Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

ladies....waiting on a proposal

Options
2

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    mollybird wrote: »

    just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

    Just fyi.
    Nothing changes you know.
    You get engaged, it's fun for a blink of an eye and when it's all over, ye are the very same as before.
    Relax, enjoy life and quit putting him under pressure for something that makes feck all difference in the grand scheme of things.


  • Options
    #33
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    Just fyi.
    Nothing changes you know.
    You get engaged, it's fun for a blink of an eye and when it's all over, ye are the very same as before.
    Relax, enjoy life and quit putting him under pressure for something that makes feck all difference in the grand scheme of things.

    Not always true.

    A marriage is a social and legal contract and can affect teh way your family, and community view/respect the relationship, especially if there are children involved.

    There can also be an archetypal shift in the relationship where expectations shift, either for the better or for the worse of it.


  • Options
    #34
    Caroline_ie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,400 ✭✭✭Caroline_ie


    Maybe find a hobby, start cycling, running, yoga or something. There is nothing worse for a guy than a desperate woman.


  • Options
    #35
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    Not always true.

    A marriage is a social and legal contract and can affect teh way your family, and community view/respect the relationship, especially if there are children involved.

    There can also be an archetypal shift in the relationship where expectations shift, either for the better or for the worse of it.

    Yeah, and not only that, but I know girls for whom the engagement launched a whole new period in their lives which revolved entirely around "planning a wedding". This can be up to two or three years of your life and you may never again go back to the relationship you once had.

    But for me, I'd agree with Beruthiel - an engagement for me would be a day/night out and I'd tell my very close friends and immediate family and then I'd get back to normal. But then it would also be a joint decision and I'd be shocked and I don't know how I'd feel if my boyfriend proposed unexpectedly. Quite unlike the OP.


  • Options
    #36
    Unwilling
    Closed Accounts Posts: 275 ✭✭Unwilling


    Like a lot of posters, I'm not sure I understand the crux of the issue.
    You've discussed that you both would like to get married ... and that ye will some day. But first he' like to test the "living together" situation.
    Im not sure how long ye are together, what age you are, if you have kids, or want kids.....

    But not withstanding the above - what exactly do you mean what should you be doing in the mean time????
    If you are going to live your life waiting on milestones you will seriously be disappointed.

    LIVE IN THE MOMENT - enjoy being a couple, enjoy being loved up, enjoy the NON WEDDING PLANNING Stage as it's nuts, just ENJOY EACH OTHER.

    As Berutheil says, the engagement is a bit if a flurry for a short spell and then that is it...... over. It becomes all about the planning.. then you have the DAY of your life and BAM back to work, home, dinner, dishes, laundry, bed, work, home, dinner, dishes, hoovering, bed. etc.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Malari wrote: »
    Yeah, and not only that, but I know girls for whom the engagement launched a whole new period in their lives which revolved entirely around "planning a wedding". This can be up to two or three years of your life and you may never again go back to the relationship you once had.

    But for me, I'd agree with Beruthiel - an engagement for me would be a day/night out and I'd tell my very close friends and immediate family and then I'd get back to normal. But then it would also be a joint decision and I'd be shocked and I don't know how I'd feel if my boyfriend proposed unexpectedly. Quite unlike the OP.

    Im not talking about engagement or even a wedding but marriage itself. I know of two women in which the transition to 'wife archetype' radically transformed the relationship and not for the better. For one it revolutionised his expectations of her devotion, and for another, she was completely demoted because her 'deficiency' in being left brained [he was a prof of mathematics] suddenly because a huge deal and he started to see her as stupid and this basically happenned very soon after a wedding, even though both couples lived together for years. I think it naive to think it is not transformational.


  • Options
    #38
    serenacat
    Registered Users Posts: 670 ✭✭✭serenacat


    I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes


  • Options
    #39
    Lumen
    Registered Users Posts: 31,021 ✭✭✭✭Lumen


    Get pregnant. That'll focus his mind a little.

    edit: crap, thought this was AH. I take it back. I mean: propose to him instead.


  • Options
    #40
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    serenacat wrote: »
    I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes

    But were you joking with your original post? :p


  • Options
    #41
    Unwilling
    Closed Accounts Posts: 275 ✭✭Unwilling


    I was 10 years with my OH and only recently got married.
    It didn't transform anything about our relationship - we were solid and commited from the off.
    I AM estatic to be MRS X... I love it....

    I think you need to be secure in your skin and have a sense of who you are... the wedding/engagement shouldn't DEFINE you.... in that sense... it's just a demonstration of commitment.. a declaration if you will....

    :D


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    serenacat wrote: »
    I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes
    OMG a full ten years?!! However did she manage normal day to day tasks like breathing and blinking, it must have been torture!


  • Options
    #43
    dvet
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭dvet


    serenacat wrote: »
    Ok heres what you need to do
    1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
    2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
    3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
    4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
    5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
    6) wait for him to miss you and propose

    I'm not joking, I saw a full article about 'How to Make Him Propose' in Cosmo or one of those magazines about 2 or 3 years ago... it was full of advice like 'move in for a week - wait on him hand and foot - wear nothing but sexy lingerie around the house - serve him beer and give him a footrub while he's watching his favourite football team - allow him to choose every tv show and everything you do together' ....i.e. be a complete doormat and slave for a week to trick him into proposing... and once the job's done, feel free to turn back into a complete b****!!


    And this, in one of those magazines that claims to be all about 'smart, independent women' - i was literally gob smacked!! :eek:


  • Options
    #44
    serenacat
    Registered Users Posts: 670 ✭✭✭serenacat


    Malari wrote: »
    But were you joking with your original post? :p
    it was 'tongue in cheek' advice.

    I honestly have no real idea how to get a man to propose


  • Options
    #45
    caseyann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,941 ✭✭✭caseyann


    I think your bf is here somewhere asking for advice on what is best way to propose :p


  • Options
    #46
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    "dont ever get married, you never have sex and run out of sh1t to talk about after the first year"

    wise words :pac:


  • Options
    #47
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    This thread is depressing on so, so many levels.


  • Options
    #48
    00112984
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    dvet wrote: »
    I'm not joking, I saw a full article about 'How to Make Him Propose' in Cosmo or one of those magazines about 2 or 3 years ago... it was full of advice like 'move in for a week - wait on him hand and foot - wear nothing but sexy lingerie around the house - serve him beer and give him a footrub while he's watching his favourite football team - allow him to choose every tv show and everything you do together' ....i.e. be a complete doormat and slave for a week to trick him into proposing... and once the job's done, feel free to turn back into a complete b****!!

    I can honestly say I could never marry a man who would want to marry a woman like that.


  • Options
    #49
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    dvet wrote: »
    I'm not joking, I saw a full article about 'How to Make Him Propose' in Cosmo or one of those magazines about 2 or 3 years ago... it was full of advice like 'move in for a week - wait on him hand and foot - wear nothing but sexy lingerie around the house - serve him beer and give him a footrub while he's watching his favourite football team - allow him to choose every tv show and everything you do together' ....i.e. be a complete doormat and slave for a week to trick him into proposing... and once the job's done, feel free to turn back into a complete b****!!


    And this, in one of those magazines that claims to be all about 'smart, independent women' - i was literally gob smacked!! :eek:
    Yet it's also not surprising at all... :(


  • Options
    #50
    psycho-hope
    Registered Users Posts: 7,245 ✭✭✭psycho-hope


    mollybird wrote: »
    heh girlies,
    been waiting the past year about for a proposal from my OH. am not stressing too much bout it at this point. know it will hopefully happen in the next 3/4 months. we have talked about it and both parents been asking when is it going to happen.

    thought it would happen during the summer but he wanted to see what it would be like for us to live together first. and we did have 3 weddings to go to.

    just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

    Molly hun , just enjoy the relationship and he will propose when hes good and ready. I think the living together first was a good idea, i know a young couple who never lived together before they got married and they found the adjustment very hard, they had no idea of each others little quirks and the way they were used to doing things.

    just be grateful that your oh, isnt insitant that when ever he had a son his going to call him Brian so he will be brian ryan :rolleyes:.


  • Options
    #51
    00112984
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    I second the living together first idea.

    Speaking from personal experience, you don't know someone until you've shared a bathroom with them. Ideally, in a home with just one bathroom and through at least one bout of food poisoning.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    dvet
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭dvet


    00112984 wrote: »
    I can honestly say I could never marry a man who would want to marry a woman like that.

    Agreed.

    And I can't even begin to imagine the mentality of a woman who wants to 'trick' their OH into proposing!! If I was a man and I thought my g/f was doing this, I'd run a MILE.


  • Options
    #53
    00112984
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    dvet wrote: »
    And I can't even begin to imagine the mentality of a woman who wants to 'trick' their OH into proposing!! If I was a man and I thought my g/f was doing this, I'd run a MILE.

    I hate the "we're planning on getting engaged" bit, especially when followed by a tale of a big, romantic proposal. Absolutely nothing wrong with a couple deciding to become engaged and nothing wrong with one proposing to the other as a surprise but I know so many girls (let's face it, it's always the girl) who told her boyfriend she wanted to get engaged, went with him to pick out the ring, made the boyfriend KEEP the ring until such a time as he could surprise her with it and then told everyone how he romantically surprised her with the perfect ring in the way she's always dreamed of. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


  • Options
    #54
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,301 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    mollybird wrote: »
    just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???
    If you are such a traditionalist, make some sandwiches and bring him a beer? :pac:

    Worrying about things doesn't change them. Working towards things makes them more likely to happen.

    I'm not sure how to express this, but perhaps you might talk to him, explain that you aren't forcing his hand, but that if he proposed it would make you very happy. I wonder is there something that he is also looking for that would help him make up his mind?


  • Options
    #55
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    serenacat wrote: »
    I honestly have no real idea how to get a man to propose

    why would you, or anyone, want to get a man to propose??

    surely one would want a man to propose because he wanted to, not because his gf did or said something or subliminally influenced him into doing it?


  • Options
    #56
    common sense brigade
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 506 ✭✭✭common sense brigade


    My father in law back in the 70's asked the mother in law to move to Australia. He is a builder and thought they would have a good life out there. They had been dating 6 months. She said absolutely no way would she leave her mother and friends! and if he wanted to go then off you go but You wont have me. So the father in law went off for a few days then turned up at her house handed her 500 pound and said, well if you wont go to Australia we may as well get married so, here get yourself a ring..story always made me laugh.
    I dated my husband for five moths. In the 5 month he said it wasant going to work out he felt to young to have a girlfriend.we were 26. I said ok , i was sad but respected his decision. A month later he turned up all apologies (Grass seemingly wasant greener) , I refused at first but eventually crumbled and said ok we will give it a shot. He asked me to go to America on a holiday. So we upped and went. And shockingly he proposed on the plane, ring and everything. We married on the Holiday in Las Vegas. 6 moths from the day we had met. Said he realised what he had lost when he broke up with me. I was totally stunned. We are married 5 years in July and have a baby now.


  • Options
    #57
    Kinetic^
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,249 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    serenacat wrote: »
    I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes

    Is marriage the end game? Is there no happiness without it? Is it social pressure that makes you think that you have to be married?


  • Options
    #58
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,390 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    This thread really sums up what i think is the difference between when i first got married many years ago... when my marriage broke up and when i started getting involved in new relationships i was completely amazed at how things have changed ..i recently got engaged it hasn't made one iota of difference to the relationship why would it!!....

    I thought how it was suppose to go was....that as women had careers/became financially Independence/ has more choices etc women wouldn't define themselves by a relationship with men...to me it seem that as women have got more choice and finical freedom they have become even more desperate to be in a relationship with someone.


  • Options
    #59
    smares
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 304 ✭✭smares


    mollybird wrote: »
    he wanted to see what it would be like for us to live together first.

    I agree with him,i think you can never really know someone truly until you live together so obviously he will propose when he feels the time is right.
    I don't see why you have to do something while you are waiting,just enjoy your relationship the way it is,it won't be very romantic if he proposes and your reply is finally!!


  • Options
    #60
    Giselle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    common sense brigade wrote: »
    We married on the Holiday in Las Vegas. 6 moths from the day we had met.


    Its great its worked out for you so well, but six months is scary quick!


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #61
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Some guys these days are all liberal when it comes to the bedroom, but super-cautious
    when it comes to the commitment side of things.
    Friend of mine, her OH told her he needed to live with her for at least a year before deciding whether or not he wanted to get engaged to her, as she was "high risk", having lived at (her family) home for a period of time recently. Both pushing 30& dating 4years.
    Gf is uber sociable& in no way scarred/repressed by living at home.
    So folks. How far SHOULD a gal go to get engaged? Should she have to jump through these hoops whilst he makes up his mind?/


Advertisement