Dirty Stories From nightclubs

seafood dunleavy

I know a lad who frequently pisses in the sinks in the jacks at nightclubs.

fontanalis

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Actually this query might be for a whole new thread (which I might make:pac:) but what would yee do if a girl did that to you?

What if some cracking bird walks upto you, plants one on the kisser....but passes a load of man yoghurt into your gob?

I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do..but a kick in the gee might just occur.

If a man emptied the contents of his yoghurt rifle on a woman I'd say there would be trouble for the man.

Jordonvito

I know a lad that sh1t in like a sandwich bag thing (dunno how he acquired it), and threw it from the VIP section (upstairs) at the poor bouncer below him. Grand quite chap without drink

mawk

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Actually this query might be for a whole new thread (which I might make:pac:) but what would yee do if a girl did that to you?

What if some cracking bird walks upto you, plants one on the kisser....but passes a load of man yoghurt into your gob?

I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do..but a kick in the gee might just occur.

Id kick her right in the balls.

FlutterinBantam

Was in a nightspot in Kells, letting off a stream in the pissers as one does, when in staggers this sweating rotund lad .

Rumbles over to the stalls fumbles with the belt, and then he has the jocks down half way when before he had time to close the door, gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

Bang of stale cabbage and lager were awesome.

Anyway he just pulls up the gear ,staggers out with shíte all over him and a whang off him that would stagger a hereford bull.

Later on I went over to a part of the bar and got the stench and there he was stretched out on a couch sound asleep.

What a pike.

UglyBolloxFace

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was in a nightspot in Kells, letting off a stream in the pissers as one does, when in staggers this sweating rotund lad .

Rumbles over to the stalls fumbles with the belt, and then he has the jocks down half way when before he had time to close the door, gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

Bang of stale cabbage and lager were awesome.

Anyway he just pulls up the gear ,staggers out with shíte all over him and a whang off him that would stagger a hereford bull.

Later on I went over to a part of the bar and got the stench and there he was stretched out on a couch sound asleep.

What a pike.

10,414 posts of absolute literal shít.

WolfForager

Dirty story from a nightclub? Having to pay to use the jacks, that's feckin dirty!

sbsquarepants

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

What language is this?

BigDuffman

Was working in break for the border few years ago, some chap shat himself then through up and was out cold in the cubicle, ****e every where, on his fore-head the walls. He had also thrown up alll over himself. We were called down by the guy who was working in the jacks as he noticed some boyo at the door of a cubicle pissing on the poor unfortunate and breaking their balls laughing.

We arrived down and the smell was unholy. I was not going to touch the scummy ****er unnecessarily but felt should atleast stick him in the recovery position. Threw on a pair of gloves and went to turn him on his side. As I turned him over the noise of the ****e sloshing in the half off poo-sodden jocks and the stench got too much so I ended up spewing outside the cubicle.

So to add insult to your mans injury not only was he covered in his own waste. When they pulled him out of the jacks he went through a combo of my vommit and another lads piss!

Muppets like that should be fined for wasting paramedics time

Naos

sbsquarepants wrote: »

What language is this?

Don't worry, you start to pick it up after reading through a few of his posts.

Ledger

madmac187 wrote: »

Got a handjob in a booth and blowjob in same in Rubies in Waterford. Two classy Women

Yea real classy people used to grace Ruby's on a wednesday night.

Saw some young one givin a fella a hand job in the middle of the packed dancefloor one night there too.

This wasn't long before it was sold and closed.

sideofbacon

Man yogurt?Which I call frogurt.

helimachoptor

Was i in Longnecks in Ballina a few xmas's ago. The OH is from Mayo. A couple of the other boyfriends were there aswell. So we got a high table and across from us were couches.

Through out the night 3 couples came:rolleyes: and went.

Couple 1: She lay down with her head on his lap facing his stomach and was sucking him off, myself and one of the other BF's were cheering away saying "paste her face brutha" I think that wasnt gonna happen so they left.

Couple 2: The chap sits down the the chair, the girl in a very small dress stands in front, he takes off her under wear and throws in on the ground. She then mounts him and they ride away.

Couple 3: He sits down, she lies up beside and starts giving him a handjob. after a few mins she kinda sits up against him spreads her legs and what can only be described as an attempted fisting happens for the next few mins.

It aint no Nemos though:pac:

phill106

bmarley wrote: »

Had on my favourite 20 inch red heels and micro white mini skirt...didn't realise I had stood in dog ****e before taking to the floor at the local niteclub.

20 inches? 6 inch heels are high heels. Those are called stilts!

Professey Chin

Ledger wrote: »

Yea real classy people used to grace Ruby's on a wednesday night.

Saw some young one givin a fella a hand job in the middle of the packed dancefloor one night there too.

This wasn't long before it was sold and closed.

Was pretty common in there alright.
Of course it never seemed to be common to me :mad:

Johnny Bitte

Local club back in the day where I worked and drank.

1: Girls pissing in the sinks when the toilets were busy
2: Lads urinal flooding so a sledge was used to put a holein the wall to let the piss flow out into the yard!
3 The Phantom ****ter!! Would go into a cubicle, **** on the floor behind the door and ass he left slam the door open so the **** would splatter everywhere!
4: Back of the night club was basically everyone doing everything and in the morning, condoms as far as the eye could see!!

Its closed now in case anyone was concerned for human life!

Ledger

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Was pretty common in there alright.
Of course it never seemed to be common to me :mad:

It's ok chin your not alone. :mad:

lamai

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was in a nightspot in Kells, letting off a stream in the pissers as one does, when in staggers this sweating rotund lad .

Rumbles over to the stalls fumbles with the belt, and then he has the jocks down half way when before he had time to close the door, gouts of hot scutther explode from his nipsy and shower the jocks ,pants , floor area with fresh midden.

Bang of stale cabbage and lager were awesome.

Anyway he just pulls up the gear ,staggers out with shíte all over him and a whang off him that would stagger a hereford bull.

Later on I went over to a part of the bar and got the stench and there he was stretched out on a couch sound asleep.

What a pike.

What's that in english?

kfallon

lamai wrote: »

What's that in english?

Drunk guy shat all over the kip then had a kip in said kip!

VNP

Worked in a place a few years ago, some guy used to go into the jax exery weekend i was there and piss on the Lolipop perfume toilet assistant ha ha , terrible stuff, The poor south african lad was so busy running around the bog away from his stream of wizz he never knew what his face looked like exactly so he wasnt found for months, that or the other bouncers found it so funny they didnt bother catching him.
Worked in a diffrent place a few years later everyone had to have an ear piece, this couple came in befor the club got busy mad off their faces and started going through the karma sutra about 20 different positions a minute on the freshly mopped and gummy dancefloor, all the floor staff were breakin themselves laughing at them furiously dry humping, then the manager said get them out, all you could hear on the ear things was.. well im not touching them .. csshh me neither cssh fcuk that. so they were left there, filthy toilet mopp cess all over them.

Duggy747

VNP wrote: »

Worked in a place a few years ago, some guy used to go into the jax exery weekend i was there and piss on the Lolipop perfume toilet assistant ha ha , terrible stuff, The poor south african lad was so busy running around the bog away from his stream of wizz he never knew what his face looked like exactly so he wasnt found for months

The toilet assistant should've smashed his face off the mirrors and then pissed on him while he was unconcious. Scumbag.

Naos

VNP wrote: »

Worked in a place a few years ago, some guy used to go into the jax exery weekend i was there and piss on the Lolipop perfume toilet assistant ha ha , terrible stuff, The poor south african lad was so busy running around the bog away from his stream of wizz he never knew what his face looked like exactly so he wasnt found for months, that or the other bouncers found it so funny they didnt bother catching him.

Good man sticking up for your co-worker there, real decent person you are :rolleyes:

upandcumming

One of the things my friend used to do was take a dump in two sheets of toilet roll.
Then stuff the lot up the toilet roll holder where you couldn't see.
Then when the next lad pulls for some paper, he gets a handful of ****.

kfallon

upandcumming wrote: »

One of the things my friend used to do was take a dump in two sheets of toilet roll.
Then stuff the lot up the toilet roll holder where you couldn't see.
Then when the next lad pulls for some paper, he gets a handful of ****.

I remember the days when people only went to pubs and clubs to have a drink and an ould laugh, maybe get the ride after. Those crazy kids of today eh :rolleyes:

Dick Burns

kfallon wrote: »

I remember the days when people only went to pubs and clubs to have a drink and an ould laugh, maybe get the ride after. Those crazy kids of today eh :rolleyes:

i know i remember years back I use to start by getting completely hammered drunk. It was bad. Then i would drive , while intoxicated, to pick up this disease-infested hooker. From there... uh, let's see. Me and the hooker would go back to my place,it would be just a blur of intravenous drug abuse and unprotected sex, while taking the Lord's name in vain. oh and Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.

kfallon

Dick Burns wrote: »

i know i remember years back I use to start by getting completely hammered drunk. It was bad. Then i would drive , while intoxicated, to pick up this disease-infested hooker. From there... uh, let's see. Me and the hooker would go back to my place,it would be just a blur of intravenous drug abuse and unprotected sex, while taking the Lord's name in vain. oh and Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.

Did you give her the disease in the first place??

UglyBolloxFace

upandcumming wrote: »

One of the things my friend used to do was take a dump in two sheets of toilet roll.
Then stuff the lot up the toilet roll holder where you couldn't see.
Then when the next lad pulls for some paper, he gets a handful of ****.

As much as I find that disgusting, I'm not gonna lie - I larfed, I larfed hard.

uch

One of my mates used to sh1te in a paper bag then light it and place it on someones doorstep and ring the bell, when the person would answer they would instinctively stamp out the lighting bag and squirt sh1te all over themselves and their hall and step.

Also knew another guy who was shaggin some sh1tehawk on a bench in the train station, when a train load pulled up and stopped in the station, what could he do only carry on.

lonsdale

I got a hand shandy on the packed dance floor of cayote years ago and jizzed all over some unsuspecting girl who was dancing away...i'd say she got a nice surprise when she went home, i also got a bj in the sound factory before xmas last year...i also constantly piss in pint glasses that are left beside the toilet in the hope some person will gulp it down...what can i say, I'm a mean drunk

Ledger

lonsdale wrote: »

I got a hand shandy on the packed dance floor of cayote years ago and jizzed all over some unsuspecting girl who was dancing away...i'd say she got a nice surprise when she went home, i also got a bj in the sound factory before xmas last year...i also constantly piss in pint glasses that are left beside the toilet in the hope some person will gulp it down...what can i say, I'm a mean drunk

That's more than being just a mean drunk.