Have you ever farted at an inappropriate moment?

Dan133269

Well, have you?

Worst I've done is while chatting up girls. Not too bad. Entertain us with your refined tales of flatulence!

7sr2z3fely84g5

this thread will be gone with the wind..

Chnandler Bong

In mass, during the quiet bit when you pray to yourself:o

mink_man

cousin farted during mass. everyone thought it was me. it wasn't me.

pappyodaniel

Way too many times to mention.

admiralofthefleet

i farted in a bookies years ago the morning after having a right feed of guinness and indian the night before. the shop was full of fellas on their lunch break but cleared out in seconds
the fart literally smelled like month old shit

Princess Peach

*insert typical ladies don't fart comment*

7sr2z3fely84g5

they never fart in soap operas.

Tar.Aldarion

does for a full day count?

gmonov1

i farted during sex once
me and the girl were both pretty p1ssed so we both just ignored it, thinking it could have been either one of us

also a friend of mine once farted at a house party when some old guy was playing guitar and singing that christy moore song, i think its called ride on??
was a really quiet song anyway, and i think my friend thought it would have been a quiet fart. it wasn't!

Captain Darling

I farted loudly in the middle of a game of poker last week. I had my ipod in and forgot myself. I couldnt give a bollox, but i got a few funny looks.

WallyGUFC

Where's FlutterinBantam to enlighten us with another excretion based shhhtory?

Captain Darling

WallyGUFC wrote: »

Where's FlutterinBantam to enlighten us with another excretion based shhhtory?

He'll be along soon. These threads attract him, like a fly to... Ah nevermind.

Agonist

The Queen did, or did she?

The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored.

"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."

"It's quite understandable," said the archbishop, and after a moment added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."

I'm just sorry she won't get to fart at Brian Cowan.

Savage Tyrant

I farted as I was standing looking at my uncle in his coffin at the wake.... My dad (his brother) jumped in for the save with "Fućk sake, smells like somebody died......."

Sounds a little insensitive but it was very funny.

brokenhinge

Once held in a fart, then extremely loudly in the library I sneezed and ended up snarting so loudly. I'm pretty sure it changed note around three times during it.

Kirby

Did it at a funeral....in front of all my relations.

While everyone else was praying for the deceased, I was just praying nobody had noticed.

They had

phill106

brokenhinge wrote: »

Once held in a fart, then extremely loudly in the library I sneezed and ended up snarting so loudly. I'm pretty sure it changed note around three times during it.

Must have sounded like a broken hinge!

CSU

...no, but my GP sure did as he was sticking that lollipop thing on my tongue:mad:

smell ignorant mother****er:(

FlutterinBantam

WallyGUFC wrote: »

Where's FlutterinBantam to enlighten us with another excretion based shhhtory?

Eh....?

Usually I can keep the sphincter under control,but must say I can remember an occasion when I had a particularly rushed Whopper and chips in Dublin city centre, then had to leg it rapido to the Jervo to pick up some items.

Now we all know that rushing around after a hurried meal is not good,and indeed I did feel a fairly severe build up of marsh gas in the lower gut.

I was trying to contain any seepage as best i could,but as I went on the up escalator an auld wan laden with baggage kept banging into me from behind.

Just as I was about to turn to give her a 'look' when I lost control and blew out a deep echoing rasper straight into her chops, this was followed by a 'string of pearls' and a viscous whiff you could sew a button on..

Just kept going when I left the escalator......all i could hear was .."Ignorant bastard" being shouted after me:o

W.Shakes-Beer

I remember filling the air with a stench in the Blanch HMV, some aul one beside me coughed a little, I remained in the haze not to look suspicious.

The smell, you could cut it with a knife.

careca11

on a one-night-stand with a bird in NYC , she was pretty , but she let this mega-thunder of a fart just as we where getting down to business ,

both of us laughed that much we had tears in our eyes , was hilarious at the time

Kevin Duffy

I once let one in a geography class taught by the driest witted teacher, during a moment of quiet.
It lasted, I kid you not, over 10 seconds of high volume. If you think 10 secs doesn't sound like much, count it out now and imagine a very loud fart filling that time. You could have heard a pin drop afterwards, 'til the teacher looked at me with some admiration and just said, "was that you?". I, naturally, claimed full responsibility complete with bragging rights.
20+ years later, they still talk about it at school reunions. Quite rightly.

gent9662

First day playing five a side with a new company I had just joined. I went in for the ball, won it and then went to kick it but tripped and as I was falling over one of my legs I let out a fart before falling to the ground.

The lads were pissing themselves with laughter!

Sykk

I farted once on the set of blue lagoon

Thatnastyboy

Sykk wrote: »

I farted once on the set of blue lagoon

*SLAP*

daveyeh

I farted in confession when i was a kid. The priest told me to get out and called me a dirty little bugger! :eek:

bryaner

Never mind a fart, a lad down my local did a shart while wearing white pants, he seemed quite oblivious to it and continued ordering pints of stout.

Not a pretty sight..

Rubberlegs

I farted silently but violently down the back of a clothes shop. The shop asisstant outside the changing rooms says "jesus christ" and begins to liberally spray air freshener! My sister and I left the shop, buckled up laughing:D. And I'm usually such a lady:rolleyes:

Plazaman

I tend to release people magnets. I'm standing there all on my ownio and decide to release a sneaky one. Upon expulsion, all of a sudden, someone approaches to talk to me (in a lot of cases a fantastic looking girl of some sort).

I wish I took acting lessons to be able to look non-chalant but I think the shuffling like a nervous nutjob gives the game away.

cruiser178

Cant rightly remember if i did or not im sure i did at some point but a few weeks ago i was at a mates house(he wasn't there)so was chatting away to his ma about times gone past she was laughing so hard she let out a huge fart,long and loud,i fcuking didn't know where to look iv'e known this woman all my life but been the lady she is,she quickly excused herself and carried on talking.Tell you one thing she could take on any man in a farting competion.

admiralofthefleet

Agonist wrote: »

The Queen did, or did she?


I'm just sorry she won't get to fart at Brian Cowan.

remember when windsor castle burnt down in 1992?

the reason was the queen lit one of her own farts during a slumber party

medici

Had bad asthma as a kid and went to the doc to get treated once after an attack. My dad came with me while the doctor examined me, asking me to blow into a gauge-thingy to test my lungs.

After the first attempt at blowing into the gauge, the doctor told me "Ah you can do better than that", so I tried harder. After this second try, she urged me to try again.

At the point of blasting a third big breath of air into the gauge, the deepest darkest recesses of my lower gut issued forth a thunderclap that Thor would be proud of. The doctor looked puzzled and said "Ok, one more time from your lungs this time".

Dad had tears in his eyes....whether from pride, shame or the vile gaseous secret I'd been hiding all morning though, I'll never know.

FishyFingers

Was in fuerteventura a coule of yrs ago and me and the missus got into our hotel room. We were standing near the bed. She dived on the bed and as soon as she landed I let out a massive ripper of a fart.

She turned around to me completely mortified and insisted it was "the bed" and not her.

I never told her was me though. I just called her a "dirty knacker" & told her she'd have to make it up to me.






which she did later :cool:

funk-you

Once when I was being gone down on. She ignored it until after all was done. Haven't lived it down since.

-Funk

Show Time

It's better out then in when it comes to wind.

kfallon

Not inappropriate but actually perfectly timed, bending over the pool table to sink an easy enough black, made sure I let a ripper just as I made contact with the white.....my opponent wasn't too keen to shake hands with me after it tho.

Sound effects are great

df1985

Cleared the sauna in the gym with a silent one before. Between the heat and the smell they couldnt handle it, one aul fella as he got up to go just went "ahhhhh jaysiz!!!"

It had been a heavy weekend on the beer.

ilovesleep

I was going through an awful patch last year with extreme stress at home and at work. I had fcuk all time ever to myself, there was a lot of demands on me, my time was never my own, little sleep, exhausted, and a fcuked up diet to go with it all because god forbid I sat down to eat and how dare I digest food. This in turn had a huge impact and I was farting constantly. I was farting every couple of minutes for months. It was so embarrassing. Its somewhat under control now but i do go through spells of this and when it happens i usually have to be more assertive with people and say no, no, no and a big fcuk off.

Mr Freeze

In a class in college, a mate of mine decided to let one go.

We were at the back of the class, the only 2 seated there, as the rest of the class, about 8 people were all in the front row, he says to me, gonna rip, I pleaded with him not to, as I knew his farts were rank and usually massive from living with him in college.

Anyways, he lets the biggest fart go, and its amplified by the large room and those plastic chairs, it was a few seconds long.

He then proceeded to shake his head in disgust as if it was me that let it go, the class and lecturer looking down at me, shaking their heads too. I had no defense.

orourkeda

Is there ever an appropiate time to let rip

Mr Freeze

orourkeda wrote: »

Is there ever an appropiate time to let rip

Alone! or with mates who don't mind and do it too.

Karona

Went to a pilates class with my Mam and my Aunt ansd we were doing some stretching poses when my Aunt stretches out and lets this huge ripper. My Mam started laughing so hard that the instructor thought it was her and told her its fine it's just your body getting used to the stretches. I never laughed so much in a class. :pac:

neil_hosey

Mr Freeze wrote: »

Alone! or with mates who don't mind and do it too.

did you ever get when you wake urself up when farting? usuallly after a night on the beer for me

Mr Freeze

neil_hosey wrote: »

did you ever get when you wake urself up when farting? usuallly after a night on the beer for me

Have only ever woken others, never myself with one.

Redhairedguy

Was in KFC in Galway about 10 days ago. Went to go for my usual order, which is a standard meal complete with chips, drink and side order; and I always get a small wrap as well to finish the meal off.

They've stopped doing the small wraps so I say to the wan there "Sure, give us something like it." She brings out this rather large chicken wrap thing on the tray alongside my meal, and I'm like jaysus, well I've already paid for it. Might as well eat it.

I'm a fairly small lad, so this wrap unfortunately was too much for me. But I finish anyhoo, and go to lie down in the booth. My housemate has finished a while before me, so he's laughing away at the state of me.

I go to raise my head to say something coy to him, but the sheer effort causes me to let rip a resounding, lengthy barker of a fart which everyone in the restaurant hears. There is a moment of silence and then a few young ones a few booths down break themselves laughing, and the girl in the booth behind us, sort of shrieks and cowers down in the booth.

Needless to say, I hopped up laughing and got the flock outta there.

Won't show my face for a while I reckon.

Ghost Buster

Used to be an actor. I farted very loudly whilst getting up from lieing on the stage. I was right at the front before a full house of 300 and was sitting on top of one of those flush mics they use to pick up tap dancing sounds direct from the floor.

harvester of sorrow

farted once during an interview with my brother for a job!...went on for ages and i couldnt stop it ......needless to say we didnt get the job....think theres a video of it too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AMgagxCvZQ

YFlyer

Mr Freeze wrote: »

In a class in college, a mate of mine decided to let one go.

We were at the back of the class, the only 2 seated there, as the rest of the class, about 8 people were all in the front row, he says to me, gonna rip, I pleaded with him not to, as I knew his farts were rank and usually massive from living with him in college.

Anyways, he lets the biggest fart go, and its amplified by the large room and those plastic chairs, it was a few seconds long.

He then proceeded to shake his head in disgust as if it was me that let it go, the class and lecturer looking down at me, shaking their heads too. I had no defense.

Is his name Danny from Waterford?

Mr Freeze

YFlyer wrote: »

Is his name Danny from Waterford?

Nope! He is on boards and will no doubt make himself known when he gets "wind" of this thread!

keano_afc

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i farted in a bookies years ago the morning after having a right feed of guinness and indian the night before. the shop was full of fellas on their lunch break but cleared out in seconds
the fart literally smelled like month old shit

I was unfortunately one of the people affected by this. I can vouch for it as the worst smelling foulest air biscuit I've ever had the misfortune to be caught in.