Offended at a funeral?

Im Only 71Kg · 06-05-2011 08:12PM #1

would you be offended by someone wearing normal everyday clothes rather than a suit,shirt tie etc at a family members funeral?

Krusader · 06-05-2011 08:13PM

only if it was immediate adult family member

MagicMarker · 06-05-2011 08:14PM

No.

They took the time to come, what the fúck is there to be offended about?

Saila · 06-05-2011 08:15PM

No, if youve got a suit wear it, if not not ok then

rossc007 · 06-05-2011 08:15PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

No.

They took the time to come, what the fúck is there to be offended about?

This

Im Only 71Kg · 06-05-2011 08:15PM

what difference would suit make? i dont quite understand it..it makes no difference in the greater scheme of things...does it?

Einhard · 06-05-2011 08:16PM

I'd expect people to dress respectably, and as long as they done so, I couldn't care less whether it's in a suit and tie, or slacks, or jeans. More things to be concerned about on such a day.

KerranJast · 06-05-2011 08:17PM

Sadly I've been to a lot of funerals and generally the only people I've seen wearing suits are the bereaved and older people.

TaraFoxglove · 06-05-2011 08:18PM

The immediate family should suit up but other than that it doesn't matter.

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:18PM

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

That said, if it was a funeral for one of my family members, I would still thank them for coming, no matter how dressed.

hondasam · 06-05-2011 08:20PM

I would expect them to dress appropriately, not necessarily in a suit.

Mena · 06-05-2011 08:20PM

The dead person doesn't give a toss what you wear.

Im Only 71Kg · 06-05-2011 08:21PM

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

TaraFoxglove · 06-05-2011 08:21PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

That said, if it was a funeral for one of my family members, I would still thank them for coming, no matter how dressed.

Well, in Ireland, many people go to the funeral home to pay their respects. It's a five minute jobbie. They might come after work or squeeze it in between errands. So no way would I expect these people to dress up especially, it's just nice that they took the time to come.

Sunnyisland · 06-05-2011 08:22PM

IMO Family & close relations black pants with white shirts/blouse, black shoes,Once other mourners clothing is not to bright & bling bling, casual clothing should be ok, It is after all in the majority of cases a very sombre and sad time,

hondasam · 06-05-2011 08:23PM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

what did you wear?

Im Only 71Kg · 06-05-2011 08:27PM

black jeans black sandals and a dark coloured fleece..nothing out of the ordinary for me. not the newest looking clothes either but i dont have many clothes.

Wile E. Coyote · 06-05-2011 08:27PM

It's a funeral OP not a fashion parade. People go to a funeral to pay their respects to the deceased not to get dolled up to look good for the other people in attendance. Maybe you should concentrate on paying your respects rather than what others are wearing.

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:31PM

TaraFoxglove wrote: »

Well, in Ireland, many people go to the funeral home to pay their respects. It's a five minute jobbie. They might come after work or squeeze it in between errands. So no way would I expect these people to dress up especially, it's just nice that they took the time to come.

Most people do so at a funeral home in the US as well. Maybe this is not a jacket and tie situation, but I don't think it is a tracksuit or tank top situation either.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I think this is just one more sign of the blurring between public and private behavior. Given that as a society we seem to have lost all sense of what is appropriate to do in public versus in private (example: your morning bus commute is not the time to have a detailed phone conversation about what you did with your boyfriend last night), perhaps it should not be surprising that going to a funeral is treated the same way as running around the corner to the shop or watching TV on the couch. I'm not articulating this well, but I guess this fits into a wider phenomenon of a general lack of propriety.

That said, if my mother had just died, I think I would be in too much of a daze to notice what people were wearing; that's something that the aunts and cousins would tut-tut about later.

hondasam · 06-05-2011 08:33PM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

black jeans black sandals and a dark coloured fleece..nothing out of the ordinary for me. not the newest looking clothes either but i dont have many clothes.

jeans are ok if you wear nice top and jacket but not a fleece. I would not worry about it.

TheZohanS · 06-05-2011 08:34PM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

black jeans black sandals and a dark coloured fleece..nothing out of the ordinary for me. not the newest looking clothes either but i dont have many clothes.

Did you wear socks with the sandals?

lmaopml · 06-05-2011 08:36PM

So long as they are clean and aren't wearing clothes that are inappropriate ( a niece of mine wore a handkerchief sized pink dress to my Dad's funeral and the twin towers for shoes, nice dress for a nightclub, not so much for paying last respects to her Grandad ) then I don't see a problem. I think it's nice for people to show up and take time out from other commitments to be there, especially on a working day if it's neighbours, old friends and colleagues - they don't have to 'suit up' - enough that they made the effort to go..

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:36PM

TheZohan wrote: »

Did you wear socks with the sandals?

(shudder)

Im Only 71Kg · 06-05-2011 08:36PM

Wile E. Coyote wrote: »

It's a funeral OP not a fashion parade. People go to a funeral to pay their respects to the deceased not to get dolled up to look good for the other people in attendance. Maybe you should concentrate on paying your respects rather than what others are wearing.

i wasn't interested in what people were wearing. i was upset that someone suggested my attire was inadequate.

dominiquecruz · 06-05-2011 08:38PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Most people do so at a funeral home in the US as well. Maybe this is not a jacket and tie situation, but I don't think it is a tracksuit or tank top situation either.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I think this is just one more sign of the blurring between public and private behavior. Given that as a society we seem to have lost all sense of what is appropriate to do in public versus in private (example: your morning bus commute is not the time to have a detailed phone conversation about what you did with your boyfriend last night), perhaps it should not be surprising that going to a funeral is treated the same way as running around the corner to the shop or watching TV on the couch. I'm not articulating this well, but I guess this fits into a wider phenomenon of a general lack of propriety.

That said, if my mother had just died, I think I would be in too much of a daze to notice what people were wearing; that's something that the aunts and cousins would tut-tut about later.

Cocks to that. Clothes are clothes; somebody is dead. I couldnt care if you turned up in a tutu and balaclava, as long as you're there to pay your respects. The whole ceremony of funerals irks me - grieving is difficult enough without having to make the whole thing a clinical, black-tie event.

Mint Sauce · 06-05-2011 08:39PM

Depends on the deseased and how close you were to them. One of the last funerals I was at, most of the sons, older grandsons, and older male relations, from about 20 up, wore a suit with either a tie or an open shirt. The daughters, grand daughters, and other female relations mostly all wore summery clothes. All the younger grandsons wore their normal clothes, jeans, tee shirt, smart shoes/trainers. Their mum/grandma would not have expected anything else.

Wile E. Coyote wrote: »

It's a funeral OP not a fashion parade. People go to a funeral to pay their respects to the deceased not to get dolled up to look good for the other people in attendance. Maybe you should concentrate on paying your respects rather than what others are wearing.

The OP wasn't worried at what others was wearing, he was concerned that people had a problem with what he was wearing.

ejmaztec · 06-05-2011 08:39PM

hondasam wrote: »

what did you wear?

A giant condom

Saila · 06-05-2011 08:39PM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

you say:

*chuckle*

"Ah no, it was no bother really"

southsiderosie · 06-05-2011 08:43PM

dominiquecruz wrote: »

Cocks to that. Clothes are clothes; somebody is dead. I couldnt care if you turned up in a tutu and balaclava, as long as you're there to pay your respects. The whole ceremony of funerals irks me - grieving is difficult enough without having to make the whole thing a clinical, black-tie event.

I disagree - clothes aren't clothes. The clothes that we wear are (or should be) a reflection of the circumstances/situation. You would not wear a bikini to church, and you would not put on a tie to run around the corner to buy some milk.

And as I said, maybe it is not a jacket and tie situation, but what is so hard about putting on a pair of slacks and a collar shirt to go to someone's funeral?

Alter-Ego · 06-05-2011 08:43PM

Just don't show up looking like kevin and perry and you'll be fine.

phasers · 06-05-2011 08:46PM

I've already imposed a dress code for my own funeral - and if they don't stick to the 'rappers and slappers' code I'll haunt them fo lyf big style

Offended at a funeral?

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