What is compatibility?

krudler

shellyboo wrote: »

HOWEVER. We live together, just the two of us. If he's planning to go out, I think it's basic manners of him to give me a heads up to make sure we don't have anything already planned, or that there's something else happening. That I don't have a massive dinner on the go that'll end up in the bin. Of course, this goes both ways! I'd always give him a call if my plans changed.

As his partner, I do expect to be put first, within reason. And he feels that I should be put first. And vice-versa. That's how our relationship works and we're both more than happy with it.

Thats perfectly reasonable, I'd do the same if I wasnt living with someone, theres asking permission and then theres just giving a heads up or checking they didnt plan on meeting up that night.

alexa5x5

I’d say after the initial heady days of romance and butterflies in the stomach have faded to something more comfortable, liking someone enough to put up with their faults or differences is high up there on the list for compatibility. It may not be the most romantic belief but it’s what works for me.

jesus_thats_gre

Something that is used by a man or woman to justify their attraction, or lack of, to someone.

Neyite

In my relationship, we average about one serious fallout a year. Even then, there is no shouting or namecalling. Neither of us would tolerate it.

The first time we had a row was after we moved in with each other, about 15 months into our relationship, and he yelled and chucked a pen on the floor in the middle of it. I told him I would talk to him when he calmed down and went into another room. He followed me a few minutes later and we continued our discussion. It can work if you are more concerned with compromise and resolution, rather than arguing who is right.

When my sister has a row with her husband, she cries, he shouts, she drags up the past, she storms out, he runs after her, she calls him names, he calls her some too yada yada.. I could not stand that behaviour from a fellow adult.

I had come from a volatile and headwrecking relationship and so had he, and we started off as a weekend lets-have-fun-and-we'll-see kind of thing. I told him from the start that I dont do games or hints, and expected the same from him. So in the beginning when you in each others company every night, it was great to be able to say to the other person that you fancied a quiet night by yourself or go out with your own friends without it being taken as a person rejection or a reason for a "talk".

Communication is really open between us. He is very laid back, while I tend to be impulsive, so we balance out each other that way. I put the fire under him, he stops me from diving into a situation without thinking.

Its really strange for me to have such a tranquil relationship for the last 7 years - I had a terrible temper as a child and teen, but growing up a bit I realised that anger was my default reaction to most situations out of habit and once I realised that there was usually an underlying emotion that was causing the anger, for instance hurt, disappointment, sad, and the anger melted away once I learned to recognise that emotion for what it was.

I give respect, but I expect it too. I dont demand as a right what I can ask as a favour, that means asking him to get something in the shop on the way home, and thanking him when he does that for me.

I have had clingy relationships before and they are the biggest turnoff. Same with a guy who is emotionally distant - its just not for me.

Ickle Magoo

Why not just wait for guy 3 who has it all? Ime relationships are all about communication and compromise but the happiest, most long lived relationships I've had are the ones when we've been able to communicate well and compromise little...

Compatibility mean one thing to me, less arguments. The more compatible you are the less negotiating, the less arguing, the less compromising and the least amount of resentment building - not necessarily that you agree on everything but core values and expectations are shared so nobody comes out feeling like they got the short straw...but I also don't think just because we were compatible at X point that we'll still be compatible at Y point - but again, I think the chances of drifting apart with different wants, needs and aspirations are lessened if you share those to begin with.

I am a friend

G86 wrote: »

I actually know guys who have to ask permission from their g/fs to go out with their mates for a night. Yes, seriously.

A lot of them use that as a cop out in case they don't want to go on the night and can't say it to your face...

Faith

Faith wrote: »

That was just an example. There's nothing personal about me in this thread at all; I'm just looking for opinions on the general topic .

When I read it first , in my mind I was like, Guy 1 sounds married and Guy 2 must be her boyfriend!

I know of many a situation like that

G86

I am a friend wrote: »

A lot of them use that as a cop out in case they don't want to go on the night and can't say it to your face...

Nope, not in this case. One guys g/f would actually text the friends he's out with to check his story, and god help him if he stayed out all night - there would be war!

It's ridiculous.

pow wow

I was going to answer this but I actually can't put it into words. Still trying, still can't lol.

what do you do if guy 1 turns into guy 2 ?

metrovelvet

G86 wrote: »

Nope, not in this case. One guys g/f would actually text the friends he's out with to check his story, and god help him if he stayed out all night - there would be war!

It's ridiculous.

That might work for them. Some people like the mommy and the teenager paradigm. It suits her domineeringness and it suits his immaturity.

cson

Deleted User wrote: »

what do you do if guy 1 turns into guy 2 ?

Fight clinginess with clinginess!

bronte

It's quite difficult to put into words what compatibility is.
It isn't any one thing I suppose....maybe that's why.
You'll know fairly quickly if you aren't compatible, that much I do know.
Maybe it's that feeling of something not being *quite* right?

Novella

Is compatibility just one of those things, ya know like chemistry - you can't say what it is exactly, but when it's missing, it's all you can think about? That thing you drive yourself mad trying to fix... but can't.

IrishEyes19

I think opposites attract to be honest. I think compatibility is possibly that you correspond together on where you want to go in life. Both people have the same morals, and values. I think thats highly important and possibly a similar sense of humour. But I dont think compatibility has to be the same down to fine T, otherwise it would be a very boring relationship. Would take all the fun out of getting to know different things about someone else.

CathyMoran

I am happily married to a man that I love spending time with I never thought that I could stand that, we have lots in common, are always kissing and have the same sense of humour - for me that is what works. I could never have dated someone who did not have a sense of humour but of those scenarios neither works and I would have waited until I met the right person.

I am a friend

G86 wrote: »

Nope, not in this case. One guys g/f would actually text the friends he's out with to check his story, and god help him if he stayed out all night - there would be war!

It's ridiculous.

Oh God - how suffocating.. Why does he put up with it? It says more about him than her...

Maple

Compatibility in a relationship, for me, is when you think of that person as your best friend and never grow tired of spending time with them.

Compatibility is including that person in things you do, but not because you have to as they are your SO but because you want to.

Compatibility is having the freedom to do your own thing with your friends or family without thinking oops I'm going to be in the doghouse for this.

Compatibility is about being a strong unit together but still being recognisable individuals.

It's about having the same core values but the objectivity to accept that it's not always going to be plain sailing and that relationships do take some work. It's about being able to communicate properly.

And personally, I'd want a guy who was affectionate and tactile. I don't mean all handsy but a man who's happy to give you a cuddle. And who shows you in little ways that he loves you. I don't need big gestures. I couldn't be with a guy who was emotionally unavailable, it would be the antithesis of everything I am so I'd only die in the relationship.

Count Duckula

Compatibility is, in my opinion, how well you fit together. Your outlook on life, the way you treat each other, and at a basic level how happy you make one another. The more compatible you are with someone, the fewer major blowouts you'll have. That's not to say you won't have disagreements, but you won't have a screaming match.

Of course, one thing people seem unable to grasp sometimes is that you can be totally compatible with someone at one point, but over the years change and slowly grow apart. It doesn't mean that you were never compatible or that the relationship was never the right relationship; it just means that it's no longer the right relationship. For fifteen years it might have been perfect.

micayla

Faith wrote: »

We all often talk about how you need to be "compatible" for a relationship to work, but what does that even mean? Can you ever be 100% compatible with someone? Where's the line between compatible and not?

Say there's two guys. Guy 1 you get on really well with. You're similar on intelligence, sense of humour, and have great conversation and debates. You love spending time with him. But you're the type of girl who'd like to see her boyfriend fairly often and talk every day, whereas guy 1 likes his space. He loves you, but he'd prefer to only see you once or twice a week, isn't mad about texting and wants you both to maintain separate lives. You have to put up with him not being available regularly because of his job/hobbies/other friends.

Guy 2 treats you like a princess. He worships you, is nearly always free when you want to see him, will drop what he's doing for you, always texts first or texts back, often treats you, your friends comment on just how great he is. But the conversation isn't great, you might differ intellectually and sometimes you feel a bit smothered by him.

Which one is there greater compatibility with? I know that's highly subjective and everyone will have different opinions, but they're just examples. What do you think is necessary for compatibility? Is it similar tastes and interests, or is it being treated like a queen, or is it something completely different?

Can I have a mix of the two? I like being able to talk to the person I'm dating, have proper conversations and everything, but I also don't want to share all of my interests with that one person, that seems to me, to like reliquishing one's individuality in a way. So while guy 1s preference to see me once a week would irritate me guy 2s contantly wanting to spend time with me would do the same, plus early on I think we'd get bored of one another. I will admit to being emotinally needy in a relationship so guy 1s lack of emotion - or so I'm seeing it as from the description - just wouldn't suit my needs, but I do also need my space.

I think at the end of the day for a relationship to truly work, aside from the sexual compatibility and actually liking and respecting the person, you need to know yourself and your limits and that person needs to be someone that you are willing to to go to your limits for.

psycho-hope

hmm thats a toughie really, tho something i was told by an older friend years ago has always stuck in my head " if he cant turn you on mentally, he sure as hell wont be able to turn you on physically".


my current bf is the complete opposite to any of my exs, we slag the living daylights out of each other, but i know he loves me , faults and all, were fairly compatible on most things, even if he does want to give his future children weird names:rolleyes:.

all in all i think once u met the one that your compatible with you will know

borderlinemeath

I was madly in love with a "guy1" type for about 2 years in my twenties - and it was never going to work because to him I was probably "girl2" type - the clingy worshipper:o

However my current partner is my best friend, we are different and we have different traits that even each other out - but we can talk about anything, we think the same things, we have the same morals and opinions about stuff that matters and we make each other laugh - a lot. We also have rows because we're both stubborn and think we're both right - but we usually end up laughing about it a half an hour later. But never leave it to fester.

LegacyUser

What if you connect emotionally to someone, they completly get you and you laugh your asses off and feel totally comfortable with each other as well as them being an all round lovely guy but you don't fancy him and don't see yourself ever wanting a sexual relationship?

Just friends?

Snowie

I'm a very relax person..... Well getting there slowly.....

I don't think it matters if your guy 1 or guy 2 people throw all these crappy
Sort phsyco babel at you in regards to relationships and people even....
I know at times I can come across very abrasive in a text or an email, it can concern me... So at times I may come across slightly please and other times I can come across really abrasive and abrupt ...

At the end of all this lovely talk about comparability no ones really mentioned the most basic and fundamentally most important aspect of any reletionship.

Wavelength to me is what compatabilitys all about .....