Non-Alcohol Focused Socialising

neuro-praxis

Over the last few years I've noticed many threads on boards written by folks who want to give up binge drinking because of the negative impact it has on them, but fear that this will be the end of their social lives. Many of them also recount their friends laughing at them or mocking them for giving up alcohol.

This is something I honestly cannot relate to.

I'm 28 and my social life usually consists of having friends round for dinner or going round to theirs. This has been the case since college. This usually includes wine and beer but not to excess, and it would be normal for some people in the group not to drink for whatever reason (they don't drink, they're the designated driver, they're in training, they don't feel like it). We also often play board games after dinner.

Take this week for example. Last night I had dinner with four friends who live around the corner. I had two glasses of wine and we chatted and played Scrabble til about 11.30pm. Tonight I'm in college, but tomorrow night I'm going to a storytelling event with a friend of mine in town, and then we're going for tapas.

On Friday night we have a book club at our house, which will prob include beer and home-made pizza.

On Saturday night my husband and I will go to the cinema and for a bite to eat. Then we're going to a birthday party in a pub where we'll probably have 1 or 2 drinks.

On Sunday we'll probably stay home, nap, watch dvds or go for a long walk.

When we can afford it we love live music and go to gigs. I wouldn't usually drink at a gig because the drinks are just an encumbrance when you're bopping away in the crowd. I love dancing and usually end up dancing at house-parties, weddings and special events. I'd say I go to a night club maybe twice a year, and it's usually a let-down.

Is this kind of social life really so unusual? if I stopped drinking I doubt anyone but my husband would notice. My friends certainly wouldn't. I think I have a very full social life. Does it appear boring to someone who binge drinks a lot?

How many of you go binge drinking most weekends? And does a "night out" always mean going to a pub followed by a nightclub?

I'm with you there neuro, cafes and dinners and movies and whathaveyou are my preferred form of socialising.
Nobody I know would slag me over not drinking

krudler

bluewolf wrote: »

I'm with you there neuro, cafes and dinners and movies and whathaveyou are my preferred form of socialising.
Nobody I know would slag me over not drinking

Me either, unless you hang out with 18 year olds who think waking up with a banging headache and covered in either puke or a kebab constitutes a good night, I quit drinking for nearly 18 months a few years back and had some of the most fun nights out ever. I like going out but sometimes it better to have a pizza and few drinks at home with friends and have a laugh watching a movie, or a few quiet ones in the local. Cant stand big busy nightclubs.

Malari

I would be largely the same. LOVE cooking so Saturday usually involves a nice meal I've been working on, either for myself and the boyfriend, or sometimes a bunch of friends. I'll regularly go to another friend's house too for a meal. Yes, we drink a couple of glasses of wine or beer, but it's not commented on if somebody isn't drinking.

I used to do the pubbing 'n' clubbing a lot when I was involved in a sports club and they had nights out. Also when I lived away in my 20s I suppose everyone going to the pub was more normal.

But I love pub quizes (with or without drink), movies, comedy nights, tapas, dinner parties, cafes, etc now. I do have one friend who is usually only texting to go out at the weekend when I've been out for an after-work glass of wine, dinner in a nice restaurant, home to watch a movie! I'm just not into that late night scene anymore!! I'm in early 30s and she is about a decade older.

SeekUp

Granted, I would much rather have people over to our place or go over to a friend's house rather than go out, but even when I do go out, I don't drink that much. Don't get me wrong, I'll have a couple of pints or glasses of wine, but the days of shots and drinking until I can't anymore are LONG gone (they weren't around very long in the first place, tbh).

I would hardly think that getting together with a group of friends needs to revolve around alcohol, either. A "night out" to me just means a night out of the house! I'm just as happy to get together over coffee, a meal or a movie, a walk or a bike ride.

I have gotten the whole, 'aw, come on, just have one more,' thing . . . which annoys me to no end. Why the eff do you care whether or not I'm drinking an alcoholic beverage?? I often said jokingly, but it really bothers me.

Malari

SeekUp wrote: »

I have gotten the whole, 'aw, come on, just have one more,' thing . . . which annoys me to no end. Why the eff do you care whether or not I'm drinking an alcoholic beverage?? I often said jokingly, but it really bothers me.

Yep, that is something I don't really get. I only want two glasses of wine - you can buy me another one if you really insist but I'm not drinking it! Your loss!

Faith

neuro-praxis wrote: »

And does a "night out" always mean going to a pub followed by a nightclub?

I drink most weekends, but I haven't been to a club in many years. Not everyone who drinks in a pub at weekends moves on to nightclubs. There's a happy-medium between a couple of drinks at home and getting shítfaced in a nightclub.

For me, my optimum weekend depends on my relationship status. Most of my friends are in relationships, so when I was with my ex, we tended to mostly stay in - cook dinner, have a few glasses of wine, watch a DVD. But when I'm single, I don't want to sit at home alone during the prime of my 20s. At the moment, I love putting on nice clothes, going to a pub with friends, and knowing I look hot. I have a great time meeting different guys every weekend .

But to answer your question, at the moment I'd go drinking every weekend, simply because I can. if my friends are all away and I've no-one to go out with, I'm not too bothered about staying in a few weekends in a row.

Lia_lia

I work in a bar. So...working!

I'm not much of a drinker anyway. Never have been. I get drunk about every two/three months. I often go to pubs and don't drink any alcohol. Especially after work if I'm finished early (early as in 1am!) I prefer drinking at friends houses. Cheaper and usually better craic!

Bloody hate clubs. Well I don't hate them, I just don't like the idea of them or something. Most of my friends just go to clubs to score and I've never got the whole scoring random people thing I like dancing though..but don't like mainstream music!

Wow, I sound like the most exciting 22 year old ever.

RacoonQueen

I'd be very simliar to Lia Lia could have writen most of that post myself, never was a big drinker and I could always hold more than my friends anyway so they were hammered while I was still feeling sober and it wasn't much fun. Pulled away from the club scene after that and the good friends I kept were all older than me, some a by a good chunk. Dinner, DVD's, shows etc are more my thing. I love a good night out and getting hammered occasionally, but I'm also a fan of a quiet night in with people I love to be around, good food, a few drinks, a DVD and Buzz on the PS3.

I'm not very good at making time for other people either so I'm usually forced to go out! :pac:

CathyMoran

Well I can not do late nights since I became ill a few years ago but pub culture never appealed to me whereas cafe culture did. I am pregnant so do not drink but would not normally drink much in any case (a glass of Balleys at Christmas or a glass of wine with lunch when on holidays). For birthdays and other celebrations we would have a lunch out but we would not have the money to do it on a regular basis.

neuro-praxis

Faith wrote: »

INot everyone who drinks in a pub at weekends moves on to nightclubs. There's a happy-medium between a couple of drinks at home and getting shítfaced in a nightclub.

It's listed under option two as

"Cinema or a gig with friends/partner, or a meal out and/or a couple of drinks in the local."

Very few of those who enjoy binge drinking and clubbing are commenting here - I'd love their perspective.

I'm also curious as to what the "other" Saturday night time fillers are.

Faith

neuro-praxis wrote: »

It's listed under option two as



Very few of those who enjoy binge drinking and clubbing are commenting here - I'd love their perspective.

I'm also curious as to what the "other" Saturday night time fillers are.

Okay, but that's not what I do either . I go to a friends house, have a few drinks, and go into a late bar in town, where I have a few more drinks and chat with friends. It's not a local, nor is it a couple of drinks, but it's not a nightclub either.

I'm just being pedantic, but I find that most people my age group (24ish) would be into the same thing. We're past the clubbing stage, but not quite at the going-to-the-quiet-pub-down-the-road-for-2-drinks stage . I don't know if that adds anything to your discussion, but I just wanted to put it out there.

krudler

Lia_lia wrote: »

I work in a bar. So...working!

I'm not much of a drinker anyway. Never have been. I get drunk about every two/three months. I often go to pubs and don't drink any alcohol. Especially after work if I'm finished early (early as in 1am!) I prefer drinking at friends houses. Cheaper and usually better craic!

Bloody hate clubs. Well I don't hate them, I just don't like the idea of them or something. Most of my friends just go to clubs to score and I've never got the whole scoring random people thing I like dancing though..but don't like mainstream music!

Wow, I sound like the most excitingsensible 22 year old ever.

jellie

Without knowing your age its hard to know whats "usual".

Im mid (bordering on late :eek:) 20s and id be happy with any of the evenings you described, except maybe for book club, but that just wouldnt be my thing.

My socialising would be anything from meeting for coffee/lunch, cinema, dinner & drinks, and occasionally things like going bowling. i do go out drinking on a regular enough basis, at least once every 2 weeks or so but usually 1 night a week, rarely to a club but usually a pub or a friends house and then a late bar.

Like Faith I go out drinking a lot more when single than I would have when in a relationship.

neuro-praxis

jellie wrote: »

Without knowing your age its hard to know whats "usual".

As I said above I'm 28.

Novella

I'm 21 and I very, very rarely do things like going out to the pub and clubs are definitely not my cup of tea. My friends come over or I go to theirs and we have dinner and maybe a drinks or two. I love going to the cinema too.

Sometimes, if it's a girlie night, we'll head out for cocktails and that's pretty much the only alcohol focused socialising I do. I dunno. I'm not really into getting drunk. Neither of my parents drink and I've just never seen the appeal. Would rather save my money for something else tbh.

rannerap

I head out the odd time, usually just stay in or go the cinema or to a gig, cant afford to be going out every saturday night anyway!

Gerry Manderer

I think a lot of it depends on your relationship situation, you have a lot more options with a partner e.g. cinema, meal, sit in and watch dvd etc..

If you're single and many of your mates are all boxed off with significant others then there is really a 48 hour window at the week end to go out and meet people and the way Irish society is, everything revolves around the pub/ drinking/niteclub scene. You don't have to drink of course but i think a lot of people fall into the whole drinking every week end even though quite often they would be a lot happier to pursue some other social activity

Daisy03

I'm glad to see that there are so many people commenting on how they don't enjoy the club scene.

I'm 22 and much prefer going to the cinema or a gig and for a meal. Sometimes I would have a drink but i'm just as likely not to. If my friends are going clubbing I normally just head to the pub with them beforehand and head away when they go to the club. This suits me perfectly.

One of my closest friends would be one of those binge drinkers. She's the type that brags about how much she has drank & tells her drunken stories over & over again. I really don't get it as to me its not something to brag about.

SheRa

Neuro-praxis I love the sound of the storytelling event. Do you mind me asking where its on?

I would go out for a drink most weekends. Might have 2/3 drinks. The pubs wouldnt quite be my locals, but neither are they nightclubs, more like late bars. I rarely go to nightclubs, find them fierce cattlemarty.

Id go to the cinema fairly regularly too, but I wouldnt normally go for drinks afterwards, would never occur to me.

I keep meaning to expand my nights out, would love to attend public lectures about different things that Im interested, but I never seem to get round to it:). I suppose Im the only one that can change that, so must do something about it.

I really love going out for a bite to eat too, not somewhere mad pricey, just somewhere with nice food. For a few reasons I havent done that in a while either. Must change that too:).

Idbatterim

I think a lot of it depends on your relationship situation, you have a lot more options with a partner e.g. cinema, meal, sit in and watch dvd etc..

If you're single and many of your mates are all boxed off with significant others then there is really a 48 hour window at the week end to go out and meet people and the way Irish society is, everything revolves around the pub/ drinking/niteclub scene. You don't have to drink of course but i think a lot of people fall into the whole drinking every week end even though quite often they would be a lot happier to pursue some other social activity

I find the above a very good summary of the situation for alot of people...

Azureus

Im 22 and I do a fair bit of all of the above.

Friday night would usually be a meal either out or home cooked with a bottle of wine with the boyfriend, and often out to the local after that for a few more drinks/live music or a trip to the cinema.
Once a month I make sure to have girls night, this would either be a bottle of wine, chinese and a movie, or going out to a club.

Saturday I would usually have a group of friends over to mine for pre drinks, chats, xbox kinect, then we'd leave mine about 11.30/12 and head to a late bar or a club. This often but not always involves a fair few shots and lots of dancing! Then whoevers able heads back to mine for chinese/pizza and a movie/sleeps or back to a house party if someone else is havin one.

Sunday would be the chill at home/go for walks/shopping/visting the rentals and other lazy day stuffs.

I suppose I do drink more than I should and I do enjoy the club scene even though Im in a long term relationship. I like going out and having a dance and letting my hair down. I dont drink to the stage of getting plastered, but i admit I do drink more than recommended for my gender/size. I have a damn good time and dont suffer hangovers! That said, I do enjoy going out for meals, going to more mellow wine bars or just dont to the local for a few quiet scoops and a game or five of pool so it varies an awful lot, usually dependent on how many bills Ive to pay.

Acoshla

I wish you all could meet my friend's boyfriend.

He is in his 30's, I am mid 20's. I like to have just a few drinks for a couple of reasons, I like the taste of a beer/glass of wine/etc, I don't like hangovers so avoid excessive drinking, and sometimes I don't want to spend the money on a lot of drink, especially if I decide the night is boring and I want to drive home, and I HATE getting caught up in rounds of drinks. This seems to annoy the life out of this man.

He will buy me drinks that I don't want, call me boring if I refuse shots, champagne or 3 drinks plonked in front of me at once. If I say I'm not drinking I get an interrogation before I am denounced as dull and no fun. He drives me insane. He thinks I'm the abnormal one because I don't want to get sh*tfaced, and they actually seem to consider being hungover as a hobby in itself ("We spent Sunday dying on the couch" is something I hear quiet often). He won't go out of the house at all if he has work in the morning, because if you go out you have to drink lots so he can't do it at all or he'll be in a mess for work.

Oh and God help anyone who invites them over for dinner, I've done it twice, never again. Dinner at 7 becomes them still drinking cans of Scrumpy Jack in my house at 3am, NEVER AGAIN.

Edit: And the worst part is they are the only friends we have still living locally so they are the only people we can really socialise with on a regular basis, fun.

bkenny08

Neuro I hear ya!!

Definitely.. However I was not always like that. I did drink a bit (not to the point where I got in trouble)..
Last year I completely cut back & have not missed the "social" side to it..

You can make your own fun without getting smashed.

neuro-praxis

SheRa wrote: »

Neuro-praxis I love the sound of the storytelling event. Do you mind me asking where its on?

Sure, it's on tonight in the Central Hotel in Dublin. Information about it here. My friend got us tickets (they were free) though, so I don't know if you can just walk in. Give them a buzz. I might see you there!

Alternatively if you like storytelling there is a group in Dublin called Milk and Cookies who regularly organise storytelling events.

To those who enjoy regular binge drinking here...do you feel pressure to binge drink? Do you think life would be no fun without binge drinking? Do you ever worry about your health?

chicken fingers

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Very few of those who enjoy binge drinking and clubbing are commenting here - I'd love their perspective.

I'm also curious as to what the "other" Saturday night time fillers are.

Fair enough I will try to articulate my position.

Well I love getting absolutely hammered. Im not a loud or rough or argressive drunk, none of my friends are either. We´re not the low class kebab and vomit brigade. We are late twenties and early thirties. Professionals. Most earn great money. We work hard, not always 9-5 mon-fri though.

In a month I might go out for evening dinner and wine/cocktails with the GF 5-6 times, go clubbing once and I have a (basically monthly) party in our place with food and alcohol. Out of my 12 or so close friends the only ones who dont drink are pregnant. Also I would have a good bit of work meetings in various pubs and hotel bars. Booze is sometimes taken in the mornings and at lunch.

Im not trying to portray myself as some sort of Don Draper, but alcohol is a big part of my work and social life. Previously pot was the social drug of choice. I work in the middle east for 2 weeks 7-8 times a year and I dont miss not drinking when I am there. In fact it doesnt even cross my mind.

Why? I love how I feel when I am drunk, tipsy or hammered! Wax lyrical talking bolitics and doing mad stuff drunk! Tis great!
(I am not an annoying drunk and would never be drunk on the street or engage in antisocial behaviour)

chicken fingers

neuro-praxis wrote: »

.do you feel pressure to binge drink? Do you think life would be no fun without binge drinking? Do you ever worry about your health?

Nope.
Nope, its just a thing, not THE thing.
Yeah, health concerns is why I will probably give up hard drinking in the next few years. Try to get the ol liver and ticker in good shape, I am fit but tbh I eat in restaurants 5-6 times a week and I probably have bigger problems than booze.

Earthhorse

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Over the last few years I've noticed many threads on boards written by folks who want to give up binge drinking because of the negative impact it has on them, but fear that this will be the end of their social lives. Many of them also recount their friends laughing at them or mocking them for giving up alcohol.

For most of my twenties I didn't drink and I can honestly say it had a severe effect on my social life, admittedly in part because I often wouldn't feel like simply going to the pub and staying on soft drinks. I have many great, intelligent and fun friends but they almost all love drinking and nights out. So that is what the majority of socialising in my circle involves.

As we've moved into our early thirties it's become easier to arrange nights out that don't revolve (though many still involve) around drinking but the majority still do. It's great that you, and others, have been able to have quite an active social life outside of this but I think if you are a non-drinker or not much of a drinker then you are fighting a rising tide when it comes to socialising.

To give an example, we have a Sports and Social committee here in work who organise twelve events a year. It's been in operation for at least five years, maybe much longer, and I can honestly remember one even, bowling, in all that time that wasn't underpinned by drinking (which isn't to say they didn't go to the pub after). They do try and them the nights in various ways, so you have a Pub Quiz night, a racing night, Oktoberfest etc. but the common denominator is drink.

This isn't to say there aren't alternatives, of course there are, but they are in the minority.

Is this kind of social life really so unusual?

Unusual in the sense of "not what most people in Ireland do" yes, definitely.

Should point out I'm a guy though, so not sure if you were looking for my perspective, but no harm giving it anyway.

carolinespring

I am married and 37 years old. We have no kids so our no issues with babysitters. Both of us work full time

I did a lot of drinking in my early 20s so at this stage I feel I am passed it and also unable for a night of heavy drinking. Hangovers seem to last longer and I feel rotten for days.

My weeks socially went as follows

Friday night. Take away and night in front of the TV

Saturday

Morining. coffee with with friend in a local cafe

Lunch. With a friend, no wine as was driving

Evening. Wine tasting evening at a friends with husband about 5 other couples. Tasted lots of wines but only drank 2 glasses.

Sunday.

Lunch. In Local Bistro with husband, No wine

Afternoon. Coffee in local coffe shop with husband, another couple and child.

Evening. At home watcing Tv, 1 bottle coors light

Monday.

Lunch. Met a freind in a cafe for lunch. No wine

Evening. Monthly book club. Wine on offer but was driving so had water but normally would have had a few glasses of red wine

Tue.

Evening. Play, soft drinking during the interval

Wed.

Lunch. Met husband for pub lunch. No wine

Thur.

Evening. My brother is coming for dinner so will have a glass of wine.

Most weeks we would go to the cinema but as we went to a play that didnt happen. Often on a saturday or sunday would go to some live music event, would sometimes drink but not always. Sundays normally have a glass of red with lunch and often go to the cinema in the afternoon.

CluelessGirl

Hey!

I gave up drinking over 3 years ago. I am 30 now. I got bored hanging with the same people going to the same pub/club and talking the same ****e week in and week out and I knew I would never be able to go for one or two so I stopped completely.

My life has changed forever as a result. I now horse ride, play golf, tag rugby, tennis and do so much more than I ever could have imagined. I also have more money as a result and I love going to expensive restaurants for dinner and buy the best clothes and feel really good in them.

I have very little contact with the group I used to be in. They are still all weekend warriors and live for the booze. Reading their facebook status's makes me laugh.

I am delighted that I gave it up and now have a great life style. Life is passing you by sitting in a pub.....there is so much more to do!

Saturday night I get dressed up and head to the Ritz Carlton or some where like that to indulge!

Anyway I won't bang on..............:D

baby and crumble

This thread is making me feel a lot better!

I was never into the pub/club thing. Where there are people drinking heavily (even if it's not my group) I get very uncomfortable very quickly. I don't like the taste of alcohol much, apart from scotch which I love, but I'm very picky about it. Plus I HATE any kind of pub or club where there's live music that consists of a guy playing bad guitar covers of good songs. God I hate it.

I'm 29 this year, and in a 7 year relationship, and I've been conscious lately of 'being boring', even though I go to the cinema 2/3 times a week (got the Cineworld card, best invention EVER), go walking and taking photos at the weekend, and playing videogames online with friends. I think I've allowed the whole "clubbing is the ONLY FUN YOU CAN HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" mentality seep into my brain. It never used to before, I think since most of my really close friends who I'd hang out with on a regular basis have emigrated (thanks a lot, recession!) it's hard.

But it's nice to know I'm not the only late 20's person who chills at home or does cinema/ board games to socialise. I like that.

And I'm also glad that I've grown out of the circles of people who think you HAVE to drink to have a good time. Nobody bugs me about not having a 'real' drink if I do go out. Yes, this coke is real, actually. It's not a fake coke.

Iancar29

Cant believe i found a thread like this...

Im 21, and i dont like the club events and all that, i dont drink ( mainly out of no interest in the taste and that stomach ulsers run in the family)

Id only go to a club for a friends party to thats it really.
Much rather have small house gatherings, cinema, restaurant , pub quizzes , stuff like that.

I love to cook and into music and photography,
ive been single over a year now and kinda worried also that i mite be found "too boring" seeing as nearly every girl i get to know loves going on a nite out to a club and drink..... hopefully im just wrong.

SheRa

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Sure, it's on tonight in the Central Hotel in Dublin. Information about it here. My friend got us tickets (they were free) though, so I don't know if you can just walk in. Give them a buzz. I might see you there!

Alternatively if you like storytelling there is a group in Dublin called Milk and Cookies who regularly organise storytelling events.

Thanks a million for those links, they both look really interesting. Looks like i won't make tonights talk but will def keep an eye out for future talks.

Eviledna

I'm 26, and I gave up alcohol totally over a year ago, as it began to make me anxious when I had a hangover. When I was 16-20 I did a decent amount of drinking and clubbing and didnt always understand why some people didnt drink.

Since I've given it up I've gotten used to being sober in a group of drunk people, and I have the laugh. Cash isn't abundant at the mo so I keep it to state days and special occasions for the pub nights, so it's usually friends houses for drinks and chats. The one thing I have noticed since I've been off the drink is other peoples reactions.

Was out on new years all dressed up and celebrating, drinking coffee at the start of the night to begin. Had this girl I barely knew come up to me and actually say: "Coffee! What's wrong?:eek:" - I replied, "Oh nothing at all, I don't drink alcohol" to which she promptly replied: "Oh :rolleyes: " and walked right off.
I've gotten this crap a few times, "What do you mean you don't drink", sure go on have one anyway kinda crap. I would never say the opposite to someone so I wish people wouldn't marginalise me just I'm having a coke/tea/coffee.
I've reduced myself to having soda water and lime to avoid the comments, but it kinda sucks.
I think it's a trust thing. People seem to not trust you if you're sober, thinking you'll be watching other peopes actions, judging, etc. Nothing could be further from the truth, if anything I'll excuse any silliness, sure they're only having a laugh and a drink. But I'm not trusted, even though I'm a funlovin yoke.:(

CluelessGirl

Eviledna wrote: »

I've reduced myself to having soda water and lime to avoid the comments, but it kinda sucks.
I think it's a trust thing. People seem to not trust you if you're sober, thinking you'll be watching other peopes actions, judging, etc. Nothing could be further from the truth, if anything I'll excuse any silliness, sure they're only having a laugh and a drink. But I'm not trusted, even though I'm a funlovin yoke.:(

Its not that they dont trust you. They are just avoiding you because you are not enforcing their behavoiur or choice to drink. You have courage and dont need a social crutch like alcohol to enjoy yourself. The reactions you get will only be in Ireland. Go abroad and comments will never be made.

Who gives a rats arse what they think. You drink what you want.

Eviledna

Haven't been abroad since I gave it up so I'd be interested in the difference alright! I wish there was more of a conversational café type culture here, that it wasn't just left to what's deemed as "arty types" to go to late night cafés and have chats.

My OH is very supportive and though he does drink, he's never been much of a drinker anyway, so he's always great to be around. His friends on the whole are too. Usually it's people who don't know me that feel they have the right to question me why I don't drink. But if I outright say to them..."well alcohol has never suited me and I find it makes me feel like crap" it then puts the focus on me and why it makes me feel crappy, which is personal and no-one's business. I don't wish to focus on why I don't drink on a night out, I want to have a good time!! I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not necessarily proud of it either, it's just an aspect of who I am. But it being spotlighted does make you feel a little like the one that stands out.

I can only imagine how hard it would be to be single and a non-drinker and try to break the ice with anyone that does. Immediately you are labelled a prude, or at the very least abnormal. It sucks!

Faith

CluelessGirl wrote: »

Its not that they dont trust you. They are just avoiding you because you are not enforcing their behavoiur or choice to drink. You have courage and dont need a social crutch like alcohol to enjoy yourself. The reactions you get will only be in Ireland. Go abroad and comments will never be made.

Who gives a rats arse what they think. You drink what you want.

Sorry, but that's bollox. If someone doesn't want to drink, then that's grand, that's their choice. But it makes me uncomfortable when I'm drunk and I'm with someone who's sober, because I'm afraid that they're judging me and that they're going to bring up all the stupid things I did the next day. I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour, and that's not something I want when I'm out to relax and have a good time. It's purely a selfish, personal thing - but it's entirely removed from the reasons you postulated.

Eventually you get used to a non-drinker in the group and stop worrying about them though.

Eviledna

Faith wrote: »

Sorry, but that's bollox. If someone doesn't want to drink, then that's grand, that's their choice. But it makes me uncomfortable when I'm drunk and I'm with someone who's sober, because I'm afraid that they're judging me and that they're going to bring up all the stupid things I did the next day. I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour, and that's not something I want when I'm out to relax and have a good time. It's purely a selfish, personal thing - but it's entirely removed from the reasons you postulated.

Ok, see this is what I figured was going on. But if you know someone is an ex-drinker, wouldn't you know that they know what being drunk is, and how it explains any silly behaviour on your part? Feeling like you "need to be on your best behaviour" in turn makes the non-drinker feel like a stuffy prude, when all they want to do is relax and have fun too?

I would never "bring up the stupid things the next day", because it's unfair. If you're a non-drinker you have to acknowledge the effects of alcohol and take it into account. Expecting the same type of behaviour is futile. Comes with the choice not to drink.

It really becomes a case of opposing sides though, which sucks.

kerryman12

Faith wrote: »

But it makes me uncomfortable when I'm drunk and I'm with someone who's sober, because I'm afraid that they're judging me and that they're going to bring up all the stupid things I did the next day. I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour, and that's not something I want when I'm out to relax and have a good time.

Its really interesting to read your post. As a non drinker I always assumed that this was what's going through peoples mind when I was out with them. Over time as we all got used to each other, people accepted that I was a non drinker and it didnt make any differance. But initially people would always be stand offish. This was always especially true of ladies who were down right suspicious in most cases - in a one to one situation.

Think is though I never actually thought like that, like everyone else I was just interested in having a good night out.

Maybe keep that in mind in the future.

Chuchoter

I'm not a big drinker at all, I prefer going and getting food with people and talking, mainly because I'm a really depressing person drunk :P. I'd probably drink more if I was able to BUY drink, or get into a club, but I'm at a really awkward age where I'm just nearly able to do these things (18 in a few months) but I look so young I'd never get in! (€1 under 15s bus fare ftw)

I think even if I could get into clubs I wouldn't go that much. They're really loud and crowded. I wish we had more of a cafe culture like they have in other countries, where there are other options to have fun at my age than lets all get hammered.

Panthro

I have gone through a few stints of being off the drink, think a whole year was the max I managed. I would be out with my mates, and like whats been mentioned earlier, I think a few of them felt a tad like they had to be behaved when they were drinking and I wasn't. I used to get asked "oh did I say anything stupid last night" or if they did something silly did I remember it, that kind of stuff. The amount of times I had to say "yeah, I don't remember you saying that/that happening" or "I dunno, sure I wasn't even paying attention to you anyways!" type answers.
For most part though they got used to me being sober and them getting hammered over the course of the night. Its like everything else I suppose, you/they get used to it.

watna

We're the same as the OP. I don't really go out to clubs or bars - maybe once every few months. Our socialising is usually dinner in each others houses (we all love to cook) with film watching/wii/board games/talking **** or dinner out in town. After dinner we usually head home or back to someone's house. We don't go to a bar afterwards. Other than that it's the cinema or theatre or something. We go out for brunch a lot at weekends too. I did used to go to clubs and things a lot so I guess it's age as well.

Now, don't get me wrong, we do drink a lot of wine at these things but it wouldn't make a difference if we didn't. Nobody would have a problem and they'd still be great fun! I also can't understand how peoplel say their whole social life is around drinking. Our social life revolves around food mainly! Was a bit difficult when I was trying to lose weight a few months ago but everyone just cooked low fat things and were really thoughtful bringing fruit and things for dessert.

Faith

Eviledna wrote: »

Ok, see this is what I figured was going on. But if you know someone is an ex-drinker, wouldn't you know that they know what being drunk is, and how it explains any silly behaviour on your part? Feeling like you "need to be on your best behaviour" in turn makes the non-drinker feel like a stuffy prude, when all they want to do is relax and have fun too?

I would never "bring up the stupid things the next day", because it's unfair. If you're a non-drinker you have to acknowledge the effects of alcohol and take it into account. Expecting the same type of behaviour is futile. Comes with the choice not to drink.

It really becomes a case of opposing sides though, which sucks.

Logically, yeah, you're spot on. A drinker is as likely to bring up something stupid you did the next day as a non-drinker is. It's just paranoia though. For me, and for a lot of people, hangovers make me really paranoid. I spend a lot of the next day thinking really irrational thoughts like "Oh my god I can't believe I smiled at that guy. He must think I'm such a twat". When I know everyone else was drunk, it's okay, but when I know someone was sober and will remember things, it just makes the paranoia worse.

It's completely irrational, illogical and unfair - but it's how my thought process works and I imagine a lot of people are the same. Your post, and kerryman's, have made me think a lot, and showed me the perspective from the other side. I'll certainly try to bear that in mind the next time I'm out with someone who's not drinking .

Eve_Dublin

Eviledna wrote: »

Ok, see this is what I figured was going on. But if you know someone is an ex-drinker, wouldn't you know that they know what being drunk is, and how it explains any silly behaviour on your part? Feeling like you "need to be on your best behaviour" in turn makes the non-drinker feel like a stuffy prude, when all they want to do is relax and have fun too?

I would never "bring up the stupid things the next day", because it's unfair. If you're a non-drinker you have to acknowledge the effects of alcohol and take it into account. Expecting the same type of behaviour is futile. Comes with the choice not to drink.

It really becomes a case of opposing sides though, which sucks.

I agree that some might be jealous but I'd say another legit reason is above. I've a friend in Spain who drinks very little and mostly sticks to beer without alcohol on nights out. Nights are long in Spain and I'd usually be quite drunk when I go out (which is less often now) and sometimes the night can be hazy. He remembers EVERYTHING!! He says to me, "Remember what you said to that guy in that bar at 4.30am?" and drives me crazy. My memory has obviously blocked the embarrassing bits out of the night for me to save my dignity the following morning. Sometimes I do something stupid, probably to get a laugh out of friends but it's amplified by a million for him. He picks it apart and I know he's making a judgement of me. He's a great fella and a good (daytime) friend but in all honesty, going out with him can be irritating. He can be a little santimonious about our drinking the following day when he must realise he is the exception, not the rule. How else are we going to be at 4.30am on Saturday night in a bar in Madrid?

Edit: I'm not saying this is you by the way Eviledna but perhaps some people have experience of the preachy, non-drinking friend and want to get away.

Poor Craythur

chicken fingers wrote: »

(I am not an annoying drunk...

From my experience of being sober around drunk people a fair few times, ALL drunks are annoying drunks. No-one thinks they themselves are, but they are. Repetitive, overly effusive, patronising, just plain annoying. And that's the good ones! The only thing that's make them seem less annoying is getting a bit drunk yourself. And yes, I'm an annoying drunk.

Blush_01

I could go for a year or more without drinking - I don't really see it as being a significant factor in having a good time. I do drink, but I choose when and where. I can drink quite a lot before I get drunk, and so I generally choose not to drink, as I don't really feel much of an effect unless I'm putting in some serious effort.

I am as happy to drive and drink sparkling water as I am drinking. I met some friends the other night for some drinks because I'm moving job and home and I was the only one not drinking alcohol, but we still had a lovely evening.

Alcohol as a social lubricant can be a great asset, but it has to be used properly, I guess. When it's used as a crutch its benefits get lost.

Last night I was at a debate. Last weekend we had a mixer / party as part of an organisation I'm involved with. Next week we're speed dating Friday night and possibly doing something else on Saturday, although I'd love a night in because I haven't had a night off in a while. I rarely get a Saturday night in on the couch, but when it does happen I relish it.

The last time I had a few drinks was New Years, and I made an absolute pig of myself. I'm still trying to remember why, because it was unnecessary. People often think others who aren't drinking are going to be boring or uptight, but I almost think I have better fun sober, because the only recovery time to be factored in is sleep time. Getting in at 5am sober is just a little more tiring than getting in at 5am drunk, because you postpone the tiredness to the next day with drink, but you feel it sober. I'd prefer to have a lie in and be a functional human being than being a bit wrecked all the next day because that last whiskey sounded so tempting.

miec

I'm also curious as to what the "other" Saturday night time fillers are.

I selected this option and this probably will make me sound a little sad but it is how things are for me. I am close to 40, mother of a teenager, I moved to a new location with my ex-boyfriend which is rural, we broke up but even when we were together we didn't go out on the weekend as he didn't drink (he was the sanctimonious type) nor did we mix with other people (I did meet with my friends during the day time). I rarely have company at the weekends, so mostly my weekend evenings are either watching telly, surfing the net or writing. It is mainly spent with just my son. I realise this is not a great way to be so I have joined a few things and hopefully will have a better social life in time to come. However, whilst I like a drink (a few glasses of wine or cider) I find I am going off it more and more. I don't like the tiredness / hangover / depressed feeling. I don't do night clubs as I feel I am too old for them and would be embarrassed but I miss dancing.

As for having non-drinking friends, I have no problem with people not drinking, however, I have had the unfortunate experience of some of them nagging at me or commenting on the number of drinks I am having and it really pisses me off, I find I want to drink even more out of rebelliousness. In that sense I am slightly wary of non-drinkers until I trust that they are not going to nag me.

Up-n-atom!

I have the opposite problem to many of the posters here - most of my social life at the moment involves non-alcohol related activities (cinema, meeting for coffee/dinner, hanging out at friends' homes) and I could do with a few more fun nights out. I have absolutely no problem with not drinking, but I'm still young and I feel I should be out more at the weekends, to pubs/clubs/gigs/houseparties. I recognise the downsides of it - the cost is a bit much sometimes, and the tiredness/hangover the next day makes it feel like a whole chunk of the weekend has been wasted - but I believe in a balance and this calls for more nights out!

In fairness, I have been out with friends where I haven't drank, and it can be a bit boring - so it is a bit sh*te when you attempt to opt out and do something different. Mostly, though, when I do drink I drink sensibly enough and don't go too mad. By the same token I wouldn't like my entire social life to revolve around drinking!

mariebeth

I picked 'other' because I really don't have a typical Friday/Saturday routine. I'm in college at the moment, so money is tight being a mature student I've a car & other things to be spending my money on before I can think of socialising, so some weekends I might stay in, other times I could be babysitting, which is great because I'm pretty much being paid to do what I would be doing if I was at home - which is watching tv on the sofa :rolleyes:

If I do go out, I rarely drink, but that's nothing new for me, because even when I was working I'd usually drive unless I made a plan to crash at a friends house in the city. Taxis home for me would cost up to €25 so that on top of alcohol just doesn't make it worth it when I could drink 7up for the night, spend between €10-20 and still have a great night. Plus, if I'm driving I might pick up a friend or two & drop them home, so they usually buy my drinks in return for saving them money on a taxi

Sanjuro

I used to socialise with a group of guys who, without fail, binge-drank every weekend. For pretty much the entire weekend. Because I hung out with them a lot, I felt like I had to do the same. Despite not really wanting to every weekend. Eventually things came to a head one night and I had to step back. Have a wider group of friends now, none of which pressure anybody into drinking. It's much nicer and more comfortable not feeling that if you're not spending a Sunday trying to remember the Saturday night you did it wrong.

jackiebaron

A lot of people like the thought of getting drunk and snogging a stranger. You can't really do this if you're sat at home, sober as a judge, playing Cluedo with some of your friends.

Also .... there's nothing quite as surefire to ensure your uninterruptable downward trajectory in middle-agedness than to "settle" into "sensible" patterns like "having friends over for a meal" or "going for a bike ride".