Boards.ie of the World

cesc77

Seems there will be a gap in the market since NOTW is to be folded.

If the members of AH got together to produce their own equally entertaining weekly read,who would occupy key areas within said trashy read.

I propose kfallon to oversee Personal Issues/Sexual Problems with ilovesleep under him to be the ying to his yang,Biggins to look after Consumer Affairs/Matters of National Security,flutterinbantam as Chief Headline Writer and that eeidgit scotty_irish in charge of proofreading:pac:

What position would you apply for and why.

The editors decision is final:pac::pac:

Absurdum

I'll get me lad out for page 3.

Biggins

Absurdum wrote: »

I'll get me lad out for page 3.

The lassies will have to check the small print then! :P

Dangerous Man

I'd like my own column. I've always wanted my own column where I could spew forth on whatever it was that took my fancy.

Tipsy McSwagger

I hate this paper already.

Turtyturd

I see the position of circlejerk initiator has been filled.

mikemac

Wolfe Tone and Keith AFC are going to give us the breaking news for Northern Ireland

flutterflye

I'd rather the gap weren't filled, and the whole industry died a natural death.
Wishful thinking.

Tipsy McSwagger

Wolfe Tone can be the royal correspondent.

Ken.

I wanna be a sport's reporter. I'll cover the ladies beach volleyball world circuit. I'll need 2 bic biro's and a 20 pack of toilet paper per week.

cesc77

Absurdum wrote: »

I'll get me lad out for page 3.

Pics or gt....err.Scratch that.

Its a start.Ill put that down on my list of topics to discuss at the first meeting.

Gets tipex out.

cesc77

Tipsy McSwagger wrote: »

I hate this paper already.

Good,good.All opinions are valid in a brainstorming session.

We are nothing without YOU.

Bosco boy

I want to work in the sports department superimposing turnips on unsucessful soccer managers heads

im invisible

Dangerous Man wrote: »

I'd like my own column. I've always wanted my own column where I could spew forth on whatever it was that took my fancy.

I dont want to see your column spew forth, at least not on page 3

cesc77

Turtyturd wrote: »

I see the position of circlejerk initiator has been filled.

Sorry, intimate relations between staff will not be tolerated as tensions in the office can be exacerbated when you have someone sitting to the left of a right-hander in the daisy chain.

brummytom

I had training yesterday to be a counseller for kids, so I think I can use those skills for a 'Dear Deirdre' type page.


'Waah wahh I can't get it up'
'Stop whinging'

JONJO THE MISER

Ill offer Money and Budgeting advice.

previous user

People can always get their equivelant on the wall of
public toilets it's pretty much the same calibre of journalism.

Sunnyisland

I can answer the telephones I have a lovely Dublin voice :-)

cesc77

brummytom wrote: »

I had training yesterday to be a counseller for kids, so I think I can use those skills for a 'Dear Deirdre' type page.


'Waah wahh I can't get it up'
'Stop whinging'

A bit disturbing that tom.

I can see the force is strong in you but you may need a sensei to show you how to channel that energy.Im going to put you down as an intern under kfallon.Perhaps you will pick up on his subtle yet effective ways.

scotty_irish

cesc77 wrote: »

Seems there will be a gap in the market since NOTW is to be folded.

If the members of AH got together to produce their own equally entertaining weekly read,who would occupy key areas within said trashy read.

I propose kfallon to oversee Personal Issues/Sexual Problems with ilovesleep under him to be the ying to his yang,Biggins to look after Consumer Affairs/Matters of National Security,flutterinbantam as Chief Headline Writer and that eeidgit scotty_irish in charge of proofreading:pac:

What position would you apply for and why.

The editors decision is final:pac::pac:

i think i'm ready to post in the nemesis thread!

if i have to proofread does that mean i can take on some editing duties too and edit out all the sh!te you write? lad. (haven't heard that since some skangers started on me about ten years ago)

cesc77

realies wrote: »

I can answer the telephones I have a lovely Dublin voice :-)

Excellent I need a personal assistant.I think youll be perfect miss.

You are a lady arent you? I have to ask before I offer you the job formally.Equal opportunities and all that.

Oh and Im afraid new legislation requires you to PM me pictures so that I can make a fair decision.

We can work on the Dublin voice thing if youre successful:)

mikemac

The_Citizen is the crime correspondent
He can give it raw, he knows what it's like on the mean streets

Richard Dower is our TV writer, he knows all the best shows and can give reviews

Ruu_Old

I'll do horoscopes.

Sagittarius, stay in bed today!

cesc77

scotty_irish wrote: »

i think i'm ready to post in the nemesis thread!

if i have to proofread does that mean i can take on some editing duties too and edit out all the sh!te you write? lad. (haven't heard that since some skangers started on me about ten years ago)

Small steps scotty.First we'll have to educate you on the use of capital letters.

I think you missed a comma after proofread.:(

Dont take it as criticism,its a learning process that some us pick up at the age of 11.It just takes a bit longer for some.

Stick by my side and I'll keep you right.

Oh and proofreading whilst half monkeyed at two in the morning may be an issue.I see something in you,something you dont see yourself,but I demand dedication and professionalism with a sprinkling of arseholery,so jump on board and enjoy the ride.

talla10

I can do financial advice. Stick all your money on shesthefastest at 13.05 in Galway odds 76/1.

KeithAFC

mikemac wrote: »

Wolfe Tone and Keith AFC are going to give us the breaking news for Northern Ireland

His version and then my version. :pac:

admiralofthefleet

windsock for page 3

BEASTERLY

I would like a weekly column in which I explain how the public service is just a big shower of blood-sucking cunts, please?

theboss80

I will handle all the weird news stories seeing as that's what the threads I start are generally about anyway. Oh and I can get a page worth of xxx chatlines to sign up also. Pics or gtfo basically.


Nice 1000th post

c_man

But could we rally against "SICK INTERNET PERVS" seeing as how, well, that would accurately describe 99% of the staff?

theboss80

KeithAFC wrote: »

His version and then my version. :pac:

Keith I see you doing more of a Kevin Myers style column.:pac:

WindSock

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

windsock for page 3

Hooray! Finally, a chance for me to get me belly out!

Standard Toaster

I'll do a Pub Spy type gig....but also include selected gentleman's clubs throughout the land.

For Forks Sake

I'm able to make up wholly pointless names for a variety of lowlifes, if Paul Williams can get paid for doing that, then so should I

W.Shakes-Beer

Any spaces?

pebbles21

Outlawpete can have Paul Williams job

I'm in.

charlemont

I can be the crime reporter for the area I live in. Im way better than Paul Williams.

Heres a sample http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjKXj4E-lmg

admiralofthefleet

WindSock wrote: »

Hooray! Finally, a chance for me to get me belly out!

ill get me moobs out

Spread

Absurdum wrote: »

I'll get me lad out for page 3.

Mine wouldn't stand up for less than €50K. That works out at €666.66666666 per mm. Nice work if I can get it. Geddit?

K-9

Run_to_da_Hills for the "Will ID cards give you cancer?" stories.

cesc77

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

ill get me moobs out

Thats a negative admiral.We need to seemlessly slip into the gap in the market without repulsing the old NOTW regulars.

Maybe some day.....:)

cesc77

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Any spaces?

We're going to need a private eye for,well,special enquiries/investigations.

Youll be off the books and no-one will ever know:pac:

ilovesleep

cesc77 wrote: »

Seems there will be a gap in the market since NOTW is to be folded.

If the members of AH got together to produce their own equally entertaining weekly read,who would occupy key areas within said trashy read.

I propose kfallon to oversee Personal Issues/Sexual Problems with ilovesleep under him to be the ying to his yang,Biggins to look after Consumer Affairs/Matters of National Security,flutterinbantam as Chief Headline Writer and that eeidgit scotty_irish in charge of proofreading:pac:

What position would you apply for and why.

The editors decision is final:pac::pac:

Thank you for nominating me. I will be delighted in my new role. I cam give advice on many forms of filth.

stupidusername

what's left to be taken?

cesc77

ilovesleep wrote: »

Thank you for nominating me. I will be delighted in my new role. Broad areas I can give advise on includes:
Polygamy - everybody should have multiple partners.
Fetishes - do everything that pleases you except for extreme acts that are against the law like bestiality.
Bdsm - get tied up, take your trashings and humiliation and enjoy.

Well I was hoping to go a tad more highbrow than the previous occupants.

Yeah sounds great.....Ill take that on board.

Could we not start off with vajazzling and gentle spanking before shooting to the Michael Hutchence end of the horny spectrum?:)



*puts ilovesleep on 2 months probation with limited internet access at work,whilst mentally noting that I cannot be alone with her and her pimplyarse*

Shane732

Right so, I'll do the phone hacking.......

W.Shakes-Beer

cesc77 wrote: »

We're going to need a private eye for,well,special enquiries/investigations.

Youll be off the books and no-one will ever know:pac:

That'll do, I'll just lurk around in the reception, massaging my knob while I wait for further notice.

cesc77

stupidusername wrote: »

what's left to be taken?

Bear with me,Im on the go and have so much to organise.

From memory...we need:

Patronising newsreader columnist

Deputy proofreader:pac:

Animal advice expert(no convictions)

Fcukin Bullsh1t Brainwashing Cnut....sorry...Environmental advice err expert

Cheap Bstard...sorry....Cant think of the title offhand....Compare the Marketer type person.

Weatherman(uck off M.Fish..dont even think about it..:mad:)

Film Critic(Pronunciation of the letter "R"is a pre-requisite)

Auto expert

Paper-cutter(with guillotine)Experience required and 8 fingers

Inker

Delivery Driver

Tea-maker

Carry-out/smokes getter

Best Boy

Grip

2x General Gimp

Sorry,Ill expand more when I havent got so much to think about.

Which position do you think you could fill best and why?

W.Shakes-Beer

While scratching my flute I can make the tea as well.