You wake up tomorrow in the middle ages. What do you do?

bodhrandude

Set up yer ipod dock and play Aphex Twin to everyone, they would think you were the antichrist.

Wile E. Coyote

Zillah wrote: »

If I was unhappy with that my alternative plan would be to carve out a message in modern English on a bunch of rocks warning myself not to step into the time machine, and then bury them in places where the foundations of modern buildings would be dug. I suppose I could leave a few with some of the big European banks or orders of monks with instructions that they are to be unsealed in 2011.

Actually I prefer that last plan. What I would do if I went back in time would be to not go back in time.

Hmmmm.....this idea hurts my head. If you didn't go back in time to leave yourself those notes warning you to stay away from the time machine, then there's nothing to stop you from getting into the time machine the second time.....

Badgermonkey

I'd seek out a fair seamstress to weave me a porn tapestry depicting a halfling swiving a swine.

Needler

I'd probably live in the wild far away from civilisation or an uninhabited island to prevent being burned for witchcraft. After that I'd try and befriend some people who live fairly isolated and try to fit in. Woudln't tell them I came from the future just some far away place where they speak a different language then try to replicate as many inventions as possible and take all the credit for them

Sometimes I wonder if feckers like Edison were actually fellas from the future who replicated a bunch of inventions because they invented an unreal amount of stuff

Wolfe Tone

Build myself a machine gun

smokedeels

Look around, pause and deliver a Quantum Leap style "Oh Boy"

Queue theme music....

pickarooney

A guy called Nostradamus was plying his soothsayer's trade around these parts in the 1500s. I reckon I could challenge him and take my place in history, just as long as I could get past a few tricky conjugations.

Conor108

Vaguely remember a similar thread so I'll give the same answer. Everyone should print this, fold it up and keep it in their wallet at all times.

Corsendonk

Wouldn't I be the new Black Death? Spreading all my germs that the locals have no resistence to. The common cold now couldbe like Spanish Flu to the Middle Ages.

Doctor_Socks

Invent the 'friction match', I would then wow the locals by proceeding to remove my pants, place said friction match near my anus and produce fire!

Or else i'd get bored from not knowing the language, find the nearest field and fap to pass the time

Wibbs

dpe wrote: »

ideas you can easily adapt like crop rotation and enclosure (although there's a three year payoff for that, so you'll need some quicker wins to impress the local baron)

They were on the right track with that already.

so wind and water mills for flour grinding would be an easy way to make an impression, and easily doable with local materials.

They already had water mills, but windmills could be a plan.

Then you can get more ambitious; I know the basic formula for gunpowder (75% potassium nitrate, 15% charcoal, 10% sulfur) and I know how to find/make all three. Cannon would be harder (with local tech you'd have to make them from bronze, they'd be absolutely massive, and they'd be as likely to blow you up as the enemy, but hey, that's what serfs are for, and they'd impress the hell out of everyone)

They had iron and could cast it up to a point and you could fill in the rest. Like I say invent the blast furnace and away you go. And then the piece de resistance would be moveable type.

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

Concrete shouldn't be too hard either

The Romans before them had concrete. They had pretty good mortar anyway. Look at the size of gothic cathedrals.

Actually maps as Zillah said would really impress the locals. So long as your geography was up to speed.

opinion guy

About the only thing I know enough about to 'reinvent' would be optics. Lenses, telescopes etc. Then when I have a working microscope I'd search out penicillin.
Of course I'd need to befriend a good glassblower first.

KonFusion

This short vid may interest.

It's about a man who, with all his modern know-how, tries to make a toaster from scratch

http://www.ted.com/talks/thomas_thwaites_how_i_built_a_toaster_from_scratch.html

NothingMan

KonFusion wrote: »

It's about a man who, with all his modern know-how, tries to make a toaster from scratch

Surely a fire and a stick was all he needed.

Snowie

have sex with all the sexy madans with big bossems

slay a dragan figure out how to make electricity so i could charge my mp3 player

opinion guy

Of course we are all forgetting the start a religion using your modern tech you have with you to impress the natives. Then live like a king

Malari

Regret not having learned the dates of solar eclipses. :cool:

opinion guy

Has anyone else started looking up how stuff works since reading this thread...you know....just in case ???:D

ConmanTheKiller

Just make sure you wear this Shirt

phasers

Probably kill myself

Caraville

I'd be totally enthralled by the dresses so would spend a good while trying them on- they give killer cleavage.

Then I'd be sorry I didn't take some contact lens solution with me & I'd have to spend my days blind in the corner of a tavern singing "Greensleeves" for a few drops of mead. Aw.

mikemac

Invent sliced bread, best invention ever :cool:

Spend my millions on mead and buxom maidens in the local tavern

4ndroid

Find out what grog is.........and then drink loads

deathrider

Scream "Freeeeeedoooooooooom!" and just get on with it really.

Miss Fluff

Set myself up as a psychic buxom wench and have everyone quaking in their boots

FloatingVoter

Marry my great great (whatever)........grandmother for a laugh. Bet she was a ride.:D

mconigol

I would write a letter to my future self and hide it in a secret location that I have already decided I will leave notes to my future self from the past in should that ever happen.

This letter will tell me exactly when I will magically end up back in the middle ages so that I will potentially have years to prepare and arm myself with the knowledge to survive and prosper.

It's not too difficult to prepare for this **** people. It's basically how Doc Martin escaped from the wild west in back to the future.

WindSock

Go check out this middle aged spread everyone keeps harping on about.

WolfForager

Create a **** loads of weapons of war (mech eng student), become a trusted advisor to a duke or even a king, marry his daughter, live like a king for the rest of my life. Sorted... Other than the huge amount of guilt for the deaths of thousands of soldiers on my shoulders....

EDIT: Or i could start teaching the soldiers Tae Kwon Do.... Make an elite group of soldiers that are feared all over Europe..... Damn... I need a time machine...

looky loo

Start a keep fit class in the middle of the village...:D

Dionysus

Nephinbeg wrote: »

You wake up tomorrow in the middle ages. What do you do?

Bring forward the military revolution. Organise the septs and clanns in late medieval Ireland out of this around a centralised political and military body which reflected the legal and cultural homogeneity across the island.

Mr Trade In

Go to any and all places in America I know in the future Gold Rush have sweet,sweet gold,dig it up,come back to Europe and set up my own dynasty by killing off all the Royalties. Also take over Britain and name it the Empire of Ireland.

Mr Trade In

One very important thing,destroy religion and all it stands for and make everyone an Atheist.

bnt

• Steal some oranges
• Wait for the Penicillin to grow
• Save people who would otherwise have died from a scratch
• Profit

im invisible

Mr Trade In wrote: »

One very important thing,destroy religion and all it stands for and make everyone an Atheist.

you could be like that guy, who used to wander around the wilderness, saying that the high priests didnt know what they were talking about, and telling people how to live right,and be nice to each other,,,

FloatingVoter

im invisible wrote: »

you could be like that guy, who used to wander around the wilderness, saying that the high priests didnt know what they were talking about, and telling people how to live right,and be nice to each other,,,

..wrong turn, he got crucified. Unless your dad is God, thats the wrong option. Stick with the get rich quick scams. Or the get laid quick scams. Both are less painful.

opinion guy

bnt wrote: »

• Steal some oranges
• Wait for the Penicillin to grow
• Save people who would otherwise have died from a scratch
• Profit

Ok but suppose you invented penicillin hundreds of years before it was actually discovered. Then lots of people who would of died over the years would have survived. And they would have procreated. Our population would be massively higher than it is now. The world would be massively overcrowded by the time of the invention of the atomic bomb and in all likelihood we would have annihilated ourselves by now!
And it would be all YOUR FAULT!!!!

Spread

WindSock wrote: »

Go check out this middle aged spread everyone keeps harping on about.

Oi!

TiGeR KiNgS wrote: »

Blast the King with piss

Having premonitions about the Wizard of Id would have saved your life


Why not check out Ye Olde Google toadstool

Capt'n Midnight

Milkmaid with cow pox, good plan.

Invent simple stuff like compound interest, or napiers bones (If I can remember)

and eye glasses / lenses , have to figure out a way to get cheap clothes before can invent movable type

they already had the plough and crop rotation so can't do much there

make electric motors / generators out of copper wire (need to make first fortune first) and varnish to produce light - actually town gas from coal would be easier (Chinese used bamboo to pipe it around)

copper wire would be good for morse code could sell that to the military , though you run the risk of the other side taking you out - a rising tide lifts all boats so you gotta keep everyone happy

amacca

make a head start on the whole three field crop rotation system, develop the heavy plow and set myself up as the focal point of a communal agricultural system (obviously rife with corruption with my henchmen ensuring I get my cut)

keep the powerful church at bay by providing lots of pike/scimitar fodder for their crusades


die of sexually transmitted disease from all the wenches in Cristendom I just wont have the will to say no to due to my position of influence.....and the fact that I managed to pervert slightly the codes of chivalry and courtly love that would have developed without my presence



different age.......same plan

Capt'n Midnight

amacca wrote: »

make a head start on the whole three field crop rotation system, develop the heavy plow

did you by any chance miss my post ??

die of sexually transmitted disease from all the wenches in Cristendom

actually there wasn't that much of it as syphilis came from the new world - some say 1/3 died of it then

opinion guy

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

did you by any chance miss my post ??

actually there wasn't that much of it as syphilis came from the new world - some say 1/3 died of it then

Other way around - the Spaniards brought syphillis to the new world

Gordon Gecko

I'd get into many hilarious and licentious jams like Martin Lawrence in Black Knight

johnmcdnl

tell them that the world is round.... get on ship and find the americas first... your gonna know the indians are going to be waiting for ya so bring a big army...

the rest is straight forward

HazDanz

I would try out the sh*t in a bucket at the back of the garden facility.

Duddy

BRING ME A WENCH HO!

dpe

opinion guy wrote: »

Other way around - the Spaniards brought syphillis to the new world

History is unsure about the origins, but the first officially recorded case was in 1494, so there's a lot of circumstantial evidence that says syphilis came from the Americas.

amacca

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

did you by any chance miss my post ??

simple answer, yes.......I got in on the end of this one and didn't have the will to read back over previous responses......guess my hoping for the best came a cropper this time


I didn't however miss the wikipedia entry as I was looking for something relevant to use as I thanks whored my way across this thread

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

actually there wasn't that much of it as syphilis came from the new world - some say 1/3 died of it then

It seems my plan would have worked even better than I suspected

woo hoo

go me...go me

bring me my tankard wench!

bnt

opinion guy wrote: »

The world would be massively overcrowded by the time of the invention of the atomic bomb and in all likelihood we would have annihilated ourselves by now!
And it would be all YOUR FAULT!!!!

Damn Right! It's going to happen anyway, so is it better that it happens sooner or later? We, as a species, have to kick some hasty habits, and I can't help wondering where we'd be now, had we realised our folly a thousand years ago. :cool:

Jesus Wept

Watch telly.