ladies....waiting on a proposal

mollybird

heh girlies,
been waiting the past year about for a proposal from my OH. am not stressing too much bout it at this point. know it will hopefully happen in the next 3/4 months. we have talked about it and both parents been asking when is it going to happen.

thought it would happen during the summer but he wanted to see what it would be like for us to live together first. and we did have 3 weddings to go to.

just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

MagicMarker

Ask him?

pickarooney

Is waiting for a proposal preventing you from doing something else?

mollybird

no it's not preventing me from doing anything. do love the man. know it's def what he wants to. it's just him finding the right time to do it.

and hell id never ask him. i'm a true tradionialist:)

Faith

Just enjoy your relationship? Why let a proposal define you? I honestly don't even understand your question - why would you need to fill in the time while you're waiting for a proposal? He hsan't proposed so nothing has changed. Do exactly what you've been doing the whole time .

mollybird

mollybird wrote: »

no it's not preventing me from doing anything. do love the man. know it's def what he wants to. it's just him finding the right time to do it.

and hell id never ask him. i'm a true tradionialist:)

If you aren't bothered asking him what are you waiting for?

Get on with your life as normal and forget about it.

both parents been asking when is it going to happen.

Tell them "I'm just the girl, I don't know, ask him"

Worried Soul

how long ye going out? how old are you?? I

Asphyxia

You seem to be really happy with your life if you don't think about it so much and just enjoy your life it might surprise you

Clare Bear

Relax. He'll ask you if and when he's ready. Not very romantic "waiting" to be proposed to is it?

LittleBook

mollybird wrote: »

both parents been asking when is it going to happen.

Can't remember which comedienne but she tells a good one about how she got sick of relations coming up to her at weddings and saying "oooh, maybe you'll be next" ... so she started going up to them at funerals and saying "oooh, maybe you'll be next". :pac:

I couldn't care less when we get married, but would love if people stopped asking me!

mollybird wrote: »

he wanted to see what it would be like for us to live together first

For the record OP, I wouldn't even consider marrying someone unless I'd lived with them first.

mollybird wrote: »

just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

What does that mean?

BengaLover

Maybe he has the old xmas eve proposal in mind..:D

CK2010

the same thing you'll be doing after he proposes..?

i get that when he proposes you can start planning wedding things (perhaps, although i'd have assumed that wouldnt happen straight away) but thats pretty much the only thing that changes after he proposes so i dont quite get what you're 'waiting' for? like i dont know what you think you should be doing to fill the time so to speak...

is it just that you want it all 'confirmed' with an engagement and dont know where you stand til then or...?

im kinda confused!

ElleEm

Enjoy your relationship now, so you can remember fully what it was like when he was "just" your boyfriend.
Don't wish for things to be different if they are great as they are.
Myself and my boyfriend will be getting engaged within the next few months, and I am just so excited about the surprise element of not knowing when the proposal will be.

Be excited!!!!

drBill

Unfortunately for you, guys hate having their thunder stolen in situations like this, so give him space, be careful not to unnerve him beforehand and remember to act amazed and stunned when he finally goes for it!

MagicMarker

You want to get married, he wants to get married (or at least that's what he says), so you've obviously discussed it.

So, erm, what is the point of a proposal? The poster above says to ''act stunned'' when he pops the question, I'm sorry, but that just strikes me as being stupid.

I'm not the marriage type, so maybe someone else can explain to me what I'm missing here.

seenitall

Try writing to the fiancee-du-jour, Waity Katie. She may give you a tip or two on how you get him to propose, and also what to do in the meantime (well aside from living the jet-set high-life, of course...:p).

Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it. With this proposal dangling in the air, it is almost as if your OH has some occult power over your life and happiness (and you aren't able to reciprocate). Not to mention the pressure that he must be feeling. It's weird.

Relax, you'll be happier.

krudler

Forget about it and just enjoy yourselves, it'll mean more if its out of the blue, sitting down arranging to get married is probably the least romantic way of doing it surely?

Darlughda

Great.

This is what women fought for all along from the suffragettes to get the vote for women, to the movement in the 70's to attempt to achieve equal rights for women...and this is what we have in 2010...waiting on a proposal...jesus wept.:mad:

starlit

Girl Power! Ask him yourself, what have you got to loose, he is probably petrifide of asking! At least discuss it openinly but subtley. Drop a few innocent hints!? Maybe the next wedding ye go to maybe say something that might make him ask but but speak in the third by not referring to yourself. Just say something out of the blue maybe that might get him thinking....

Silverfish

I don't really see it like that to be fair, they fought for rights and choices.

Not for the right to tell other women what those rights and choices should be, sure that would just be swapping one lack of rights for another.

I think the OP wants to get extremely excited knowing it's coming up, and not being able to wait, I don't think it's a slap in the face of feminism, I think it's just the excitement of looking forward to something, that's nearly worse when you know its coming soon...

Not everyone's thing I admit, nor my thing even, but I wouldn't mock the OP for not sharing my views

iguana

Darlughda wrote: »

Great.

This is what women fought for all along from the suffragettes to get the vote for women, to the movement in the 70's to attempt to achieve equal rights for women...and this is what we have in 2010...waiting on a proposal...jesus wept.:mad:

Indeed. Exactly what is wrong with two equal partners discussing where they want their relationship to go and deciding on their future together?

metrovelvet

The reason women allow the men to make the proposal is because the men know its the last decision they will ever make.

Darlughda

Silverfish wrote: »

I don't really see it like that to be fair, they fought for rights and choices.

Not for the right to tell other women what those rights and choices should be, sure that would just be swapping one lack of rights for another.

I think the OP wants to get extremely excited knowing it's coming up, and not being able to wait, I don't think it's a slap in the face of feminism, I think it's just the excitement of looking forward to something, that's nearly worse when you know its coming soon...

Not everyone's thing I admit, nor my thing even, but I wouldn't mock the OP for not sharing my views

I disagree, The OP has clearly identified her goals in this situation. She is looking for an arrangement that has ineviable role tradional consequences, what is clear that is what she wants!

Dudess

There's no surprise element - what's the point? Ticking a box? How romantic.

pickarooney

Darlughda wrote: »

I disagree, The OP has clearly identified her goals in this situation. She is looking for an arrangement that has ineviable role tradional consequences, what is clear that is what she wants!

Surely her freedom to want what she wants and get it is what the whole feminist/equal rights movement was all about?

Four legs good, two legs also good.

serenacat

mollybird wrote: »

heh girlies,
been waiting the past year about for a proposal from my OH. am not stressing too much bout it at this point. know it will hopefully happen in the next 3/4 months. we have talked about it and both parents been asking when is it going to happen.

thought it would happen during the summer but he wanted to see what it would be like for us to live together first. and we did have 3 weddings to go to.

just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

Ok heres what you need to do
1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
6) wait for him to miss you and propose

baby and crumble

Ok heres what you need to do
1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
6) wait for him to miss you and propose

if that's a joke it's hilarious but if it's serious, I believe the most epic of facepalms is needed...

serenacat

serenacat wrote: »

Ok heres what you need to do
1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
6) wait for him to miss you and propose

I laughed!!

Yo Buddy. You still alive?

This thread is Golden

OP Relax. They will come. Or it in this case.

sam34

serenacat wrote: »

Ok heres what you need to do
1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
6) wait for him to miss you and propose

WTF????

Any key?

serenacat wrote: »

Ok heres what you need to do
1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
6) wait for him to miss you and propose

hahaha hilarious!
OP I take it since you said you're living together since the Summer you might have a little longer than 3 months to wait.....sorry thats just what I think. However sounds like you're in an amazing loving relationship either way . Just enjoy your relationship and when it happens it will be so special

Beruthiel

mollybird wrote: »

just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

Just fyi.
Nothing changes you know.
You get engaged, it's fun for a blink of an eye and when it's all over, ye are the very same as before.
Relax, enjoy life and quit putting him under pressure for something that makes feck all difference in the grand scheme of things.

metrovelvet

Beruthiel wrote: »

Just fyi.
Nothing changes you know.
You get engaged, it's fun for a blink of an eye and when it's all over, ye are the very same as before.
Relax, enjoy life and quit putting him under pressure for something that makes feck all difference in the grand scheme of things.

Not always true.

A marriage is a social and legal contract and can affect teh way your family, and community view/respect the relationship, especially if there are children involved.

There can also be an archetypal shift in the relationship where expectations shift, either for the better or for the worse of it.

Caroline_ie

Maybe find a hobby, start cycling, running, yoga or something. There is nothing worse for a guy than a desperate woman.

Malari

metrovelvet wrote: »

Not always true.

A marriage is a social and legal contract and can affect teh way your family, and community view/respect the relationship, especially if there are children involved.

There can also be an archetypal shift in the relationship where expectations shift, either for the better or for the worse of it.

Yeah, and not only that, but I know girls for whom the engagement launched a whole new period in their lives which revolved entirely around "planning a wedding". This can be up to two or three years of your life and you may never again go back to the relationship you once had.

But for me, I'd agree with Beruthiel - an engagement for me would be a day/night out and I'd tell my very close friends and immediate family and then I'd get back to normal. But then it would also be a joint decision and I'd be shocked and I don't know how I'd feel if my boyfriend proposed unexpectedly. Quite unlike the OP.

Unwilling

Like a lot of posters, I'm not sure I understand the crux of the issue.
You've discussed that you both would like to get married ... and that ye will some day. But first he' like to test the "living together" situation.
Im not sure how long ye are together, what age you are, if you have kids, or want kids.....

But not withstanding the above - what exactly do you mean what should you be doing in the mean time????
If you are going to live your life waiting on milestones you will seriously be disappointed.

LIVE IN THE MOMENT - enjoy being a couple, enjoy being loved up, enjoy the NON WEDDING PLANNING Stage as it's nuts, just ENJOY EACH OTHER.

As Berutheil says, the engagement is a bit if a flurry for a short spell and then that is it...... over. It becomes all about the planning.. then you have the DAY of your life and BAM back to work, home, dinner, dishes, laundry, bed, work, home, dinner, dishes, hoovering, bed. etc.

metrovelvet

Malari wrote: »

Yeah, and not only that, but I know girls for whom the engagement launched a whole new period in their lives which revolved entirely around "planning a wedding". This can be up to two or three years of your life and you may never again go back to the relationship you once had.

But for me, I'd agree with Beruthiel - an engagement for me would be a day/night out and I'd tell my very close friends and immediate family and then I'd get back to normal. But then it would also be a joint decision and I'd be shocked and I don't know how I'd feel if my boyfriend proposed unexpectedly. Quite unlike the OP.

Im not talking about engagement or even a wedding but marriage itself. I know of two women in which the transition to 'wife archetype' radically transformed the relationship and not for the better. For one it revolutionised his expectations of her devotion, and for another, she was completely demoted because her 'deficiency' in being left brained [he was a prof of mathematics] suddenly because a huge deal and he started to see her as stupid and this basically happenned very soon after a wedding, even though both couples lived together for years. I think it naive to think it is not transformational.

serenacat

I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes

Lumen

Get pregnant. That'll focus his mind a little.

edit: crap, thought this was AH. I take it back. I mean: propose to him instead.

Malari

serenacat wrote: »

I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes

But were you joking with your original post?

Unwilling

I was 10 years with my OH and only recently got married.
It didn't transform anything about our relationship - we were solid and commited from the off.
I AM estatic to be MRS X... I love it....

I think you need to be secure in your skin and have a sense of who you are... the wedding/engagement shouldn't DEFINE you.... in that sense... it's just a demonstration of commitment.. a declaration if you will....

MagicMarker

serenacat wrote: »

I know someone who was going out with her boyf for 10 years before he proposed!! Guys are a bit slow sometimes

OMG a full ten years?!! However did she manage normal day to day tasks like breathing and blinking, it must have been torture!

dvet

serenacat wrote: »

Ok heres what you need to do
1) move out-sorry but you are really decreasing the chances of him asking you if you already live there
2) stay with him for 1 week while you 'pumbing' is fixed
3) while there cook pot dinner, roast, switch on the heating
4) treple the amount of action he usually gets
5) day seven take the dinner out of the oven, bring it home and switch the heating off
6) wait for him to miss you and propose

I'm not joking, I saw a full article about 'How to Make Him Propose' in Cosmo or one of those magazines about 2 or 3 years ago... it was full of advice like 'move in for a week - wait on him hand and foot - wear nothing but sexy lingerie around the house - serve him beer and give him a footrub while he's watching his favourite football team - allow him to choose every tv show and everything you do together' ....i.e. be a complete doormat and slave for a week to trick him into proposing... and once the job's done, feel free to turn back into a complete b****!!


And this, in one of those magazines that claims to be all about 'smart, independent women' - i was literally gob smacked!! :eek:

serenacat

Malari wrote: »

But were you joking with your original post?

it was 'tongue in cheek' advice.

I honestly have no real idea how to get a man to propose

caseyann

I think your bf is here somewhere asking for advice on what is best way to propose

krudler

"dont ever get married, you never have sex and run out of sh1t to talk about after the first year"

wise words :pac:

Chinafoot

This thread is depressing on so, so many levels.

00112984

dvet wrote: »

I'm not joking, I saw a full article about 'How to Make Him Propose' in Cosmo or one of those magazines about 2 or 3 years ago... it was full of advice like 'move in for a week - wait on him hand and foot - wear nothing but sexy lingerie around the house - serve him beer and give him a footrub while he's watching his favourite football team - allow him to choose every tv show and everything you do together' ....i.e. be a complete doormat and slave for a week to trick him into proposing... and once the job's done, feel free to turn back into a complete b****!!

I can honestly say I could never marry a man who would want to marry a woman like that.

Dudess

dvet wrote: »

I'm not joking, I saw a full article about 'How to Make Him Propose' in Cosmo or one of those magazines about 2 or 3 years ago... it was full of advice like 'move in for a week - wait on him hand and foot - wear nothing but sexy lingerie around the house - serve him beer and give him a footrub while he's watching his favourite football team - allow him to choose every tv show and everything you do together' ....i.e. be a complete doormat and slave for a week to trick him into proposing... and once the job's done, feel free to turn back into a complete b****!!


And this, in one of those magazines that claims to be all about 'smart, independent women' - i was literally gob smacked!! :eek:

Yet it's also not surprising at all...

psycho-hope

mollybird wrote: »

heh girlies,
been waiting the past year about for a proposal from my OH. am not stressing too much bout it at this point. know it will hopefully happen in the next 3/4 months. we have talked about it and both parents been asking when is it going to happen.

thought it would happen during the summer but he wanted to see what it would be like for us to live together first. and we did have 3 weddings to go to.

just no real idea what to do with myself while i'm awaiting. any idea's???

Molly hun , just enjoy the relationship and he will propose when hes good and ready. I think the living together first was a good idea, i know a young couple who never lived together before they got married and they found the adjustment very hard, they had no idea of each others little quirks and the way they were used to doing things.

just be grateful that your oh, isnt insitant that when ever he had a son his going to call him Brian so he will be brian ryan :rolleyes:.

00112984

I second the living together first idea.

Speaking from personal experience, you don't know someone until you've shared a bathroom with them. Ideally, in a home with just one bathroom and through at least one bout of food poisoning.