1 Woman for the rest of your life?

oldyouth

Gauss wrote: »

You're lucky then you weren't born with the constant background urge to pursue other woman. I'd guess most men have this urge in varying degrees.

There have been a few near misses but decided it wasn't for me, so I never took it anywhere

dearg lady

As a woman I wouldn't say I have a constant urge to sleep with other man but I've definitely been extremely tempted over the years. I'm happily single at the moment, so getting to enjoy all I want I can't seem to manage to get past the year and a half mark in my relationships so I honestly don't know if I could remain faithful long term.

AnnyHallsal

oldyouth wrote: »

I married my first girlfriend and am happy out. Even though it was a long time ago, it would have been considered at the time to be totally unusual not to have played the field. When I met her, we did/enjoyed everything we had wanted to do and it's been enough for me since. I doubt there's any aspect or experience that we haven't tried since we've been together.

What I'm saying, basically, is that I've done most of what is out there but just with the woman I love.

This is so lovely.

seachto7

I think you reach an age where, yes, you would like to commit to one woman for the long road. As you get older, you realise what you don't want in a person......

Balmed Out

Playboy wrote: »

Are so many men just mean/decitful ba*tards like women think we are?

Unless there is a handful of women sleeping around with thousands of married men one would have to assume that a somewhat equal preportion of men and women cheat. I think perhaps men are more likely to get caught.

I am married and have not and will never cheat.

seachto7

I do believe when you meet the right person, nobody else matters. Everybody has the choice if they want to cheat or not. All you can do is put your trust in your partner. You can't do anything else after that.

Galwayguy35

I have never been able to say that I would have stayed with any of my exes for the rest of my life.

Of course at the time we had real feelings for each other and in one case were making plans for the future but relationships break down and people change.

Maybe I just haven't met the right person yet.

seachto7

I do think as you get older, meeting the right person is the best bits of all your exes put together. That is the right one! I may be in the middle of it right now, but I am not sure. I live in hope....

ppink

Balmed Out wrote: »

Unless there is a handful of women sleeping around with thousands of married men one would have to assume that a somewhat equal preportion of men and women cheat. I think perhaps men are more likely to get caught.

I am married and have not and will never cheat.

Is that not assuming the married men are sleeping with only married women?

I know several females (single) who target married men, it is like a challenge.

nxbyveromdwjpg

ppink wrote: »

I know several females (single) who target married men, it is like a challenge.

And men are the b*stards??

blue note

I agree about finding a woman who is worth the sacrifice, but to be honest I don't really understand why we have to make it. Why do we get so upset when your partner cheats? Why can't we just enjoy sex?

I actually don't understand why sex has to be so emotional. Like, why can't you have sex with your friend because there's nothing good on the telly?

seachto7

blue note wrote: »

I agree about finding a woman who is worth the sacrifice, but to be honest I don't really understand why we have to make it. Why do we get so upset when your partner cheats? Why can't we just enjoy sex?

I actually don't understand why sex has to be so emotional. Like, why can't you have sex with your friend because there's nothing good on the telly?

Are you serious? So, do you think getting married and then cheating is fine too? Again, everyone has the option of cheating, the same as everyone has the option of driving their car into a wall at 60mph... Some choose to do it. Some don't. I don't know, but sometimes you meet someone, and you have no interest in looking at anyone else or sleeping with anyone else. Of course, there has to be sexual chemistry between you or else you will more than likely stray. One of you will anyways. If there are no problems in the bedroom, and you both get on very well outside the bedroom, then there is no need to cheat. Instead of cheating, why don't you just stay single and "ride around".....

blue note

seachto7 wrote: »

Are you serious? So, do you think getting married and then cheating is fine too? Again, everyone has the option of cheating, the same as everyone has the option of driving their car into a wall at 60mph... Some choose to do it. Some don't. I don't know, but sometimes you meet someone, and you have no interest in looking at anyone else or sleeping with anyone else. Of course, there has to be sexual chemistry between you or else you will more than likely stray. One of you will anyways. If there are no problems in the bedroom, and you both get on very well outside the bedroom, then there is no need to cheat. Instead of cheating, why don't you just stay single and "ride around".....

I'm just saying I don't understand why it's not fine to be married and have sex with other people. I don't understand why sex can't be just viewed as a pastime, like going to the cinema or playing golf. I think a few people do take this view, but it's very rare.

Cheating is certainly wrong - it's going behind your partners back, doing something you've agreed not to do that will have an enormous effect on your partner. However, I suppose I'm saying that I don't really see the problem in theory with open relationships. I know in practice most people will get jealous, or attached to other people they have sex with, but I think that's probably down to our social conventions as much as anything.

riveratom

blue note wrote: »

I'm just saying I don't understand why it's not fine to be married and have sex with other people. I don't understand why sex can't be just viewed as a pastime, like going to the cinema or playing golf. I think a few people do take this view, but it's very rare.

Cheating is certainly wrong - it's going behind your partners back, doing something you've agreed not to do that will have an enormous effect on your partner. However, I suppose I'm saying that I don't really see the problem in theory with open relationships. I know in practice most people will get jealous, or attached to other people they have sex with, but I think that's probably down to our social conventions as much as anything.

Are you living in some sort of parallel universe? Why on earth would a couple get married, affirm their undying love for each other, and then go having sex with all and sundry?

A bit like becoming a vegetarian and going out sampling a different steak restaurant each weekend?

Pledging to become a pioneer and celebrating with a few cans afterwards?!!

blue note

riveratom wrote: »

Are you living in some sort of parallel universe? Why on earth would a couple get married, affirm their undying love for each other, and then go having sex with all and sundry?

A bit like becoming a vegetarian and going out sampling a different steak restaurant each weekend?

Pledging to become a pioneer and celebrating with a few cans afterwards?!!

I possibly am, I just don't understand the problem if both people are happy to agree to it.

Couples committing is far more than committing to having sex with that person only and I don't see why you can't make the same commitment without the sex part. If you view sex as just a fun physical act (like tennis) as opposed to "making love", then there's really no difference in the commitment.

seachto7

Well, if both are aware that the other is rooting around, then it's not cheating is it.......and it's not "one woman for the rest of my life", but it's "not one man for the rest of my life" either...

Scanlas The 2nd

riveratom wrote: »

Are you living in some sort of parallel universe? Why on earth would a couple get married, affirm their undying love for each other, and then go having sex with all and sundry?

A bit like becoming a vegetarian and going out sampling a different steak restaurant each weekend?

Pledging to become a pioneer and celebrating with a few cans afterwards?!!

It's nothing like that, a couple in an open relationship love each other and spend most of their time with eachother. They also get to enjoy sex with other people, what's the problem there, it's a huge sign of emotional control and maturity.

grames_bond

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It's nothing like that, a couple in an open relationship love each other and spend most of their time with eachother. They also get to enjoy sex with other people, what's the problem there, it's a huge sign of emotional control and maturity.

Words cannot describe how much i vehemently disagree with this! It hurts my head to even try comprehend how ANYONE could consider this any way an ok relationship! Emotional control? Maturity? No where f*cking near either of these!

LeeHoffmann

Words cannot describe how much i vehemently disagree with this! It hurts my head to even try comprehend how ANYONE could consider this any way an ok relationship! Emotional control? Maturity? No where f*cking near either of these!

I think if both people are happy with it, then there´s no issue. I don´t think being in an open relationship is necessarily a sign of emotional control and maturity though. Each to their own. It wouldn´t be for most people though I guess (myself included)

Star Lord

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It's nothing like that, a couple in an open relationship love each other and spend most of their time with eachother. They also get to enjoy sex with other people, what's the problem there, it's a huge sign of emotional control and maturity.

That or the complete lack thereof. I'm not saying it's either one way or the other, but that there are some where it'd be exactly that, and others where they simply can't get that emotional connection at all.

walshb

Both men and women crave intimacy from other human(s). Yes, marriage sets about some rules etc, but nothing can turn off our natural urge and desire and lust for intimacy with humans. We're animals after all.

AnnyHallsal

I'm a one man kind of woman. It's partly because casual sexual encounters do little to nothing for me unless I'm crazy attracted to the person, and that's very rare. All my monogamous relationships have been with people I thought were tippity top super dooper (at the time :rolleyes:). I've never been tempted to stray because I've always thought the "I have a steak at home, don't wanna burger" thing. So I prefer having what I consider to be high quality sex with someone I have guaranteed compatibility with than the awkward unsatisfying fumbles I've experienced casual encounters to be.

I can see how this might be different for (some) men though. Most men I think are attracted to a lot more people than I'd be and are more likely to have satisfying sex with a stranger. Also though, I'm an idealist and like the idea of fidelity and dedication to the person one loves.

The Corinthian

According to the most widely accepted school of thought, pre-Neolithic times human infidelity worked like this:

• Men sought to sleep with multiple women to increase their chance and maximize their number of offspring.
• Women sought to sleep with multiple men, because they might seek different qualities from them; the man who was a good provider might not have the most attractive genes, for example.

Additionally, and this is important, we were largely monogamous but not for life; monogamous relationships tended to last, we estimate, about seven years - long enough for the products of that union to reach a reasonable age.

These are important because we still see echoes of this behaviour today; womanisers, women who settle down with nice guys but sleep with exciting, good looking b*stards and couples who marry fully intending for it being for life, yet cheating and/or splitting often after a decade or less.

Marriage, and with it the lifelong contract of monogamy, is a Neolithic invention. It promised a provider for life for the woman and that the woman's offspring would be the man's, but most importantly it dealt were social, economic and political implications that pre-Neolithic society didn't have to the same degree (or at all), such as property, inheritance and social status.

Ultimately though, individuals vary greatly and some will not be able to remain faithful for any prolonged period of time, while others will have no problem with it (and this can change over time too, as characters are not fixed - polygamous can settle down and the monogamous can get the 'itch' as they grow older).

So if the ability to have sex with others is an issue, or likely to become one, for you, then for the love of God, if you do settle down do so with someone who either has no issue with this or even thinks in a complimentary fashion (I remember reading somewhere that couples who practice a swinging lifestyle have significantly lower breakup rates than those who are sexually monogamous).

Don't end up 'settling down' with someone who would be averse to this just because you're looking to settle down and they tick enough boxes, which is regrettably why most people seem to do so, from what I've seen.

Galwayguy35

Staying with one partner for life isn't just a human practice though, some animals e.g wolves do it as well so I wouldn't necessarily buy into the argument some people make that it's not natural to want to be with one person for life.

I read somewhere that prehistoric people who lived in groups never really knew who the fathers of their kids were as everyone was having sex with each other.

ursula_max

wow..need to digest it first!

fair play to you Playboy for bringing this up for discussion...i am actually very interested what other males have to say about it..i am a girl who just turned 30 btw