1 Woman for the rest of your life?

Galvasean

Max Power1 wrote: »

Its a question of finding the woman that is worth the sacrifice for imo.

This.
If you love her enough you'll happily sacrfice sleeping around in order to be with her.

Iago

Genuine Answer?

I used to think the exact same way until I met my wife, haven't really given it much thought since to be honest.

Otis Driftwood

I dont think that anyone,other than those that are in a long term,monogamous relationship can really answer honestly.Its one of those "if you had a million quid what would you do" questions but FWIW I do think that men can commit to 1 person for their life.Id like to think that at some stage I will meet someone,settle down and have everything that comes with that.Any relationship Ive ever had Ive remained faithfull and had no problem doing so but that goes back to the original point that Ive never been in a really long term relationship.

Tar.Aldarion

Well it's probably an individual thing, personality traits. I happily could, I'm not sure about the girl. I was happy to before and one cheated in the end(so much happier now without her though) etc.

Eric Cartman

tbh I think its down to personality traits, Personally I hate most women (aside from the sex, and theyre fun to look at) and dont think monogamy is ever something I could do

most men seem to though , although some for the wrong reasons, I know a fair few who only get into relationships to get laid, wrong way of approaching it..

Taltos

More than happy being with the same woman for the last 17 yrs. And looking forward to spending more time with just her. All about choice really, cheating is easy, staying faithful takes a bit more work.

As to open relationships, well I am way too jealous to ever accept that.

Galvasean

Eric Cartman wrote: »

, I know a fair few who only get into relationships to get laid, wrong way of approaching it..

I've met the type. I know guys who bloody well despise their girlfriends but stay with them because they are good looking and/or put out. It's quite messed up.

parker kent

frecklier wrote: »

If there was another way for them to have kids, I wonder how many men would get married and commit to one woman for the rest of their lives in the first place? I suspect not too many.

Personally I am not bothered about having kids, so that would be one of the big reasons for me NOT to get married. I know I am far from the only guy who is not that interested in having kids.

But that being said, one of my main goals in life is to find one woman that I can share my life with. So to the OP, I would have no problem committing to one woman for the rest of my life, in fact I eagerly await it. At 24, I'm guessing this is not a common thought for a lot of guys, but that is genuinely what I want in life. Although I guess people who are actually married/in a long-term relationship over 5 years are better placed to answer the question.

omen80

Basically I think our sexual instincts are the same as most animals. Females look for the alpha male (successful, good genes etc) to mate with. The alpha male therefore has the opportunity of having many sexual partners.
We are however more intelligent than other animals and therefore we can fight these urges and lean to live with one partner.......the urge however is still there on a deeper level.

I think people often look at this kind of thing the wrong way. It is not really, or at least not solely, about being with one woman for the rest of your life. It is whether you want to be committed to the one relationship for the rest of your life. It is important to think of it in those terms as “relationships” are one of the things in life that are greater than the sum of the parts of the people within them. People often get more from the relationship than merely what they directly get from the person they are in it with. If you are happy with your relationship then you are happy to be committed to the girl you are having it with.

I guess it is easier for me to think in these terms given my own situation of living with two girls and not one which often forces us to think in terms of the relationship rather than just the people in it. Often when people ask questions about whether we get jealous of each other, or how it works, or does it feel weird, or whether we see it working long term we simply point out that the relationship we are in is more important to us than simply the people within it. We are very happy and it is a relationship we want to nurture and keep alive.

Am I happy that there is a world full of women out there and I will likely never lay a finger on any one of them again for the rest of my life? Yes, very much so and I hope it never changes. I like to look at them, many of them I think are wonderfully attractive and would likely be wonderful to get into bed with, but being with any of them is in no way close to being as important to me as the relationship I am in and those I am in it with.

efb

Know the one that's one too many...

Pherekydes

Playboy wrote: »

Can Men be truly satisfied with just one partner for the rest of their life?

Some can; some can't.

Playboy wrote: »

I'm not saying you cant stay with one woman but just that you are sacrificing/suppressing an instinct/desire in order to maintain a relatiosnhip.

That sounds like a statement about all men. On what basis do you make this statement? How many men have you met/interviewed? What instinct do you speak of?

Playboy wrote: »

I mean all guys would generally love to be able to have a nice loving wife, home, kids etc. but would also like free rein to see as many other women as they want without upsetting their partner.

Another statement involving all men. Any statement involving the word 'all' is nearly always wrong. All women aren't this, and all men aren't that.

Playboy wrote: »

Can men seperate our feelings of love and respect for our partner while pursuing our desire for other ladies?

What is this desire for other ladies you speak of?

Playboy

Pherekydes wrote: »

Some can; some can't.



That sounds like a statement about all men. On what basis do you make this statement? How many men have you met/interviewed? What instinct do you speak of?



Another statement involving all men. Any statement involving the word 'all' is nearly always wrong. All women aren't this, and all men aren't that.



What is this desire for other ladies you speak of?

Unless you are a machine then I'm sure you have evolved like most healthy men to have a strong sexual desire towards the opposite sex? Biology tells us that we 'should' have evolved this desire towards multiple members of the opposite sex .. level of control and desire of course will vary but to deny men dont have the urge is a bit ridiculous?

Pherekydes

Playboy wrote: »

Unless you are a machine then I'm sure you have evolved like most healthy men to have a strong sexual desire towards the opposite sex? Biology tells us that we 'should' have evolved this desire towards multiple members of the opposite sex .. level of control and desire of course will vary but to deny men dont have the urge is a bit ridiculous?

There's a lot wrong with this post, but I'll give it a go.

Only healthy men have a strong sexual desire towards the opposite sex? Are you implying that gay men are unhealthy?

Evolution doesn't happen within the short timescale of a single human life. It happens by natural selection.

This strong sexual desire towards the opposite sex: Why must it be displayed by many notches on a bedpost? Why not one? What does multiple lovers prove over one? I don't see how that proves anything.

How or why does biology tell us "that we 'should' have evolved this desire towards multiple members of the opposite sex"?

I'm certainly not denying men have "the urge". I certainly have it. But it's not an urge to have multiple partners.

Again, just to reiterate: All men are not the same. All men do not have the same "urges", beyond the obvious ones of self-preservation.

cheesefiend

Well, I'm not a man, so obviously I don't really know. But the way I see it men and women were initially born with high sex drives and did have the desire to sleep with multiple members of the opposite sex. However, we then developed romantic love so that we could focus on one partner at a time. We then evolved to be able to form unions with people, to feel deep attachment in order to stay together to rear children as a team.

To say that we are the same as every other animal is wrong. It's a cop out, because we have evolved further than any other animal in many ways. Your sex drive is down to hormones however both men and women produce hormones which cause long term attachment to one partner.

I understand that you say the ideal would be to have one partner and still sleep with others without causing your marriage or relationship any damage. You're asking can you be happy in a relationship where this is not the case and I believe that many people are. You always have to sacrifice something when it comes to the big things. When you have kids you sacrifice much of your freedom to just leave when you want etc. But most think that the sacrifice is worth it. I imagine that it is the same with a long term relationship.

omen80

cheesefiend wrote: »

To say that we are the same as every other animal is wrong. It's a cop out, because we have evolved further than any other animal in many ways.

Being evolved in many ways is irrelevant to this topic, we are just talking about sexual needs here. I think we are no different than most other animals on a subconscious level when it comes to mating. As men get older they become more attracted to younger women as they would be more suitable for providing a child. Young women are more attracted to older men as they are seen as more confident etc and a good indication of how the offspring will grow up to be.
I'm not talking about intelligence or feelings or love or anything else here, just basic sexual desire.

We

cheesefiend wrote: »

But the way I see it men and women were initially born with high sex drives and did have the desire to sleep with multiple members of the opposite sex.

Unforunately men and women arent the same in this regards, while as a woman you may feel the desire to sleep with different guys, sex with different women is something that inside, we feel is something we're supposed to be doing, but we have to consciously negate. Its more than a desire.

cheesefiend wrote: »

However, we then developed romantic love so that we could focus on one partner at a time. We then evolved to be able to form unions with people, to feel deep attachment in order to stay together to rear children as a team.

We didn't 'evolve' to be able to do this. Somewhere along the way that became the societal norm. Just like sex before marriage, somewhere in history(not too long ago, either) it was forced on us by tthose who feel the least oppressed by it. Monogomous relationships are not natural for us, and thats why infidelity is so rampant.

cheesefiend wrote: »

To say that we are the same as every other animal is wrong. It's a cop out, because we have evolved further than any other animal in many ways.

Sorry, but the latter does not negate the former.. Its not a cop out.

cheesefiend wrote: »

Your sex drive is down to hormones however both men and women produce hormones which cause long term attachment to one partner.

Hormonal balance is not a simple equation of 1 positive hormone - 1 negative hormone = hormonal stability..

cheesefiend wrote: »

I understand that you say the ideal would be to have one partner and still sleep with others without causing your marriage or relationship any damage. You're asking can you be happy in a relationship where this is not the case and I believe that many people are. You always have to sacrifice something when it comes to the big things. When you have kids you sacrifice much of your freedom to just leave when you want etc. But most think that the sacrifice is worth it. I imagine that it is the same with a long term relationship.

I think the main problem with your logic is that it was formed to fit the your ideal, ie. your reasoning was derived from your conclusion, rather than the opposite.

Galvasean

I must cheat on my other half some day and get caught. I look forward to saying, "It's not my fault I'm a naturally evolved polygamist!" It will be small comfort to her, but funny nontheless.

I wonder is monogamy so unnatural. It would be interesting how far back in time you'd have to go to see the first monogomous human society. Monogamy has been observed in certain animals too. However, it is not always the most exclusive.
I think broad statements about monogamy being an unnatural state of the human condition when the case is far from being closed are unhelpful, almost lending a kind of 'evolutionary excuse' to people who cheat on partners.

killerking

The overwhelming majority of men would like to be alcoholic hell-raising serial womanizers like Harris, Reed, Burton and O'Toole but don't know how which is why they decide to be 1 woman men.

Galvasean wrote: »

I must cheat on my other half some day and get caught. I look forward to saying, "It's not my fault I'm a naturally evolved polygamist!" It will be small comfort to her, but funny nontheless.

I wonder is monogamy so unnatural. It would be interesting how far back in time you'd have to go to see the first monogomous human society. Monogamy has been observed in certain animals too. However, it is not always the most exclusive.
I think broad statements about monogamy being an unnatural state of the human condition when the case is far from being closed are unhelpful, almost lending a kind of 'evolutionary excuse' to people who cheat on partners.

Many women tolerate their husband's adultery as long as it is only one night stands and brief flings.

Jackie Kennedy is the classic example - she always knew that JFK would come back to her and she was the only woman he was ever truly close to in his life.

Da Shins Kelly

It differs from man to man, but of course men can be happy and satisfied with just one woman. Human relationships are much more complex than just biological instincts. Monogamy and loyalty is often what sets us apart. Also, monogamy is not exactly unheard of in other parts of the animal kingdom, e.g swans. Monogamy is not as unusual as people seem to think.

cocoa

We wrote: »

Unforunately men and women arent the same in this regards, while as a woman you may feel the desire to sleep with different guys, sex with different women is something that inside, we feel is something we're supposed to be doing, but we have to consciously negate. Its more than a desire.

Is 'we' here referring to all men? Because if so please count me out in future, just say 'all men except cocoa, who's clearly some kind of freakish mutant', it totally won't get unwieldy, you can shorten it to AMEC!

Personally, from my own experience, you're talking out of your ass, my dick wants sex, but it can't tell the difference between my right hand and a woman, never mind different women, I have exactly zero internal urges to sleep with many different women, but hey, maybe I'm just a mutant freak...

We wrote: »

We didn't 'evolve' to be able to do this. Somewhere along the way that became the societal norm. Just like sex before marriage, somewhere in history(not too long ago, either) it was forced on us by tthose who feel the least oppressed by it. Monogomous relationships are not natural for us, and thats why infidelity is so rampant.

Umm, anything at all to back any of that up? Because right now you're basically highlighting a societal norm of cheating and using some evolution BS to justify it... IMO, you're over generalising, people are more different than you think, some men are well suited to monogamy, some aren't, same with women, and the problems show up when people don't properly communicate this.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Very interesting topic OP - great post.

I'm really unsure about this. I think if I met a woman I loved could make the sacrifice of monogamy - but that's exactly what it would be - a sacrifice.

Saw an episode of house the other day where a married couple had an agreement that they could sleep with other people as long as it was just sex and done between certain times.

Have to say it has really intrigued me. A great point the woman made was most couples are already having sex with other people, they're just not being honest about it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Regarding the evolution thing - there is no doubt those who carried promiscuous genes did well.

However it doesn't really matter. It justifies cheating to the same extent it justifies murder or rape. eg not at all.

Evolution gave us instincts but it also gave us a massive brain with cognitive functions.

hinault

Been with the same woman for the past 18 years and I would never wish to be with anyone else.

I'm extremely lucky I suppose.

Just hope she feels the same away about me!

coffee_cake

We wrote: »

Unforunately men and women arent the same in this regards, while as a woman you may feel the desire to sleep with different guys, sex with different women is something that inside, we feel is something we're supposed to be doing, but we have to consciously negate. Its more than a desire.
.

I can't decide if you are trying to speak for all men or speaking of yourself in the third person :pac:
If the former, I think a lot of posters would prefer you didn't paint everyone with the "this is how I feel so I'll try justify it by pretending everyone else does too"

Galvasean

cocoa wrote: »

my dick wants sex, but it can't tell the difference between my right hand and a woman, never mind different women,

[/thread]
:cool:

Bottle_of_Smoke

cocoa wrote: »

Personally, from my own experience, you're talking out of your ass, my dick wants sex, but it can't tell the difference between my right hand and a woman, never mind different women,

Except that is patently untrue so be careful about accusing other's of talking through their asses.

Ejaculation differs depending on not only who you're sleeping with but how often you sleep with them.

If a guy only sees his girlfriend every 2 weeks he will ejaculate a greater volume inside her than he would if he was sleeping with her 5 times a week - even if he's been masturbating in between.

Different endorphins are relased from a masturbation orgasm than one with a partner.

Masturbation serves an important function for men - sperm turnover so the swimmers are fresh should he get to stick his dick in someone.

So yes - your dick ''knows'' more than you think

cocoa

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Except that is patently untrue so be careful about accusing other's of talking through their asses.

Ejaculation differs depending on not only who you're sleeping with but how often you sleep with them.

If a guy only sees his girlfriend every 2 weeks he will ejaculate a greater volume inside her than he would if he was sleeping with her 5 times a week - even if he's been masturbating in between.

Different endorphins are relased from a masturbation orgasm than one with a partner.

Masturbation serves an important function for men - sperm turnover so the swimmers are fresh should he get to stick his dick in someone.

So yes - your dick ''knows'' more than you think

Well, fair enough, I did not know that. All I can do is say from my own experience, while other women will certainly be attractive I've never experienced anything I would describe as a 'biological urge' to sleep with another woman as opposed to the one I was seeing. I'm not saying this translates to all men, just that evidently some (ok, at least 1) men are well suited to monogamy.

Galvasean

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Masturbation serves an important function for men - sperm turnover so the swimmers are fresh should he get to stick his dick in someone.

Awesome. I'll remember that the next time someone tries to tell me it is evil.

Bottle_of_Smoke

cocoa wrote: »

Well, fair enough, I did not know that. All I can do is say from my own experience, while other women will certainly be attractive I've never experienced anything I would describe as a 'biological urge' to sleep with another woman as opposed to the one I was seeing. I'm not saying this translates to all men, just that evidently some (ok, at least 1) men are well suited to monogamy.

I think most men are well suited to monogamy - but for different reasons.

To me it is a mutually beneficial simple trade off:

Ok honey, we don't get to have the fun of multiple partners but that means we get the pleasure of security and exclusivity of being the only ones to be intimate with each other, which I prefer to sleeping around...

This could be the man or woman speaking as both sexes enjoy multiple partners