Have you ever farted at an inappropriate moment?

admiralofthefleet · 11-05-2011 11:13AM

Agonist wrote: »

The Queen did, or did she?

I'm just sorry she won't get to fart at Brian Cowan.

remember when windsor castle burnt down in 1992?

the reason was the queen lit one of her own farts during a slumber party

medici · 11-05-2011 11:18AM

Had bad asthma as a kid and went to the doc to get treated once after an attack. My dad came with me while the doctor examined me, asking me to blow into a gauge-thingy to test my lungs.

After the first attempt at blowing into the gauge, the doctor told me "Ah you can do better than that", so I tried harder. After this second try, she urged me to try again.

At the point of blasting a third big breath of air into the gauge, the deepest darkest recesses of my lower gut issued forth a thunderclap that Thor would be proud of. The doctor looked puzzled and said "Ok, one more time from your lungs this time".

Dad had tears in his eyes....whether from pride, shame or the vile gaseous secret I'd been hiding all morning though, I'll never know.

FishyFingers · 11-05-2011 11:59AM

Was in fuerteventura a coule of yrs ago and me and the missus got into our hotel room. We were standing near the bed. She dived on the bed and as soon as she landed I let out a massive ripper of a fart.

She turned around to me completely mortified and insisted it was "the bed" and not her.

I never told her was me though. I just called her a "dirty knacker" & told her she'd have to make it up to me.

which she did later :cool:

funk-you · 11-05-2011 12:01PM

Once when I was being gone down on. She ignored it until after all was done. Haven't lived it down since.

-Funk

Show Time · 11-05-2011 12:04PM

It's better out then in when it comes to wind.

kfallon · 11-05-2011 12:13PM

Not inappropriate but actually perfectly timed, bending over the pool table to sink an easy enough black, made sure I let a ripper just as I made contact with the white.....my opponent wasn't too keen to shake hands with me after it tho.

Sound effects are great

df1985 · 11-05-2011 12:44PM

Cleared the sauna in the gym with a silent one before. Between the heat and the smell they couldnt handle it, one aul fella as he got up to go just went "ahhhhh jaysiz!!!"

It had been a heavy weekend on the beer.

ilovesleep · 11-05-2011 01:27PM

I was going through an awful patch last year with extreme stress at home and at work. I had fcuk all time ever to myself, there was a lot of demands on me, my time was never my own, little sleep, exhausted, and a fcuked up diet to go with it all because god forbid I sat down to eat and how dare I digest food. This in turn had a huge impact and I was farting constantly. I was farting every couple of minutes for months. It was so embarrassing. Its somewhat under control now but i do go through spells of this and when it happens i usually have to be more assertive with people and say no, no, no and a big fcuk off.

Mr Freeze · 11-05-2011 02:24PM

In a class in college, a mate of mine decided to let one go.

We were at the back of the class, the only 2 seated there, as the rest of the class, about 8 people were all in the front row, he says to me, gonna rip, I pleaded with him not to, as I knew his farts were rank and usually massive from living with him in college.

Anyways, he lets the biggest fart go, and its amplified by the large room and those plastic chairs, it was a few seconds long.

He then proceeded to shake his head in disgust as if it was me that let it go, the class and lecturer looking down at me, shaking their heads too. I had no defense.

orourkeda · 11-05-2011 02:32PM

Is there ever an appropiate time to let rip

Mr Freeze · 11-05-2011 02:33PM

orourkeda wrote: »

Is there ever an appropiate time to let rip

Alone! or with mates who don't mind and do it too.

Karona · 11-05-2011 02:40PM

Went to a pilates class with my Mam and my Aunt ansd we were doing some stretching poses when my Aunt stretches out and lets this huge ripper. My Mam started laughing so hard that the instructor thought it was her and told her its fine it's just your body getting used to the stretches. I never laughed so much in a class. :pac:

neil_hosey · 11-05-2011 02:58PM

Mr Freeze wrote: »

Alone! or with mates who don't mind and do it too.

did you ever get when you wake urself up when farting? usuallly after a night on the beer for me

Mr Freeze · 11-05-2011 03:00PM

neil_hosey wrote: »

did you ever get when you wake urself up when farting? usuallly after a night on the beer for me

Have only ever woken others, never myself with one.

Redhairedguy · 11-05-2011 03:32PM

Was in KFC in Galway about 10 days ago. Went to go for my usual order, which is a standard meal complete with chips, drink and side order; and I always get a small wrap as well to finish the meal off.

They've stopped doing the small wraps so I say to the wan there "Sure, give us something like it." She brings out this rather large chicken wrap thing on the tray alongside my meal, and I'm like jaysus, well I've already paid for it. Might as well eat it.

I'm a fairly small lad, so this wrap unfortunately was too much for me. But I finish anyhoo, and go to lie down in the booth. My housemate has finished a while before me, so he's laughing away at the state of me.

I go to raise my head to say something coy to him, but the sheer effort causes me to let rip a resounding, lengthy barker of a fart which everyone in the restaurant hears. There is a moment of silence and then a few young ones a few booths down break themselves laughing, and the girl in the booth behind us, sort of shrieks and cowers down in the booth.

Needless to say, I hopped up laughing and got the flock outta there.

Won't show my face for a while I reckon.

Ghost Buster · 11-05-2011 03:36PM

Used to be an actor. I farted very loudly whilst getting up from lieing on the stage. I was right at the front before a full house of 300 and was sitting on top of one of those flush mics they use to pick up tap dancing sounds direct from the floor.

harvester of sorrow · 11-05-2011 03:47PM

farted once during an interview with my brother for a job!...went on for ages and i couldnt stop it ......needless to say we didnt get the job....think theres a video of it too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AMgagxCvZQ

YFlyer · 11-05-2011 04:03PM

Mr Freeze wrote: »

In a class in college, a mate of mine decided to let one go.

We were at the back of the class, the only 2 seated there, as the rest of the class, about 8 people were all in the front row, he says to me, gonna rip, I pleaded with him not to, as I knew his farts were rank and usually massive from living with him in college.

Anyways, he lets the biggest fart go, and its amplified by the large room and those plastic chairs, it was a few seconds long.

He then proceeded to shake his head in disgust as if it was me that let it go, the class and lecturer looking down at me, shaking their heads too. I had no defense.

Is his name Danny from Waterford?

Mr Freeze · 11-05-2011 04:09PM

YFlyer wrote: »

Is his name Danny from Waterford?

Nope! He is on boards and will no doubt make himself known when he gets "wind" of this thread!

keano_afc · 11-05-2011 04:28PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i farted in a bookies years ago the morning after having a right feed of guinness and indian the night before. the shop was full of fellas on their lunch break but cleared out in seconds
the fart literally smelled like month old shit

I was unfortunately one of the people affected by this. I can vouch for it as the worst smelling foulest air biscuit I've ever had the misfortune to be caught in.

goz83 · 11-05-2011 05:46PM

I can think of 2 occasions.

1) So a few years I was shopping in Unique just off Henry Street, Dublin with a friend. We had been drinking a conconction of booze the night before and had eaten chinese and burger bar food. He quite enjoyed his loud rips on the bus on the way, but oh my god he paid for it. So, in the shop, just beside the till I dropped a killer whiffer in stealth. I walked away, leaving my mate to look at the jeans. The manager of the shop very loudly said "Fcuk sake buddy!! I hope you were on the beer last night, that's rotten." His face was never so red in his life and I was in tears of laughter. To this day, he brings it up.

2) I was cold calling some houses with a colleague. We were selling mobile phones at the time. It was a windless (no pun intended) day and very humid and hot. Dry summer day. Anyway, we're working in Bray and called to a house with a gorgeous chick answering the door. So it's my colleagues time to pitch and he is talking about the phones and flirting abit. I dropped a hot, silent one and said I had to get something from the car. About 20 metres later, I hear the girl saying "aaargh what's that smell". 20 seconds later and my colleague is chasing me with his folder.

Thatnastyboy · 11-05-2011 06:09PM

Got lucky on a night out a couple of weeks ago, woke up in her place the following morning, the sun beating in the window woke me up. Anyways, I could hear housemates shuffling around outside the door, also wasnt arsed find my clothes so i was ruled out of going lookin for the jax.

It was the morning after the guinness (all day) before, then the smithwicks, then the fat frogs. And I had a pain in my stomach like someone had stuck a scaffold bar through me,

I decided that I had to let fly or i would die. So I had a quick look and she was still asleep, disco..... So i closed my eyes, cocked the leg, turned me arse to the wall and out came what I would describe as a rather low, extended note played on a large trombone with a steady climb to a higher pitch towards the end.

I let out a sigh of relief and smiled to myself, then I re-opened my eyes and saw the lady lying beside me looking at me with a face like this --> :eek:

I went like a tomato, and closed my eyes with shame, then....

She turned her arse to me and paaarped one back at me, not as impressive as my own but a lil' stinker all the same..

I do love country women, i hope they never change

dan185 · 11-05-2011 07:19PM

Farts are funny.

kowloon · 11-05-2011 07:21PM

Thread feels incomplete without this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs

Rubberlegs · 12-05-2011 01:35PM

Karona wrote: »

Went to a pilates class with my Mam and my Aunt ansd we were doing some stretching poses when my Aunt stretches out and lets this huge ripper. My Mam started laughing so hard that the instructor thought it was her and told her its fine it's just your body getting used to the stretches. I never laughed so much in a class. :pac:

Ha ha:D!! Reminds me of the one time I went to a yoga class, all ya could hear was little farts in the silence, as people were stretching. I was just thankful for once it wasn't me. Myself and my friend just lay there shaking with the laughter. Never went back there, we were wrecked from tryin to hold in the laughing.
When my sister was small, she farted loudly in mass. We were up in the
gallery and it ricocheted off the wooden bench and echoed madly:D
Jesus I love this thread, I've nearly s**t myself laughing at some posts. Just can't understand those who think farts are disgusting and juvenile, or claim they never fart

. Farts are natural, and downright hilarious at times. They make you laugh and laughter is good for the soul:p

RichieC · 12-05-2011 01:37PM

Me and my mates got thrown out of a taxi because one of us farted... Taxi man is in the wrong game..

Paul.C · 12-05-2011 01:42PM

job interview a few years back, and no I didnt get the job:p

ya-ba-da-ba-doo · 12-05-2011 01:54PM

in a computer room in college last week.. it was in a study area so it was completely quiet - I had earphones in though, so I was in a world of my own. Next thing I went to stretch and I nearly blew myself off the chair!

I could hear it through the headphones.

Have you ever farted at an inappropriate moment?

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