Best excuse you've given to a cop?

reptile man

What excuse have you given to get the shades off your back?
Got pulled over last year for a minor driving offence..ahem;) by an unmarked car. Asked me where i was rushing to, told him i had a bad dose of the sh1ts and was racing to t jacks. Gave him the i'm in pain and got t sh1t sweats look. He sent me on my merry way...to the beach haha:D

u140acro3xs7dm

She told me she was 18

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Not so much as an excuse, but funny story...

Driving home, four of us, got pulled over by a routine drink-drive check. No probs, driver had not been drinking. While the guard was asking the preliminary questions, my friend leans forward between the cop and the driver, stares the cop right in the eye and says in his finest English accent... "These ahn't the droids you're looking for..."

horseplay

It wasn't me

EI111

cool story man

bonerm

I find "Sorry officer. It's my first time in the USA." usually works.

Firefox11

A cop?? I don't know, it's been a while since I've been to the US.

fabbydabby

'I'm late for an arms escort at the barracks".

Works every single time. Except on speed cameras obv. And it helps if you have army gear in the front seat or on you.

deathrider

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Not so much as an excuse, but funny story...

Driving home, four of us, got pulled over by a routine drink-drive check. No probs, driver had not been drinking. While the guard was asking the preliminary questions, my friend leans forward between the cop and the driver, stares the cop right in the eye and says in his finest English accent... "These ahn't the droids you're looking for..."

Why the english accent? Obi-Wan wasn't English...

galwayrush

Athlone bypass, a few years ago, i was speeding, chased by squad , stopped.
Cop asks me . "What's the rush"
I replied without thinking..."Different Stages, Disc 2"
Showed him the CD cover and he just started laughing and let me off....

hondasam

I find the truth usually works, I tell them I'm on the way to work.

Gary4279

hondasam wrote: »

I find the truth usually works, I tell them I'm on the way to work.

Hi mom

LambsEye

Always works for tax/insurance stops: "Oh my goooooooooood I'm actually so embarrassed my Dad usually takes care of all that stuff. I'm so sorry."

Aaaaaaaand, a flash of cleave and we're away!

Hate myself for doing it but it works darnit.

hondasam

Gary4279 wrote: »

Hi mom

It works every time !

fail proof

davyjose

deathrider wrote: »

Why the english accent? Obi-Wan wasn't English...

Star Wars isn't real.

The part of Obi-Wan was played by an actor. Who was english.

Absurdum

LambsEye wrote: »

Aaaaaaaand, a flash of cleave and we're away!

always fails for me


where are all the gay Gardai???????????????

Chaotic_Forces

LambsEye wrote: »

Always works for tax/insurance stops: "Oh my goooooooooood I'm actually so embarrassed my Dad usually takes care of all that stuff. I'm so sorry."

Aaaaaaaand, a flash of cleave and we're away!

Hate myself for doing it but it works darnit.

I really ought to be a garda now.

My best excuse: well, the fast food place won't let me in, the choices I had were either going on a wall down a lane or else in the middle of the street, there's a pass machine right here and the fine is about 90ish euro, so if you want to give me the fine, I'll gladly accept it and pay it. And the garda wanted to prove me wrong, so we went up to the local fast food joint and the security said they were closed from about twenty minutes ago and the jacks were outta oerder and I was let away with a very stern talking to about going before I leave to which my reply was, "he just said they're not letting us use the things, hence me heading up the lane" and that was that.

Absurdum wrote: »

always fails for me


where are all the gay Gardai???????????????

This is why I'm fat with massive man tits.

blackdog2

Following a drunken night in coppers having pulled one or templemore's finest:

It isn't normally that quick, honest.

I got what I want, and thats all that matters

A_Border_Bandit

Not really an excuse and I've felt awful for it since but...

Was sh1tfaced one night and after being removed from a club for falling asleep I was caught p1ssing on a shop door. I then fell asleep without my trousers. Gardai woke me and asked me a lot of questions and I was trying to prove I was a sensible, decent lad really by showing them my student card, my GAA membership card, my drivers license (including a 2 year old skin-headed photo of me).

Getting desperate, I took out one more card and it turned out to be my membership to the Cancer Society. I sponsored someone in college one day and got one of these cards but the cop looked at it, then my skin headed photo on my license and stared at me.

They handed everything back to me and told me to take care of myself, flagged down a taxi and made me go home!

arybvtcw0eolkf

Actually I got away with speeding without uttering a word!.

Long story short.

Clocked at just over 130 MPH (yes, speed in old money).

Got out of the car, cop looking me up and down..

"Ah, your a member - go ahead" (I've the head of a cop on me, and wearing black leather shoes. Dark blue trousers, blue shirt and a fleece)

[me] "Your a gentleman" and a wink.

Gets into my car and nearly sh*t myself.

Cop pulls off, sounds the horn turns around and gives me the thumbs up!.

Chaotic_Forces

A_Border_Bandit wrote: »

Not really an excuse and I've felt awful for it since but...

Was sh1tfaced one night and after being removed from a club for falling asleep I was caught p1ssing on a shop door. I then fell asleep without my trousers. Gardai woke me and asked me a lot of questions and I was trying to prove I was a sensible, decent lad really by showing them my student card, my GAA membership card, my drivers license (including a 2 year old skin-headed photo of me).

Getting desperate, I took out one more card and it turned out to be my membership to the Cancer Society. I sponsored someone in college one day and got one of these cards but the cop looked at it, then my skin headed photo on my license and stared at me.

They handed everything back to me and told me to take care of myself, flagged down a taxi and made me go home!

Why sad face? All you did was do your best to prove that you're a decent chap. It's not like you beat someone up.

Faith+1

Speak Irish if you're fluent enough, most of the Gardaí can't even speak English let alone Irish.

Ní raibh sé dom, bhí sé ar cheann an fear armtha!

Chaotic_Forces

Faith+1 wrote: »

Speak Irish if you're fluent enough, most of the Gardaí can't even speak English let alone Irish.

Ní raibh sé dom, bhí sé ar cheann an fear armtha!

Better yet, chat up the beangarda in Gaelige; usually it's the male cops that have no idea of Irish.

hondasam

Faith+1 wrote: »

Speak Irish if you're fluent enough, most of the Gardaí can't even speak English let alone Irish.

Ní raibh sé dom, bhí sé ar cheann an fear armtha!

do the have their own special language ?

Faith+1

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Better yet, chat up the beangarda in Gaelige; usually it's the male cops that have no idea of Irish.

Sound's delicious! LOL

Chaotic_Forces

Faith+1 wrote: »

Sound's delicious! LOL

I thought it was one word?

Faith+1

hondasam wrote: »

do the have their own special language ?

Ye it called speaking utter sh*te whilst looking down on people.

hondasam

Faith+1 wrote: »

Ye it called speaking utter sh*te whilst looking down on people.

what if you are taller than them ?

Faith+1

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

I thought it was one word?

Two words from what I was thought??

Chaotic_Forces

Faith+1 wrote: »

Two words from what I was thought??

I'm sure it was one. I could be wrong, been years since I took Irish.

seafood dunleavy

"Sure that dead hooker came with the car and how would I know why theres fresh spunk on her tits?"

Faith+1

hondasam wrote: »

what if you are taller than them ?

Since they dropped the height restriction all small Gardaí are authorised to stand on the nearest object to give them those much needed inches.

Chaotic_Forces

Faith+1 wrote: »

Since they dropped the height restriction all small Gardaí are authorised to stand on the nearest object to give them those much needed inches.

Never took "height 101" I see! The aul "baton to the kneecaps" works wondefully.

Was pulled over one night at about 3.30 for going through a red light, was no sign of anyone about, about 20 sec later there was a Garda transit behind me. Indicated and pulled into a housing estate, they followed and the blue lights came on. Ban Garda gets out, asks me do I know what I'm being pulled over for

Me - Yes
Her - What for?
Me - Going through the red light
Her - Anything to say for yourself?
Me - Yes, I'm sorry Garda
Her - For what
Me - I should have been more observant
Her- What do you mean
Me - I didn't see ye
Her - So if you had you wouldn't have gone through the red light
Me- Yep, I wouldn't have
Her - Your tax is out too
Me - I'll get that sorted this week Garda
Her - off you go so

I reckon she thought I was going to offer to lick the box off her :pac:

Chaotic_Forces

RoverJames wrote: »

Was pulled over one night at about 3.30 for going through a red light, was no sign of anyone about, about 20 sec later there was a Garda transit behind me. Indicated and pulled into a housing estate, they followed and the blue lights came on. Ban Garda gets out, asks me do I know what I'm being pulled over for

Me - Yes
Her - What for?
Me - Going through the red light
Her - Anything to say for yourself?
Me - Yes, I'm sorry Garda
Her - For what
Me - I should have been more observant
Her- What do you mean
Me - I didn't see ye
Her - So if you had you wouldn't have gone through the red light
Me- Yep, I wouldn't have
Her - Your tax is out too
Me - I'll get that sorted this week Garda
Her - off you go so

I reckon she thought I was going to offer to lick the box off her :pac:

Why didn't you? Would have been a much more interesting tale!

Chaotic_Forces

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Why didn't you? Would have been a much more interesting tale!

She wasn't great looking and I think at the time I was going out with a lapdancer :cool:

RMD

Gard caught me and 3 mates pissing against a wall on a night out before, he was on his own on a foot patrol came over and said "right lads, give me one reason why I shouldn't arrest you all right now" Being absolutely bolloxed I said back to him "well man good luck getting the 4 of us into 1 pair of handcuffs". Worked and all :pac:

stevejr

If you live in Dublin, the best line is..." Ah Jaysus I know you, how'd you get on in Coppers (Copperface Jack's) at the weekend with that young-one? Her and my sister are doing the Junior Cert this year!"

Senna

Wasn't me but a girl i was in college with was stopped by a RUC man. She didn't have her seat belt on properly, it was under her right arm, so he said "Why haven't you your seat belt on properly?", she replied "i'm sorry but my nipples are very tender at the moment". He just went bright red and told her to drive on.

Goldenegg

Two years ago when I got my new car, I got pulled over at a check point for not having any tax or insurance displayed!

Guard- where is your tax and insurance?
Me- I literally just bought the car today, I have insurance, and I'm waiting for the log book.
Guard- (laughing) Sure you haven't even got padre pio displayed on the windscreen! Go on, safe driving.
Me- nervous laugh! Thanks!

Doogieboogie

Not me, but a story told by a friend of mine a few years ago:

Friend got stopped for overtaking on a continuous white line. Guard (young lad) gets out, walks over to window. Friend rolls down window, excuses at the ready... and starts to smile. Guard realises that girl in driver's seat is nurse who assisted at his circumcision op a few months before. Drive on.

My sister's partner stopped for speeding in Stoneybatter. Tells guard that he ordered a Chinese and they're closing in five minutes - gets away with it!

Johro

Avery Mammoth Yeast wrote: »

"Ah, your a member - go ahead" (I've the head of a cop on me, and wearing black leather shoes. Dark blue trousers, blue shirt and a fleece)

Pighead..?

Chaotic_Forces

RoverJames wrote: »

She wasn't great looking and I think at the time I was going out with a lapdancer :cool:

So you sit on her lap with the lapdancer giving you the dance while she gives you the only clean job

Ardennes1944

RoverJames wrote: »

She wasn't great looking and I think at the time I was going out with a lapdancer :cool:

where in our great county are you from jamesy and what year/colour is your 75?youd be an interesting guy to follow ive no doubt

Voodoomelon

Garda: Do you know why I stopped you?

Driver: Do I get a ticket if I guess correctly?

Garda: You're still going to get a ticket.

Driver: I don't like this game anymore...

brendansmith

Johro wrote: »

Pighead..?

Filt out!!

Aoifey!

Not exactly an excuse, but:

When I was about 15, it was a friend's 16th birthday. We managed to get our hands on some bottles and we were down an alleyway drinking them with my friend wearing a massive "16 today" badge. Next thing we see a Gard calling us all over. He says "What age are.." *sees badge* "OH, well, outta sight outta mind" then leaves.

deathrider

davyjose wrote: »

Star Wars isn't real.

The part of Obi-Wan was played by an actor. Who was english.

Lies! Star Wars is a documentary.

chicken fingers

Goldenegg wrote: »

Two years ago when I got my new car, I got pulled over at a check point for not having any tax or insurance displayed!

Guard- where is your tax and insurance?
Me- I literally just bought the car today, I have insurance, and I'm waiting for the log book.
Guard- (laughing) Sure you haven't even got padre pio displayed on the windscreen! Go on, safe driving.
Me- nervous laugh! Thanks!

Calling BS

Deutschlandfürimmer7

Deutschlandfürimmer7 wrote: »

where in our great county are you from jamesy and what year/colour is your 75?youd be an interesting guy to follow ive no doubt

I'm from The Lough, all boring now though so no point following me

Vicxas

Told a cop i didnt know you needed another driver in the car on a provo licence years back