All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

OldGoat

BrensBenz wrote: »

Could you check their fleecy jackets to see if they have azips or are spot-welded, rivetted or velcroed closed?

PS: When is the kitchen-warming party?

Don't forget the gaffer tape solution.


Party? I must pack an overnight bag.
Martini glass. Check
Gin. Check
Jar of olives. Check
Olive stick. Check
Ice. Check
Vermouth. Check. (Then unpacked again). Check.

I'm good to go.

Layinghen

Party?did someone say party?

Ok little dog pack Mummies bag we are going on a road trip. Throw in a few bottles of red, some white and a bottle of bubbly...........oh and some of the good teabags for Jellybaby.


Ok I'm all set:):)

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

My very casual observation from the last few days is that its really all very boring, jeans with standard number of pockets and quite characterless fleeces with very little interesting decoration - and singularly unimaginative zip closures.

Hmmm, these might not be genuine tradesmen after all but alien imposters from Nobber, (Nawbaw) Co. Meath. I had one of them here recently to fit new eaves, soffits and guhhers. (I've been banned from ladders for medicinal reasons).

He had standard jeans (with built-in cleavage) and an unremarkable fleecy with a big azip.

He carried an amazingly surreal spirit level which insisted that water flows uphill and fitted all of the guhhers according to the advice from that spirit level. Oh, what fun we had listening to rain dripping from the wrong end of the guhhers…..doink…..doink…..doink…..

We’ve been harvesting rainwater ever since the guvverment hinted at water charges but thanks to Nawbawhead, our supply went dry. Mrs. BrensBenz was keen to have Nawbawhead revisit but only to hear his accent again. Manfully, I took control of the sitchyayshin, broke out the ladder – what care I for injury, pain or death? – and adjusted the guhhers to align with the ideas of Isaac Newton. Now, all is well in our taps.

Do any of your tradesmen have Nawbaw accents?

PS: Speaking of guhhers, do any of yiz know where gurcake gets its name from? Well, during the processing of other, inferior cakes, fruit would sometimes fall off the track and into guhhers fitted to the sides of the track. This fruit would then be used to make “guttercake” but, because Dubs refuse to pronounce “T” in the middle of words, it became “guhhercake” and later, “gurcake”.

This is gospel according to my granda who also told me, one day when the tide was out, that huge English whales swam over here and drank all of the sea. “But don’t worry”, he consoled, “they’ll soon do massive weewees and then you can go swimming again”.

looksee

Hm, well one of the alien imposters hasn't turned up (why is 'imposters' being objected to by the spelling gnomes?), so far we have flooring installed by a very boring outfit similar to your gutterman, but no tiles. And the carpenters have all gone to ground as well it seems, obviously the building trade is looking up!

Rubecula

looksee wrote: »

Hm, well one of the alien imposters hasn't turned up (why is 'imposters' being objected to by the spelling gnomes?), so far we have flooring installed by a very boring outfit similar to your gutterman, but no tiles. And the carpenters have all gone to ground as well it seems, obviously the building trade is looking up!

SHHH Looksee you will be attracting Trolls next

BrensBenz

Where are yiz all, at all, at all?

Have you noticed the skies lately? Great displays of colour yesterday morning and evening. Mrs. BrensBenz was out at first light with the woof and her digitous camera and got some really nice shots which went straight to FaceAche.
Today's offering is fifty shades of grey but it's a pleasant morning for washing the car..........if anyone has a few minutes to spare.....?

Oh, and if youze bakey cakey-type folk are too busy putting marzipan on Christmas cakes to post on Os&Os, I can reveal that it IS possible to omit bluddy marzipan. Icing will NOT explode if placed in contact with cake and none of Michael Jackson's zombies will batter down your doors.

My sister has taken over cake-making duties from the Mammy and, when asked for preferences, I mentioned the poisonous nature and environmental hazards of marzipan. "Oh", my sister replied. "I'll make one without marzipan, just icing." A deathly hush, sitting on a wave of disbelief went around the room. "What is this new, devilish magic? Will we have to go to confession if we eat Christmas cake without marzipan?" I checked my catechism bewk and didn't find any ban on marzipan-free Christmas cake. So, to all of yiz bakers out there, bin the marzipan. Wrap the sprouts in it and donate it to your local clay pigeon shooting club. PM me for addresses.

OldGoat

Marzipan is the only reason cake exists. Almond deliciousness.

BBDBB

Marzipan is the work of the divil

Renounce Marzipan
Renounce Frangipan
Renounce any other kind of almond based pan type thing

Bless us oh Lord and keep thy bounty if it contains any marzipan based flavouring

Amen

Jellybaby1

BBDBB wrote: »

Marzipan is the work of the divil Amen

No, you've got that wrong, its not marzipan, its brussell sprouts that are pure evil!

P.S. I'd also like to know where everyone is hiding.

BBDBB

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

No, you've got that wrong, its not marzipan, its brussell sprouts that are pure evil!

P.S. I'd also like to know where everyone is hiding.

lets agree that they are both the work of Beelzebub?


Ive been working, business has picked up at last and had a health scare recently so haven't been about much and generally feeling unsociable

looksee

Goodness it doesn't feel like 12 months since we had the last almond paste/marzipan discussion

Ye can have the cake, save me the marzipan (don't let OG scoff it all)

Jellybaby1

BBDBB wrote: »

lets agree that they are both the work of Beelzebub?

Ive been working, business has picked up at last and had a health scare recently so haven't been about much and generally feeling unsociable

Sorry to hear that BB, quite understandable that you've been away. Hope there is some improvement for you soon.

BBDBB

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that BB, quite understandable that you've been away. Hope there is some improvement for you soon.

Its not as bad as I first feared fortunately but it does now mean Im on medication now, Im still getting used to the idea let alone the practicalities

Rubecula

BBDBB I will be thinking of you oul friend. I am on medication for life myself so I know what it is like. take care of yourself.

PS Please please please can we have more Sprouts and marzipan? In fact can we have marzipan covered sprouts? LOVELY

Oh by the way I went to the hospital today for a quick check up on my eyes and ended up having quick surgery on me eyes Totally unexpected.

looksee

Apologies I have edited this as it was, I now see, a rather inappropriate response to stress, and although it does now not make a lot of sense, I am leaving in the appreciation for SJA.



Lesson 2 (and the reason for writing this) St Johns Ambulance are brilliant and if they shake a bucket in your direction, please throw in a couple of euros, you never know when you might need them!

BrensBenz

Rubecula wrote: »

BBDBB I will be thinking of you oul friend. I am on medication for life myself so I know what it is like. take care of yourself.

PS Please please please can we have more Sprouts and marzipan? In fact can we have marzipan covered sprouts? LOVELY

Oh by the way I went to the hospital today for a quick check up on my eyes and ended up having quick surgery on me eyes Totally unexpected.

Also, best wishes to BBDBB - the phrase I use quite often when being sympathised with about medication is "it's better than the alternative".

Regarding "Please please please can we have more Sprouts and marzipan?" it is my considered, expert opinion that your optical problem is a symptom of defective taste buds, damaged beyond repair by marzipan, the Bruce Forsyth's wig of confectionary. However, I am advised that therapy for marzipanners is available - see Mr. Google for details.

The greatest pity with marzipan is that it's pong permeates the cake. Not only do you have to peel it off the cake, and hope that the woof will eat it, but you also have to sacrifice 1/4 inch of otherwise perfectly good but smelly cake.

Did I ever tell yiz about, after Christmas holidays in Ireland, being lead into a windowless room at Heathrow, by officers with very large guns and an alsatian, and being questioned for a very long time about a suspicious parcel in my suitcase? My underpants remained untainted.....but only just. At the time, the IRA were active in the UK and a check of my passport number revealed that I had travelled extensively in Europe and the US.

"The item repels X-Ray and is slightly spongey to the touch, Sarge" said the nice female officer. "Oh, like Semtex", responded her buddy, the outside toilet-sized male officer. "Whoh" said I. "Yes, I packed the case myself." No, I don't know anything about a package, honest Guv!"

"Hmm, you've been to the Czech Republic recently (where Semtex was made)? And you go to Sweden and Poland quite often?" "Yeah buh yeah buh!"

Eventually, another nice female officer carried in a tray of tea and Christmas cake. "That suspect package, Sarge? It's Christmas cake wrapped in aluminium foil. It's nice! Here, try a piece."

Me Mammy had wrapped a lump of Christmas cake in X-Ray-proof foil and smuggled it into my suitcase before I left home. The relief was indescribable. We ALL peeled off the marzipan, gave it to the alsatian and tucked into the cake. Unfortunately, I don't know if the alsatian survived.

Jellybaby1

Sorry to hear about your woes, or should that be whoah's, Rube and looksee.

And Brens.......aren't mammies just wonderful! Sneaking all that love into your bag behind your back!

Layinghen

Best wishes to all our casualties.

Marzipan season again........not for me I am afraid can't stand the texture of it. A nice glass of Amaretto though, no problem:D

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

And Brens.......aren't mammies just wonderful! Sneaking all that love into your bag behind your back!

Well......I later mentioned this episode to the Mammy and emphasised that aluminium or tin foil is not a good idea in suitcases going through airports. Imagine my surprise when the Brurder was later stopped at Gatwick....for carrying a suspicious package in his luggage! The Mammy had heeded my advice about tin foil, wrapped the Easter cake in grease-proof paper BEFORE wrapping it in tin foil! Oh how we laughed?!?!

While we try to figure out why the Mammy wants us to be arrested by HM security forces, we now check all cases before driving to the Airport.

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Lessons: modern paint and varnish now has much less whatever it is that makes paint noxious, this must have been older stuff, and really bad.

Lesson 2 (and the reason for writing this) St Johns Ambulance are brilliant and if they shake a bucket in your direction, please throw in a couple of euros, you never know when you might need them!

Please, please, I know this: Modern paint and farnish (as my Granda called it) is water-based rather than smelly, inflammable stuff. You can wash the brushes in the sink, with Fairy Liquah, block the drain and destroy the environment.

However, whatever you do, DON'T buy a car with water-based paint unless the car will remain indoors. See, when birdies do their poops on water-based paint, or leaves fall onto your bonnet, the paint gets damaged and the dealer will laugh and repair the paint for vast amounts of your money.

And "YES" to St. Johns Ambulance! Great bunch of lads and lassies!

Chucken

Grandson number 2 finally decided to make an appearance, 4 days past his due date. He was born at 1.36am weighing in at 8lb 2oz. Momma and baby doing just fine

Dad is fine too even if he's a bit tired from his late night :rolleyes:

Layinghen

More important how is nana doing??????


Many congrats Chucken.

Jellybaby1

Yay! A noo hoomin bean has arrived!! Aw that's luvly, just in time for the Chrissymas too.:)

BBDBB

Congratulations Chucken to all concerned

Rubecula

BrensBenz wrote: »

Regarding "Please please please can we have more Sprouts and marzipan?" it is my considered, expert opinion that your optical problem is a symptom of defective taste buds, damaged beyond repair by marzipan, the Bruce Forsyth's wig of confectionary. However, I am advised that therapy for marzipanners is available - see Mr. Google for details.

The greatest pity with marzipan is that it's pong permeates the cake. Not only do you have to peel it off the cake, and hope that the woof will eat it, but you also have to sacrifice 1/4 inch of otherwise perfectly good but smelly cake.

Philistine you don't deserve your Marvelous Marzipan :pac:

One day I may tell you about my very first ever visit to the land of my ancestors...... (Ireland) And how the Gardai showed me the fastest way to sober up. :eek:

Layinghen wrote: »

Best wishes to all our casualties.

Marzipan season again........not for me I am afraid can't stand the texture of it. A nice glass of Amaretto though, no problem:D

If it is just the texture Hen then you made the right choice in drinkypoos

I would use the Amoretto to wash it down myself, but everyone to their own. I only have one problem with marzipan. I am not allowed to eat it any more.

Chucken wrote: »

Grandson number 2 finally decided to make an appearance, 4 days past his due date. He was born at 1.36am weighing in at 8lb 2oz. Momma and baby doing just fine

Dad is fine too even if he's a bit tired from his late night :rolleyes:

Tis the dad I feel sorry for you wimmin have no idea what us lads have to go through when a baby is due. :cool:

PS well done to mum and Chuckenana xxxxxxx

BrensBenz

Chucken wrote: »

Grandson number 2 finally decided to make an appearance, 4 days past his due date. He was born at 1.36am weighing in at 8lb 2oz. Momma and baby doing just fine

Oh, Excellent! Congrats, Chucken.
Before my grandson's arrival last year, I took just a passing interest in new arrivals but now I have been thoroughly educated. A grandchild is God's way of apologising for the sleepless nights, nappy changing and burps that accompanied your own kids. I hope your grandchildren give you the same boost that my little man gives me.

Rubecula wrote: »

Tis the dad I feel sorry for you wimmin have no idea what us lads have to go through when a baby is due.

So true! But we endure it with manly, stoic silence.
I attended the births of both of my only begotten children and you cannot imagine the disappointment when the nurse asks you to "step outside for a few moments, while we take care of something or other." Sitting in the torture chamber / Dads' waiting room / nicotine smog chamber, with half a dozen other nervous wrecks, wondering what's wrong, waiting to be called back in is distressing.

Yes, I know that childbirth can be a little ouchy for the mammy but it isn't much fun for the daddy either.

Deftly stands to one side to avoid the tsunami of abuse from mammies.

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

No, you've got that wrong, its not marzipan, its brussell sprouts that are pure evil.

It took me some time to recover from this....this.....statement.
See, there is an element of "optionality" with sprouts: Sprouts can be politely pushed to one side. If you're quick, you can sneak them back into the bowl without being seen. That noxious sprout stink can be removed by coating them in mashed spud, etc.

But marzipan has to be deliberately peeled or cut off before being dumped. Then your hands get smelly and, if you lick them clean, you'll spend extra time in the loo. It just sits there, lurking under the icing and clinging to the cake like the alien in......Alien! Hmmm, Sigourney Weaver.........phwooaaaarrrrrrrr!

No, I congratulate my sister for inventing a marzipan-free Christmas cake. Now, if only we could rid ourselves of New Years Eve...........

Chucken

Thanks everyone for the good wishes
I've learnt in the last 48 hours, that new babies are easier to mind than 2 year olds :pac:
It was grandson #1s 2nd birthday on Tuesday (25th). Once things started getting going for momma we had bets that the 2nd fella would arrive on the same date, but he fooled us by 90 minutes.

Anyway, it's all good. The 'big' boy is so gentle with the baby,it's a great start!

Chucken

Prompted by Master Rubes' ramblings on the radio...look what I found

BrensBenz

Chucken wrote: »

Prompted by Master Rubes' ramblings on the radio...

Please, oh pretty please, give us "todally-fed-up-with-realiddy-TV" folks, details of Rube's radio station and times. Is it on compuher only or could I get it in my car wurless? On FM or DAB? Frequency? (Technical term, nothing to do with biology.)