have you ever stole money from your kids xmas cards

dollyk

MYself and my family wre having a get together a few weeks back.
and it cropped up how much kids get now adays compared to years ago.
my kids are now in their late and middle 20s.
anyhow we all got talking and i said how i used to take some of the money that their aunts, uncles etc from their xmas cards and buy foodstuff and extra presents:for xmas with it,
:eek::eek: my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise, but i had 6 young kids and they didnt need all the money that was sent to them.
my kids laughed it off and said they never remember going without,
but now some of my family wont talk to me...
was i so wrong....

**Timbuk2**

To be fair, that is a horrible thing to do. Open a savings account for the kids and encourage saving from an early age instead.

Big Nasty

dollyk wrote: »

was i so wrong....

YES!

/thread

Larianne

You stole from your own kids!! Shockin.

humberklog

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

To be fair, that is a horrible thing to do. Open a savings account for the kids and encourage saving from an early age instead.

Harsh, very harsh. 6 happy kids kept happy is a job well done regardless if hook or by crook. Kids can be overly gifted easily by relations and it's the parents job to moderate that.

phasers

My parents would never have done that! They asked me for a "loan" after I opened the card

Once they needed to pay the mortgage so me and my brothers had to empty out our bank accounts and give it to them. Never did get that 100 pounds back...

Stealing it is really wrong though.

Millicent

Could you not have asked them to send you the money instead? That would have been a happy medium. I know it's hard when you're struggling but I wouldn't say it was the best decision, as reasonable as it might have seemed at the time.

listermint

dollyk wrote: »

MYself and my family wre having a get together a few weeks back.
and it cropped up how much kids get now adays compared to years ago.
my kids are now in their late and middle 20s.
anyhow we all got talking and i said how i used to take some of the money that their aunts, uncles etc from their xmas cards and buy foodstuff and extra presents:for xmas with it,
:eek::eek: my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise, but i had 6 young kids and they didnt need all the money that was sent to them.
my kids laughed it off and said they never remember going without,
but now some of my family wont talk to me...
was i so wrong....

Maybe it wasnt the best idea to tell the people who were sending the money that you took some of it.

Some things are just not meant to be said.

rainbowdrop

I would never 'steal' money from my daughter, but I have borrowed money from her if she had money from Christmas or Birthdays. I'd always pay it back to her though........ She's 13 now and is good at saving so half the time she has more money than me:o

Trog

It's not really a bad thing to do if you bought food and presents for the kids with it, unless you could have afforded the stuff anyway and therefore benefited from the children's loss.
If you took the cash for yourself it's proper wrong.

Still is a bit unusual, maybe it would be less odd if you took the kids with you to buy the stuff and told them that they were buying it. Like, 'which toy do you want out of this one and this one', or 'now you get to do what mammy/daddy does and buy the messages'. The you wouldn't have to lie to them and they'd get to feel like the got to spend their own money.

But I wouldn't fault you for what you did. And fair play for raising six happy kids. I'd have just raised 5 to be happy and let the other be the runt of the pack...

Coriolanus

They're your kids, they should be happy that's the least you did. I'm selling the tractor when I have kids, sure they'll be able to plough and give me piggybacks to the pub.

hondasam

dollyk wrote: »

MYself and my family wre having a get together a few weeks back.
and it cropped up how much kids get now adays compared to years ago.
my kids are now in their late and middle 20s.
anyhow we all got talking and i said how i used to take some of the money that their aunts, uncles etc from their xmas cards and buy foodstuff and extra presents:for xmas with it,
:eek::eek: my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise, but i had 6 young kids and they didnt need all the money that was sent to them.
my kids laughed it off and said they never remember going without,
but now some of my family wont talk to me...
was i so wrong....

No you were not wrong, you spent it on them.

Tell your family to grow up and cop on. Im sure the are not perfect.

Trog

dollyk wrote: »

but now some of my family wont talk to me...

I'm gonna need some kids and some Christmas cards...

Leiva

Its not as if the OP spent the money on cheap beer and loose women .
Bit harsh for some of the family not to be talking .

Keep your mouth shut next time .

punchdrunk

hang on...there's normally money in Christmas cards???

MA!!! WTF!!!:mad:

hondasam

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

To be fair, that is a horrible thing to do. Open a savings account for the kids and encourage saving from an early age instead.

The OP did say it was over 20 years ago so things were different then. It is not horrible to make better use of the money in a way that is more beneficial to the family.

What is horrible is the way the OP's family are reacting now.

I agree with encouraging saving at an early age.

Trog

mixednuts wrote: »

Its not as if the OP spent the money on cheap beer and loose women

You trying to say that'd be wrong? Coke n Hookers please.

djPSB

not ur money to use.. totally wrong

TimeToShine

Jesus christ everyone's making it sound like he's a criminal, he took 50 quid from his kids, big whoop, it's not like they owe their parents anything in the long run :rolleyes:

Maddison

I remember as a child that my parents would 'borrow' some of what money we may have gotten for Christmas/Birthdays etc...I dont ever recall them paying it back. But at the end of the day, they dressed, fed & clothed us so I dont really see It as a big deal.
My own son has a piggy bank that counts the coins and he knows very well how much he has,If I was short some days yes I would borrow from it but I always put it back with 'interest'. At the end of the day Its me that puts the money in!! When it gets to a certain amount we lodge it into his account.

mydearwatson

Well of course your siblings are going to be p*ssed off about it.

They made the decision, at the time, to give the money directly to the children and not to give it to you, to do with it as you wished. Perhaps they were aware you were struggling, but wanted their nieces/nephews to have a little treat for themselves.

I know that, with my communion and confirmation money, my parents put it in a savings account. Then, when I was a teenager and wanted to go to the Gaelteacht and on school tours abroad, the money was there for that. My parents were never well off, but they denied themselves a lot in order to ensure that we never missed out on any opportunities as we were growing up. It felt nice, at the time, to feel as though I was "paying my way" a little bit.

Obviously, it's too late saying this to you in retrospect, but it would've been nice to have them aware of the gifts given to them, and then to "allow" them to pay towards a holiday, or a new TV for the family, or a school tour, something like that.

smcgiff

Whatever about using the money from the cards to feed your family, but you post on After Hours looking for advice on morality?!?


Don't you know everyone here is beyond reproach :rolleyes:

TimeToShine

Also I like how everyone is neglecting the part where he says he used the money for food and additional presents.

vonnie10

I got a birthday card from an uncle one time with 25 pound in it one time that disappeared mysteriously. My mam said my dad might have taken it and my dad said my mam had probably borrowed it !! Never got it back but it doesn't matter considering the thousands they have spent on me over the years between toys clothes, food, school, holidays, 2k for braces, college and even money for nights out on the piss!! I'm 20 now and i'm still drawing out of them. I'd say i've probably cost them close to 100 grand in all, taking a few pound from me here and there to put food in my mouth if times are tight is hardly a crime.

Mrmoe

I wouldn't worry about it too much OP. Any time I would give money to my nieces or nephews I would hope that it is spent on things they actually need, food, clothes toys etc. If the child has control over it they will probably just waste it. When they are old enough they will start to manage and budget themselves but quite often they are just too young.

Fluorescence

Trog wrote: »

IStill is a bit unusual, maybe it would be less odd if you took the kids with you to buy the stuff and told them that they were buying it. Like, 'which toy do you want out of this one and this one', or 'now you get to do what mammy/daddy does and buy the messages'. The you wouldn't have to lie to them and they'd get to feel like the got to spend their own money.

I would have been pissed if my mam and dad got me to "pay" for the messages with my birthday/christmas money when I was a kid (not that I ever got much....HANG ON....).

She used it to buy more stuff for the children. No harm done.

Cheap Thrills!

The ones that won't talk to you need a slap in the head.

Kids get what they get and be glad of it. You did your best and the kids grew up happy and healthy.

No-one was harmed. Kids get what possesions their parents see fit, if the family needs it more then that's the end of it!

Greyfox

dollyk wrote: »

was i so wrong....

Yes, whatever way you look at it it's still stealing money from your kids which is pretty low

Senna

dollyk wrote: »

but now some of my family wont talk to me...

Unfortunately you cant choose your family:D

theg81der

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

AnonoBoy

Once when I lived in a house in Carlow birthday cards used to arrive for the people that had presumably lived there before us.

We had no forwarding address for them and the landlord didn't know where they'd gone.

So there was the odd 10 or 20 euro added to my burgeoning alcohol dependency fund every now and then.

I feel no shame for this.

Horse_box

If you were stuck for money at the time and the money was for food etc, I see no problem in it

Otherwise you should have put the money in a savings acount for them

mconigol

Nothing wrong with that at all as long as the money was put to good use. Might feel differently if you spent it down in the pub or at the bookies or something! People saying it's stealing from your kids need to get a grip :rolleyes:

Son Of A Vidic

Such behaviour I think is also one of the qualifying tests for Dáil Eireann membership.

whatsamsn

dollyk wrote: »

.....was i so wrong....

Depends, because you never stated what your situation was.

If times were tough, christmas was costly more than what you and your husband could afford .... then nothing wrong with it. You were making christmas more christmas by using that money.

If times werent tough and you could afford christmas. Then yes. Its wrong. You used your kids present money to pay for things instead of letting little johnny buy the Power Rangers action figure that would of made him that bit more happy. After all. The toy wasnt coming out of your pocket.

stovelid

Ran out of cash at my wedding afters at about 3AM so ripped open a card and paid for a gigantic round with the money therein. And was spotted by new mother-in-law doing so.

BizzyC

If it was a case that you were buying food that you couldn't afford yourself, then no it's fine.

But I know I'd be pissed off if I gave one of my nephews money in a card and my sibling took the money, bought "additional presents" and presented them to the kid as their own.

johnmcdnl

what would you have said if they took money from your cards :mad: or if someone took your money when you were their age..

course they're going to laugh it off now that they've got older and they never missed it - but it was their money - they could have gone out and gone to a concert or even on the lash - that was their money to spend on themselves - and you took that from them :mad::mad::mad:

2 stroke

I can understand this if times were so hard that you had to stay away from the pub and the bookies. It would be terrible if the children could buy the toys that they realy wanted from santa, with the money from auntie Mary.

sunflower27

theg81der wrote: »

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

Oh come on, circumstances change. God knows we all know that n this day and age. People lose jobs, get sick.

OP, if you were using the money for the children and using it in a way to benefit them then fair enough, especially if they were just going to spend it all on sweets when they needed school shoes.

hondasam

theg81der wrote: »

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

If you dont have kids how can you say for sure you would not do this.

The OP spent the money on the kids.

It's not the crime of the century.

Irish Guitarist

dollyk wrote: »

anyhow we all got talking and i said how i used to take some of the money that their aunts, uncles etc from their xmas cards and buy foodstuff and extra presents:for xmas with it

If times were really tough I could see why you might take money to buy food but it seems wrong to buy presents. If you spent the money on presents for your kids then you were taking the credit for buying a present that was really from their aunt or uncle. If you bought presents for your brothers or sisters then you were just giving them back their own money.

If you needed money that badly maybe you could have just been honest and asked your brothers and sisters for a loan.

Just my opinion.

the_syco

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

If you spent the money on presents for your kids then you were taking the credit for buying a present that was really from their aunt or uncle.

Unless some jolly fat bas*ard wearing red took the credit

OP, what you did was wrong, but f**k the family. They would rather spoil your kids than help you out?

dark crystal

Did your kids even know they had received these gifts from their relatives?
If not, I can understand why your family might be a bit peeved - the kids thinking their aunties/uncles had never bothered to give them a Christmas prsent.

Seems a bit dishonest on your part, if that's the case.

TeddyTedson

It's not exactly murder but would never do it myself.
You know yourself it was wrong.

BizzyC

Well I think the fact that the OP posted "stole money" in the title is an admission of wrong-doing.

Wompa1

My tight uncles and aunts never gave us any presents at x-mas..w**kers. My parents would borrow money from me when I was in my early and late teens and then borrowed a huge sum of money off me when I finished college.

Dead beats!

dollyk

theg81der wrote: »

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

well i could afford my children when i has them and got married, and if their loving father had not fecked off with his super single lover, then times would not have been so bad at xmas, The cards may i say were from their fathers sisters and brothers because they knew he missed most of the maintenance payments , so we need basics like food and normal things .SPECIALLY AT XMAS. so i took money from their cards to provide this, as it was imo my job to provide these thigs in any way i could.

kinda naive of you tbh, thinking "If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me. " A lot can happen between conception and birth.

Silly question to ask on here really, most of them are knobs or those with f all are wannabe knobs who pretend they are well to do :rolleyes:

dollyk

And of course times are so different now.
my older sons all have good jobs and have their own homes, of course i would go mad :eek::D:D if they took any money from the cards that i send my grandchildren.
To be fair i buy clothes and other stuff i know is needed.
As they are not as needy as their fathers or mothers were,
So a lot of mixed replys here, but i have to state.
I had 6 children under 8. And in fairness they didnt realise what money meant.
So i took money and left a pound or two, bought food and toys,
But told them, oh look at what auntie nora/joan/etc, bought you for xmas.

up for anything

theg81der wrote: »

Can`t believe anyone would do this! If you can`t afford kids eh...don`t have them pretty simple to me.

Please God may I never see the day when I have to take money of my children (when I can eventually afford to have them)!

This would involve an extremely unlikely scenario, over which I would have no control, -death, destruction, end of our econmic system as we know it etc

Job loss, business failure, sudden onset of either physical or mental disease in either yourself or your partner, having a special needs child after two 'normal' children who costs far more than you'd bargained for, your partner upping and leaving you, bank run, savings fund collapse........

You'd better decide here and now not to have children because you cannot cover every eventuality.

dollyk wrote: »

my sisters nearly had a stroke, and said they didnt realise

dollyk wrote: »

The cards may i say were from their fathers sisters and brothers

This doesn't gel. Why would your own sisters be so unhappy that they would stop speaking to you over a 'crime' committed against other people? They might get a bit het up in case you did the same to them but I could hardly see them cold shouldering because of something you did to third parties especially third parties of the in-law sort.

For myself, I have borrowed from my kids but only to provide them with what they need, if that makes sense and usually with their permission. They are well aware of how things stand with my finances and they usually get it back plus some. My parents borrowed from us as kids.

Unless you have been in the situation you cannot know the utter inner relief that you feel when one of the kids get handed a twenty by someone when things are very tight. There is nothing like the feeling of that tight knot of anxiety that rests behind your breastbone loosening slightly - much better than the prospect of hookers and coke!