Porn and the men in our lives.

Mallei

There was another thread on boards about this topic, but rightfully it wasn't the place for a great discussion on porn and its place in a relationship. I thought it was an interesting topic to have a debate on, though.

Personally, I find the idea of porn in a relationship abhorrent. I hate the idea that a guy I'm with, who is supposed to like me and me alone, is playing with himself and getting himself off to explicit images of other women. Women who possess bodily assets and will do things that I could never and will never do. That when he goes looking for pictures of women who arouse him, those women look nothing like me. He could find pictures of women who looked like me if he wanted, he could even use actual pictures of me. But he doesn't - he gets more aroused by those who don't look like me.

I don't see why it's so hard for a man to just control that urge and not look at pictures or videos of other women. I manage to, and the women I know don't, either. When we were single, of course we let our minds wander, but the whole point of a relationship is commitment and we dream only of our partners, or at the very least keep the fantasy entirely in our head.

Am I alone in these assertions, though? I know there are a lot of women out there who don't mind, or at least accept that if they do mind they're being unreasonable. Personally, however, I don't think I am being unreasonable.

Are there women out there who, despite letting their partners watch porn because they tell themselves they tolerate it, deep down it still upsets them a little bit? It doesn't have to be rational after all, although personally I think it's entirely rational.

I don't mind at all, I don't really care. We all use different things to get off. Hell, watching it together can be fun.

How someone finds it disrespectful goes way over my head to be honest.

I hate the idea that a guy I'm with, who is supposed to like me and me alone, is playing with himself and getting himself off to explicit images of other women.

I don't mean to be insulting but I find this attitude often comes from insecurity, and massively so. He's with you, he wants you, that's that.
I may love and desire a partner, but I'm still going to be posting pictures of david tennant in our tll thread!!
Personally I think I would prefer a partner to still find other women attractive and come home to me - just because he's in a relationship with me doesn't mean he is blind.

Cupcake_Crisis

I dont get upset by it, but I would prefer my partner watched it with me rather than by himself.

biscuiteater

in all fairness to the blokes, have you never watched a main stream movie and thought the guy who was the hero was gorgeous, and perhaps he was nothing like your fella. the guy who was saving the world or saving the girl which your fella will probably never do either.
do think there's much difference we just look at things in a different ways

amiable

I don't get the idea that a man is supposed to like his partner and his partner alone.
All men will be attracted to other people.
There's nothing anyone can do about that just like all women will be attracted to other people.

Mr. CooL ICE

Mallei wrote: »

I don't see why it's so hard for a man to just control that urge

You don't see why its so hard because you are not a man.


Nothing wrong with a little window shopping as long as no purchases are made

jayteecork

Mallei wrote: »

will do things that I could never and will never do.

Don't knock it till you've tried it

LittleBook

If I can have my porn, he can have his.

amiable

LittleBook wrote: »

If I can have my porn, he can have his.

I doubt he'd have a problem with that

Mallei

LordChessington wrote: »

You don't see why its so hard because you are not a man.

Isn't this the biggest get-out ever though? "You won't understand why I love porn because you're not a man like me. It's a basic need I have and since you don't have it you just need to understand and put up with it."

Sorry, but I don't think that's right. If you want to go imagining yourself with other women then do it when you're not supposed to be loyal to one woman and one woman alone.

And before it comes up that men aren't enjoying the sight of the women, they're just using it as visual stimuli - what does that even mean? Of course they're using the sight of the women. That IS the visual stimuli! Or are the man adoring the sight of the sofa or bed but totally ignoring the women with an amazing figure howling like a banshee.

Ickle Magoo

[Okay - I'll add a caveat that I'm not ever talking about rape/child/animal/whatever illegal stuff in the following because these discussion invariably turn into moralising on the tiny percentage of awful stuff and willfully ignore the billions of stuff that amateurs put up of themselves that harm no-one and are realistic...]

I like porn, he likes porn, we like porn...not an issue.

I actually get off on the thought of him having relations with other people so it doesn't threaten me in the slightest that he would also get turned on by that...

Tbh, I don't get what the whole big deal with porn is for some women. I have an imagination, I often fantasise about men and women, I definitely don't always think of my partner - I think porn is just the lazy man/woman's imagination. I wouldn't tell my parter how and when he could touch his own body, nor what he thinks about or looks at as he does it [again, using the above caveat]

In realistic terms, the vast majority of men, if not people, use porn - that's why it is by far the biggest entity on the net. And pretty much everyone masturbates. You hear the "why amn't I enough", "why can't he just think of me" - it just reeks of insecurity and control...if a guy told me what I should be thinking of and what should or shouldn't turn me on just because I chose to be in a relationship with them they'd be out on their ear asap.

metrovelvet

It's escapism, that's all. Variety is the spice of life and all that....

Im sure porn is responsible for both destroying and saving many a marriage.

Morgase

I have myself almost convinced that I'm fine with it, but deep down I know I'm not 100% comfortable with the idea of my boyfriend getting off to images of real women.

I don't mind the idea of him looking at / admiring other women, it's more that he is actually getting off because he's so turned on by these other women.

I've no problem at all with erotic fiction, and I think that's because it's fiction and there's no real women involved.

On the other side, I've a feeling that he has a similar attitude towards vibrators so I suppose it's give and take.

NoDice

I would get upset about it and would have agreed with you a few months ago without a doubt. But I have my own insecurities. I went through a very dodge relationship and have been comparing my perfect one now with that nightmare.

I have started to think that it really is only window shopping! I have absolutely no problem watching it with him and think that that can be very sexy but man, it took me ages to let sleeping dogs lie and to move on from what happened in the past.

I know my boyfriend would never cheat on me, I know he wouldn't watch it if I asked him to also. We're both very open with each other too so I know when he's lying which is a rarity.

He also knows I have an issue with it but I know it's childish and I'm working on just letting him do what he wants if he wants to watch it!

Otis Driftwood

Okay,I know you asked for female opinions however Im just going to give you my thoughts to maybe help give you a bit of perspective on it.

I watch porn,I watch it on my own,Ive watched it with partners,Ive watched it on my own while in a relationship.

When in a relationship yes,I watch it a helluva lot less,obviously if Im getting regular sex the need to masturbate is much lower however most men will still do it.

The opinion you have is that your fella is getting aroused by or thinking about having sex with the women on screen.With me that isnt the case because pornography is pure fantasy and in a lot of cases the fantasy will never live up to the reality.When watching porn while in a relationship I always,always fantasise about being with whomever Im seeing at the time.If Im having regular sex then its harder to get aroused on my own as Ive gotten used to being with a real person and obviously that will never compare to any type of porn ever,it just cant.If I hadnt seen my partner in a few days or we couldnt have sex for whatever reason then the urge is naturally much higher so porn is a quick fix,nothing more,nothing less.

From speaking with friends,reading other forums on boards or elsewhere,in general the typical porn star look of peroxide blonde hair,pneumatic silicone breasts and botox'ed faces really arent all that attractive.Reality is where its at and having a partner and enjoying a fulfilling sex life is more arousing and erotic than anything in life.

The only way I could see a man watching porn being a problem is if it begins to take the place of regular sex.

I hope the above helps give you even a little bit of understanding as to why we watch it.




/scuttles back to tGC.

abouttobebanned

OP you sound like a prude and I hope you have found the right man for you (low to mid libido).

Men are designed this way...hormones..testosterone etc...it's How we were made. You posted it in here because sub consciously you wanted other women to agree with you even though you must know that your opinion is in the minority.

And I can just imagine the disgusted face on ya when you wrote "playing with themselves"

Some women can go without sex for weeks, even months, until Jupiter and our moon are lined up in a specific way...

Men need an outlet...it's either going to be porn...or another woman. Your call.

Morgase

abouttobebanned wrote: »

OP you sound like a prude and I hope you have found the right man for you (low to mid libido).

Men are designed this way...hormones..testosterone etc...it's How we were made. You posted it in here because sub consciously you wanted other women to agree with you even though you must know that your opinion is in the minority.

And I can just imagine the disgusted face on ya when you wrote "playing with themselves"

Some women can go without sex for weeks, even months, until Jupiter and our moon are lined up in a specific way...

Men need an outlet...it's either going to be porn...or another woman. Your call.

In fairness to the OP, she hasn't said anything about having a low libido herself. I don't know where you picked that up from.

Ickle Magoo

abouttobebanned, as per the forum charter, the ladies lounge is primarily a place for the female posters of boards to discuss issues from a female perspective - suggesting any of those posters are prudes or have libido issues for doing so is not on.

Please take the time to read the charter before posting in the Ladies Lounge again.

Mallei

abouttobebanned wrote: »

OP you sound like a prude and I hope you have found the right man for you (low to mid libido).

You have no idea what my libido is like. I, in fact, have quite a high libido. You are making the mistake of equating a high sex drive with high use of porn - I can assure you that I would enjoy very regular sex with a potential partner, but that doesn't mean I condone the use of porn in a relationship. In fact, I would argue it gives even less excuse for it because it's not like the man isn't "getting any".

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Men are designed this way...hormones..testosterone etc...it's How we were made. You posted it in here because sub consciously you wanted other women to agree with you even though you must know that your opinion is in the minority.

I already know that other women agree with me. I also know that other women disagree with me. That's kind of the point of a debate.

abouttobebanned wrote: »

And I can just imagine the disgusted face on ya when you wrote "playing with themselves"

I have no problem with masturbation. Please stop insinuating things about my character you have no idea about.

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Some women can go without sex for weeks, even months, until Jupiter and our moon are lined up in a specific way...

And some women can't even go a day without sex.

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Men need an outlet...it's either going to be porn...or another woman. Your call.

So if I don't let my partner masturbate to pictures of other women he'll just go and sleep with other women instead? Guaranteed? Wow, there's less hope for your gender than I thought.

Mallei

Sorry Ickle, made that reply whilst you were making yours.

krudler

Only one of my exes ever had a problem with porn, (not with using a vibrator when I wasnt around though, that "was different" :rolleyes: ) its visual stimulation, thats it. I dont sleep with a woman and have images of the plastic pornstar with fake boobs in my head at the time, doesnt work that way.

OP, you'd prefer your guy whacked off to pics of you? I'd imagine most women would find that more odd than looking at porn. Do you own a vibrator? if so then its a bit hypocritical of you to not want your partner to be stimulated when you can yourself.

The only time porn should be a problem in a relationship is if either person is choosing that over actual sex, I'd have absolutely zero issue with a girl I was going out with watching it, in fact I'd find it odd she didnt.

also, this "you should only have eyes for ME!" thing is ridiculous, when you're in a relationship you dont suddenly only find your partner attractive, its human nature to find good looking people...good looking. acting on that impulse or blatantly gawking at other people in your prescent is a different thing altogether. let me spare you some wondering if he fancies other women, be it in real life or celebrities on tv, he does. simple as. we all do.

Ickle Magoo

Mallei wrote: »

Wow, there's less hope for your gender than I thought.

Mallei, the ladies lounge is a discussion forum; misandry, gender generalizations and general man hating is not permitted. As a general rule, if you wouldn't like a male poster to say such a thing about you and your gender - don't post it.

Many thanks

Faith

I have absolutely no problems with my partner watching porn. I'd encourage him to watch it with me. I'd actually be more concerned if he didn't watch porn.

The reason I don't care is because I watch porn on occasion too. I know exactly what goes through my head when I'm watching it. I barely see the faces of the people in it. I'm not looking at the guy's knob and thinking "Oh, I wish my partner's was like that" - the same goes for any physical characteristic. I'm just watching what they're doing and imagining being in that situation myself, usually with my partner.

Honestly, I get far more worked up about actors on the TV than I ever would about porn. Porn is functional. I watch it, I get off on it, I'm done. Whereas show me an episode of True Blood and I'll be lost for days in fantasies about me and Alexander Sarsgard running away together. If my partner was to be threatened about something, it should be the fantasies I have about famous people, not porn stars :pac:. But in reality, neither of them are a threat at all. They're just escapism.

abouttobebanned

If I got you wrong, then I apologise.

I think a lot of what I said may well be valid to this thread though, wherever it may go from here.

The_Morrigan

I'm all for it

I've even had the discussion of "so I was watching this vid the other day and I saw this thing...was wondering if, ya know, we could try it..."

Broadens the mind and all that.

LittleBook

amiable wrote: »

I doubt he'd have a problem with that

He doesn't

krudler

Faith wrote: »

I have absolutely no problems with my partner watching porn. I'd encourage him to watch it with me. I'd actually be more concerned if he didn't watch porn.

The reason I don't care is because I watch porn on occasion too. I know exactly what goes through my head when I'm watching it. I barely see the faces of the people in it. I'm not looking at the guy's knob and thinking "Oh, I wish my partner's was like that" - the same goes for any physical characteristic. I'm just watching what they're doing and imagining being in that situation myself, usually with my partner.

Honestly, I get far more worked up about actors on the TV than I ever would about porn. Porn is functional. I watch it, I get off on it, I'm done. Whereas show me an episode of True Blood and I'll be lost for days in fantasies about me and Alexander Sarsgard running away together. If my partner was to be threatened about something, it should be the fantasies I have about famous people, not porn stars :pac:. But in reality, neither of them are a threat at all. They're just escapism.

Same as, when I'm with someone I'm with someone, I'd never cheat. But that doesnt mean I wont see a pic of someone like Mila Kunis or whoever and drool accordingly.

Wibbs

abouttobebanned wrote: »

OP you sound like a prude and I hope you have found the right man for you (low to mid libido).

Hope that crystal ball is working out for you...:rolleyes:

Men are designed this way...hormones..testosterone etc...it's How we were made.

Yea maybe in the big book of cliches for boys. Women get horny too you know. Indeed when you go over the 30-35 year olds, they're more libidinous than men on average. More women than men complain about lack of physical intimacy in marriage and its noted in many a divorce case.

You posted it in here because sub consciously you wanted other women to agree with you even though you must know that your opinion is in the minority.

Freud PM'd me, he wants his couch back.

Some women can go without sex for weeks, even months, until Jupiter and our moon are lined up in a specific way...

Ditto for some men. And a lot of men go without because they can't. What's the biggest selling prescription drug on earth? Vitamin V, the pills that put the lead back in your pencil. Ever wonder why?

Men need an outlet...it's either going to be porn...or another woman. Your call.

No. Maybe you
are that black and white but please don't speak for the rest of us.

Mallei

krudler wrote: »

Only one of my exes ever had a problem with porn, (not with using a vibrator when I wasnt around though, that "was different" :rolleyes: ) its visual stimulation, thats it. I dont sleep with a woman and have images of the plastic pornstar with fake boobs in my head at the time, doesnt work that way.

No one insinuated that you did. But whilst you're watching that porn and getting yourself off, you're doing it to the image of that woman. Of course you are - it's her sexuality and the sexuality of the acts on screen that is getting you worked up.

I'm not trying to say men shouldn't find porn arousing, but I don't see why they need to use it in a relationship when they have more arousing things to think of (ie, the person they're actually with). I think it's a bit sad when they find a video of some random pornstar more arousing than memories or fantasies of their partner - and if they don't, why are they watching porn and not fantasising about their partner then?

krudler wrote: »

OP, you'd prefer your guy whacked off to pics of you? I'd imagine most women would find that more odd than looking at porn. Do you own a vibrator? if so then its a bit hypocritical of you to not want your partner to be stimulated when you can yourself.

I don't know why most women would find that odd at all. We share our bodies with that person - personally I can't think of much more flattering than knowing that when he can't share my body for whatever reason, he's imagining that he is.

And my vibrator is a small piece of plastic that vibrates. It is not images of another woman having sex. I use the vibrator purely because I find it difficult to get myself off on my own and it does the job very well. If I were looking at pictures of naked men whilst I did it then that would be hypocritical.

Mallei

Mallei wrote: »

And my vibrator is a small piece of plastic that vibrates. It is not images of another woman having sex. I use the vibrator purely because I find it difficult to get myself off on my own and it does the job very well. If I were looking at pictures of naked men whilst I did it then that would be hypocritical.

Exactly. Same thing.

Mallei

bluewolf wrote: »

Exactly. Same thing.

Would you mind elaborating on that?

I can't help that physically I find it difficult to pleasure myself with my hand. A lot of women do, hence sex toys sell so well.

Porn does not do the same thing. If we really wanted to draw parallels shouldn't we be discussing male sex toys? The man is pleasuring himself perfectly well with his hand. Porn is not stimulating his cock - it's stimulating his mind. My mind is stimulated by the fantasies I have of my partner; I use to toy simply because on the physical side it is a little tricky for me.

krudler

Mallei wrote: »

And my vibrator is a small piece of plastic that vibrates. It is not images of another woman having sex. I use the vibrator purely because I find it difficult to get myself off on my own and it does the job very well. If I were looking at pictures of naked men whilst I did it then that would be hypocritical.

its harder for men to masturbate to nothing we dont work the same way as women that way, we can, but its harder. (pun kind of intended :pac: ) have I thought of people I was with at the time? of course. have I watched porn and imagined doing what I was seeing on screen with the person I was dating? of course. What I dont do is have sex with someone and imagine a porn star, because heres the thing about porn stars, most of them are dog rough anyway, but show most men a big titted woman bouncing up and down and bingo, instant stimulation.

What if your boyfriend told you that him and him only should be enough to stimulate you and he didnt want you using a vibrator?

Faith

Mallei wrote: »

Would you mind elaborating on that?

I can't help that physically I find it difficult to pleasure myself with my hand. A lot of women do, hence sex toys sell so well.

Porn does not do the same thing. If we really wanted to draw parallels shouldn't we be discussing male sex toys? The man is pleasuring himself perfectly well with his hand. Porn is not stimulating his cock - it's stimulating his mind. My mind is stimulated by the fantasies I have of my partner; I use to toy simply because on the physical side it is a little tricky for me.

My mind is a tricky place. It's full of nuisance thoughts that I don't want to have. I'm constantly losing track of my train of thought because another thought has popped in. As such, my memory is fairly useless at times. When I'm trying to get myself off, I can't just rely on my memory and imagination because the slightest thing distracts me. It's really frustrating. By watching porn, if I lose track, it doesn't go anywhere. It's still there. I use it as a masturbatory aid because it's the quickest way to get where I want to go. I'm much more aroused by visual stimuli than others, like many men. I'm not saying I can't get myself off without porn, but it makes it a lot more straight forward and it takes way less concentration, so I can lose myself in the moment more easily.

In your situation, you probably could get yourself off by hand, but it would take way longer and take more effort and concentration when all you want is a quick release. That's what bluewolf means about it being the same thing. By your logic of not watching porn to help things along, you shouldn't be using a toy to do the same thing.

Wibbs

Funny enough I'm one of the weirdos I use porn, but not that much* and in a relationship I don't. It wouldnt work for me. Indeed if it did or I felt I needed it it would make me at least think I have to say. That said I wouldnt have any issue with a girlfriend using porn.









* I'd be the type who would fantasise about women I know. I'm odd though. I must be the only bloke I know that isn't turned on by two women together.

krudler

Wibbs wrote: »

Funny enough I'm one of the weirdos I use porn, but not that much* and in a relationship I don't. It wouldnt work for me. Indeed if it did or I felt I needed it it would make me at least think I have to say. That said I wouldnt have any issue with a girlfriend using porn.









* I'd be the type who would fantasise about women I know. I'm odd though. I must be the only bloke I know that isn't turned on by two women together.

so there is one!

freak :pac:

Wibbs

Faith wrote: »

By your logic of not watching porn to help things along, you shouldn't be using a toy to do the same thing.

I take your point but I also see Mallei's logic too. She's (I think) making the point that one is a mechanical aid, the other is an aid that relies on a person looking at someone other than their partner to orgasm. I do agree with her on that point at least it is different.

bronte

I think when i was younger it would have bothered me OP.
Maybe around 16/17...ten years later it doesn't in the slightest...hell I watch it myself. I have a friend the same age as me and it would horrify her. I suppose everyone's different. There's no emotional connection involved...it's scratching an itch so to speak.

krudler

Wibbs wrote: »

I take your point but I also see Mallei's logic too. She's (I think) making the point that one is a mechanical aid, the other is an aid that relies on a person looking at someone other than their partner to orgasm. I do agree with her on that point at least it is different.

yeah but with porn its not the person themselves its the act, you could put any girl in that scene and it'd have the same results as long as you found them relatively attractive.

common sense brigade

I have no problem at all with my husband watching porn. Its his choice. when we were first together we used to watch it together and i thought it was great fun occasionally and added a bit of spice. My husband knows he never has to hide the fact he might watch porn on his laptop occasionally. when our daughter was born io saw him up the garden with 6y dvds of porn he had aquired over the years ( 6 in total and just normal sex syuff nothing weird!) burning them . I asked him why was he doing that? And he said it wasant right to keep things like that now that we were parents. I thought it was so cute that he did this !, but i certainly didnt ask him or force him to do that. His an adult and its up to him. Doesnt mean he loves me any less.

Faith

Wibbs wrote: »

I take your point but I also see Mallei's logic too. She's (I think) making the point that one is a mechanical aid, the other is an aid that relies on a person looking at someone other than their partner to orgasm. I do agree with her on that point at least it is different.

Grand, but my point is that porn doesn't actually rely on you looking at another person to get off. For me anyway, I don't look at the people, I look at what they're doing to each other. I use it as almost a guideline for my own fantasy featuring myself and my partner.

Wibbs

krudler wrote: »

yeah but with porn its not the person themselves its the act, you could put any girl in that scene and it'd have the same results as long as you found them relatively attractive.

Maybe I'm wired up more like the OP then. And that's why I can see where she's coming from? Random bewbs and bum don't do it for me. I could watch porn all day and nada. Been always like that too. Horny but it needs a focus.

LittleBook

Mallei wrote: »

images of another woman having sex

I think you're focusing too much on the "other woman". There's a lot more going on on screen than a woman having sex. For me it's not the guy or the girl involved, it's the sex that does it!

FayeRayRay

I just try not to think about it.Otherwise I would get offended. I dont ask him he never mentions it so I dont even know if he does watch it. Obviously we all want to be the only object of their desire but thats life and we live in a world of temptation.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

krudler

FayeRayRay wrote: »

I just try not to think about it.Otherwise I would get offended. I dont ask him he never mentions it so I dont even know if he does watch it. Obviously we all want to be the only object of their desire but thats life and we live in a world of temptation.

why not just watch it together? it can be awesome

Poor Craythur

Wibbs wrote: »

* I'd be the type who would fantasise about women I know. I'm odd though. I must be the only bloke I know that isn't turned on by two women together.

Nah, I've met a few fellas who don't have threesome fantasies. Bit over-commercialised, methinks. I reckon other men overstate how into them they would be. Peer pressure and whatnot.

krudler

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Nah, I've met a few fellas who don't have threesome fantasies. Bit over-commercialised, methinks.

dont knock it till you've tried it

Mallei

krudler wrote: »

its harder for men to masturbate to nothing we dont work the same way as women that way, we can, but its harder. (pun kind of intended :pac: ) have I thought of people I was with at the time? of course. have I watched porn and imagined doing what I was seeing on screen with the person I was dating? of course. What I dont do is have sex with someone and imagine a porn star, because heres the thing about porn stars, most of them are dog rough anyway, but show most men a big titted woman bouncing up and down and bingo, instant stimulation.

You're changing the argument. Nowhere has anyone stated that they feel porn leads into their partners imagining they are with pornstars when having sex with them. It's that they're imagining they're with pornstars when masturbating that's upsetting.

krudler wrote: »

What if your boyfriend told you that him and him only should be enough to stimulate you and he didnt want you using a vibrator?

I'd take into consideration, but we're falling into this trap again of seeing them as they same thing. The equivalent to a female sex toy is a male sex toy. The equivalent to porn is porn.

If I were watching porn and he asked me to stop for (what I think are) very valid reasons, I'd like to think I'd do it because it upset him.

LittleBook

krudler wrote: »

dont knock it till you've tried it

Slightly OT but I'm laughing here at the memory of a tv show I saw years back where the guy is thrilled when his girl agrees to a threesome.

Girl: "So which guy should we ask?"
Guy: "GUY??!!" :eek:

liah

I really don't fancy the idea of a partner looking at certain types of porn (mainstream in particular) because of what it represents - I don't fancy being with someone who gets off to fakeness and people being used.

What it comes down to is, I don't want my partner to be the kind of person who just sees women as something to whack off to, I suppose. I don't want my partner to be the kind of person who feels they NEED pictures of other women to get themselves off and that there's simply no other way. I don't want my partner to be the kind of person who fights like a dog for their right to view pictures when their partner is upset about it - I mean for god's sake, you don't NEED porn to have an orgasm, is it really that big a deal to use your head to create fantasy if your partner has a problem with it? Seriously? Is looking at pictures of other women really more important than your actual partner's feelings?

I get that men like to look at porn but it worries me greatly the amount of men saying they 'need' it while in a relationship. You don't 'need' it, you just want to have your cake and eat it.

Yes, I completely understand looking at other women is totally natural. That's not the point. Eating food with your hands is also totally natural, but there's a time and a place for it. The point is, I hate the idea that a partner would be so utterly controlled by his base sexual urges that he literally cannot make do without porn and he literally cannot ever orgasm on his own unless he has a parade of naked women who aren't you in front of him.

If I'm in a relationship with someone, I'm in a relationship with them and them alone. I won't be looking at naked pictures of other people, even if I'd like to, out of simple respect for my partner because I chose him and him alone, even if it's natural and would make me sexually happy, and I would expect to be afforded the same respect. If it makes masturbation a tiny bit slower in process, so bloody what? I'll live. Why can't he? Why is it so wrong to ask for mutual respect?

And before anyone calls 'prude' or 'low sex drive' or whatever else, save it - I've always had a higher sex drive than my (usually younger) partners and I'm certainly not a prude. I just have issues with what porn represents, the idea that men REQUIRE it and it takes precedence over how a partner may feel, and what the act of viewing certain kinds of it indicates about a person.

Snoopy1

God i hate the idea of men watching porn when im in a relationship.
Ive even gone so far, as secretley throwing their dvd's away!!


I hate the idea of them looking at some perfectly formed women, where im not that flexible or attractive, and thinking they are comparing them to me.