As a non-drinker, did you ever draw the ire of friends who do drink?

riffmongous

languagenerd wrote: »

You're right, but I think that's only part of it. The other thing is that, in Ireland at least, "fun" = "drinking" and therefore people who don't drink must never have fun and don't want anyone else to have fun :rolleyes:.Tis a load of crap. People feel like they have to drink to have fun. Dunno what that says about our nation!

The ironic thing, for me at least, is that the fact I'm being constantly judged as a kill-joy for not drinking certainly takes the momentum out of my night for a while and makes it harder for me to have fun :rolleyes:

I don't really have any interest in going to pubs anymore, I'd rather just meet people around the city for the day instead.

the groutch

imo a "friend" who judges you for not drinking isnt really a friend at all

mk6705

the groutch wrote: »

imo a "friend" who judges you for not drinking isnt really a friend at all

Absolutely. People like that are shallow and boring anyway. They have little to offer themselves...they just repeat what they hear around them.

nesbitt

I was a light drinker from my teens to when I turned 40. I would drink way less than my friends and would be the one most dying the next day. I don't tolerate drink too well at all. Anyway had a digestive problem and had to have surgery for it totally unrelated to drinking in any way it is an inherited health issue. I don't drink now and kinda use the surgery as an excuse for being a non drinker. I find people except this and can totally relate to all the comments by posters as to how people react to them as a non drinker. I have had all the snide remarks including the chestnut 'so are you a nutter when you have a few drinks then'..... I found out after that the guy is a troublesome drunk so this was the root of the comment. I sometimes laugh and comment that 'it isn't called the demon drink for nothing ya know' gets some bemused reactions. The real reasons I don't drink are as follows: I have seen too many people destroyed by alcohol dependence. I dislike the drink culture and all its trappings. I am bringing up a family on a tight budget so I do not have this cost attached to my social life. I enjoy spending my disposable income on my kids instead. I feel irritated sometimes when other parents complain about the recession but they can dig deep for the booze money.

seamus

I imagine the main reason why non-drinkers sometimes get a tough time in Ireland is down to these guys:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pioneer_Total_Abstinence_Association

These are a militant Irish anti-alcohol association who have mostly dwindled in recent times, but back when the church mattered, they were known for being vocal, pushy and judgemental about the evils of drink. My grandfather joined the Pioneers in the late 1920's, and when my great-grandfather (a roaring alcoholic) found out, he never spoke to his son again.

As such, "Pioneer" became synonymous with "non-drinker" and someone who doesn't drink was automatically seen as being on their high horse and vehemently anti-drink.
I think attitudes have changed a lot in the last 10 or 15 years so it's generally now OK to not drink. Certainly all of the people I know who don't drink don't get any flak in the pub, that I'm aware of.

To a certain extent though, you may still come across the feeling that someone who doesn't drink is going to be dry company (no pun). That is, rather than both sitting down and having the craic, getting progressively more tipsy and talking ****e, the drinker expects that the non-drinker will get bored of the conversation faster and go home early, killing the night. Obviously it depends on the non-drinker. I imagine most people who don't drink are well capable of talking ****e all night, otherwise you'd have a tough social life in this country.

I've been on stags, trips, all sorts of stuff with non-drinkers. It's never been an issue. But that said, in general, they do get bored more quickly and do go home earlier

Forest Fire

My social life revolves around drink and I'm getting really tired of it. I've befriended drinkers as that's what I was into. Coming off it is tough as who do you talk to? where do you go to wind down and relax? Everyone goes to the pub in this country. Giving up is like looking down the barrel of loneliness and social exclusion, turning my back on life-long pals, staying in with the wife and kids and
being 'good'.
I don't think I am an alcoholic...yet...but don't particularly want to end up as one. Continuing on drinking 4/5 nights a week and contiually rising will only lead to one unhappy ending!
Any tips out there?
FF

Sunnyisland

Forest fire you need to "get a plan" for your recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?


Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
,Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
,Dietary supplements,
,A healthy diet, and regular meals
,Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
,Going to AA meetings,even if you dont belive in everything they say,its good to be around other like minded people at the start,you can leave anytime you want.
,Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
I used all of the above and am not doing to bad,

ah yeah

I'm 23, living in Dublin. I'd be your typical Irish lad growing up, knacker drinking a bit as a teenager going to junior discos. This continued into college with many booze filled nights, which I must add were bloody enjoyable!

But 2 years ago, I just stopped enjoying it, don't get me wrong, I love a few quality beers or some good wine now and then, but the act of getting sh**faced, wasting the next morning in bed paranoid with 'the fear' after spending an outrageous amount of money just doesn't appeal.

I got really interested in running and cycling and feel a lot fitter and happier for it, but oh god how this has caused havoc with my social life. Suggestions to fellow friends to go for a hike or a cycle have been met with reactions ranging from looks of confusion to awkward silences.

My favourite response from mates is though: "oh you've no incentive to go out to clubs and drink because you've a girlfriend"

My advice to any guy looking to pull is stay sober, because being able to have a coherent conversation with a girl puts you ahead of 90% Irish lads on a typical Saturday night

Forest Fire

@ Realise and Ah Yeah.
Cheers Guys,
I've gone from a bush drinker to a middle-aged pub drinker. I do exercise and pilates and walk a lot. I'm a bit of a contradiction. I drink wine at home and skip food to keep weight down. I'm always conscious that I'm drinking too much but still do it.
My wife is just about the opposite. She hardly drinks at all and is a good source of regulation. I have a good home life in order to give up. Socially, all my friends could drink me under the table but you choose your friends carefully, don't you?
Self employed and work is scarce which is a worry, but temporary sedation from booze wares off early in the morning and I'm in a panic for an hour or so. I always drag something up to worry about.
Third night sober last night and slept it in...better than insomnia!
I just hope I can keep this real existence up continually.
Fight the Power.

mfceiling

Forest Fire wrote: »

My social life revolves around drink and I'm getting really tired of it. I've befriended drinkers as that's what I was into. Coming off it is tough as who do you talk to? where do you go to wind down and relax? Everyone goes to the pub in this country. Giving up is like looking down the barrel of loneliness and social exclusion, turning my back on life-long pals, staying in with the wife and kids and
being 'good'.
I don't think I am an alcoholic...yet...but don't particularly want to end up as one. Continuing on drinking 4/5 nights a week and contiually rising will only lead to one unhappy ending!
Any tips out there?
FF

No shame in that.
I don't drink because i get blinding headaches so no drink = no hangover.
Talk to your missus and try something that doesn't involve drink or being in that area.
Kids will love a new dad who is into them and not a beer.
Hope it works out well for you.

realtabeag00

I am a non drinker, I don't like the taste or the horrible effects it has on my stomach. Sometimes I am jealous of people who claim to enjoy it. I see them having a laugh, dancing, talking to everyone and anyone. I am jealous of their confidence. I know it's not real but it's got to be better than sitting there, bored out of your tree cause the music's too loud to talk to anyone and you're too self conscious to dance. But yet, for me, the negative side of alcohol is not worth it. It's so frustrating!!!!! It's impossible for me to make friends. I feel totally out of the loop. The world to me is like a completed jigsaw puzzle and I'm a jigsaw piece that doesn't fit. Are there any other jigsaw pieces like me out there? Any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Amtmann

realtabeag00 wrote: »

I am a non drinker, I don't like the taste or the horrible effects it has on my stomach. Sometimes I am jealous of people who claim to enjoy it. I see them having a laugh, dancing, talking to everyone and anyone. I am jealous of their confidence. I know it's not real but it's got to be better than sitting there, bored out of your tree cause the music's too loud to talk to anyone and you're too self conscious to dance. But yet, for me, the negative side of alcohol is not worth it. It's so frustrating!!!!! It's impossible for me to make friends. I feel totally out of the loop. The world to me is like a completed jigsaw puzzle and I'm a jigsaw piece that doesn't fit. Are there any other jigsaw pieces like me out there? Any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Hey there. Out of curiosity, how old are you?

realtabeag00

Tremelo wrote: »

Hey there. Out of curiosity, how old are you?

26

nesbitt

realtabeag00 wrote: »

I am a non drinker, I don't like the taste or the horrible effects it has on my stomach. Sometimes I am jealous of people who claim to enjoy it. I see them having a laugh, dancing, talking to everyone and anyone. I am jealous of their confidence. I know it's not real but it's got to be better than sitting there, bored out of your tree cause the music's too loud to talk to anyone and you're too self conscious to dance. But yet, for me, the negative side of alcohol is not worth it. It's so frustrating!!!!! It's impossible for me to make friends. I feel totally out of the loop. The world to me is like a completed jigsaw puzzle and I'm a jigsaw piece that doesn't fit. Are there any other jigsaw pieces like me out there? Any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Get involved in non-drink related activities and you will naturally meet up with others that have lives that do not revolve around the drunk/hungover merry go around... Sports of any kind is an obvious starting point.

sarahisainmdom

Just found this thread and forum today, and as a non-drinker (for the most part) I find it interesting to hear everyone's opinion on the matter.

I'm almost 18, so it's actually not legal for me to drink yet. I've no problem with that, as I don't like how so many people feel the need to get drunk to enjoy themselves or to chat to someone they like or whatever. All of my friends drink, and have for the past year maybe, even though a couple are younger than me. I don't like this about them but I've no problem with it (although I probably did at first). I didn't go out much until the last year (the same is true for my friends, but I've gone out a little less often than them).

I'll be honest, I've had a few drinks, basically from peer pressure. I'm ashamed to say it, just because I thought I was stronger than that. Having said that I only have one or two on a night out, and I've only done this a couple of times. (Most of my friends have drunk more in one night than I have in my life!) I may have the odd drink to avoid the 'dry-arse' looks, but I don't plan on getting drunk, well, ever really. It's just not me. I like having the craic sober, the healthy kind (and I'm talking mentally healthy not just physically). Even though I plan on appeasing my friends by having the odd drink, I'd still prefer to be a pioneer. It's just that people genearally see it as a bad quality rather than a good one. I don't mind not being admired for not drinking, I'm not doing it for anyone else bar me, but jesus being looked down on for it is kind of sickening. :mad:

languagenerd

sarahisainmdom wrote: »

Just found this thread and forum today, and as a non-drinker (for the most part) I find it interesting to hear everyone's opinion on the matter.

I'm almost 18, so it's actually not legal for me to drink yet. I've no problem with that, as I don't like how so many people feel the need to get drunk to enjoy themselves or to chat to someone they like or whatever. All of my friends drink, and have for the past year maybe, even though a couple are younger than me. I don't like this about them but I've no problem with it (although I probably did at first). I didn't go out much until the last year (the same is true for my friends, but I've gone out a little less often than them).

I'll be honest, I've had a few drinks, basically from peer pressure. I'm ashamed to say it, just because I thought I was stronger than that. Having said that I only have one or two on a night out, and I've only done this a couple of times. (Most of my friends have drunk more in one night than I have in my life!) I may have the odd drink to avoid the 'dry-arse' looks, but I don't plan on getting drunk, well, ever really. It's just not me. I like having the craic sober, the healthy kind (and I'm talking mentally healthy not just physically). Even though I plan on appeasing my friends by having the odd drink, I'd still prefer to be a pioneer. It's just that people genearally see it as a bad quality rather than a good one. I don't mind not being admired for not drinking, I'm not doing it for anyone else bar me, but jesus being looked down on for it is kind of sickening. :mad:

You really shouldn't have to "appease" your friends! If they're real friends, they won't care what's in your glass... But I know, I'm 19 and don't drink and sometimes it can suck being the only sober one when everyone's out of it.

That said, I think the idea of being a non-drinker (and the word "pioneer" in particular) just give people the impression that you'll automatically look down on them, that you don't want to have fun and that you don't want them to have fun either. I've found that once people realised that I can have fun on a night out, they stop caring about the fact that I don't drink. I get the occasional jibe about it but usually in a good-natured way.

Basically, keep being yourself, don't make a big deal about not drinking, create your own fun and (most) people will stop caring about what you're drinking!

misemise

Hi all, tis my first post on boards. I'm also a non drinker and to be honest some of my friends do give me a hard time. I try not to let it get me down as I've honestly never been happier in my self then I am now but one particular comment that did upset me is when my friends were talking to me about my hen night and one my close friends said oh you should drink. She must think I'm some dry sh*te but I know myself that it's not true and that whatever reason she wants me to drink is to do with herself.

Sunnyisland

Welcome misemise hope you can share your thoughts and opinions here,its great to have another poster :-)

misemise

thanks realies, I've been having a look around the forum for a while now but thought it's about time I said hello!

AshlingB

As an Irish student who doesn't drink the activities that don't involve drinking are severely limited and even post-exam celebrations have turned into a quiz as to how I could possibly not need a drink and that I'm so "lucky" that I don't drink when really it's a personal decision that I made for many varying reasons. Nothing to do with luck at all.

My housemates this year kept pressuring me and offering to buy me drink if I'd drink it all etc. I've been told that people are glad I don't drink as I'm such a personality without it, that I have people's respect for not drinking while they sit drinking themselves, I'm often not thoguht of to invite to events just because of the drink issue, my boyfriend has been accused of pressuring me to stop drinking just because he's unable to, I've bee told I don't need to lose weight/save money/be up early, my dad approached me worried that I wasn't enjoying my youth, people have assumed that I have a family history of alcoholism, people are amazed that I can dance in a club on a night out sober, friends have others I'm drinking, I've been told my drink will be spiked, people tell me to get a license and a car so I can be "Designated Driver"..

It's led to more but they're the most common.

People just don't seem to understand. We really are a minority. Ireland has such a negative image when it comes to drinking. Sobriety has such a negative image in the eyes of so many.

Forest Fire

AshlingB wrote: »

As an Irish student who doesn't drink the activities that don't involve drinking are severely limited and even post-exam celebrations have turned into a quiz as to how I could possibly not need a drink and that I'm so "lucky" that I don't drink when really it's a personal decision that I made for many varying reasons. Nothing to do with luck at all.

My housemates this year kept pressuring me and offering to buy me drink if I'd drink it all etc. I've been told that people are glad I don't drink as I'm such a personality without it, that I have people's respect for not drinking while they sit drinking themselves, I'm often not thoguht of to invite to events just because of the drink issue, my boyfriend has been accused of pressuring me to stop drinking just because he's unable to, I've bee told I don't need to lose weight/save money/be up early, my dad approached me worried that I wasn't enjoying my youth, people have assumed that I have a family history of alcoholism, people are amazed that I can dance in a club on a night out sober, friends have others I'm drinking, I've been told my drink will be spiked, people tell me to get a license and a car so I can be "Designated Driver"..

It's led to more but they're the most common.

People just don't seem to understand. We really are a minority. Ireland has such a negative image when it comes to drinking. Sobriety has such a negative image in the eyes of so many.

Lucky you Aisling. F the begrudgers and be yourself. I'ld love to have your problem.

AshlingB

Keep strong in your resolve do something about your own circumstances. Incremental adjustments may be needed if you want to develop friendships with people less inclined to enjoy a night at the pub. It's an inspiring journey you are on.

However, it's not always easy for me. People will always be suspicious of a non-drinker and the amount of times I've had to go along with someone presuming as a student I spend my weekdays going wild is quite shocking and it can be awkward explaining after that.

I don't get invited out as often, it's definitely not a pleasant feeling.
But I'm hanging in there as I don't want to drink for other people. I want to not drink for myself.

Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Forest Fire

AshlingB wrote: »

Keep strong in your resolve do something about your own circumstances. Incremental adjustments may be needed if you want to develop friendships with people less inclined to enjoy a night at the pub. It's an inspiring journey you are on.

However, it's not always easy for me. People will always be suspicious of a non-drinker and the amount of times I've had to go along with someone presuming as a student I spend my weekdays going wild is quite shocking and it can be awkward explaining after that.

I don't get invited out as often, it's definitely not a pleasant feeling.
But I'm hanging in there as I don't want to drink for other people. I want to not drink for myself.

Thanks for your words of encouragement.

and thank you for yours..

J_E

sarahisainmdom wrote: »

I don't mind not being admired for not drinking, I'm not doing it for anyone else bar me, but jesus being looked down on for it is kind of sickening. :mad:

That's the thing that gets me more than anything else, that people see it as some kind of flaw. It's messed up, isn't it? I admit I started in September due to a friend of mine basically pushing it upon me and being nasty. Unfortunately we don't speak anymore; I wish I hadn't started in that way and done it by my own terms. Despite that however, can't say I'm hugely interested in drinking, nevermind the fact I can barely afford food as it is

PickledLime

First post in the non-drinker thread, howdy!

I've been going out since i was 18 (29 now) and all my friends have been nothing but great about my non-drinking.

The only time i've ever annoyed them is when we needed a 'designated driver' - they'd want to have a drink, i'd be stone cold sober by default, but i don't drive!

tolosenc

PickledLime wrote: »

The only time i've ever annoyed them is when we needed a 'designated driver' - they'd want to have a drink, i'd be stone cold sober by default, but i don't drive!

Sometimes I won't have heard from people in ages, and then get invited to something. I copped on that they were looking for a lift home, so I started using public transport, or driving and saying I have to leave at midnight. I guess in those circumstances I'm intentionally drawing their ire...

neddynono

first post here. Im going out of my mind. My friends go to the pub every weekend and im left at home. They think im crazy for not drinking so im left out of everything. I do play astro and some other stuff but i dont have a clue what to do to maybe meet somebody. I have female friends but they all drink. what else is there to do?:mad:

languagenerd

neddynono wrote: »

first post here. Im going out of my mind. My friends go to the pub every weekend and im left at home. They think im crazy for not drinking so im left out of everything. I do play astro and some other stuff but i dont have a clue what to do to maybe meet somebody. I have female friends but they all drink. what else is there to do?:mad:

If you don't mind me asking, is there any reason you can't go to the pub with them? Obviously if you're in recovery etc. it's a bad idea to go, but if you've just never been a drinker, you could just go to the pub with and drink soft drinks?

That's what I do anyway, my friends all go to rock bars and I go with them for the music and just drink Cidona/Lucozade...

If you're looking to meet girls, have a look at various clubs/societies in your area and maybe take up a new hobby, you never know!

Lord TSC

If you don't mind me asking, is there any reason you can't go to the pub with them?

I can't speak for others, but the few times I've done that, I've been either...
1. Bored out of my brains.
2. Abused for not drinking.

Personally, it's not worth the hassle...

languagenerd

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I can't speak for others, but the few times I've done that, I've been either...
1. Bored out of my brains.
2. Abused for not drinking.

Personally, it's not worth the hassle...

Ok, well that's a fair enough reason not to go. It depends on the person and their friends, that's why I asked.

I hate nightclubs, I usually get bored (and deafened by crap music) fairly quickly. That's why I'll only go to bars. I guess I'm pretty lucky though, most of my friends would only have two or three drinks on a standard night (though more on birthdays etc.) so I can still have conversations with them.