Dirtest chat up line ever said to you.

7sr2z3fely84g5

Whats the dirtest chat up line said to you in a club?...

FunnyStuff

wanna **** me out in the carpark?!?!?

KeithAFC

Can you knee cap me.

Odd, yeah.

chunkylover4

Excuse me, will you mind my chair while I take a ****.

admiralofthefleet

girl i worked with in roches stores came out with a very subtle one one night in zanzibar (remember that place) : i want your cock in me

Praetorian Saighdiuir

A girl came up to me a few years ago in a "nightclub" in Dun Laoghaire.

Il swallow for a fatfrog...................unfortunately, this is a true story.:(

She didnt get the fatfrog btw...or anything else.

admiralofthefleet

benwavner wrote: »

A girl came up to me a few years ago in a "nightclub" in Dun Laoghaire.

Il swallow for a fatfrog...................unfortunately, this is a true story.:(

She didnt get the fatfrog btw...or anything else.

:eek:
nemos and her name was anna???

Praetorian Saighdiuir

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

:eek:
nemos and her name was anna???

Paps and her name is Fiona.

Ah Nemos................brings a tear to the eye.

...................anna eh?

orourkeda

KeithAFC wrote: »

Can you knee cap me.

Odd, yeah.

I take it they didnt follow through

orourkeda

FunnyStuff wrote: »

wanna **** me out in the carpark?!?!?

Did you call her out?

Kevin Duffy

Her: What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

Me: Dunno

Her: You can't marmalade your cock up my ar5e

KeithAFC

orourkeda wrote: »

I take it they didnt follow through

They did lol... :pac:

I got a great story about a knee capping incident.

Marty McFly

Down in killkeny one night standing in the smoking area, woman walks out and asks me to stand in front of her me not knowin what was going on and being a gent i do turn around to find her squatting in the smoking area taking a piss, with a toilet five feet away i might add and the smoking area full. When shes done she stand up and says "ill give yeh the ride of your life" i made my excuses and got the f#ck out of there.

evillive

ruby's waterford

'i'm going to ride the arse off ya'

which she did end up doing not quite literally though - the girl kept her word

admiralofthefleet

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Down in killkeny one night standing in the smoking area, woman walks out and asks me to stand in front of her me not knowin what was going on and being a gent i do turn around to find her squatting in the smoking area taking a piss, with a toilet five feet away i might add and the smoking area full. When shes done she stand up and says "ill give yeh the ride of your life" i made my excuses and got the f#ck out of there.

why did you leg it? was she a bagel?

orourkeda

KeithAFC wrote: »

They did lol... :pac:

I got a great story about a knee capping incident.

what caps were you kneeing

TheZohanS

"**** *** ****** ** ******** **** * *****."

Needless to say I declined the offer.

ShamoBuc

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Down in killkeny one night standing in the smoking area, woman walks out and asks me to stand in front of her me not knowin what was going on and being a gent i do turn around to find her squatting in the smoking area taking a piss, with a toilet five feet away i might add and the smoking area full. When shes done she stand up and says "ill give yeh the ride of your life" i made my excuses and got the f#ck out of there.

are you gay or what? A ride is a ride...... isn't it?

18AD

Excuse me, are you a single mother?

"No."

Do you wanna be?

admiralofthefleet

ShamoBuc wrote: »

are you gay or what? A ride is a ride...... isn't it?

exactly. any port in a storm

Marty McFly

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

why did you leg it? was she a bagel?

She was a big unit and didnt look like the most hygenic person id ever seen, if yeh did youd want to wrap up ten times and still get checked after it.

Praetorian Saighdiuir

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

She was a big unit and didnt look like the most hygenic person id ever seen, if yeh did youd want to wrap up ten times and still get checked after it.

You could have just chewed on her porky bits.

admiralofthefleet

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

She was a big unit and didnt look like the most hygenic person id ever seen, if yeh did youd want to wrap up ten times and still get checked after it.

you do know that you get an extra blowjob for every extra pound of flesh?

Rds1989

Not so much dirty as direct

"Hey babe you look very lonely over here"
"Ah im just waiting for my friend"
"Wow cool wanna **** me"
"Yes, yes i do"

Marty McFly

ShamoBuc wrote: »

are you gay or what? A ride is a ride...... isn't it?

A ride is a ride alright but every man has his limits even after a load of drink i wouldnt go there, and im not a fussy man:).

KeithAFC

orourkeda wrote: »

what caps were you kneeing

Its about a loyalist knee capping a fellow loyalist. But it was the guys 'first' time and he is shaking, the guy about to get knee capped says 'here son, give it to me, just tell them you did it yourself' and knee capped himself. To make sure he did it right and all.

Didn't want the noob shaking like a leaf making a mistake..:pac:

orourkeda

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

A ride is a ride alright but every man has his limits even after a load of drink i wouldnt go there, and im not a fussy man:).

Its not even a consideration

Dangerous Man

After a night of groping and what have you at a Doors tribute concert this girl said to me 'we really should meet up and fuck sometime.' That left me thinking...'why not now?'

kfallon

"I want you to put it in my arse!" - She'd only had 3 pints ffs!

I duly did but only after a double whammy of a sneaky finger :pac:

Kevin Duffy

kfallon wrote: »

"I want you to put it in my arse!" - She'd only had 3 pints ffs!

I duly did but only after a double whammy of a sneaky finger :pac:

One each for the pair of ye?

kfallon

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

One each for the pair of ye?

Na just stuck 2 up there myself, I actually remember her saying to me, "Please don't put any more fingers up there" and I thought "Fooking spoilsport!" :pac:

Kevin Duffy

kfallon wrote: »

Na just stuck 2 up there myself, I actually remember her saying to me, "Please don't put any more fingers up there" and I thought "Fooking spoilsport!" :pac:

FYP just in case people thought you were doing it to her! Phew!

kfallon

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

FYP just in case people thought you were doing it to her! Phew!

I only need one up my own to get me off, I know how to touch all the right places :pac:

Praetorian Saighdiuir

kfallon wrote: »

I only need one up my own to get me off, I know how to touch all the right places :pac:

Take care wiping yer ass...........................

Kevin Duffy

kfallon wrote: »

I only need one up my own to get me off, I know how to touch all the right places :pac:

Should we ever meet Sir, do not be offended that I do not shake your hand. Or ask you to hold my pint.

kfallon

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Should we ever meet Sir, do not be offended that I do not shake your hand. Or ask you to hold my pint.

And don't turn your back on me :eek: :pac:

woodturner

Wanna play army? If you lie down i'll blow the hell out of you.

dar83

kfallon wrote: »

Na just stuck 2 up there myself, I actually remember her saying to me, "Please don't put any more fingers up there" and I thought "Fooking spoilsport!" :pac:

She said that, but allowed you put your lil mister up there?!

I call shenanigans on that story.

Either that or you have giant fingers, or a small Wiener...

Fizman

A few years back I was on the dancefloor of a local club when this very hot hair dresser chick I kinda knew came over dancing beside me. About 5 foot 3 inches, short blonde hair and a body to die for. She began dancing slightly provocatively and I began inching away (I had a girlfriend at the time and they knew each other).

A few mins more passes by and she just comes a little closer, whispering in my ear:

"I want you to slide inside me".

She kissed me on the neck as she said it. I honestly don't know how I didn't take her then and there on the dancefloor, as that line made the hairs on my neck stand up (amongst other things). Needless to say I have reminisced on said night several times while on my tobler.

Lone Stone

i was at mass one sunday
"do you like priests boy" :eek:

kfallon

dar83 wrote: »

She said that, but allowed you put your lil mister up there?!

I call shenanigans on that story.

Either that or you have giant fingers, or a small Wiener...

My fingers are big enough! She was nervous at first but about half an hour later she agreed to 'house' my lodger there with the aid of a lot of baby oil.....I just remember the next day she text me to say her hole was in bits

To be fair she did agree with me that you have to try everything once, she was a good sport

UnkieKev

"I put the STD into Stud, now all I need is U"

ArtyM

Best line I ever heard..
A friend was in Germany and met a local girl.
After a few drinks she said to him 'I like fisting and Anal, What do you like'?
He replied...
You

Kevin Duffy

ArtyM wrote: »

Best line I ever heard..
A friend was in Germany and met a local girl.
After a few drinks she said to him 'I like fisting and Anal, What do you like'?
He replied...
You

And off he went with her and got himself anally fisted. The moral is, clarify before you start...

Gummy Panda

kfallon wrote: »

My fingers are big enough! She was nervous at first but about half an hour later she agreed to 'house' my lodger there with the aid of a lot of baby oil.....I just remember the next day she text me to say her hole was in bits

To be fair she did agree with me that you have to try everything once, she was a good sport

Baby oil?!?! :eek:

No wonder her hole was in bits

kfallon

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Baby oil?!?! :eek:

No wonder her hole was in bits

It was either that or "Crisp n' Dry" :pac:

Thatnastyboy

I asked a woman one time could i rest my belly on her back.. she was about 20 years older than me and well, horrified. Looking back, a quiet beer garden at 7p.m was not really the time or the place, but I had been drinking since early morning, so all seemed ok to me..

Never got told a filthy line though, i must be a right ugly bastard

questionmark?

Hot drunk girl one night trying to chat me up so i mentioned i had a girlfriend to which she replied 'i just want to suck your cock'!! Being the gentleman i am i introduced my single friend to her didnt see him till the next evening! Come to think of it the fecker owes me a few pints for my matchmaking.

JupiterKid

Fancy a f@ck? But then, I'm a gay man so that's not really that direct.:pac:

UglyBolloxFace

KeithAFC wrote: »

Can you knee cap me.

Odd, yeah.

KeithAFC wrote: »

They did lol... :pac:

I got a great story about a knee capping incident.

Why do you do this in every thread? ...only a few posts in and you already allude to Republican vs. Loyalist with the kneecapping crap.

UglyBolloxFace

JupiterKid wrote: »

Fancy a f@ck? But then, I'm a gay man so that's not really that direct.:pac:

Is that really how gay life is? Dunno what to make of that.