Best excuse you've given to a cop?

Faith+1 · 09-03-2011 12:41AM

hondasam wrote: »

what if you are taller than them ?

Since they dropped the height restriction all small Gardaí are authorised to stand on the nearest object to give them those much needed inches.

Chaotic_Forces · 09-03-2011 12:43AM

Faith+1 wrote: »

Since they dropped the height restriction all small Gardaí are authorised to stand on the nearest object to give them those much needed inches.

Never took "height 101" I see! The aul "baton to the kneecaps" works wondefully.

09-03-2011 12:50AM

Was pulled over one night at about 3.30 for going through a red light, was no sign of anyone about, about 20 sec later there was a Garda transit behind me. Indicated and pulled into a housing estate, they followed and the blue lights came on. Ban Garda gets out, asks me do I know what I'm being pulled over for

Me - Yes
Her - What for?
Me - Going through the red light
Her - Anything to say for yourself?
Me - Yes, I'm sorry Garda
Her - For what
Me - I should have been more observant
Her- What do you mean
Me - I didn't see ye
Her - So if you had you wouldn't have gone through the red light
Me- Yep, I wouldn't have
Her - Your tax is out too
Me - I'll get that sorted this week Garda
Her - off you go so

I reckon she thought I was going to offer to lick the box off her :pac:

Chaotic_Forces · 09-03-2011 12:54AM

RoverJames wrote: »

Was pulled over one night at about 3.30 for going through a red light, was no sign of anyone about, about 20 sec later there was a Garda transit behind me. Indicated and pulled into a housing estate, they followed and the blue lights came on. Ban Garda gets out, asks me do I know what I'm being pulled over for

Me - Yes
Her - What for?
Me - Going through the red light
Her - Anything to say for yourself?
Me - Yes, I'm sorry Garda
Her - For what
Me - I should have been more observant
Her- What do you mean
Me - I didn't see ye
Her - So if you had you wouldn't have gone through the red light
Me- Yep, I wouldn't have
Her - Your tax is out too
Me - I'll get that sorted this week Garda
Her - off you go so

I reckon she thought I was going to offer to lick the box off her :pac:

Why didn't you? Would have been a much more interesting tale!

09-03-2011 01:17AM

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Why didn't you? Would have been a much more interesting tale!

She wasn't great looking and I think at the time I was going out with a lapdancer :cool:

RMD · 09-03-2011 01:25AM

Gard caught me and 3 mates pissing against a wall on a night out before, he was on his own on a foot patrol came over and said "right lads, give me one reason why I shouldn't arrest you all right now" Being absolutely bolloxed I said back to him "well man good luck getting the 4 of us into 1 pair of handcuffs". Worked and all :pac:

stevejr · 09-03-2011 01:29AM

If you live in Dublin, the best line is..." Ah Jaysus I know you, how'd you get on in Coppers (Copperface Jack's) at the weekend with that young-one? Her and my sister are doing the Junior Cert this year!"

Senna · 09-03-2011 01:29AM

Wasn't me but a girl i was in college with was stopped by a RUC man. She didn't have her seat belt on properly, it was under her right arm, so he said "Why haven't you your seat belt on properly?", she replied "i'm sorry but my nipples are very tender at the moment". He just went bright red and told her to drive on.

Goldenegg · 09-03-2011 01:30AM

Two years ago when I got my new car, I got pulled over at a check point for not having any tax or insurance displayed!

Guard- where is your tax and insurance?
Me- I literally just bought the car today, I have insurance, and I'm waiting for the log book.
Guard- (laughing) Sure you haven't even got padre pio displayed on the windscreen! Go on, safe driving.
Me- nervous laugh! Thanks!

Doogieboogie · 09-03-2011 01:50AM

Not me, but a story told by a friend of mine a few years ago:

Friend got stopped for overtaking on a continuous white line. Guard (young lad) gets out, walks over to window. Friend rolls down window, excuses at the ready... and starts to smile. Guard realises that girl in driver's seat is nurse who assisted at his circumcision op a few months before. Drive on.

My sister's partner stopped for speeding in Stoneybatter. Tells guard that he ordered a Chinese and they're closing in five minutes - gets away with it!

Johro · 09-03-2011 02:00AM

Avery Mammoth Yeast wrote: »

"Ah, your a member - go ahead" (I've the head of a cop on me, and wearing black leather shoes. Dark blue trousers, blue shirt and a fleece)

Pighead..?

Chaotic_Forces · 09-03-2011 02:05AM

RoverJames wrote: »

She wasn't great looking and I think at the time I was going out with a lapdancer :cool:

So you sit on her lap with the lapdancer giving you the dance while she gives you the only clean job

Ardennes1944 · 09-03-2011 02:09AM

RoverJames wrote: »

She wasn't great looking and I think at the time I was going out with a lapdancer :cool:

where in our great county are you from jamesy and what year/colour is your 75?youd be an interesting guy to follow ive no doubt

Voodoomelon · 09-03-2011 02:12AM

Garda: Do you know why I stopped you?

Driver: Do I get a ticket if I guess correctly?

Garda: You're still going to get a ticket.

Driver: I don't like this game anymore...

brendansmith · 09-03-2011 02:30AM

Johro wrote: »

Pighead..?

Filt out!!

Aoifey! · 09-03-2011 04:09AM

Not exactly an excuse, but:

When I was about 15, it was a friend's 16th birthday. We managed to get our hands on some bottles and we were down an alleyway drinking them with my friend wearing a massive "16 today" badge. Next thing we see a Gard calling us all over. He says "What age are.." *sees badge* "OH, well, outta sight outta mind" then leaves.

deathrider · 09-03-2011 04:34AM

davyjose wrote: »

Star Wars isn't real.

The part of Obi-Wan was played by an actor. Who was english.

Lies! Star Wars is a documentary.

chicken fingers · 09-03-2011 08:16AM

Goldenegg wrote: »

Two years ago when I got my new car, I got pulled over at a check point for not having any tax or insurance displayed!

Guard- where is your tax and insurance?
Me- I literally just bought the car today, I have insurance, and I'm waiting for the log book.
Guard- (laughing) Sure you haven't even got padre pio displayed on the windscreen! Go on, safe driving.
Me- nervous laugh! Thanks!

Calling BS

09-03-2011 10:02AM

Deutschlandfürimmer7 wrote: »

where in our great county are you from jamesy and what year/colour is your 75?youd be an interesting guy to follow ive no doubt

I'm from The Lough, all boring now though so no point following me

Vicxas · 09-03-2011 10:03AM

Told a cop i didnt know you needed another driver in the car on a provo licence years back

this is arse · 09-03-2011 11:33AM

i ain't done it officer now leave me de hell alone before i bust a cap off in ur ass

flyton5 · 09-03-2011 11:44AM

I got stopped by the guards for acting the bollocks when I was about 16 or 17. Figured I could outrun them and make it back to my house before they'd catch me. I was wrong. The guards catch me and one of them turns and says "flyton5?!?!?!?! what were you running for?". It was my mothers unit(she was the SHO) who'd picked me up. I just gave some shít excuse about having to be home about an hour earlier or i'd be killed. They let me go. Niiiiice. :pac:

Ledger · 09-03-2011 12:06PM

They haven't caught me yet :cool:

insert maniacal laugh here

podgemonster · 09-03-2011 12:21PM

This is more of an excuse a cop gave to me so sorry if its a lil Off topic.

Out one night driving around a small west cork town with the lads and come across a old banger of a car being driven by a group of kids who were definetly not old enough to drive, speeding and generally messing on the road.

Decided we'd better tell the Guards, drove to the station, noone there. Decide to drive around town and there they were parked outside the local chipper. No one in the car and we meet the two of em coming out with bags of fastfood in their hands

"Sorry Garda, just thought Id let you know theres a group of...."
*Garda raises hand
"Hang on there now boyeen, we'll have the chips first at the station and ye can talk to us then"
Hops into car and drives off

Car was found burnt out next morning.

Ledger · 09-03-2011 12:22PM

podgemonster wrote: »

This is more of an excuse a cop gave to me so sorry if its a lil Off topic.

Out one night driving around a small west cork town with the lads and come across a old banger of a car being driven by a group of kids who were definetly not old enough to drive, speeding and generally messing on the road.

Decided we'd better tell the Guards, drove to the station, noone there. Decide to drive around town and there they were parked outside the local chipper. No one in the car and we meet the two of em coming out with bags of fastfood in their hands

"Sorry Garda, just thought Id let you know theres a group of...."
*Garda raises hand
"Hang on there now boyeen, we'll have the chips first at the station and ye can talk to us then"
Hops into car and drives off

Car was found burnt out next morning.

Prícks

TGQ · 09-03-2011 12:23PM

on i heard from a mate.

girl pulled over.
Garda get out and walks up to car. as he is he takes out his note book.

Girl lets down window and says. Good evening garda, now dont tell me you are going to try and sell me a ticket to the garda ball.

Garda replys, Us gardas dont have balls

goes bright red when he realises what he has said and lets her off.

flyton5 · 09-03-2011 12:25PM

podgemonster wrote: »

This is more of an excuse a cop gave to me so sorry if its a lil Off topic.

Out one night driving around a small west cork town with the lads and come across a old banger of a car being driven by a group of kids who were definetly not old enough to drive, speeding and generally messing on the road.

Decided we'd better tell the Guards, drove to the station, noone there. Decide to drive around town and there they were parked outside the local chipper. No one in the car and we meet the two of em coming out with bags of fastfood in their hands

"Sorry Garda, just thought Id let you know theres a group of...."
*Garda raises hand
"Hang on there now boyeen, we'll have the chips first at the station and ye can talk to us then"
Hops into car and drives off

Car was found burnt out next morning.

It's a well known fact that a guard is powerless to do anything unless he/she's working on a full stomach.

Ledger · 09-03-2011 12:28PM

Sure it's well known round my way that the guards go collect the take-away at 6.30 every evening, so for the following half an hour you can do what you like.

Ardennes1944 · 09-03-2011 12:33PM

RoverJames wrote: »

I'm from The Lough, all boring now though so no point following me

the lough? i park in the lough up from the butchers nearly everyday for college

EL_Loco · 09-03-2011 12:45PM

I got stopped in the car and asked for my license. It was soon after the law was brought in that you had to have it on you if you were driving. There was such a fuss made over it at the time I genuinely thought the law didn't get passed.

So I said that to the guard, "I didn't think they passed that law"

He said "well they did"

I looked at him and shrugged. Car was taxed and insured, so he let me continue. I still don't have my license with me when I drive, in fact, I haven't seen it in a while. Will have to have a look for it.

Best excuse you've given to a cop?

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