Have you ever farted at an inappropriate moment?

Dan133269 · 11-05-2011 01:23AM #1

Well, have you?

Worst I've done is while chatting up girls. Not too bad. Entertain us with your refined tales of flatulence!

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 11-05-2011 01:24AM

this thread will be gone with the wind..

Chnandler Bong · 11-05-2011 01:24AM

In mass, during the quiet bit when you pray to yourself:o

mink_man · 11-05-2011 01:28AM

cousin farted during mass. everyone thought it was me. it wasn't me.

pappyodaniel · 11-05-2011 01:28AM

Way too many times to mention.

admiralofthefleet · 11-05-2011 01:30AM

i farted in a bookies years ago the morning after having a right feed of guinness and indian the night before. the shop was full of fellas on their lunch break but cleared out in seconds
the fart literally smelled like month old shit

Princess Peach · 11-05-2011 01:30AM

*insert typical ladies don't fart comment*

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 11-05-2011 01:31AM

they never fart in soap operas.

Tar.Aldarion · 11-05-2011 01:32AM

does for a full day count?

gmonov1 · 11-05-2011 01:32AM

i farted during sex once
me and the girl were both pretty p1ssed so we both just ignored it, thinking it could have been either one of us

also a friend of mine once farted at a house party when some old guy was playing guitar and singing that christy moore song, i think its called ride on??
was a really quiet song anyway, and i think my friend thought it would have been a quiet fart. it wasn't!

Captain Darling · 11-05-2011 01:35AM

I farted loudly in the middle of a game of poker last week. I had my ipod in and forgot myself. I couldnt give a bollox, but i got a few funny looks.

WallyGUFC · 11-05-2011 01:39AM

Where's FlutterinBantam to enlighten us with another excretion based shhhtory?

Captain Darling · 11-05-2011 01:40AM

WallyGUFC wrote: »

Where's FlutterinBantam to enlighten us with another excretion based shhhtory?

He'll be along soon. These threads attract him, like a fly to... Ah nevermind.

Agonist · 11-05-2011 01:40AM

The Queen did, or did she?

The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored.

"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."

"It's quite understandable," said the archbishop, and after a moment added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."

I'm just sorry she won't get to fart at Brian Cowan.

Savage Tyrant · 11-05-2011 01:42AM

I farted as I was standing looking at my uncle in his coffin at the wake.... My dad (his brother) jumped in for the save with "Fućk sake, smells like somebody died......."

Sounds a little insensitive but it was very funny.

brokenhinge · 11-05-2011 02:59AM

Once held in a fart, then extremely loudly in the library I sneezed and ended up snarting so loudly. I'm pretty sure it changed note around three times during it.

Kirby · 11-05-2011 03:03AM

Did it at a funeral....in front of all my relations.

While everyone else was praying for the deceased, I was just praying nobody had noticed.

They had

phill106 · 11-05-2011 07:32AM

brokenhinge wrote: »

Once held in a fart, then extremely loudly in the library I sneezed and ended up snarting so loudly. I'm pretty sure it changed note around three times during it.

Must have sounded like a broken hinge!

CSU · 11-05-2011 07:36AM

...no, but my GP sure did as he was sticking that lollipop thing on my tongue:mad:

smell ignorant mother****er:(

FlutterinBantam · 11-05-2011 08:35AM

WallyGUFC wrote: »

Where's FlutterinBantam to enlighten us with another excretion based shhhtory?

Eh....?

Usually I can keep the sphincter under control,but must say I can remember an occasion when I had a particularly rushed Whopper and chips in Dublin city centre, then had to leg it rapido to the Jervo to pick up some items.

Now we all know that rushing around after a hurried meal is not good,and indeed I did feel a fairly severe build up of marsh gas in the lower gut.

I was trying to contain any seepage as best i could,but as I went on the up escalator an auld wan laden with baggage kept banging into me from behind.

Just as I was about to turn to give her a 'look' when I lost control and blew out a deep echoing rasper straight into her chops, this was followed by a 'string of pearls' and a viscous whiff you could sew a button on..

Just kept going when I left the escalator......all i could hear was .."Ignorant bastard" being shouted after me:o

W.Shakes-Beer · 11-05-2011 09:12AM

I remember filling the air with a stench in the Blanch HMV, some aul one beside me coughed a little, I remained in the haze not to look suspicious.

The smell, you could cut it with a knife.

careca11 · 11-05-2011 09:18AM

on a one-night-stand with a bird in NYC , she was pretty , but she let this mega-thunder of a fart just as we where getting down to business ,

both of us laughed that much we had tears in our eyes , was hilarious at the time

Kevin Duffy · 11-05-2011 09:34AM

I once let one in a geography class taught by the driest witted teacher, during a moment of quiet.
It lasted, I kid you not, over 10 seconds of high volume. If you think 10 secs doesn't sound like much, count it out now and imagine a very loud fart filling that time. You could have heard a pin drop afterwards, 'til the teacher looked at me with some admiration and just said, "was that you?". I, naturally, claimed full responsibility complete with bragging rights.
20+ years later, they still talk about it at school reunions. Quite rightly.

gent9662 · 11-05-2011 09:48AM

First day playing five a side with a new company I had just joined. I went in for the ball, won it and then went to kick it but tripped and as I was falling over one of my legs I let out a fart before falling to the ground.

The lads were pissing themselves with laughter!

Sykk · 11-05-2011 09:48AM

I farted once on the set of blue lagoon

Thatnastyboy · 11-05-2011 09:51AM

Sykk wrote: »

I farted once on the set of blue lagoon

*SLAP*

daveyeh · 11-05-2011 09:57AM

I farted in confession when i was a kid. The priest told me to get out and called me a dirty little bugger! :eek:

bryaner · 11-05-2011 10:05AM

Never mind a fart, a lad down my local did a shart while wearing white pants, he seemed quite oblivious to it and continued ordering pints of stout.

Not a pretty sight..

Rubberlegs · 11-05-2011 10:13AM

I farted silently but violently down the back of a clothes shop. The shop asisstant outside the changing rooms says "jesus christ" and begins to liberally spray air freshener! My sister and I left the shop, buckled up laughing:D. And I'm usually such a lady:rolleyes:

Plazaman · 11-05-2011 10:23AM

I tend to release people magnets. I'm standing there all on my ownio and decide to release a sneaky one. Upon expulsion, all of a sudden, someone approaches to talk to me (in a lot of cases a fantastic looking girl of some sort).

I wish I took acting lessons to be able to look non-chalant but I think the shuffling like a nervous nutjob gives the game away.

cruiser178 · 11-05-2011 10:48AM

Cant rightly remember if i did or not im sure i did at some point but a few weeks ago i was at a mates house(he wasn't there)so was chatting away to his ma about times gone past she was laughing so hard she let out a huge fart,long and loud,i fcuking didn't know where to look iv'e known this woman all my life but been the lady she is,she quickly excused herself and carried on talking.Tell you one thing she could take on any man in a farting competion.

Have you ever farted at an inappropriate moment?

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