftwood

Mallei wrote: »

I like that the recurring theme of this thread seems to be that it's only "headstrong" or otherwise aggressive women who ask men out.

So on the one hand we have a thread talking about the hilarious situation where a woman - viewed as off-puttingly bolshy - asks a man out, and in another in this same forum a load of men complaining that they always have to do the asking out and how unfair that is.

Maybe it's because, as this thread shows, society casts such dreadful aspersions on a woman who does ask a man out that most women don't bother because they don't want to be humiliated. :rolleyes:

Mallei wrote: »

The very fact that a thread exists points to how strange and unusual the occurence of a woman asking a man out is, and that it's somehow worthy of extra discussion when compared to a man asking a woman out. That in itself is derogatory, and part of the problem - a woman doesn't want to "stand out" and expose herself to possible ridicule. If you want women to do their fair share of asking out then stop making a big deal out of those that do!

Asking someone out is terrifying enough as it is (which I'm sure you all know and have experience with!). A woman doesn't need the extra pressure and self-consciousness of knowing that she's doing it "the wrong way round".

Mallei,you have been warned about your posting style in tGC before so let me make it very clear to you one last time.

tGC is a forum used to discuss everyday things that alot of men experience.Female input is more than welcome however your particular brand of observations are argumentative and in my opinion posted with the sole reason to enflame or goad other posters into reacting,in basic terms,trolling so with that being said,if you cannot contribute to threads in here without resorting to gross exaggerations,fantasist notions or general trollish behavior then your access will be removed.

Thanks,
OD.

syklops

Mrmoe wrote: »

I've been asked out a couple of times but I didn't realise it at the time. I think women should do it more, I don't see any reason why they can't or don't. They need to be a lot less subtle though. Simply giving someone the eyes and flicking your hair doesn't cut it.

Agreed. There was a thread in tLL recently, along the lines of "Do you make the first move?", it was funny reading the comments along the lines of "All the time, I give them the 'look'".

I cant help feel that the 'look' looks an awful lot like other looks that have different meaning.

Sonics2k

syklops wrote: »

Agreed. There was a thread in tLL recently, along the lines of "Do you make the first move?", it was funny reading the comments along the lines of "All the time, I give them the 'look'".

I cant help feel that the 'look' looks an awful lot like other looks that have different meaning.

Damn women and their "looks".

My partner has a "look" and I often have to ask if she's just smiling at me with affection in her eyes, or if she's thinking "what a gobshíte"

Kyle S

Yes and I would say the same as the majority of men that at the time I didn't realise, probably because it is viewed as unusual still, even in the modern society in which we live, and that is not meant in an offensive way.
I personally think it is really cool when a woman asks a guy out, its very flattering, but ultimately this depends on what you say and how you act, if you bust on a woman in a cocky and funny way without coming across overly arrogant and dont be a wuss and aim to be the perfect gentlemen all the time, it is more likely that woman will be attracted to you and you will get asked out more and you will have better success with women in general. So in theory it is really men(this coming from a man) that are the creators of their own destruction when it comes to women, purely because the majority of men don't have a clue. This is not a kiss ass statement to any women that may be viewing this, and it is also not meant to be controversial or intended for the purpose of getting a reaction. This is just my view and what I have come to learn after a long time with little or no success with women. Rant over! lol

syklops

Sonics2k wrote: »

Damn women and their "looks".

My partner has a "look" and I often have to ask if she's just smiling at me with affection in her eyes, or if she's thinking "what a gobshíte"

My partner has a few of those looks. And dont get me started on sighs.

Handsome Bob

Once, by e-mail in work. Jesus, put me off the thought of relationships with colleagues for life.

Barna77

Yeah, been asked a few times. It worked out once the others... meh. And as for being stood up.... :mad:

Does being promised endless love by a drunk randomer count as been asked out on a date? :pac:

py2006

Barna77 wrote: »

Does being promised endless love by a drunk randomer count as been asked out on a date? :pac:

Yes! in this limited world!

getzls

Yes is a around of sort way, My wifes friend came over to me in a disco and said she wants to go with you. Well it would have been rude to say no. Was my 1st wife so maybe yes was the wrong answer!:rolleyes:

py2006

getzls wrote: »

Yes is a around of sort way, My wifes friend came over to me in a disco and said she wants to go with you. Well it would have been rude to say no. Was my 1st wife so maybe yes was the wrong answer!:rolleyes:

I had to read that twice!

Snowie

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Mallei,you have been warned about your posting style in tGC before so let me make it very clear to you one last time.

tGC is a forum used to discuss everyday things that alot of men experience.Female input is more than welcome however your particular brand of observations are argumentative and in my opinion posted with the sole reason to enflame or goad other posters into reacting,in basic terms,trolling so with that being said,if you cannot contribute to threads in here without resorting to gross exaggerations,fantasist notions or general trollish behavior then your access will be removed.

Thanks,
OD.

thats so articualte


Im in awe

HellFireClub

I'm a divel for being asked out and not actually figuring out that it wasn't just meant as in a friend kind of thing as opposed to a "date"...

py2006

HellFireClub wrote: »

I'm a divel for being asked out and not actually figuring out that it wasn't just meant as in a friend kind of thing as opposed to a "date"...

This seems to be quite a regular thing with us guys!! I think in future women should clarify by shouting in your face, "oh by the way, the coffee thing tomorrow....IS A DATE!!!! " :P

gargleblaster

It is a common enough thing for men not to know if a coffee or lunch invite is a friendly thing or a date. I'd never assume that type of invite was romantic either.

Which is why when I used to approach men, I would always come right out and ask if he was attached or available. That made my intentions quite obvious I thought.

bluecatmorgana

py2006 wrote: »

This seems to be quite a regular thing with us guys!! I think in future women should clarify by shouting in your face, "oh by the way, the coffee thing tomorrow....IS A DATE!!!! " :P

I asked out a male friend once by text (I'm a coward) and I made sure to use the word date in the text.

He said no....

py2006

bluecatmorgana wrote: »

I asked out a male friend once by text (I'm a coward) and I made sure to use the word date in the text.

He said no....

Ah no, sorry to hear that!! Nothing worse!! I hope he said more than just "no"?

bluecatmorgana

Ah yes, to be honest he was very sweet about it and didnt make it at all embarrassing for me.

py2006

bluecatmorgana wrote: »

Ah yes, to be honest he was very sweet about it and didnt make it at all embarrassing for me.

Well thats something!! I hope you have met somebody since! There is no worse feeling than being rejected by somebody you really like! From experience, it ruins a friendship too.

Earthhorse

Just to reverse the trend of what might be a sort of confirmation bias in this thread, I'm gonna say no.

Bottle_of_Smoke

few times where it was suggestive but they made it out to be a casual "if you're free you wanna do this" kind of way. don't know if that counts.

I do think irish date culture is quite interesting though when you compare it to other places.

I worked with this nigerian guy in an office once. not in my department but we got chatting at a work night out. He told me he had asked four girls out from work (he'd been working there approx 6-8 weeks at the time)

People thought he was sleazy because of this but it was actually the complete opposite. In ireland when you go on a date its pretty much expected it will lead to more and if you want out in the middle you feel like you need an excuse! but the type of dates he was after was where you get to know each other and then see if you're interested. no strings attached kind of thing. I think more similar to american dating

entropi

Not to my knowledge (there are many men, like myself, who wouldnt even realise it unless it was properly said to me, or on a big lit up neon sign:p)

That being said, I've done the asking a few times, it would be nice to be asked:pac:

southsiderosie

I've approached guys before but, to be honest, trying to get someone's attention in a bar can feel a lot like this...even if men don't have a clue as to what is going on!

py2006

southsiderosie wrote: »

I've approached guys before but, to be honest, trying to get someone's attention in a bar can feel a lot like this...even if men don't have a clue as to what is going on!

Well that was kinda creepy!

southsiderosie

py2006 wrote: »

Well that was kinda creepy!

LOL, well maybe not so much in a stalker-y way!

I guess the general point is there is a lot of hair tossing and strategic positioning and girls FEEL like they are being as bold as a fan-dancing bird...but in reality that kind of stuff is waaaay too subtle in a crowded bar, especially if there are 20 birds all flocking around. :pac:

py2006

southsiderosie wrote: »

LOL, well maybe not so much in a stalker-y way!

I guess the general point is there is a lot of hair tossing and strategic positioning and girls FEEL like they are being as bold as a fan-dancing bird...but in reality that kind of stuff is waaaay too subtle in a crowded bar, especially if there are 20 birds all flocking around. :pac:

Yea, standing close to a guy and flicking the hair doesn't help the penny drop!