1 Woman for the rest of your life?

Playboy

Having an interesting debate with some people at work and would like to garner the opinion of some of the guys on here.

Can Men be truly satisfied with just one partner for the rest of their life? I'm not saying you cant stay with one woman but just that you are sacrificing/suppressing an instinct/desire in order to maintain a relatiosnhip. All of us have been touched by infedility at some stage in their lives whether its personally or our parents, friends, relatives etc.

I mean all guys would generally love to be able to have a nice loving wife, home, kids etc. but would also like free rein to see as many other women as they want without upsetting their partner. Would this be the ideal situation for most men? To be honest not too long ago it was practically acceptable/common for a man to have a mistress as well as a wife. In many cultures it has been seen as acceptable to have multiple wives.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is.. can men ever be truly happy and satisfied with just one partner or do our biological instincts and desires force us to have affairs and cheat in order to have a 'socially acceptable' life while decieving our partners in order to maintain our 'happiness'.

What other reason do men cheat for if not to have it all? Do so many men just not meet the right woman? Are so many men just mean/decitful ba*tards like women think we are? Can men seperate our feelings of love and respect for our partner while pursuing our desire for other ladies?

Are men in a catch 22 .. damned if we do and damned if we dont so the only option is to be decitful? If we stay faithful then some would say that after a number of years men would become bored and miserable which would impact the relationship/family and potentially lead to divorce. If we cheat then the marriage and family is more stable/happy as long as we can get away with it but if we get caught we destroy the lives of our partner/family who we love and respect and do not wish to hurt.

Discuss!

common sense brigade

Can Women be truly satisfied with just one partner for the rest of their life?
It works both ways!
Would an affair for a woman based on pure animal sex, enhance her homelife/marriage because she is getting great sex with no ties. Once she covers her tracks and no one gets hurt.

Wolfe Tone

I wouldn't like to be tied to the one woman for the rest of my life, although I doubt any 19 year old guys would!

Playboy

common sense brigade wrote: »

Can Women be truly satisfied with just one partner for the rest of their life?
It works both ways!
Would an affair for a woman based on pure animal sex, enhance her homelife/marriage because she is getting great sex with no ties. Once she covers her tracks and no one gets hurt.

I'm not asking the question with regard women .. thats a different debate! I'm not sure of the prevelance of infedility among women in comparison to men .. maybe its similar but the perception in society would be that Men cheat more commonly. Even if infedility levells are similar then potentially the reasons for cheating would be different .. I think we have to start examining evolved mating strategies in the different sexes and the evolutionary psychology with regard those strategies. I guess the common idea from a biological perspective would be that men are programmed to mate with as many women as possible whereas women are programmed to find the best mate possible who will protect/provide for her and her offspring. My question was more aimed at how men deal with an innate instinctual/biological desire to go forth and multiply in a society where it is only acceptable to have one partner at any one time.

common sense brigade

I'm not asking the question with regard women .. thats a different debate!

Sorry Playboy! I was just trying to muscle in!!. Im a woman obviously. I think the debate is actually relevant to women also. I know personally I like/desire sex as much as a man. I feel a biological need for it. :

DMen cheat more commonly

Maybe women are better at not getting caught.!

Playboy

common sense brigade wrote: »

Sorry Playboy! I was just trying to muscle in!!. Im a woman obviously. I think the debate is actually relevant to women also. I know personally I like/desire sex as much as a man. I feel a biological need for it.

I suppose its a question that is very difficult to answer .. do women desire sex or in particular sex with multiple partners in the same way that men do? Are we women more or less satisfied with one partner as men are?

PK2008

1 woman for the rest of my life would be a 100% increase for me

common sense brigade

after ejaculation in males and orgasm in females, human males release a hormone that has a sedative effect, while human females remain sexually receptive . Seems to me while you boy's are sleeping it off!:DUs Birds are rearing to go.:D Can you be sure one male can ever fully satisfy a female? He he I love this thread.

Playboy

PK2008 wrote: »

1 woman for the rest of my life would be a 100% increase for me

a 100% increase of zero is still zero!

Playboy

common sense brigade wrote: »

after ejaculation in males and orgasm in females, human males release a hormone that has a sedative effect, while human females remain sexually receptive . Seems to me while you boy's are sleeping it off!:DUs Birds are rearing to go.:D Can you be sure one male can ever fully satisfy a female? He he I love this thread.

Thank god for viagra then!

common sense brigade

With the Agricultural Revolution, the natural promiscuity of “mixing” lovers was turned into the grave sin of “cheating” or “infidelity,” for which the punishment—especially for women—ranged from ostracism to torture to public execution.
Thus chastened, ladies learned to hide their desire, along with their lovers. And civilization developed the notion that human females are naturally “choosy” and reserved about sex.
Though you’d think it would have been dashed by common sense. If females are indeed the “choosier,” more sexually reserved gender by nature, why would men throughout history have gone to such great lengths to control the female libido?

Uriel.

common sense brigade wrote: »

Can Women be truly satisfied with just one partner for the rest of their life?
It works both ways!
Would an affair for a woman based on pure animal sex, enhance her homelife/marriage because she is getting great sex with no ties. Once she covers her tracks and no one gets hurt.

I am guessing that because the OP posted this in "The Gentleman's Club" rather than "The Ladies Lounge" he wishes to discuss the topic focusing on the male and the male perspective.

OP, I think it really depends on the person. I think a man can find "true love"/a soul mate and not want to be with other women for the rest of their lives. Other men won't ever be able to settle down in a monogamous relationship and play by the rules.

The environment in which they where brought up in, life experiences and the behaviour of their social circle will all play a role in a man's viewpoint and how they see relationships/interactions with the opposite sex.

IN short, I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to your question as such. Animal instincts can be "un"learned without knowing you possessed them in the first place.

common sense brigade

am guessing that because the OP posted this in "The Gentleman's Club" rather than "The Ladies Lounge" he wishes to discuss the topic focusing on the male and the male perspective.

Wow you sure told me. Playboy I will exit the debate. Leave it to the men. It was fun!

hightower1

common sense brigade wrote: »

Sorry Playboy! I was just trying to muscle in!!. Im a woman obviously. I think the debate is actually relevant to women also. I know personally I like/desire sex as much as a man. I feel a biological need for it. : Maybe women are better at not getting caught.!

Its less relevant to women seeing as its been shown and proven that women typically have lower hormonal sex drives than men. Given thats exactly what the OP is talking about its certainly not as relevant to women as it is to men.

Personally imo I belive men would be happier with a family / multipal sexual partners but we have a cultrural / social / socially moral obligation to not do this while this is in fact in exact opposition to what we want biologically.

Its not one persons place to say if a culture that sees multipal partners is acceptable morally or not , its simple fact that in OUR culture its not accepted while globally speaking every mans genes wants to have sex with as many different women as possible no matter their family status.
So perhaps emotionally depending on how your menatl make up is you COULD be happy IF your emotional needs outweigh your biological wants.
If your biological wants outweigh your emotional needs then you wont be happy with just one partner however you may stay with one partner to fufil your emotional needs / morality.

frecklier

If there was another way for them to have kids, I wonder how many men would get married and commit to one woman for the rest of their lives in the first place? I suspect not too many.

Playboy

common sense brigade wrote: »

With the Agricultural Revolution, the natural promiscuity of “mixing” lovers was turned into the grave sin of “cheating” or “infidelity,” for which the punishment—especially for women—ranged from ostracism to torture to public execution.
Thus chastened, ladies learned to hide their desire, along with their lovers. And civilization developed the notion that human females are naturally “choosy” and reserved about sex.
Though you’d think it would have been dashed by common sense. If females are indeed the “choosier,” more sexually reserved gender by nature, why would men throughout history have gone to such great lengths to control the female libido?

Really interesting debate but maybe one for another thread. Its a conversation id happily particpate in

grungepants

Personally this topic runs through my mind every time i leave the house...
Trying to suppress it is a real drag
But i satisfy my woman to the extent that she dosent need to cheat
for me its not all about ejaculation its about mutual satisfaction.
Men are capable of a one woman relationship...

Uriel.

common sense brigade wrote: »

Wow you sure told me. Playboy I will exit the debate. Leave it to the men. It was fun!

There's no need to be so dramatic.

PeakOutput

i imagine once you fall in love that you dont really want to be with anyone else so its not a case of suppressing anything

of course guys are capable of it it happens all the time

28064212

Playboy wrote: »

I mean all guys would generally love to be able to have a nice loving wife, home, kids etc. but would also like free rein to see as many other women as they want without upsetting their partner. Would this be the ideal situation for most men?

Yes, that would be a great situation. However, it is far from an all-or-nothing. If it came down to a choice between the loving home and the free rein, many, many men would pick the former. Many, many women would pick the latter.

Playboy wrote: »

I guess what I'm trying to get at is.. can men ever be truly happy and satisfied with just one partner

Yes. Millions of men do it all over the world

Playboy wrote: »

do our biological instincts and desires force us to have affairs and cheat in order to have a 'socially acceptable' life while decieving our partners in order to maintain our 'happiness'.

No. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, no-one is forced to do anything. If you can't afford a new car because you bought a house, are you forced to steal the car?

Playboy wrote: »

Are men in a catch 22 .. damned if we do and damned if we dont so the only option is to be decitful?

No, since it is not an either/or situation

Playboy wrote: »

If we stay faithful then some would say that after a number of years men would become bored and miserable which would impact the relationship/family and potentially lead to divorce.

Then they should talk to their wives, or they should get a divorce

Playboy wrote: »

If we cheat then the marriage and family is more stable/happy as long as we can get away with it but if we get caught we destroy the lives of our partner/family who we love and respect and do not wish to hurt

Then they shouldn't have gotten married

Personally, I think there's far too many marriages (or rather, marriages with a promise of fidelity). If someone is incapable of staying faithful, then don't promise to be faithful. It's very, very simple, and is applicable regardless of gender

Playboy

grungepants wrote: »

Personally this topic runs through my mind every time i leave the house...
Trying to suppress it is a real drag

This is the point I was making .. every man thinks about it all the time and its a real pain. Men are constantly trying to supress a natural urge in order to conform to societal norms .. my question was can we ever 'truly' be happy and/or satisfied in this state of denial?

grungepants wrote: »

Men are capable of a one woman relationship...

I know we are capable .. that wasnt the point.

We

PeakOutput wrote: »

i imagine once you fall in love that you dont really want to be with anyone else so its not a case of suppressing anything

of course guys are capable of it it happens all the time

Capability is not in question here..

Personally, I think societies ruling is the only reason why guys ever fully commit to one girl. I'm not sure how we got ourselves into this mess but I find myself dealing with it every time I meet a new girl that I like..
Right now, in fact, I'm faced with the dilemma of whether I should commit(should it go down that path) to a girl I'm lightly involved with at the moment.. I really like her, but the idea of not being able to 'take advantage of future oppertunities' scares me.. Furthermore, I know that if I do commit and we do the whole bf/gf thing, I know the attention I get will only increase and will make things even harder to deal with.
I dont want to cheat, I hate the idea of being dishonest in anyway, and often I've told girls in the very beginning that I'm seeing other girls.. but that alone takes away a chunk of the spark and despite the fact that most of the time they seem to be understanding and cool with it, its clear that security is more important to them and the relationship dwindles..

The trade off, as I saw it a few months ago was that I'd prefer that in the future, I wouldn't feel like I wasted my best oppertunity(21/college) to get as much sex as I can, and that there'd be plenty of time for relationships in the future, for which I'd probably better equipped, having been with so many different personalities and having a better understanding of how girls think..

What I'm realising now, after probably about 20 mini relationships and countless one-nighters since the beginning of summer, is that despite all these girls, without sounding too bent, I still felt as lonely as I would if I was seeing no girls If girls know that your not going to commit, I honestly believe that while they may hang around for a bit, they're always going to hold back a bit on an emotional level.. Turns out that for me, what they are holding back on, is much more important to me than the buzz and jacked up confidence of seeing loads of girls..

Another thing that I started to understand, but didnt expect was that when one of the girls I was seeing would find a guy that would commit, it did bother me. I figured in the beginning that I wouldn't care so much, and even told the girls when I first started seeing them that if they were to meet a new guy they liked to go for it and not let me get in the way at all. My logic was that 'I have 3-4 other girls on the go at any time, and will meet a new girl if she leaves, no biggie'.. Unfortunately when I did see the girls with their new boyfriends, it actually really depressed me... blahhh enough rambling for one day

Playboy

28064212 wrote: »

Yes, that would be a great situation. However, it is far from an all-or-nothing. If it came down to a choice between the loving home and the free rein, many, many men would pick the former. Many, many women would pick the latter.

Thats beside the point... The point is that we have to make a choice and how does that choice impact our happiness/satisfaction.

28064212 wrote: »

Yes. Millions of men do it all over the world

How do you know? Have you interviewed all these men with regard this question?

28064212 wrote: »

No. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, no-one is forced to do anything. If you can't afford a new car because you bought a house, are you forced to steal the car?

The point was that in order to achieve our desired 'ideal' emotional state we either have to lie/cheat or supress our natural desires. We dont have an innate biological desire to steal cars... its not something we have to think about all the time.

28064212 wrote: »

No, since it is not an either/or situation

It mightnt be an either or situation for you but I would wager that it is it for a very large section of the male population

28064212 wrote: »

Then they should talk to their wives, or they should get a divorce

:rolleyes:I think you are missing the whole point of the thread?

28064212 wrote: »

Then they shouldn't have gotten married

Personally, I think there's far too many marriages (or rather, marriages with a promise of fidelity). If someone is incapable of staying faithful, then don't promise to be faithful. It's very, very simple, and is applicable regardless of gender

A very simplistic and female centric answer to a complex problem. So if 70-80% of men are incapable of marriage then none of them should get married? What happens to society then? You are talking about a social norm that is rooted in the psyche of every man and woman on the planet in some form or other. Its an arrangemet that has been central to the development of civilization over the last few thousand years. Its not easy just to opt out of it .. many men/women dont know they are capable or incapable of fidelity until after the have been in a marriage/relationship for an extended period of time. The social pressure to conform to this standard of behaviour is enormous even in modern society...

We do have an issue where the pace of our cultural evolution is creating a conflict with our physical/biological selves (as with the issue of obesity). For millions of years we have evolved complex biological tendencies, instincts and strategies that are now in direct conflict with cultural landscape that we exist in in the modern western world. The implications of this for men and the life satisfaction of men in relation to this is what is being questioned here

Playboy

We wrote: »

If girls know that your not going to commit, I honestly believe that while they may hang around for a bit, they're always going to hold back a bit on an emotional level.. Turns out that for me, what they are holding back on, is much more important to me than the buzz and jacked up confidence of seeing loads of girls..

So this imo is the crux of the issue. We want and need the emotionally stability of a relationship but the tradeoff is that you have to sacrifice the other girls.

When you do eventually sacrifice the other girls and commit then you will be happier for a period of time as you have satisfied that desire/need.. but then you will miss the attention, thrill, excitement of being with other women.

So what happens is you have people staying in relationships for a few years .. honeymoon period ends so they break up and meet someone else .. honeymoon period ends and on and on until they settle on one person to marry. Its not easy to end a marraige where there are kids involved so men turn to cheating to satisfy this desire. This is a behaviour we see and can understand in men everywhere but for some reason men dont really discuss it and the reason why we do it.

28064212

Playboy wrote: »

How do you know? Have you interviewed all these men with regard this question?

Have you? You're making the assumption that they're unhappy

Playboy wrote: »

The point was that in order to achieve our desired 'ideal' emotional state we either have to lie/cheat or supress our natural desires. We dont have an innate biological desire to steal cars... its not something we have to think about all the time.

The biological desire thing is a complete cop-out. We all have desires that, in a perfect world, we could act on and it wouldn't close any other options or have any effects. In reality, that's not possible. The "I-want-I-want-I-want" mindset is the same for any desire.

Playboy wrote: »

A very simplistic and female centric answer to a complex problem. So if 70-80% of men are incapable of marriage then none of them should get married? What happens to society then? You are talking about a social norm that is rooted in the psyche of every man and woman on the planet in some form or other. Its an arrangemet that has been central to the development of civilization over the last few thousand years. Its not easy just to opt out of it .. many men/women dont know they are capable or incapable of fidelity until after the have been in a marriage/relationship for an extended period of time. The social pressure to conform to this standard of behaviour is enormous even in modern society...

I very specifically said marriages with a promise of fidelity. If you don't think you can promise fidelity, don't promise it. That doesn't mean don't get married. If you do promise it and change your mind, you discuss it with your partner

And I very specifically said regardless of gender. You're just assuming that the vast majority of men want to cheat and the vast majority of women don't, based on nothing other than your own opinions. Put the original premise of the thread to women: "all girls would generally love to be able to have a nice loving husband, home, kids etc. but would also like free rein to see as many other men as they want without upsetting their partner". Do you think their will be a significant difference between what the men will say and the women will say?

hightower1

As a poster pointed out its a conflict between our society and biology.

One demands one partner while the other demands multiapl partners.
All men feel this on one levels or another.

Personally if there was a "man pill" for want of a better word that halted my biology / wandering eye but kept my attraction / sex drive with my OH I would be on it in a second. Its not easy dealing with urges you cannot morally act on and I dont think I would be alone in wanting rid ether.

Playboy

28064212 wrote: »

Have you? You're making the assumption that they're unhappy

No I'm not .. that is the question I want to discuss. You are the one assuming they can be happy. I'm questioning whether we can or cant and if you believe either then support your position with a logical argument

28064212 wrote: »

The biological desire thing is a complete cop-out. We all have desires that, in a perfect world, we could act on and it wouldn't close any other options or have any effects. In reality, that's not possible. The "I-want-I-want-I-want" mindset is the same for any desire.

No its not... human beings have evolved to procreate and maintain their own lives. the two most basic and strongest urges a human being can have is to eat and to have sex. We are seeing the implications in the modern society of humans being unable to control the desire to eat when faced with an abundance of food. Most people find it very difficult to control the urge to eat more and eat unhealthily every day.

Situation is similar with sex with multiple partners. Men want it but find it difficult to control. Sex is a desire/need that is central to our well being and happiness. Denying ourselves one of our most basic urges does have an impact on how we feel and how satisfied we are with our life.

I'm not talking here about right or wrong .. I'm talking about how culture has evolved in a way that is potentially oppresive to men and the cause of great unhappiness.

28064212 wrote: »

I very specifically said marriages with a promise of fidelity. If you don't think you can promise fidelity, don't promise it. That doesn't mean don't get married. If you do promise it and change your mind, you discuss it with your partner

lol .. that would be an interesting discussion! Even if most people had the level of emotional maturity to be frank about sexual desire and fidelity, i can only see one outcome for that discussion.

28064212 wrote: »

And I very specifically said regardless of gender. You're just assuming that the vast majority of men want to cheat and the vast majority of women don't, based on nothing other than your own opinions. Put the original premise of the thread to women: "all girls would generally love to be able to have a nice loving husband, home, kids etc. but would also like free rein to see as many other men as they want without upsetting their partner". Do you think their will be a significant difference between what the men will say and the women will say?

I havent assummed that the vast majority of women dont cheat or dont want to cheat! Neither am i assuming that all men want to cheat .. that is one of the questions I'm asking the men on here!? There is a difference between desire and action...

I dont really understand your point here? Women or Men more than likely will not get married without a promise of fidelity? What is marriage if not mainly a commitment of fidelity and a means to maintain it?

Your other point might be true but its not the discussion I want to have here and its not a comparison I'm trying to make.

Playboy

hightower1 wrote: »

As a poster pointed out its a conflict between our society and biology.

One demands one partner while the other demands multiapl partners.
All men feel this on one levels or another.

Personally if there was a "man pill" for want of a better word that halted my biology / wandering eye but kept my attraction / sex drive with my OH I would be on it in a second. Its not easy dealing with urges you cannot morally act on and I dont think I would be alone in wanting rid ether.

Picasso's happiest day was when he got older and lost his mojo! Said he could finally concentrate on his work!

Rycn

Playboy wrote: »

1 woman for the rest of your life?

Heather Brooke

Max Power1

Playboy wrote: »

Can Men be truly satisfied with just one partner for the rest of their life? I'm not saying you cant stay with one woman but just that you are sacrificing/suppressing an instinct/desire in order to maintain a relatiosnhip.

+1 to this.

As men (or women, whichever is applicable) you are making a choice to supress natural urges due to society's stipulation that relationships must be monogamous (for the most part).

Its a question of finding the woman that is worth the sacrifice for imo.

Smyth

no