Differences in how attraction works for men v women

bret69

"Men are attracted more to looks and women are attracted more to personality, style, and communication.

Sure, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are handsome in a way that turns women on, but these guys aren't the RULE, they're the exception.

Men are attracted to hot-looking young women, and women are attracted to a special combination of confidence, humor, and personality".

What are your thoughts on this ladies? Do you agree?

Blush_01

Is this based on some study or news article you've read, or is it personal opinon?

There are so many factors influencing attraction - personally while personality, confidence and humour are important, intelligence and drive are at least as important.

bret69

Yeah it's an article...

I know there are literally hundreds of other factors involved. I was just wondering if, in general, people thought this view was fairly accurate.

Sibylla

bret69 wrote: »

Yeah it's an article...

I know there are literally hundreds of other factors involved. I was just wondering if, in general, people thought this view was fairly accurate.

Yes I would agree with the article, While personality is important to men they are initially drawn to women physically in most cases, not all. Women tend to look at other traits, looks not usually being top of the list. Making a woman laugh or coming across as intelligent can impact attraction hugely.

Josh_Calvert

In primate groups the top 20% of males get 75%+ of mating opportunities.Women are attracted to success,ambition,drive,self-security,wealth,status, and social dominance.

Men are attracted to any half decent girl who's attracted to them.As well as women of exceptional beauty.Some though not all men also find character traits beyond nymphomania attractive.Secondary selection though.

rainbow kirby

Could you link the article please?

baby and crumble

What tosh. Everyone fancies people from across the room, you can't possibly know what way they tell a joke from 50 metres away! Now, physical attraction is so individual that it's impossible to comment oni t, but initially, everyone is attracted by looks, whether it's a great body or a lovely pair of eyes. Personality, intellegince, wit, etc help you keep the person interested while you work your magic, but intially, everyone wants the one they think is hot.

Chuchoter

Looks are quite important to me. Whats much more important is intelligence, ambition and independence. A lot of things I'd find attractive though other people would hate though.

Standman

A friend of mine let me in on a similar piece of wisdom before, which was that "Men get turned on by what they see, women get turned on by what they hear." Of course, everyone in the room nodded in agreement at this lovely little soundbite.

I would have thought common since would dictate otherwise, but what really puzzles me is how the sexes have come to have such strange opinions of each others' behaviour.

Logical Fallacy

There is a thread in this forum with over a million views that implies women like how men look.

Just like men, women tend to be attracted to people as an a complete entity, from looks to personality and everything in between.

To say anything else is, in my opinion, rubbish and a crude attempt to once again imply some kind of huge difference between the two sexes that doesn't exist.

It's reasonable easy to paint men as shallow for being into boobs and women as deep for being into brains, or men as deep for being into personality and women as shallow for being into cash....it really depends on which angle you personally feel like playing.

Here's the thing, look at the people you actually know and i can pretty much guarantee they like their partners for a mix of different reasons, with no overt statistical variance in factors between males or females.

But that kind of thinking doesn't sell books on Oprah.

LegacyUser

I find it hard to believe that good looking women dont place looks higher up the priority list than average and below average looking women in the looks departments.

Wibbs

unreg1 wrote: »

I find it hard to believe that good looking women dont place looks higher up the priority list than average and below average looking women in the looks departments.

It seems they do prioritise it. People tend to end up with equally physically attractive partners*. So if you get ten couples of differing attractiveness (from 1 to 10) and show the male group to women observers who rate them and do the same for the women, they're very good at matching the couples just based on that. So number 3 woman will be with number 3 man etc. I'd say IME thinking back that covers most couples. It's damned rare you see a 2 with a 9. Men seem to have a little more wriggle room though. You can see the odd male 4 or 5 with an 8 woman, if he's got something extra to bring to the table to up his rating. Money, intelligence, social power etc. Doesnt have nearly so much of an effect going the other way.








*I've only ever read of these surveys with straight people. I assume it would be exactly the same for gay though.

G86

Wibbs wrote: »

It seems they do prioritise it. People tend to end up with equally physically attractive partners*. So if you get ten couples of differing attractiveness (from 1 to 10) and show the male group to women observers who rate them and do the same for the women, they're very good at matching the couples just based on that. So number 3 woman will be with number 3 man etc. I'd say IME thinking back that covers most couples. It's damned rare you see a 2 with a 9. Men seem to have a little more wriggle room though. You can see the odd male 4 or 5 with an 8 woman,

I don't know about this..I'd tend to disagree. My bf is definitely higher up the scale than me lookswise. And that's not self depreciation, it's simply fact. Also, I know a lot of couples similar, although you're right in saying that it's more common the other way around.

LightningBolt

G86 wrote: »

I don't know about this..I'd tend to disagree. My bf is definitely higher up the scale than me lookswise. And that's not self depreciation, it's simply fact. Also, I know a lot of couples similar, although you're right in saying that it's more common the other way around.

I'd tend to disagree with the results of that study also. Just off the top of my head I can think of at least three couples within my group of friends where one person is way more attractive than the other. In each of those couples the male would be more deemed more attractive. My own gf is also a few notches above me in the looks department. We're all early to mid 20's so factors such as wealth and status wouldn't be too important at this stage I guess, I'd imagine as you move to late 20's they gain some more importance.

thefireinside

G86 wrote: »

I don't know about this..I'd tend to disagree. My bf is definitely higher up the scale than me lookswise. And that's not self depreciation, it's simply fact. Also, I know a lot of couples similar, although you're right in saying that it's more common the other way around.

And then again, I have completely the opposite experience! I genuinely don't think I know any couple in my life where the guy is more attractive... I even feel that I don't really know that many that are on the same level of attractiveness..

Maybe its just all the guys in couples I know are munters :P

Raze_them_all

I don't care what anyone says initial attraction is always based on physical traits

Princess Peach

Raze_them_all wrote: »

I don't care what anyone says initial attraction is always based on physical traits

What about people you chat to online that you've never seen a picture of, but really love talking to them?

I think the initial statement about men and women is totally subjective to the person. I can get very turned on by a picture of a hot guy sometimes, or just some guy I see out and about. I think almost all humans are driven by aesthetics like that a lot of the time.

And I'm sure many men are attracted to personality. I know a few guys who have known girls for years, and then begin to fancy them. Its not that the girl looks any better, its because the guy got to know them better as a person.

So it totally depends on the person. There's no generalisation in this.

liah

Personally, the more interesting thing to me is whether or not men and women process attraction differently, not so much "what are you attracted by."

In my experience as a female I tend to 'appreciate' when I see a good-looking person rather than sexualize. I'm not entirely sure how to clarify this properly, but I don't get turned on by just sight unless I'm already involved with them somehow, so when I notice someone who's good looking it's basically "wow, they're gorgeous/beautiful," it's basically the same as if I were to look at a piece of art or something, then my train of thought would shift to a different topic altogether. Sexual thoughts don't come into it off the mark like that, there needs to be something else.

From how a lot of men talk it seems the opposite, but those men talk big, so I really don't know if there is a difference-- but going on that talk it seems, upon seeing someone attractive, the connection is very quickly made back to something sexual.

I really don't know. I can only speak for myself and what I've seen/heard. I hope what I've surmised about how men go about it is proven wrong.

G86

liah wrote: »

Personally, the more interesting thing to me is whether or not men and women process attraction differently, not so much "what are you attracted by."

In my experience as a female I tend to 'appreciate' when I see a good-looking person rather than sexualize. I'm not entirely sure how to clarify this properly, but I don't get turned on by just sight unless I'm already involved with them somehow, so when I notice someone who's good looking it's basically "wow, they're gorgeous/beautiful," it's basically the same as if I were to look at a piece of art or something, then my train of thought would shift to a different topic altogether. Sexual thoughts don't come into it off the mark like that, there needs to be something else.

This is it in a nutshell for me! I can look at a guy and acknowledge that he's extremely good looking, but that doesn't mean I'll be attracted to him. Usually, the attraction grows from interaction with the person.

Wibbs

liah wrote: »

so I really don't know if there is a difference-- but going on that talk it seems, upon seeing someone attractive, the connection is very quickly made back to something sexual.

I really don't know. I can only speak for myself and what I've seen/heard. I hope what I've surmised about how men go about it is proven wrong.

Well just speaking for me personally as a guy, I wouldn't be much use in proving you wrong. I'd be as you describe men there. I've never had a woman "grow on me" sexually because of her personality. I either would or I wouldnt, pretty much from the get go. The sexual part for me anyway is intimately wrapped up in attraction. It's pretty much the very first thing I note. So unlike what G86 describes, if I meet a woman who I consider extremely good looking, I'll be attracted to her, even if she's not "my type" but is objectively good looking. No matter how great her personality is it won't make her any more sexually attractive to me. Well not quite. It's gonna make her more attractive as a person, but if she doesnt flick my switch, she could have the personality of a saint and I'm still not interested.

cork2

bret69 wrote: »

"Men are attracted more to looks and women are attracted more to personality, style, and communication.

Sure, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are handsome in a way that turns women on, but these guys aren't the RULE, they're the exception.

Men are attracted to hot-looking young women, and women are attracted to a special combination of confidence, humor, and personality".

What are your thoughts on this ladies? Do you agree?

Agh thats really generalising. Im male and I wouldnt go near a girl I cant hold a proper conversation with and I find one of the most attractive things being intelligent girls!

liah

Wibbs wrote: »

Well just speaking for me personally as a guy, I wouldn't be much use in proving you wrong. I'd be as you describe men there. I've never had a woman "grow on me" sexually because of her personality. I either would or I wouldnt, pretty much from the get go. The sexual part for me anyway is intimately wrapped up in attraction. It's pretty much the very first thing I note. So unlike what G86 describes, if I meet a woman who I consider extremely good looking, I'll be attracted to her, even if she's not "my type" but is objectively good looking. No matter how great her personality is it won't make her any more sexually attractive to me. Well not quite. It's gonna make her more attractive as a person, but if she doesnt flick my switch, she could have the personality of a saint and I'm still not interested.

Damnit, Wibbs, you were my only hope. :pac: You were supposed to be the sensible one!

Ickle Magoo

liah wrote: »

Personally, the more interesting thing to me is whether or not men and women process attraction differently, not so much "what are you attracted by."

In my experience as a female I tend to 'appreciate' when I see a good-looking person rather than sexualize. I'm not entirely sure how to clarify this properly, but I don't get turned on by just sight unless I'm already involved with them somehow, so when I notice someone who's good looking it's basically "wow, they're gorgeous/beautiful," it's basically the same as if I were to look at a piece of art or something, then my train of thought would shift to a different topic altogether. Sexual thoughts don't come into it off the mark like that, there needs to be something else.

From how a lot of men talk it seems the opposite, but those men talk big, so I really don't know if there is a difference-- but going on that talk it seems, upon seeing someone attractive, the connection is very quickly made back to something sexual.

I really don't know. I can only speak for myself and what I've seen/heard. I hope what I've surmised about how men go about it is proven wrong.

I think it varies from person to person rather than something that can be neatly split down a gender divide. I would be completely different to you, I don't require any kind of involvement to find someone sexually attractive. I can be hugely turned on just on sight or visuals and my mind would often jump to sexualised images - sometimes because I fancy them, sometimes because I'm horny and other times because I'm a bit bored and daydreaming. I often have explicit thoughts jump into my head and I have to chase them away - especially if I'm talking to the person involved!

starlit

I think there are exceptional differences. Men are often attracted to looks alone while women well they tend to be attracted to other things other than looks! Of course there is such at thing of mutual attraction that works for both couples when they first meet or after a while of having first met once past the stage of lust.

newballsplease

Standman wrote: »

A friend of mine let me in on a similar piece of wisdom before, which was that "Men get turned on by what they see, women get turned on by what they hear." Of course, everyone in the room nodded in agreement at this lovely little soundbite.

I would have thought common since would dictate otherwise, but what really puzzles me is how the sexes have come to have such strange opinions of each others' behaviour.

that quote was said by Keith in THE OFFICE i think lol

baby and crumble

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I would be completely different to you, I don't require any kind of involvement to find someone sexually attractive. I can be hugely turned on just on sight or visuals and my mind would often jump to sexualised images - sometimes because I fancy them, sometimes because I'm horny and other times because I'm a bit bored and daydreaming. I often have explicit thoughts jump into my head and I have to chase them away - especially if I'm talking to the person involved!

yup, me too. What can I say, I'm a bit of a horndog! I do think everyone is different in how they process attaction, look at the 'weird attractions' thread for example. some of the things that people have given as reasons for finding a celeb sexy in there range from eyes to voice to intelligence to anything and everything.

pastry2010

:pI'd say for me it's looks that will initailly draw me in to the guy and then if he can make me laugh...he's done it!:DI am hugely attracted to a sense of humour, I think the saying ''laughed me into bed'' have worked on me once or twice;)

Cheap Thrills!

I don't fit into the survey at all.

It's 100% looks for me on first sight. I dislike ambitious men and I've no interest in power driven men either. I would actively avoid them as I would have nothing in common with them and feel they are boring and too 'adult' and serious.

Intelligence is nice but over-rated. Intelligence can often come along with neurotic qualities and sometimes pretentiousness, traits I have no patience for.

I like confidence but only when it exists alongside easygoingness. Alpha-male type arrogance does nothing for me, in fact it's a total turn off!

irishh_bob

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

I don't fit into the survey at all.

It's 100% looks for me on first sight. I dislike ambitious men and I've no interest in power driven men either. I would actively avoid them as I would have nothing in common with them and feel they are boring and too 'adult' and serious.

Intelligence is nice but over-rated. Intelligence can often come along with neurotic qualities and sometimes pretentiousness, traits I have no patience for.

I like confidence but only when it exists alongside easygoingness. Alpha-male type arrogance does nothing for me, in fact it's a total turn off!

when i was around 18 - 21 , i was what you might call an arrogant alpha male type , i had no problem scoring with girls during that period

at 21 , an event occured which changed my life completley and my personality was transformed , since then , my success with women went down like a led baloon , IMO , the majority of women ( as has been the case throughout history ) go wild for arrogant macho type men even if most women dont eventually settle down with such guys

Ickle Magoo

I think most women, if not most people, find confidence sexy and attractive and are drawn to confident people - too often that seems to be muddled up with women loving arrogance or alpha maleness...I don't think that's true, I think it more that some women can't tell the difference between sincere confidence and arrogant flattery.

There have been numerous occasions when I've been out with the girls and some are swooning to some guy who thinks he's the dog's testicles smarming his patter and watching them tripping over-each other to "get" him - but what he doesn't see is the other girls standing well back who can see right through his act and think he's a complete plonker. Of course, for as long as he's pulling girls and has a choice of girls to choose from - the others that wouldn't touch him with a barge-pole are invisible and he goes on thinking he's all that. Loose the arrogance or any semblance of confidence and the girls that might have been interested aren't and suddenly all you can see is those that aren't impressed - who were actually always there, they are just not being camouflaged by those falling for the patter.

Josh_Calvert

Women often say they're not the type of girl to fall for that type of guy but the vast majority do...it's a rare femme who's not completely determined by her biology.

The secret is that no woman will risk procreation with a guy who doesn't convey that his dna will lead to 'sexy sons' who themselves will carry on the woman's dna etc...

Women think 4 dimensionally about sex and attraction, whereas men are attracted to any and every sex indicator....eventually we come to our senses and start hustling for smart kind hearted girls who are actually trustworthy and respectable.

All 7 of them.