The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

rizzodun

rizzodun wrote: »

Still no idea...

Here is the old joke...

http://unijokes.com/joke-1069/

And the twist in the joke above is to actually interpret the question as a serious one about the capacity of the VW.

It's still good, it even survives explanation!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Deleted User wrote: »

...it even survives explanation!

Obviously not.

murpho999

Deleted User wrote: »

Here is the old joke...

http://unijokes.com/joke-1069/

And the twist in the joke above is to actually interpret the question as a serious one about the capacity of the VW.

It's still good, it even survives explanation!

With or without explanation, it's not funny, nor was the original.

If you have to explain a joke then it's just not funny.

rolliepoley

To keep slim in the new year I've started jumping queues. It's reducing my wait!!!

Capt'n Midnight

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied
the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Capt'n Midnight

I'm having a dry January.


Starting off with a Sauvignon Blanc.

Capt'n Midnight

What's the difference between Northsiders and Noah's Ark?

Noah's Ark only took two of everything.

Capt'n Midnight

'Global Seaweed Shortage Hits Microbiology' - scientists are appealing for kelp.

jack of all

Diamond Doll wrote: »

I don't get it.

I believe it's classed as an anti-joke, my bad!

Nodster

I was given a lovely woollen jumper for Christmas but it was full of static electricity and I kept getting shocks. So I took it back to the shop and they gave me another one, free of charge...

blade1

Nodster wrote: »

I was given a lovely woollen jumper for Christmas but it was full of static electricity and I kept getting shocks. So I took it back to the shop and they gave me another one, free of charge...

I think I have deja vu!

rizzodun

When was the first example of elasticity mentioned in the Bible?

When Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked to Jerusalem.

TheBody

I saw an ad in a shop window that said: "Television for sale €10. Volume stuck on full." I thought, I can't turn that down.

Capt'n Midnight

blade1 wrote: »

I think I have deja vu!

Can people with Alzheimer's get deja vu?

kimokanto

What do you call a Judge with no balls.......


Justice Mickey

gramar

When I got home yesterday I found the cat dead in the washing machine.
Daz a pity I thought but at least it looked like it had died in comfort.

Wossack

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate

they'll both kill your dog

Hitchens

I wasn't born in a slum y'know .........





........but as soon as my parents could afford it, we moved into one!

rolliepoley

A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.
The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.
She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, "What do you suggest I wash it down with?"
"Well my dear, how about the Mississippi river?"

What kind of car does a Proctologist drive?


A Ford Probe.

Jesus saves.

But David de Gea is better.

TheBody

My next door neighbour had a heart attack today whilst walking in the forest.
Apparently he's stable, but not out of the woods yet.

Gandalph

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of them said to it, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response.

The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The other alien shouted to his comrade 'No, you mustn't anger him...!', but before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, 'What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But, how did you know it was so dangerous?'

The other alien answered, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, it's that if a guy has a d1ck he can wrap around himself twice and then stick into his own ear, don't f**k with him!'

EoghanIRL

My friend bought me a puzzle for Christmas. It said 4-6 years but I finished it in only two months.

Hitchens

When I was a kid my parents bought all my clothes in a World War II Army/ Navy Surplus Store ..........




.......it's no joke going off to school each day dressed as a Japanese Admiral

Galway K9

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

What's the difference between Northsiders and Noah's Ark?

Noah's Ark only took two of everything.

What's the difference between a knacker and batman?

Batman can go shopping without robin.

kupus

rizzodun wrote: »

When was the first example of elasticity mentioned in the Bible?

When Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked to Jerusalem.

Whats the first mention of soccer in the bible?
Jesus went for the cross and he got nailed.
:eek:

PaddyWilliams

kupus wrote: »

Whats the first mention of soccer in the bible?
Jesus went for the cross and he got nailed.
:eek:

First mention of athletics in the bible? When Jesus cleared the temple.

First mention of knackers in the bible? Hosanna in the Hi-Ace

First mention of sex in the bible? When Moses went to Mount Sinai.

First mention of drugs in the bible? When Mary Magdalene got stoned.

blade1

First mention of a car by Jesus in the bible,
"I speak not of my own Accord"

invicta

..or, arriving in Jerusalem on a Triumph!

blade1

invicta wrote: »

..or, arriving in Jerusalem on a Triumph!

He did yeah!:pac::pac:

That would have been the roar of Moses' Triumph!;)

mfceiling

First off licence...

Judas's carryout.