Offended at a funeral?

Im Only 71Kg

would you be offended by someone wearing normal everyday clothes rather than a suit,shirt tie etc at a family members funeral?

Krusader

only if it was immediate adult family member

MagicMarker

No.

They took the time to come, what the fúck is there to be offended about?

Saila

No, if youve got a suit wear it, if not not ok then

rossc007

MagicMarker wrote: »

No.

They took the time to come, what the fúck is there to be offended about?

This

Im Only 71Kg

what difference would suit make? i dont quite understand it..it makes no difference in the greater scheme of things...does it?

Einhard

I'd expect people to dress respectably, and as long as they done so, I couldn't care less whether it's in a suit and tie, or slacks, or jeans. More things to be concerned about on such a day.

KerranJast

Sadly I've been to a lot of funerals and generally the only people I've seen wearing suits are the bereaved and older people.

TaraFoxglove

The immediate family should suit up but other than that it doesn't matter.

southsiderosie

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

That said, if it was a funeral for one of my family members, I would still thank them for coming, no matter how dressed.

hondasam

I would expect them to dress appropriately, not necessarily in a suit.

Mena

The dead person doesn't give a toss what you wear.

Im Only 71Kg

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

TaraFoxglove

southsiderosie wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

That said, if it was a funeral for one of my family members, I would still thank them for coming, no matter how dressed.

Well, in Ireland, many people go to the funeral home to pay their respects. It's a five minute jobbie. They might come after work or squeeze it in between errands. So no way would I expect these people to dress up especially, it's just nice that they took the time to come.

Sunnyisland

IMO Family & close relations black pants with white shirts/blouse, black shoes,Once other mourners clothing is not to bright & bling bling, casual clothing should be ok, It is after all in the majority of cases a very sombre and sad time,

hondasam

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

what did you wear?

Im Only 71Kg

black jeans black sandals and a dark coloured fleece..nothing out of the ordinary for me. not the newest looking clothes either but i dont have many clothes.

Wile E. Coyote

It's a funeral OP not a fashion parade. People go to a funeral to pay their respects to the deceased not to get dolled up to look good for the other people in attendance. Maybe you should concentrate on paying your respects rather than what others are wearing.

southsiderosie

TaraFoxglove wrote: »

Well, in Ireland, many people go to the funeral home to pay their respects. It's a five minute jobbie. They might come after work or squeeze it in between errands. So no way would I expect these people to dress up especially, it's just nice that they took the time to come.

Most people do so at a funeral home in the US as well. Maybe this is not a jacket and tie situation, but I don't think it is a tracksuit or tank top situation either.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I think this is just one more sign of the blurring between public and private behavior. Given that as a society we seem to have lost all sense of what is appropriate to do in public versus in private (example: your morning bus commute is not the time to have a detailed phone conversation about what you did with your boyfriend last night), perhaps it should not be surprising that going to a funeral is treated the same way as running around the corner to the shop or watching TV on the couch. I'm not articulating this well, but I guess this fits into a wider phenomenon of a general lack of propriety.

That said, if my mother had just died, I think I would be in too much of a daze to notice what people were wearing; that's something that the aunts and cousins would tut-tut about later.

hondasam

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

black jeans black sandals and a dark coloured fleece..nothing out of the ordinary for me. not the newest looking clothes either but i dont have many clothes.

jeans are ok if you wear nice top and jacket but not a fleece. I would not worry about it.

TheZohanS

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

black jeans black sandals and a dark coloured fleece..nothing out of the ordinary for me. not the newest looking clothes either but i dont have many clothes.

Did you wear socks with the sandals?

lmaopml

So long as they are clean and aren't wearing clothes that are inappropriate ( a niece of mine wore a handkerchief sized pink dress to my Dad's funeral and the twin towers for shoes, nice dress for a nightclub, not so much for paying last respects to her Grandad ) then I don't see a problem. I think it's nice for people to show up and take time out from other commitments to be there, especially on a working day if it's neighbours, old friends and colleagues - they don't have to 'suit up' - enough that they made the effort to go..

southsiderosie

TheZohan wrote: »

Did you wear socks with the sandals?

(shudder)

Im Only 71Kg

Wile E. Coyote wrote: »

It's a funeral OP not a fashion parade. People go to a funeral to pay their respects to the deceased not to get dolled up to look good for the other people in attendance. Maybe you should concentrate on paying your respects rather than what others are wearing.

i wasn't interested in what people were wearing. i was upset that someone suggested my attire was inadequate.

dominiquecruz

southsiderosie wrote: »

Most people do so at a funeral home in the US as well. Maybe this is not a jacket and tie situation, but I don't think it is a tracksuit or tank top situation either.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I think this is just one more sign of the blurring between public and private behavior. Given that as a society we seem to have lost all sense of what is appropriate to do in public versus in private (example: your morning bus commute is not the time to have a detailed phone conversation about what you did with your boyfriend last night), perhaps it should not be surprising that going to a funeral is treated the same way as running around the corner to the shop or watching TV on the couch. I'm not articulating this well, but I guess this fits into a wider phenomenon of a general lack of propriety.

That said, if my mother had just died, I think I would be in too much of a daze to notice what people were wearing; that's something that the aunts and cousins would tut-tut about later.

Cocks to that. Clothes are clothes; somebody is dead. I couldnt care if you turned up in a tutu and balaclava, as long as you're there to pay your respects. The whole ceremony of funerals irks me - grieving is difficult enough without having to make the whole thing a clinical, black-tie event.

Mint Sauce

Depends on the deseased and how close you were to them. One of the last funerals I was at, most of the sons, older grandsons, and older male relations, from about 20 up, wore a suit with either a tie or an open shirt. The daughters, grand daughters, and other female relations mostly all wore summery clothes. All the younger grandsons wore their normal clothes, jeans, tee shirt, smart shoes/trainers. Their mum/grandma would not have expected anything else.

Wile E. Coyote wrote: »

It's a funeral OP not a fashion parade. People go to a funeral to pay their respects to the deceased not to get dolled up to look good for the other people in attendance. Maybe you should concentrate on paying your respects rather than what others are wearing.

The OP wasn't worried at what others was wearing, he was concerned that people had a problem with what he was wearing.

ejmaztec

hondasam wrote: »

what did you wear?

A giant condom

Saila

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

you say:

*chuckle*

"Ah no, it was no bother really"

southsiderosie

dominiquecruz wrote: »

Cocks to that. Clothes are clothes; somebody is dead. I couldnt care if you turned up in a tutu and balaclava, as long as you're there to pay your respects. The whole ceremony of funerals irks me - grieving is difficult enough without having to make the whole thing a clinical, black-tie event.

I disagree - clothes aren't clothes. The clothes that we wear are (or should be) a reflection of the circumstances/situation. You would not wear a bikini to church, and you would not put on a tie to run around the corner to buy some milk.

And as I said, maybe it is not a jacket and tie situation, but what is so hard about putting on a pair of slacks and a collar shirt to go to someone's funeral?

Alter-Ego

Just don't show up looking like kevin and perry and you'll be fine.

phasers

I've already imposed a dress code for my own funeral - and if they don't stick to the 'rappers and slappers' code I'll haunt them fo lyf big style

Fight_Night

Don't think it should matter what you are wearing at all(although obviously wearing a bikini or showing up in just boxers is inappropriate). Don't know what people's problem with wearing a tracksuit to a funeral is.

southsiderosie

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

i wasn't interested in what people were wearing. i was upset that someone suggested my attire was inadequate.

Well, it may have been perceived as bad manners to wear sandals, jeans and a fleece to a funeral (were you going hiking afterwards? ), but it is also bad manners to call someone up on it. Ultimately, I think in these kinds of situations, it is better to be potentially overdressed than underdressed.

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you by the way?

Sephiroth_dude

Doesn't matter what they wear as long as they show up.

southsiderosie

Fight_Night wrote: »

Don't think it should matter what you are wearing at all(although obviously wearing a bikini or showing up in just boxers is inappropriate). Don't know what people's problem with wearing a tracksuit to a funeral is.

Are you serious?

dominiquecruz

southsiderosie wrote: »

I disagree - clothes aren't clothes. The clothes that we wear are (or should be) a reflection of the circumstances/situation. You would not wear a bikini to church, and you would not put on a tie to run around the corner to buy some milk.

And as I said, maybe it is not a jacket and tie situation, but what is so hard about putting on a pair of slacks and a collar shirt to go to someone's funeral?

OK, balaclavas/bikinis etc are perhaps a bit much, because they're designed to attract attention, but I don't see a problem with wearing the clothes you wear every day if you feel like it. Its not that its hard, but paying your respects should be about just that; not suiting yourself up for the sake of occasion. I know when I die I'd certainly prefer people to be comfortable, rather than wear something smart for this system of 'funeral etiquette' that we've created.

Fight_Night

southsiderosie wrote: »

Are you serious?

Ok explain to me what's wrong with wearing a tracksuit over wearing jeans?

phasers

Fight_Night wrote: »

Don't think it should matter what you are wearing at all(although obviously wearing a bikini or showing up in just boxers is inappropriate). Don't know what people's problem with wearing a tracksuit to a funeral is.

Not restricted to funerals, tracksuits should only be worn while exercising.

To the guy who wore sandals: that's gross, I'd wager that the sandals were what people had a problem with. Feet should not be visible at such an occasion.

UpCork

Once those attending the funeral are dressed respectably, it shouldn't matter. I remember when my granny died we barely registered who was at the funeral, let alone what they were wearing.

southsiderosie

dominiquecruz wrote: »

OK, balaclavas/bikinis etc are perhaps a bit much, because they're designed to attract attention, but I don't see a problem with wearing the clothes you wear every day if you feel like it. Its not that its hard, but paying your respects should be about just that; not suiting yourself up for the sake of occasion. I know when I die I'd certainly prefer people to be comfortable, rather than wear something smart for this system of 'funeral etiquette' that we've created.

Some might say that getting somewhat dressed up for the occasion is in and of itself a sign of respect.

Son Of A Vidic

My dad died last year (RIP) and a lot of people praised my brothers and I for wearing black suits & ties. It's a personal thing though really. Since dad was a former Army man, we all thought it was appropiate to dress smart for him. Now a lot of people were casually dressed, but it was nice to see them pay their respects so it didn't bother me.

hondasam

The op is asking about family members not the people paying their respect. It does not matter what other people wear.

lastlaugh

Shorts, sandals or brightly colored stuff should be avoided.

People should at least make some sort of an effort I reckon.

That's my opinion anyway.

Heckler

I'd rather someone sincere turn up in rags than a "should be seen to have been there" turn up in a suit.

Agent Smith

I want everyone to be naked at my funeral. Naked and There must be clowns...

Run_to_da_hills

I have been to several biker funerals where no one would wear suits except for the immediate families.

ArtyM

At my Dad's funeral nearly half the church were wearing football jerseys. He was very involved in local football. I thought it was a very nice gesture.

phasers

Agent Smith wrote: »

I want everyone to be naked at my funeral. Naked and There must be clowns...

Will the clowns be naked?

Snakeblood

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

would you be offended by someone wearing normal everyday clothes rather than a suit,shirt tie etc at a family members funeral?

Dress appropriately. No "necrophilia rules" shirt but dressing normally shouldn't be a problem.

dominiquecruz

southsiderosie wrote: »

Some might say that getting somewhat dressed up for the occasion is in and of itself a sign of respect.

Maybe thats what I take issue with. In the grand scheme of things (with regards to the death of a family member), the threads on your back don't mean very much, do they? Wear a suit or a shirt because its easy and appropriate, but dont be offended if I don't.

haydar

My friends mother died after a long illness and requested a casual funeral.

I thought there was no difference at all!