All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

Layinghen

I see a new career for you Jellybaby - motivational speaker!!!!!!

Or maybe life coach for min who need to be guided (or pushed) in the right direction.

Your motto - Jellybaby's way or the highway:cool:

Jellybaby1

You betcha Hen!

Rubecula

Layinghen wrote: »

Jaysus lads just do as she says:eek:

Good girl Jellybaby, somebody's got to get these min in order;)

No wimmin can keep us guys in order eh lads? Lads? LADS? Jaysus where did they all vanish to?

I am on me own:eek:

Layinghen

Don't worry Rubes we'll mind you:D:D

Just do everything Jellybaby says......

Rubecula

Layinghen wrote: »

Don't worry Rubes we'll mind you:D:D

Just do everything Jellybaby says......

She said nothing.

So I am doing nothing

looksee

Rubecula wrote: »

No wimmin can keep us guys in order eh lads? Lads? LADS? Jaysus where did they all vanish to?

I am on me own:eek:

They all vanished to the shed! Did any of yeez get involved with the Mens' Shed organisation? Seems like a great idea to me, but being of the wrong gender I have to do knitting! You know, I feel a new thread coming on...

BrensBenz

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Ages and ages ago I recommended Master Rube begin writing his block buster book (I hope he has done so by now!). Now I am encouraging you to write either your block buster book, or become a playwright and write a play based on your meanderings and musings!

Although my memoirs (A Guide For Solving Life's Problems) are in progress, I've been waiting for the Rubeculan epic to be published so that I know how high to aim. After all, reading some of Rubecula's tales is the main reason I started troubling boards.ie in the first place. I might never reach that standard so, in the meantime, and to avoid unflattering comparisons, contributing snippets to boards.ie may have to be my fate.

Regarding Jellybaby's offer of typing a possible tome from me, as you may be aware, I am particularly fussy about spelling and grammar, so I would have to ensure, possibly by use of a written exam, that you do be as gud as what I is at spellin' an stuff. In previous posts, you has shown some promise but we would hasta go through the formal process in case HR (Human Remains) has a law about hiring people. An' den dares deh problum of hoo cud rite deh ritten exam!

Any way, you know when you get petrol, pay for it and, when returning to your vehickle, in the pours of rain and wind, in your baldy man's hat, you notice that your mudflap is hanging off your wheel arch? Then you notice that the two special snappy yokes that hold the mudflap on are still there but are getting ready to jump off, and new ones would cost a fortune, so you decide to move the car out of the way and re-attach the snappy yokes, in the pours of rain and wind, with the emergency tools in the boot that you haven't checked for eleven years?

Well, you know when the two parts of the first snappy yoke fly apart and try to swim to freedom under the car and you can't find them because you have your driving glasses on, and they don't have wipers, and your bifocals are at home, and there's rain dripping off your baldy man's hat and down your collar and then you squeeze the skin on your finger with a seized pliers and shout "Oh dearie dearie me" or equivalent?

Well, you know when you're getting old and staying on your hunkers, in the pours of rain and wind, trying to find bits of snappy yokes in floodwater isn't as enjoyable as it used to be, and then a wet ragbag mutt comes over and looks at you in a puzzled and accusing manner and growls when you resume the search for the fugitive snappy yoke?

If all of this sounds familiar you already know what happens next. If not, the rest of this tale will be in my memoirs, under "R" for Re-attachment of Snappy Yokes on Mudflaps in the Pours of Rain and Wind.

Jellybaby1

:D:D:D Gotta hand it to ya Brens! Here, I found yer snappy yoke!

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Did any of yeez get involved with the Mens' Shed organisation?

Mrs. BrensBenz got given a card with contact details of the local Men's Shed Club. I sensed a conspiracy to either get rid of me or to have my sacred boatshed exposed to a load of male spies who would report their findings to a higher shed authority.

Chemo again tomorrow, but I should be vertical again by Monday, so, for a modest fee, I could be persuaded to attend a Men's Shed meeting and report back to Os & Os.

I might even get MORE SENSIBLE hair-do suggestions there than I've had from Os&Os. Purple Princess Leia raggentaggenschmaggenmuttlynoises....

Rubecula

I have a shed but it is falling apart since my sister decided to help sort it out. I told her not to, but you know what wimmin are like when they get an idea in their heads. I need a new shed now, preferably one with wimmin proof lock and shackles on the door. Perhaps one with bed, kitchen and beer fridge in it (Not too far from the comfy chair and telly)

I live on me own but I need a refuge from my visitors.

Jellybaby1

I've said this before, but it needs repeating. I hate visitors! You have to have the place all spick and span, make sure you don't offer a tea in a chipped cup, make sure the loo paper is plentiful and available, make sure the cooker is clean in case wimmin nose about, make sure the hoovering is done, make sure the laundry is tucked away out of sight. Then you have to plan what to feed them, lunch, brunch, dinner or supper? Heavens, its exhausting even before they arrive! And no-one is invited to stay overnight! No-one! But I do like a friend to drop in for elevenses now and then - that's the easiest kind of visitor. I vant to be alone.....but with a few well-chosen friends!

looksee

You know JB I like visitors for just those reasons you have listed! I like my house to look like that, but I can always find more interesting things to do than tidy up, so threat promise of a visitor gets me going and the place looks great!

Layinghen

I'm with you Jellybaby I'm not a fan of visitors either. Especially those that come into your house as if they are on an inspection mission.

Love having friends drop in at anytime and adore when people call and the evening turns into an early morning;)

But visitors who give you warning and are staying for a few days and expect to be waited on hand and foot, not for me I am afraid.

Rubecula

I went for years without visitors, and then after I was ill they all wanted to come and take stock of me and my house. So I am with JellyBaby and the other girliethings on this.

Not that I care what they think, it is my house take it as it is or don't bother coming

Yes the WORM (Rubes) turns

looksee

We seem to be talking about visitors (on the one hand) and friends (on the other) but I was more thinking of friends who are visitors!

Rubecula

There is no such thing as visitors, just friends who annoy the hell out of you lol

BrensBenz

Any chance of one of youze obsessive / compulsive tidy-uppers could visit my shed for an hour or two? Yesterday, I was "addressing issues" (corporate speak for fixing stuff) in my shed, particularly an issue with the azip on my shed fleecy jacket.

Well, the azip slider thing came off, hit the floor and then did a runner under my boat. A quick search discovered the fossilised remains of spiders and wood lice, a bottle of mixed engine coolant, ropes with practice splices, part of a watch strap, a jar of mahogany wood dust, half a hacksaw blade and other yokes of indeterminate purpose. Unfortunately, none of these treasures will make the azip work. The slider remains unaccounted for, the azip is still inoperable so my tumtum and manly but hairless arms and chest are getting cold.

NB: Yiz probally know this already but in North County Dublinese, it is considered gauche to use words starting with "Z". Us ungauche residents had sympathy with the Spanish inability to pronounce words starting with "S" (eSpanish eschool, etc.) so we have wisely added "A" to words starting with "Z", e.g, an azip, the aZoo, New aZealand and, of course the last letter of the alphabet is azed.

looksee

Since the aforesaid jacket is no doubt well decorated by dessicated woodlice and bits of spider web, sawdust, splashes of varnish, spots of indeterminate chemicals used on boats, and other such detritus, maybe you should downgrade a different jacket (with working azip) to boatshed jacket, and use the current one for polishing cloths?

Jellybaby1

Or do what I do.....thou must takest thine fleece unto a sewing expert and they will install a new slider upon thine zip. In the past I have visited yon Zipyard establishments with marvellous and magical success! Thou must decide if thine fleece is really worth such expense of course.

http://thezipyard.ie/

Poor Uncle Tom

http://thefiveeffs.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/salvaging-a-broken-zipper-garment-with-buttons/

yis could do this....

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Since the aforesaid jacket is no doubt well decorated by dessicated woodlice and bits of spider web, sawdust, splashes of varnish, spots of indeterminate chemicals used on boats, and other such detritus, maybe you should downgrade a different jacket (with working azip) to boatshed jacket, and use the current one for polishing cloths?

Janey Mac, that's scary! Just how did you know that???????

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Or do what I do.....thou must takest thine fleece unto a sewing expert and they will install a new slider upon thine zip. In the past I have visited yon Zipyard establishments with marvellous and magical success! Thou must decide if thine fleece is really worth such expense of course.

http://thezipyard.ie/

I've given this some deep thought and, because the woof knows that when I'm wearing this jacket, he's not getting took for walkies, while every other jacket means a trip to the beach for him, I have decided on a replacement of the azip with an industrial strength azip. What care I of fashion while sharpening lawn mower blades? The original azip was forever "peeling" and exposing my tumtum to battery acid and solder burns. I'll have one of those beasty azips you get on wetsuits, thank you.

And while I'm at it, I might also get an azip fitted to the delightful gown I have to wear for CT scans but, of course, for entirely different reasons.

OldGoat

Zips, pft! Use a pop riveter to close it up and then use those half hacksaw blades when you want to open it again. The Shed demands a shed type fix.

Poor Uncle Tom

I had occasion to change the zip on my britches for duffle buttons, it worked a treat even if it did get a tad breezy for outdoor activities. No blushes were spared while limbo dancing either, but otherwise it proved very versatile.

looksee

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

I had occasion to change the zip on my britches for duffle buttons, it worked a treat even if it did get a tad breezy for outdoor activities. No blushes were spared while limbo dancing either, but otherwise it proved very versatile.

Duffle buttons. On trousers. Right. :eek:

BrensBenz

OldGoat wrote: »

Zips, pft! Use a pop riveter to close it up and then use those half hacksaw blades when you want to open it again. The Shed demands a shed type fix.

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

I had occasion to change the zip on my britches for duffle buttons, it worked a treat even if it did get a tad breezy for outdoor activities. No blushes were spared while limbo dancing either, but otherwise it proved very versatile.

Hmmm, many thanks to youse two heroes for those interesting and manly concepts:

• Rivet or maybe weld the azip closed and wear the jacket like a gansey or
• attach a network of toggles and ropework.

I also have velcro strips in stock which could be riveted over the azip so that, when I emerge from the boatshed and return to the bosom of my household, I could do a Full Monty impression, ripping the fleecy off and driving Mrs. BrensBenz wild at the sight of my 17 year-old shed polo shirt.

Actually, just between us, my shed ensemble is a little incongruous at the moment. I may have mentioned previously my acquisition of shed trousers with umpteen pockets? Well, apparently these don't match my shed polo shirt and, as a result, I'm a "holy show", rivalling (my hero) Rab C. Nesbitt.

Even more hurtful comments have been made about my shedshoes. These were cool, hip and trendy.....in 1989.....and have several thousand miles on their clock. "Why don't you wear your Dube yokes in the shed instead of those articles?" "Whoh??? My good Dubes that I only bought in 1993???" To quote a recently deceased cleric from Norn Arn: "Never, Never, Never".

looksee

Yay, I have water! In the kitchen, in the sink! Been getting the kitchen done and water has been disconnected for a week (fortunately the downstairs loo gets mains water owing to addled plumbing 40-odd years ago, so its not been too much of an issue). Just have to get tiler, electrician, painter and floorer in now...

Thankfully I have someone organising the job for me and its the best money you can spend doing this kind of thing, if you can't do it yourself. Time was I would have taken it on, but at this stage its a blessing to have someone else sort it. And I reckon in the end, he makes savings for me (including the VAT refund thing) so he doesn't actually cost me at all. Win win!

Jellybaby1

Hmmmm. What VAT refund thing?

looksee

Its a recent thing where if you do home improvement stuff (almost anything that will get builders working again) and you do it with vat registered and approved builders you can claim back the 13.5% vat on all costs, you get it back as tax credits. I am still not sure how it works if you are on a pension and are not paying much tax, I will let you know

It seems to apply to the actual work, plus fitted kitchens and appliances, and the extras like tiles etc. I don't think it applies to freestanding appliances, but I am not sure. The guy who is managing the job will sort all that out for me! I think the rule of thumb is that f it has a 13.5% vat rate you can claim it.

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

Just have to get tiler, electrician, painter and floorer in now...

Could you check their fleecy jackets to see if they have azips or are spot-welded, rivetted or velcroed closed? And do their jackets match their shirts? And, while avoiding builders' cleavage, if you could count their trouser pockets so I'll know if I have enough to pass as a tradesman - thanks.

PS: When is the kitchen-warming party?

looksee

Brens, at the risk of getting some funny looks, i will check on the above for you today. My very casual observation from the last few days is that its really all very boring, jeans with standard number of pockets and quite characterless fleeces with very little interesting decoration - and singularly unimaginative zip closures. I will take closer note however and report back.