Offended at a funeral?

Fight_Night · 06-05-2011 08:46PM

Don't think it should matter what you are wearing at all(although obviously wearing a bikini or showing up in just boxers is inappropriate). Don't know what people's problem with wearing a tracksuit to a funeral is.

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:47PM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

i wasn't interested in what people were wearing. i was upset that someone suggested my attire was inadequate.

Well, it may have been perceived as bad manners to wear sandals, jeans and a fleece to a funeral (were you going hiking afterwards?

), but it is also bad manners to call someone up on it. Ultimately, I think in these kinds of situations, it is better to be potentially overdressed than underdressed.

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you by the way?

Sephiroth_dude · 06-05-2011 08:48PM

Doesn't matter what they wear as long as they show up.

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:49PM

Fight_Night wrote: »

Don't think it should matter what you are wearing at all(although obviously wearing a bikini or showing up in just boxers is inappropriate). Don't know what people's problem with wearing a tracksuit to a funeral is.

Are you serious?

dominiquecruz · 06-05-2011 08:49PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

I disagree - clothes aren't clothes. The clothes that we wear are (or should be) a reflection of the circumstances/situation. You would not wear a bikini to church, and you would not put on a tie to run around the corner to buy some milk.

And as I said, maybe it is not a jacket and tie situation, but what is so hard about putting on a pair of slacks and a collar shirt to go to someone's funeral?

OK, balaclavas/bikinis etc are perhaps a bit much, because they're designed to attract attention, but I don't see a problem with wearing the clothes you wear every day if you feel like it. Its not that its hard, but paying your respects should be about just that; not suiting yourself up for the sake of occasion. I know when I die I'd certainly prefer people to be comfortable, rather than wear something smart for this system of 'funeral etiquette' that we've created.

Fight_Night · 06-05-2011 08:50PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Are you serious?

Ok explain to me what's wrong with wearing a tracksuit over wearing jeans?

phasers · 06-05-2011 08:50PM

Fight_Night wrote: »

Don't think it should matter what you are wearing at all(although obviously wearing a bikini or showing up in just boxers is inappropriate). Don't know what people's problem with wearing a tracksuit to a funeral is.

Not restricted to funerals, tracksuits should only be worn while exercising.

To the guy who wore sandals: that's gross, I'd wager that the sandals were what people had a problem with. Feet should not be visible at such an occasion.

UpCork · 06-05-2011 08:50PM

Once those attending the funeral are dressed respectably, it shouldn't matter. I remember when my granny died we barely registered who was at the funeral, let alone what they were wearing.

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:52PM

dominiquecruz wrote: »

OK, balaclavas/bikinis etc are perhaps a bit much, because they're designed to attract attention, but I don't see a problem with wearing the clothes you wear every day if you feel like it. Its not that its hard, but paying your respects should be about just that; not suiting yourself up for the sake of occasion. I know when I die I'd certainly prefer people to be comfortable, rather than wear something smart for this system of 'funeral etiquette' that we've created.

Some might say that getting somewhat dressed up for the occasion is in and of itself a sign of respect.

Son Of A Vidic · 06-05-2011 08:52PM

My dad died last year (RIP) and a lot of people praised my brothers and I for wearing black suits & ties. It's a personal thing though really. Since dad was a former Army man, we all thought it was appropiate to dress smart for him. Now a lot of people were casually dressed, but it was nice to see them pay their respects so it didn't bother me.

hondasam · 06-05-2011 08:55PM

The op is asking about family members not the people paying their respect. It does not matter what other people wear.

lastlaugh · 06-05-2011 08:55PM

Shorts, sandals or brightly colored stuff should be avoided.

People should at least make some sort of an effort I reckon.

That's my opinion anyway.

Heckler · 06-05-2011 08:57PM

I'd rather someone sincere turn up in rags than a "should be seen to have been there" turn up in a suit.

Agent Smith · 06-05-2011 08:57PM

I want everyone to be naked at my funeral. Naked and There must be clowns...

Run_to_da_hills · 06-05-2011 08:58PM

I have been to several biker funerals where no one would wear suits except for the immediate families.

ArtyM · 06-05-2011 08:58PM

At my Dad's funeral nearly half the church were wearing football jerseys. He was very involved in local football. I thought it was a very nice gesture.

phasers · 06-05-2011 08:58PM

Agent Smith wrote: »

I want everyone to be naked at my funeral. Naked and There must be clowns...

Will the clowns be naked?

Snakeblood · 06-05-2011 08:59PM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

would you be offended by someone wearing normal everyday clothes rather than a suit,shirt tie etc at a family members funeral?

Dress appropriately. No "necrophilia rules" shirt but dressing normally shouldn't be a problem.

dominiquecruz · 06-05-2011 08:59PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Some might say that getting somewhat dressed up for the occasion is in and of itself a sign of respect.

Maybe thats what I take issue with. In the grand scheme of things (with regards to the death of a family member), the threads on your back don't mean very much, do they? Wear a suit or a shirt because its easy and appropriate, but dont be offended if I don't.

haydar · 06-05-2011 09:01PM

My friends mother died after a long illness and requested a casual funeral.

I thought there was no difference at all!

ColeTrain · 06-05-2011 09:08PM

If it's a family member, extended even you should wear a suit, shows a bit of respect.

Anyone else should dress respectable.

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 09:12PM

dominiquecruz wrote: »

Maybe thats what I take issue with. In the grand scheme of things (with regards to the death of a family member), the threads on your back don't mean very much, do they? Wear a suit or a shirt because its easy and appropriate, but dont be offended if I don't.

They do and they don't. Personally I wouldn't be offended per se, but I might be disappointed if a close relative showed up for my father's funeral wearing jeans and a t-shirt (or, God forbid, a tracksuit)...especially since everyone in the family knows that my dad is pretty old school. My father is country as hell (like wears overalls and straw hats in the city country), and we occasionally have to hide/burn some of his old clothes because he will wear them until they fall apart, but everyone who knows him KNOWS that he would not set foot in a church or a funeral home without a suit and tie.

I just don't see what is so hard about getting dressed up for a funeral, especially if it's a close relative.

PinkFly · 06-05-2011 09:13PM

offended is too harsh of a word....

just think its respectful to wear black....

would not wear anythin else to a funeral

dan719 · 06-05-2011 09:18PM

Family member or close friend means black suit and a black tie.

Anyone else is slacks and shirt with tie.

It ensures no-one gets offended and is a handy rule of thumb.

I will say though, that no-one who is particularly close to the deceased will even realise most of the people who attend, let alone notice what they are wearing. More important things on their mind.

As as aside, I hate the shaking of hands at the graveside. I understand why it's done, but I still don't like it.

Oh_Noes · 06-05-2011 09:19PM

Can't see any occasion where sandals and a fleece would be appropriate tbh, I thought you wear sandals in warm weather and fleeces in cold

Anyways, I don't think you should take any notice of your relative who commented, if anything it was her that lowered the tone by commenting on your appearance at the funeral where you've all shown up to show your respects. You've nothing to feel like a dick over.

I still think the fleece and sandals combo is a bit weird though

06-05-2011 09:21PM

I wasn't at all bothered what people wore to my Mum's funeral, unless people came in fancy dress I don't see how anyone could be offended by folks' attire. For the immediate family and people who know they'll be shouldering the coffin etc an appropriate shirt and trousers doesn't go amiss obviously.

ColeTrain · 06-05-2011 09:21PM

dan719 wrote: »

Family member or close friend means black suit and a black tie.

Anyone else is slacks and shirt with tie.

It ensures no-one gets offended and is a handy rule of thumb.

I will say though, that no-one who is particularly close to the deceased will even realise most of the people who attend, let alone notice what they are wearing. More important things on their mind.

As as aside, I hate the shaking of hands at the graveside. I understand why it's done, but I still don't like it.

I think it's just mainly for people that want to sympathise with the family but couldn't make it to the funeral home.

Table Top Joe · 06-05-2011 09:29PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

That said, if it was a funeral for one of my family members, I would still thank them for coming, no matter how dressed.

Wow,really surprised to see you pretty much on your own here!(i agree with all of the above,of course if it was a close friend,family member i wouldnt notice but in general i would)im 30(maybe this is an age thing?)but i would be very careful about what i wore at a funeral,wouldnt go in a tshirt or tracksuit(wouldnt wear a tracksuit anyway)if you paid me,it doesnt seem appropriate to me at all,i think there are different levels though,the closer you are to the deceased i think the more effort you should make maybe

One of my friends died when i was 21 and myself and all the lads went in dark shirts and formal trousers....except one,even before i saw anyone elses reaction i thought it was very disrespectful and later on it came up and believe me no one was impressed,he was wearing jeans and and some bright shirt,it just gave the impression he didnt give a s*** tbh(this doesnt mean he didnt of course but this was how it was perceived)

Remember,"the apparel oft proclaim the man",clothes are a big part of how we're seen by the world for better or worse,would you go to a job interview in jeans and tshirt?.....ive hired people before and i know many who do also and believe me,if you turned up looking casual you could forget about it right there and then,some occasions require respect and effort,a funeral is certainly one of them

dan719 · 06-05-2011 09:32PM

ColeTrain wrote: »

I think it's just mainly for people that want to sympathise with the family but couldn't make it to the funeral home.

Oh no I undestand it of course, I just don't really like it. In reality, everyone who attends lines up to pay their respects and it becomes a bit of an ordeal for the family.

For example, I was at the funeral of a friend's mother (RIP) recently enough. I had met her father before but none of her siblings (four). It was very awkward passing on sympathies to people who wouldn't know me from Adam as I walked across the line to Kate. That's all.

vampire of kilmainham · 09-05-2011 01:15AM

if it's a familey or a close friend then you should wear a suit otherwise you can go casual but at least look smart and clean...

Offended at a funeral?

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