Jesus is dead

mfceiling · 15-04-2011 10:09am #1

Just had a guy at the door there and he was telling me that this sunday is the anniversary of jesus's death....he didn't say which one (40th, 100th, 250th??)
He said to me "We all know jesus is dead".......obviously not wanting to look like a fool i nodded in agreement but all the time i was thinking "jesus is dead, how come i don't know this"

Did anyone else know he was dead?

The_Minister · 15-04-2011 10:11am

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...I don't get it.

Bannasidhe · 15-04-2011 10:11am

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had a guy at the door there and he was telling me that this sunday is the anniversary of jesus's death....he didn't say which one (40th, 100th, 250th??)
He said to me "We all know jesus is dead".......obviously not wanting to look like a fool i nodded in agreement but all the time i was thinking "jesus is dead, how come i don't know this"

Did anyone else know he was dead?

The Healy-Raes, Michael Lowry and the FF front bench knew - sure weren't they all at the funeral.

Wazdakka · 15-04-2011 10:11am

Jesus?
Who's that?

He sounds like a prick...

Duggy747 · 15-04-2011 10:11am

Just after getting a telegram that Hitler is dead.

The war is over!!

For Forks Sake · 15-04-2011 10:12am

one of my favourite pieces of graffiti

"God is dead - Nietzsche"
"Nietzsche is dead - God"

smokingman · 15-04-2011 10:12am

He was probably a rep from the organising committee for "World Zombie Day".

A fab day where Zombie bunnies bring chocolate eggs to every kid and then eat their brains.

tonysea · 15-04-2011 10:12am

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had a guy at the door there and he was telling me that this sunday is the anniversary of jesus's death....he didn't say which one (40th, 100th, 250th??)
He said to me "We all know jesus is dead".......obviously not wanting to look like a fool i nodded in agreement but all the time i was thinking "jesus is dead, how come i don't know this"

Did anyone else know he was dead?

Yep!

he wasnt the son of God either....shocker!

Biggins · 15-04-2011 10:16am

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had a guy at the door there and he was telling me that this sunday is the anniversary of jesus's death....he didn't say which one (40th, 100th, 250th??)
He said to me "We all know jesus is dead".......obviously not wanting to look like a fool i nodded in agreement but all the time i was thinking "jesus is dead, how come i don't know this"

Did anyone else know he was dead?

Jesus is alive. He's in Easons next week signing copies of his sci-fi/fiction book!

Wazdakka · 15-04-2011 10:17am

Biggins wrote: »

Jesus is alive. He's in Easons next week signing copies of his sci-fi/fiction book!

I thought that was L. Ron Hubbard..

Wait... are we allowed slag the Scientology folk on boards..
Are their lawyers watching??
I mean, the MCD thing was bad.. But these guys are nuts..

Mongarra · 15-04-2011 10:21am

I heard he had died but apparently this was not true as he was around town a couple of days later and after that he was seen heading for Emmaus. He seems to have disappeared shortly after because no one has seen him for some time. Missing presumed dead, I suppose.

They change his anniversary date every year. Must have something to do with pagans or druids or some such group as it is tied to the moon. First Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring solstice (21st March) and the guy who called to OP was off the mark. This year it is Sunday week, coincidentally Easter Sunday.

Dravokivich · 15-04-2011 10:23am

RIP Jesus

GavRedKing · 15-04-2011 10:25am

Shouldn't we have some sort of holiday or day of remberence for his passing??

petes · 15-04-2011 10:28am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSJSWGpXbMg

Humans eh! · 15-04-2011 10:30am

Terrible news, and him only 4 months old.
:rolleyes:

biko · 15-04-2011 10:30am

What Pat Condell thinks of Jesus, actually he likes him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqfE2rZVmXE

15-04-2011 10:32am

Obvious he hasn't heard the Good News then.......

(The above was posted as a pun, don't stone me atheists!)

Penn · 15-04-2011 10:34am

"In 33AD a beardy Messiah was sentenced to crucifixtion by Pontius Pilate for a crime he did commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security cave to the Jerusalem underground. Today, still wanted by the Church, he survives as imaginary friend. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire the Pray-Team."

Irish Fire · 15-04-2011 10:37am

Is he??

Was he alive in the first place????

argosy2006 · 15-04-2011 10:39am

Irish Fire wrote: »

Is he??

Was he alive in the first place????

chinese lantern

AnonoBoy · 15-04-2011 10:40am

If you said the thread title aloud in a Mexican town you'd cause an outbreak of panicked phonecalls.

"Hola amor, es yo. Compruebe Jesus' el sitio y considera si él vino casero anoche.....

Oh agradezca a dios. Alguna persona loca en ciudad dijo que él era muerto."

LizardKing · 15-04-2011 10:40am

He's not dead baby ... he's just taking a break !!

Korvanica · 15-04-2011 10:43am

How does something that never existed die?

Penn · 15-04-2011 10:44am

Korvanica wrote: »

How does something that never existed die?

Crucifixion.

deman · 15-04-2011 10:49am

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had a guy at the door there and he was telling me that this sunday is the anniversary of jesus's death....

Obviously this guy had no idea what he was talking about. I thought Jesus died on a Friday.

Duggy747 · 15-04-2011 10:50am

LizardKing wrote: »

He's not dead baby ... he's just taking a break !!

He does love eating those Kit-Kats...

Hank_Jones · 15-04-2011 10:51am

deman wrote: »

Obviously this guy had no idea what he was talking about. I thought Jesus died on a Friday.

So he did, or at least that's what someone told me.

pickarooney · 15-04-2011 10:56am

deman wrote: »

Obviously this guy had no idea what he was talking about. I thought Jesus died on a Friday.

Exactly, I know my birthday always falls on the same day every year.

Penn · 15-04-2011 10:58am

And if he died on Friday and rose from the dead on Sunday, that's not three days later. It's two.

parker kent · 15-04-2011 10:58am

Korvanica wrote: »

How does something that never existed die?

He did exist, well a man called Jesus who was from Nazareth existed.

And this is coming from an atheist.

AnonoBoy · 15-04-2011 10:59am

pickarooney wrote: »

Exactly, I know my birthday always falls on the same day every year.

What about your rebirth day?

parker kent · 15-04-2011 11:04am

AnonoBoy wrote: »

What about your rebirth day?

Do you get a card or flowers for rebirthday? I always make a rebirthday faux pas.

AnonoBoy · 15-04-2011 11:09am

parker kent wrote: »

Do you get a card or flowers for rebirthday? I always make a rebirthday faux pas.

I got a card from my mother but not for my father. Fair enough I suppose because last year I did get her a card but didn't get a Rebirthday Present Fo' Pa.

Plazaman · 15-04-2011 11:12am

mfceiling wrote: »

Did anyone else know he was dead?

Damn, that was kept quite. Mudderfúcka owed me money too (Full House beats a Straight Flush my áss)

GrizzlyMan · 15-04-2011 11:16am

Jesus Who?

AnonoBoy · 15-04-2011 11:17am

GrizzlyMan wrote: »

Jesus Who?

Jesus O'Nazareth.

deise go deo · 15-04-2011 11:21am

Korvanica wrote: »

How does something that never existed die?

You don't believe Jesus ever existed?

How did the church start then? Without a man wandering around the Jerusalem area around 2000 years ago, where did it come from in your opinion?

Penn · 15-04-2011 11:24am

deise go deo wrote: »

You don't believe Jesus ever existed?

How did the church start then? Without a man wandering around the Jerusalem area around 2000 years ago, where did it come from in your opinion?

A man wandering around the Jerusalem area around 2000 years ago

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you.... The New Testement which is now available on Twitter

krudler · 15-04-2011 11:26am

deise go deo wrote: »

You don't believe Jesus ever existed?

How did the church start then? Without a man wandering around the Jerusalem area around 2000 years ago, where did it come from in your opinion?

Well the people in power at the time decided they needed something to keep the people stupid and in check for fear of pissing off a god. The baby murdering, plague spreading genocidal dickhead of the old testatement wasnt very "family friendly" so they decided to lighten him up a bit, so out went mr baby murderer, in came the all loving dad who sent his only son to atone for our sings, badabaoom, 2000 more years of keeping people stupid and believing in something about as logical as unicorns.

krudler · 15-04-2011 11:27am

Barrington wrote: »

A man wandering around the Jerusalem area around 2000 years ago

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you.... The New Testement which is now available on Twitter

@pontiaspilate you wanker these nails hurt

retweet

@therealjesus: sorry! but these simpleton locals demanded it, I was letting you go!

deise go deo · 15-04-2011 11:30am

krudler wrote: »

Well the people in power at the time decided they needed something to keep the people stupid and in check for fear of pissing off a god. The baby murdering, plague spreading genocidal dickhead of the old testatement wasnt very "family friendly" so they decided to lighten him up a bit, so out went mr baby murderer, in came the all loving dad who sent his only son to atone for our sings, badabaoom, 2000 more years of keeping people stupid and believing in something about as logical as unicorns.

So the people in charge at the time set up this new religion, and then completely rejected it as it was a threat to their power?

The people in charge in the holy land at the time were the Jewish pharisies, They did not convert en mass to christainity, they stayed as Jews.

The people in overall controle were the Romans, who were pagan at the time and had no need to create a new monotheistic religion they did not believe in to replace the old monotheistic religion they did not believe in.

If your going to argue against religion, it would help if you were at least informed about the subject.:rolleyes:

Penn · 15-04-2011 11:31am

krudler wrote: »

@pontiaspilate you wanker these nails hurt

retweet

@therealjesus: sorry! but these simpleton locals demanded it, I was letting you go!

@doubtingtommy Jesus back frm dead? LOL! If he came back in here I'd stick my finger in his hole!

krudler · 15-04-2011 11:34am

Barrington wrote: »

@doubtingtommy Jesus back frm dead? LOL! If he came back in here I'd stick my finger in his hole!

@leftsidethief who's this hairy bloke? they seem awfully pissed off at him

@rightsidethief I dunno, christ all I did was steal some oranges, how hard is it to avoid scurvy?!

@leftsidethief who's christ?

krudler · 15-04-2011 11:35am

deise go deo wrote: »

So the people in charge at the time set up this new religion, and then completely rejected it as it was a threat to their power?

The people in charge in the holy land at the time were the Jewish pharisies, They did not convert en mass to christainity, they stayed as Jews.

The people in overall controle were the Romans, who were pagan at the time and had no need to create a new monotheistic religion they did not believe in to replace the old monotheistic religion they did not believe in.

If your going to argue against religion, it would help if you were at least informed about the subject.:rolleyes:

and on the 10th day, the lord sent us SARCASM!

usernamegoes · 15-04-2011 11:40am

He wasn't a very good evangelist if he left it at that. He should have said "Jesus WAS dead, rose from the dead and never died again as he ascended into heaven."

PS I don't believe any of this.

Penn · 15-04-2011 11:41am

krudler wrote: »

@leftsidethief who's this hairy bloke? they seem awfully pissed off at him

@rightsidethief I dunno, christ all I did was steal some oranges, how hard is it to avoid scurvy?!

@leftsidethief who's christ?

@Judas Just bought a brand new Ford Horse Chariot for 30 pieces of silver. 2 Horse Power! Who wants to go for a spin?

@RebeccaBlack Which seat can I take?

AnonoBoy · 15-04-2011 11:43am

@Joseph - What have you gone and done now Jesus? Your mother's heart is broken. Feckin' stepkids!

Nodin · 15-04-2011 11:44am

deise go deo wrote: »

You don't believe Jesus ever existed?

How did the church start then? Without a man wandering around the Jerusalem area around 2000 years ago, where did it come from in your opinion?

Well we know there was a religion centered around Bacchus, and I don't think anyone is saying there was a half man, half goat creature with horns wandering around greece...

Nodin · 15-04-2011 11:45am

AnonoBoy wrote: »

@Joseph - What have you gone and done now Jesus? Your mother's heart is broken. Feckin' stepkids!

@Jesus - What do you care? You're not me real da anyways!!!!!!!

AnonoBoy · 15-04-2011 11:46am

Nodin wrote: »

@Jesus - What do you care? You're not me real da anyways!!!!!!!

@Joseph - Just wait until they take you down off that cross. I'll bleedin' kill ya meself so I will!

krudler · 15-04-2011 11:47am

I'll buy Jesus existed as a real person, guy going around "look just be nice to each other" ? I'll accept that, but not all the magic stuff, that was added later to spice up the tale. Religion is basically the worlds biggest game of chinese whispers, nobody who wrote the bible ever met jesus its all "according to" but "according to someone who heard it from someone a few decades or hundreds of years earler"

Also why is some of the bible the literal truth and the rest is up for interpretation?

"god created the world in 6 days" well days clearly means thousands of years.
"jesus rose from the dead in three days" no! three days its literally three days!

Jesus is dead

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