Encounters during the night!

Ickle Magoo

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

This is in the middle of the night heading back from the jacks, in fact the scenario you mention would be hilarious!

But a human body is a human body, right? Surely the time of day or location doesn't suddenly render it appropriate? Your point was that there was nothing wrong with the body wasn't it? Not just there was nothing wrong with it under the cover of darkness while on an excursion to the communal toilet facilities?

Regardless, the OP's question is moot. It's not for anyone else to suggest what is or isn't appropriate, someone who pays the rent on the property doesn't think it's appropriate and that's all that matters - the alternative is suggesting she has no right to object to bumping into naked people who don't even live there or pay rent.

Hilarious? Hmmm, maybe when I was 12 or something...

mood

In a shared house it is highly likely that you could get caught if outside your room (or you bf or gf room) naked. The guy need to cop on and consider people who live and pay rent in that house. Nobody wants to see him naked.

grungepants

Well the fun certainly has been sucked out of this thread thanks to the socially conscious, responsible do-gooders we all "love" and "respect"...............................................noooooooooooooooooooot.

Wolfe Tone

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

But a human body is a human body, right? Surely the time of day or location doesn't suddenly render it appropriate? Your point was that there was nothing wrong with the body wasn't it? Not just there was nothing wrong with it under the cover of darkness while on an excursion to the communal toilet facilities?

Regardless, the OP's question is moot. It's not for anyone else to suggest what is or isn't appropriate, someone who pays the rent on the property doesn't think it's appropriate and that's all that matters - the alternative is suggesting she has no right to object to bumping into naked people who don't even live there or pay rent.

Hilarious? Hmmm, maybe when I was 12 or something...

Funny you would imply that I am the immature one when you are getting uppity about someone seeing a naked man who was heading back from the jacks in the dead of night.

Pathetic

Ickle Magoo

No, I genuinely wouldn't find a grown man being naked while I'm having dinner with my parents in a home I pay rent on hilarious and I haven't found naked bodies particularly hilarious since I was about 12 - you are, of course welcome to take offence at that.

I haven't lived at home in nearly 20 years and in that time I've only had one female flat-mate - I've lost count of the bare arses and swinging jiggly bits I've seen over the years...but that isn't the point, is it? It's that I don't think it's very difficult to see why a female who has chosen to have all female flatmates might not want to be put in the situation of having to happen upon a naked man in what she should be able to consider her own home. It's nothing to do with maturity and everything about common sense, surely?

Ickle Magoo

grungepants wrote: »

Well the fun certainly has been sucked out of this thread thanks to the socially conscious, responsible do-gooders we all "love" and "respect"...............................................noooooooooooooooooooot.

This forum is primarily for women to have their say about issues from a female perspective - if that's an issue for you then perhaps other forums would suit you better?

LenaClaire

Perhaps the girl who was startled in the night has had some bad experiences with men. Perhaps it brought back old trauma.

Either way, you should not wander around someone else house naked, it is rude.

JaneB

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

This forum is primarily for women to have their say about issues from a female perspective - if that's an issue for you then perhaps other forums would suit you better?

Bloody Hell--talk about things getting out of hand.

Firstly, I posted this is the ladies Lounge so I could get mainly ladies opinions, thanks to Ickle Magoo for reminding people of this.

Secondly,
On the other hand

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

No, I genuinely wouldn't find a grown man being naked while I'm having dinner with my parents in a home I pay rent on hilarious

Ickle--this is ridiculous: I think the bit about "not paying rent" is unfair. Occassionally I go and stay with people in their flats--I don't like this notion that somehow I am staying somewhere without paying rent. There is a massive difference between intentionally walking into a dining room naked where people know they are going to be seen naked and something like running to the bathroom in the nude when it is highly unlikely that you will be seen and getting caught out. I would not class making a quick dash down the corridor as "wandering about the house naked". to quote someone else

Thirdly: Girl B is jealous of Girl A having a sexual relationship--a million miles from the truth.

As mentioned my sympathies are with the boyfriend--and i do live in the house and pay rent. There has to be a bit of live and let live when you share a house.

Silverfish

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Funny you would imply that I am the immature one when you are getting uppity about someone seeing a naked man who was heading back from the jacks in the dead of night.

Pathetic

Read the charter before posting here again.

Ickle Magoo

JaneB wrote: »

Fourthly, these statements like: how would you like it if your folks were having dinner and someone walked in naked are ridiculous!!....

That point was made in relation to a post inferring those who could see at least some part of the offended flatmates perspective must somehow view the naked body as disgusting...my point was sometimes being naked just isn't appropriate regardless of how much peeps love the human form, dinner with the folks being one of them.

While you may not like the point that he isn't paying rent, the point is, he isn't...and the offended flatmate is - and that makes it her home and him a house guest...that said, I have some sympathy for him too, the middle of the night isn't the best time for thinking rationally at the best of times and it's only an issue because A) he got caught and this flat mate has such an issue about it...but still, perhaps a valuable lesson in space sharing?

Dudess

The guy should have put on a towel ffs - not just to spare the girl's embarrassment, but his own. He's clearly morto, by the looks of things. You can't just make assumptions the coast is clear in a house-share, especially when you don't actually live there.
The girl has totally over-reacted though - what's done is done, should have been laughed off long ago.

grungepants wrote: »

The problem is when two people are having sex in general they dont care about silly things like "having respect".And the flat mate thats going mad is just bitter about the sharing of physical emotions going on between the other two.

This is kinda like when a person expresses annoyance at being kept awake by their flatmates having sex loudly - it's nothing to do with the fact that it's 2am and they've to get up for work at 7, it's jealousy...
By the same logic, a person who gets annoyed due to being kept awake by their flatmates/neighbours playing loud music... must be jealous of their music collection...

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Dear god a naked human body, how horrible.

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Funny you would imply that I am the immature one when you are getting uppity about someone seeing a naked man who was heading back from the jacks in the dead of night.

Pathetic

Do you actually mean that or are you just trolling being disingenuous? Yes, it's just a naked human body when it's a changing room, or a nude beach... the corridoor when you're nipping to the loo however, it's unexpected, and as you know, people get self conscious about being naked/seeing naked people unexpectedly. Pretty run of the mill really. Nothing "uppity" whatsoever.

grungepants wrote: »

Well the fun certainly has been sucked out of this thread thanks to the socially conscious, responsible do-gooders we all "love" and "respect".

Says the guy who reads "jealousy of physical intimacy" into this. You need to learn the actual meaning of the phrases you threw out above btw... People are simply saying it's embarrassing for some to bump into a naked person they don't really know in their own home late at night - and it can also be embarrassing for the naked person themselves. Nobody's saying it's a traumatising situation or anything, just a bit cringey. You're reading melodrama into it where there's none.

Neyite

OP,

Taking it as you have described, then she is definately overreacting, but he should have had the cop on to throw a towel around him.

But the other thing is, you have only been there a few weeks - there might be previous instances where the couple have been inconsiderate of the flatmates and this might have been the straw that broke the camels back.

Blush_01

Not knowing either of them it would make me think that B probably had an issue with A well before the nudie incident, and it's being used as a convenient point to take umbrage with.

Sure, she might have had issues with any number of things in her past, but at the end of the day she'll be living in the house with A. One would imagine she'll see quite a bit of A's fella in the process of living with A - though probably not as much as she saw last night - so why fight over something that doesn't sound likely to become a regular issue?

Having shared houses for 8 years now (wow, feeling old all of a sudden) that'd be something I'd laugh about with them, rather than argue about.

Fluorescence

jujibee wrote: »

Either way, you should not wander around someone else house naked, it is rude.

This is the main thing, I think. You simply don't wander around naked in someone else's home - it takes all of 5 seconds to pull on some boxers or pair of trousers first. That said I do think this girl is making the issue into something bigger than it is.

JaneB

Okay--I think we've this discussed enough now. "Girl A" and myself don't seem to think that what happened is a big deal, girl B obviously does, we'll have to see what transpires. Incidentally, Girl B is only there about a fortnight longer than me--there were two sisters there before that moved out simultaneously.

I still take issue with the "not paying rent" idea. I've been thinking about this--when you rent a place I think that it is taken as reasonable that OCCASIONALLY you have guests; girl B's mother stayed a night before I came, she slept in the room I am in now, and my brother is coming for a couple of days at the end of this week, I would take the view that my rent covers this, and it is not fair to say that "he is staying without paying rent".

RoisinDove

JaneB wrote: »

Okay--I think we've this discussed enough now. "Girl A" and myself don't seem to think that what happened is a big deal, girl B obviously does, we'll have to see what transpires. Incidentally, Girl B is only there about a fortnight longer than me--there were two sisters there before that moved out simultaneously.

I still take issue with the "not paying rent" idea. I've been thinking about this--when you rent a place I think that it is taken as reasonable that OCCASIONALLY you have guests; girl B's mother stayed a night before I came, she slept in the room I am in now, and my brother is coming for a couple of days at the end of this week, I would take the view that my rent covers this, and it is not fair to say that "he is staying without paying rent".

And your guests should behave like guests. I don't think anyone is saying people can't have partners staying over, it's more the fact that guests walking around naked and acting as if they own the place is plain rude and ignorant. You don't walk around someone else's house (especially when you don't even really know all the people living there) naked any more than you help yourself to milk from the fridge or hog the TV all evening. Unfortunately, some people are just completely oblivious to the concept of manners and consideration for others.

Wibbs

RoisinDove wrote: »

Unfortunately, some people are just completely oblivious to the concept of manners and consideration for others.

This. I wouldnt walk around in the nip in my own house while I had guests staying, never mind doing so when I was a guest.

ATMW

RoisinDove wrote: »

And your guests should behave like guests. I don't think anyone is saying people can't have partners staying over, it's more the fact that guests walking around naked and acting as if they own the place is plain rude and ignorant. You don't walk around someone else's house (especially when you don't even really know all the people living there) naked any more than you help yourself to milk from the fridge or hog the TV all evening. Unfortunately, some people are just completely oblivious to the concept of manners and consideration for others.

Okay--but I think the thing here is that whilst I certainly agree that you should not help yourself to milk from the fridge in someones house, I think that if you were staying in someones house, and they were gone out and you used a tea-bag and a dash of milk to make a cup of tea that would hardly be an enormous crime, similarly the fact that this bloke
made a quick naked dash to the loo, more or less in the dark, in the middle of the night this hardly constitutes "walking about somebodies house nude"--it hardly indicates that he is oblivious to the concept of manners, especially when he was looking for his trousers but his girlfiend tempted fate and told himn to make a dash for it.

RoisinDove

ATMW wrote: »

Okay--but I think the thing here is that whilst I certainly agree that you should not help yourself to milk from the fridge in someones house, I think that if you were staying in someones house, and they were gone out and you used a tea-bag and a dash of milk to make a cup of tea that would hardly be an enormous crime, similarly the fact that this bloke
made a quick naked dash to the loo, more or less in the dark, in the middle of the night this hardly constitutes "walking about somebodies house nude"--it hardly indicates that he is oblivious to the concept of manners, especially when he was looking for his trousers but his girlfiend tempted fate and told himn to make a dash for it.

Yes, that's exactly what it indicates. It would have taken, what, 5 seconds to pull on some boxers and spare anyone's embarrassment, but instead he decided not to bother, because obviously those 5 seconds were more important than the flatmates' rights to walk around their own house without seeing a stranger's willy. I wouldn't be bothered getting angry about it, but I think people these days are just getting more and more selfish. I see evidence of it all over this forum in various topics, people saying 'oh, I think X and Y are grand, don't understand why anyone would be bothered', because they simply are unable to put themselves in other peoples' shoes for one second. It's all me, me, me.

JaneB

RoisinDove wrote: »

Yes, that's exactly what it indicates. It would have taken, what, 5 seconds to pull on some boxers and spare anyone's embarrassment, but instead he decided not to bother, because obviously those 5 seconds were more important than the flatmates' rights to walk around their own house without seeing a stranger's willy. I wouldn't be bothered getting angry about it, but I think people these days are just getting more and more selfish. I see evidence of it all over this forum in various topics, people saying 'oh, I think X and Y are grand, don't understand why anyone would be bothered', because they simply are unable to put themselves in other peoples' shoes for one second. It's all me, me, me.

Roisin---I had decided to stop posting on this thread, but you have annoyed me so much I am going to--the thing is that "the boyfriend" is so far from being "oblivious to manners", and "girl B" is so "me, me me" that what you say is utterly ridiculous.

Elle Collins

JaneB wrote: »

the thing is that "the boyfriend" is so far from being "oblivious to manners"

Sorry but if the bf wasn't oblivious to basic courtesy and manners he wouldn't be wandering around someone elses home with his bollocks hanging out.

JaneB

Elle Collins wrote: »

Sorry but if the bf wasn't oblivious to basic courtesy and manners he wouldn't be wandering around someone elses home with his bollocks hanging out.

I think were we differ is that myself and Girl A don't see making a quick dash to the bathroom as "wandering around someone elses home " in the same way that we (well I anyhow) wouldn't see taking a spoon of sugar for your coffee as stealing someone elses food.

mood

I do think the girl went over the top but it's not ok for someone to walk around naked in a shared house. It makes things uncomfortable for everyone I would imagine. It was hardly major hassle for the guy to put on his boxers or whatever.

kiddums

Yea she overreacted, but I can't really blame her for having a go, it was a shock to her.

But that said, I myself have made the dash to the bathroom at night in the nip in someone elses house.

It depends on how he reacted when he saw her. Did he make an effort to hide his shame of did he put his hands on his hips and do his best supreman pose?

whippet

to be fair I reckon Girl B has over reacted to some extent, but that is her right in her own home, the bloke in question should have made some effort to cover up.

Going back to my student days, I was staying over with herself. I used to do a bit of sleep walking and the next morning I woke up in her flat mates bed with just a pair of jocks on.

What I was told the following morning was that I had gotten up, went to the bathroom and wandered back in to the wrong bedroom, climed in beside the girlfriend's flatmate and almost strangled her with a bearhug ... drink played a part in this, she did have a bit of a freak, couldn't wake me up and end up sleeping in my GF's bed.

the next morning to be fair to her she saw the funny side, the same couldn't be said for my GF who for some reason saw something else from it !!!

Elle Collins

JaneB wrote: »

I think were we differ is that myself and Girl A don't see making a quick dash to the bathroom as "wandering around someone elses home " in the same way that we (well I anyhow) wouldn't see taking a spoon of sugar for your coffee as stealing someone elses food.

This has nothing to do with sugar, coffee or food. It has to do with consideration, manners and respect. If your flatmate is expected to do without the latter by a house-guest and has her two flatmates supporting him in that then the person I'd really like to advise would be 'Girl B' - I'd tell her to move out.

ATMW

Elle Collins wrote: »

This has nothing to do with sugar, coffee or food. It has to do with consideration, manners and respect. If your flatmate is expected to do without the latter by a house-guest and has her two flatmates supporting him in that then the person I'd really like to advise would be 'Girl B' - I'd tell her to move out.

As I mentioned earlier I am out of the flt sharing scene now, but I was in it for about 15 years. This whole debate just shows that different people find different things acceptable. I once left a flat because one of the other girls felt that it was perfectly reasonable to invite her friends to come to the flat and sleep in my bed if I was going to be away---she felt that I was being inconsiderate by not letting her friends sleep in my bed, apparently my predesessor had no problem with it, and I thought she was being disrespectful of me. I think that most people wouldn't be bothered by what happened, eapecially as the man in question seems mortally embarassed, but a small proportion of people get very bothered, which is what seems to have happened here. I once shared a flat with a girl and a bloke, the girl used give out about me walking around the house in wearing nothing but a (knee length towelling) dressing gown--she felt I should at least put my underware on especially as there "was a man in the house", the male flatmate used sometimes have a shower, wrap a towel around himself and go down to the kitchen and make a cup of tea--she wasn't having this either, and if she had to get up to go to the loo in the night she would not leave her room without a dressing gown over her pyjamas, she left and was replaced by another girl who used rouutinely go from the bathroom to the bedroom nude and just laughed on the couple of occassions when she was seen by our male flatmate (who would actually get a bit embarassed.) The thing is that myself and John (the male flatmate) were pepared to tolerate both sets of behaviour, I would have rathered the second girl's attitude to the first and he was the other way around if anything but we were both prepared to live with either.

The main thing I used find caused controversy was how long was it permissible to leave dishes before washing them. I freak if people leaves dirty dishes about for any length of time at all--on the other hand I have lived in places where it seems quite acceptable to leave the dishes there and wash them the next day. I'd say that people who leave dishes lying about are being disrepectful of me, they would think that I am being unreasonable asking them to spoil their evening by washing dishes when it could wait until the morning.

I won't get into a rant--from the way the messages read this is likely to be a one off (no pun intended!) occurrence anyhow, its not that the boyfriend is insisting that he has a right to make naked dashes to the loo, I gather the problem more seems to be the strength of Girl B's objection to what the other two girls seem to think was a minor incident, (but which she seems otherwise) and that they seem to be more liberal minded and are worried that Girl B will constantly be freaking over things. The one thing I am sure of is that after a while girl C will do something that she sees as reasonable, but will seem unreasonable to the other two.

RoisinDove

JaneB wrote: »

I think were we differ is that myself and Girl A don't see making a quick dash to the bathroom as "wandering around someone elses home " in the same way that we (well I anyhow) wouldn't see taking a spoon of sugar for your coffee as stealing someone elses food.

You're making my point better than I ever could. YOU don't see anything wrong with taking a spoon of sugar and YOU don't see anything wrong with wandering around someone else's house in the nip. What about a little consideration? A little understanding of the fact that not everyone is YOU (or Girl A)? A little thinking about why someone would have an issue with seeing some strange man stark naked on their way to the bathroom (there are plenty of good ones)? This is exactly what I mean. You can't comprehend someone having a different point of view to yours, and you're completely unwilling to accommodate it or even understand why the person would be upset. I've already said that it wouldn't personally bother me too much (provided I already knew the guy and was sure he wasn't an intruder) but I think it's a perfectly valid thing to be upset about.

JaneB

RoisinDove wrote: »

You're making my point better than I ever could. YOU don't see anything wrong with taking a spoon of sugar and YOU don't see anything wrong with wandering around someone else's house in the nip. What about a little consideration? A little understanding of the fact that not everyone is YOU (or Girl A)? A little thinking about why someone would have an issue with seeing some strange man stark naked on their way to the bathroom (there are plenty of good ones)? This is exactly what I mean. You can't comprehend someone having a different point of view to yours, and you're completely unwilling to accommodate it or even understand why the person would be upset. I've already said that it wouldn't personally bother me too much (provided I already knew the guy and was sure he wasn't an intruder) but I think it's a perfectly valid thing to be upset about.

Roisin--to me you are proving my point!! I feel that Girl B is being totally inconsiderate to Girl A. Of course in retrospect he (the boyfriend, he has an unusual name and I don't want to risk identifying him)
should have put his trousers on, we can see why she is upset, but we have the view that what happened was not intentional, is not the end of the world, he is motally embarassed, he was not threatening to indecently assault her, he is not a menace to society, but Girl B won't have any of this and to us is refusing to consider any other point of view--she even talked about calling the Guards in. Girl A is very upset, feels responsible for it all, is wondering whther she should leave--she has been living there a long time, and a considerable proportion of the furniture is hers. To me Girl B is showing no consideration for girl A,and is reacting is pretty much the same as if some one took a spoon of sugar for their tea and then the owner of the sugar accused them of being an out-and-out thief and threatened to call the guards to have her charged with theft.

JaneB

RoisinDove wrote: »

You're making my point better than I ever could. YOU don't see anything wrong with taking a spoon of sugar and YOU don't see anything wrong with wandering around someone else's house in the nip. What about a little consideration? A little understanding of the fact that not everyone is YOU (or Girl A)? A little thinking about why someone would have an issue with seeing some strange man stark naked on their way to the bathroom (there are plenty of good ones)? This is exactly what I mean. You can't comprehend someone having a different point of view to yours, and you're completely unwilling to accommodate it or even understand why the person would be upset. I've already said that it wouldn't personally bother me too much (provided I already knew the guy and was sure he wasn't an intruder) but I think it's a perfectly valid thing to be upset about.

Roisin--to me you are proving my point!! I feel that Girl B is being totally inconsiderate to Girl A. Of course in retrospect he (the boyfriend, he has an unusual name and I don't want to risk identifying him)
should have put his trousers on, we can see why she is upset, but we have the view that what happened was not intentional, is not the end of the world, he is mortally embarassed, he was not threatening to indecently assault her, he is not a menace to society, but Girl B won't have any of this and to us is refusing to consider any other point of view--she even talked about calling the Guards in. Girl A is very upset, feels responsible for it all, is wondering whther she should leave--(she has been living here a long time, and a considerable proportion of the furniture is hers). To me the way Girl B is showing no consideration for girl Aand is reacting is pretty much the same as if some one took a spoon of sugar for their tea and then the owner of the sugar accused them of being an out-and-out thief and threatened to call the guards to have her charged with grand theft.