As a non-drinker, did you ever draw the ire of friends who do drink?

bouncyball

Hi All
First time to post on boards and a very interesting thread.

I've found as the years have gone by that I'm drinking less and less. As a teenager I was never into the getting totally wasted thing anyway and all through college did do a few nights out but could never understand the need for all the shots and the bravado at how many pints/shots you could handle.

All through my early twenties, I was the dessie driver when home at weekends as I was happy to drive and friends were all drinking. In fairness my friends never really said anything but I have had all the usual comments as said in previous posts
I'm more of a have a few drinks/or not with a great conversation to last all night or else if you do go to a club to dance all night and not stand at the bar.

As the years have gone by though (now 33) I'm less tolerant of drink and go out very little now, mostly restaurants really which I really enjoy as it's a couple of glasses of nice wine rather than loads of pints or whatever. I just find it boring after a few hours in the pub as everyone else is there talking rubbish so I'm delighted when I am driving so I can make my excuses and leave when that part starts.

What's more annoying though is when I do go out to have a few as I'm happy to do that, maybe 2 glasses of wine. So that means I can't drive and am then expected to do the whole night as a few of us would be going home together so we're all out til the end. So I'm happy out at the start of the night but by midnight when they're all talking gibberish and off to the club until 2am, I'm done and just want to go home, not skull 5 more drinks and I'm looking at my watch waiting for the time to pass until it's over which in the end just ruins the night.

We really are in the minority though.

MorpheusDream

I stopped drinking fairly recently, I'm glad this group is here, feeling less alone. I think Ireland may well be the hardest country in the world to be a non-drinker in, so much of our socialising revolves around it, even the stuff that isn't drinking, such as playing a sport, will involve "nights out" so everyone can get to know each other better (get drunk).

unreggd

MorpheusDream wrote: »

I stopped drinking fairly recently, I'm glad this group is here, feeling less alone. I think Ireland may well be the hardest country in the world to be a non-drinker in, so much of our socialising revolves around it, even the stuff that isn't drinking, such as playing a sport, will involve "nights out" so everyone can get to know each other better (get drunk).

Yup, thats the way it is

You just have to learn to be thick-skinned about it, and know when to tell certain people to go fxck themselves :P

dearg lady

riffmongous wrote: »

I don't really have any interest in going to pubs anymore, I'd rather just meet people around the city for the day instead.

I'm a drinker but I totally agree with this. I got so tired of only seeing my friends on drink fuelled nights out, not being able to talk to them properly, barely knowing whats going on in their lives. However, what kinda tipped the balance for me, was starting up a relationship with a non drinker, so I'm kinda judged for that, people assume he's pressuring me into not going out as much, and not drinking as much. I still see my friends a couple of times a week, I just don't feel the need to stay out til 5 getting crazy drunk! But I've had comments that I'm being boring and going home early again, stuff like that. I'll happily stay out til all hours chatting with people I actually like, in someone's house say, but pubs on a saturday night, awful mostly!

Quin_Dub

I'm a non drinker and have had all the types of comments from people that other posters have noted.

I've had everything from "What's wrong with you?" to "Oh, I could never trust a man that didn't take a drink!"

The thing that annoys me the most though are the comments I get from people when I'm travelling abroad (I travel quite a bit for work) - Things like "What?!! , An Irish man that doesn't drink!! , didn't know that existed"

It really annoys me that Alcohol is seen as such a key part of the Irish psyche and that it viewed much a part of "Irishness" as a Kilt is to the Scots or whatever..

I have no issue with alcohol or people that drink - it's just not for me, just like I have no issue with people that eat Brussel Sprouts, though I personally despise them!!! :-)

I only wish that everyone else could treat it the same... I mean , if you go to dinner in someones house and you decline a helping of carrots , nobody suddenly says " What do you mean you don't eat Carrots?..ah go on , One Carrot won't kill you , sure everybody eats Carrots!!!"

dearg lady

Quin_Dub wrote: »

I only wish that everyone else could treat it the same... I mean , if you go to dinner in someones house and you decline a helping of carrots , nobody suddenly says " What do you mean you don't eat Carrots?..ah go on , One Carrot won't kill you , sure everybody eats Carrots!!!"

OT, but this reminded me of something. You're right this wouldn't happen with carrots, but with 'bad' foods, this absolutely would happen! Often if I decline chocolate/cake/dessert I get a barrage of abuse, sure one piece won't kill ya, you're skinny anyway, what are ya worried about etc.

I think a number of people have hit the nail on the head in this thread when it comes to drink, and same applies to some foods, people feel guilty about being dependent on it, and want others to be the same, so they won't be alone in their indulgence! thing is I like both alcohol and sweet things, but I really hate pressure from other people.

SandraNiD

Lads alcohol is for the weak, the mentally weak.

People who are afraid to know who they really are. People who cannot hold a conversation with a stranger without being whaled out of their minds. People who literally stare at their shoes all night afraid & uncomfortable. People who are so lacking in confidence in their ability to hold a conversation, people who cannot develop their personality or be outspoken without having alcohol fueling it.
These people are pathetic and an embarrassment to society.

Alcohol is a curse, a poison, a demon in society.

If it was discovered in the morning it would be illegal.

Just cause you can buy it in a pub doesn't mean it's ok.

Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Life passes other people by whilst they spend it drunk or hungover.

Don't let it be you falling into either of those categories.

35 days sober today. I won't become another sheep in a flock blindly led. Will you?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

SandraNiD wrote: »

Lads alcohol is for the weak, the mentally weak.

People who are afraid to know who they really are. People who cannot hold a conversation with a stranger without being whaled out of their minds. People who literally stare at their shoes all night afraid & uncomfortable. People who are so lacking in confidence in their ability to hold a conversation, people who cannot develop their personality or be outspoken without having alcohol fueling it.
These people are pathetic and an embarrassment to society.

Alcohol is a curse, a poison, a demon in society.

If it was discovered in the morning it would be illegal.

Just cause you can buy it in a pub doesn't mean it's ok.

Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Life passes other people by whilst they spend it drunk or hungover.

Don't let it be you falling into either of those categories.

35 days sober today. I won't become another sheep in a flock blindly led. Will you?

Firstly, congratulations on being 35 days sober. I mean that.

However, the rest of your post is utter boll*cks IMHO.

I drink and I am not mentally weak. I can hold a conversation on most subjects with no problem without alcohol. I don't need alcohol to give my self esteem a boost, nor do I need it to chat to members of the fairer sex. I enjoy a few pints every other weekend and don't consider myself 'pathetic' because of it.

I'm fully aware that this is a non drinkers forum and I'm not one of those eejits who mistrust or slag off non drinkers for whatever reason. Each to their own, and I respect that.

No need for the condescension though.

languagenerd

I was away in Belgium recently - it was so weird to order a Coke in a club and not have the barman raise an eyebrow, or sigh, or ask me what's wrong with me! Nice change!

MorpheusDream

SandraNiD wrote: »

"Just cause you can buy it in a pub doesn't mean it's ok"/QUOTE]

I'm glad we have people like you to tell us what is OK and what isn't.

I'm into my second month without a drink too, and while there is a kernel of truth in what you are saying in your post, that's not true for every drinker. Respect others and you will be surprised at how often it is reciprocated, prejudice can be subtle.

I agree alcohol does have a large negative effect on our society as a whole, but I don't blame the molecule, people have power to decide how they live and if they choose to take drugs it's none of anyone else's business and I don't think they should be attacked for it like in your post. Live and let live, trying to impose your standards on others is fascistic.

if someone thinks that alcohol is wonderful and brings society together in a spirit of brotherhood their opinion and their personal experience is just as valid as yours.

Roisy7

I just came across this forum today, very interesting.

I am a drinker but (not now) a heavy one, I do enjoy it and enjoy going out to pubs, clubs etc.

But in my final year in college I stopped drinking totally for a few weeks, I don't think it was even the duration of the semester, probably from September to November or so. I had been a very heavy drinker for the previous semester in college, ended up doing lots of things I regretted, falling out with people, practically failing college.

Stopping drinking was the best thing I ever did, I could concentrate on college and ended up coming out with a good degree. Most of my friends really respected it, including one who is a very heavy drinker himself but was actually very supportive.

I went to a societies event in November where I started drinking again, very moderately. I've drank since but I've never been in the state I had been in before, where nights were just blank and I dreaded talking to my friends the next day. I'm a lot happier now.

However, in fourth year my housemates who were strangers were really weird with me over my non-drinking, especially as I was doing lots of work every night to make up my bad grades. Just comments like "oh don't you go out" in an aren't-you-pathetic tone.

One housemate in particular was very bad for it, and whenever he had a few himself he'd go on making sarcastic remarks. Or then when I did have a few drinks, he'd be like "ah god help us" etc etc. Very annoying.

As far as I can see, it's an insecurity thing with people who pressure non-drinkers to drink. I don't fully understand it tbh, I always wondered why me staying in my room watching a movie bothered him more than me coming in smashed at 4am and waking the house up. But there you go. I suppose in Ireland, the done thing is drinking, and if you don't do the done thing, it's weird.

Also there's a glamour associated with alcohol. Not drinking is being 'good', and being 'good' is not cool. It might make people feel a bit guilty and insecure about their own drinking.

Finally, I'd say the attitude of a minority of non-drinkers puts people off. A minority because anybody I've met who doesn't drink weren't judgmental or no fun, they just didn't drink. But people like the above poster (drink is poison etc) immediately gets people's backs up.

Sorry for length of post, I didn't realise I had that much to say!

Lord TSC

SandraNiD wrote: »

Lads alcohol is for the weak, the mentally weak.

Hi. Can I just offer my thanks to you? Cause it's posts like that one which creates the mindset in alot of people that there's something "wrong" with non-drinkers. So thanks for conforming to stereotypes and proving a lot of idiots right... :pac:

mercAMG

First post here and I'm so glad to find there are others out there who think along the same lines as I do! I drank a bit in college, the odd bad hangover but never a serious drinker.

One of the main reasons for me giving drink up was some experiences I've had with others who were drinking (friends, acquaintances etc.) I've seen people flip personalities completely in seconds, down to earth guys turn into thugs and I've had a girlfriend (ex) not recognise me and push me in front of a car! Having carried her home she then proceeded to attack me, apparently not recognising me. In all these cases, the situations were laughed off the next day. "Sure it was only the drink" a seriously over used phrase in my opinion.

What I can't fathom is the look on people's faces when you tell them you don't drink! You get treated as if you've a problem and that there must be something wrong with you. I dread nights out because EVERY night centres around drink and I'm invariably the sole non-drinker. I find the only time people don't have a problem with it is when your the designated driver and their chauffeur home at the end of the night!

I find it very hard to find similarly minded people though. Rarely if ever am I out when there are other non-drinkers around and if there are they are pregnant or driving, which are far better excuses than "I don't drink".